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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:16:02 AM EDT
[#1]
The number of posts on here that I read about shitty marriages astounds me. I cannot fathom having a wife/partner that talks to me this way. I do not ever talk to my wife like this and expect the same in return. Can we have disagreements, sure. But the stuff I read that either side puts up with is just crazy to me. We get one chance on this rock to do every day right. Why the fuck would you ever spoil that chance with someone who does not share your way of thinking? I truly believe, that thru a generation or 2 of programming, that this is the goal of people that want to control us. If we are not happy in our home life, having uncle Sugar do some sideways bullshit out in the real world is easy to ignore. What a strange life some of you lead. I also never understand the sex drive of women bullshit that seems to pop up in threads like this. I am 50 and the wife is 44. In our 21 plus year marriage, I can count on one hand the number of times she wasn’t interested. Such a foreign concept to me to have your partner not want to be with you. Maybe find a new partner or look within to see if you are doing what you should be doing to keep it enjoyable for her as well. Crazy shit on a Monday morning as usual here in GD.
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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:18:03 AM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Every fucking argument I am told: "You don't get it." "Why can't you understand" "What is wrong with you?" "Why can't you just .." Fucking tired of hearing it. Never fucking ends. Similar to Dyslexia. Quite often, you are eons ahead of her in thinking and planning, but she cannot seem to understand that or take it into account. And every time someone uses the phrase, "Why can't you JUST...," or "Why don't you JUST..." when giving advice, it is clear THEY are the ones who "don't get it!" |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:20:37 AM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I have AuDHD(autism with adhd). I'm hell on my wife, she's a better person than I could ever be. Now we're starting to see symptoms in my daughter.  Can I ask what those symptoms are? My niece has something, I just don't know what yet. @STL_Nik |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:21:17 AM EDT
[#4]
Everyone has autism.
It’s an all encompassing spectrum. What you think is a personality trait, nay fuck that - its autism. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:21:47 AM EDT
[#5]
I dated an autistic gal for a brief time. She told me the score up front, but had a very pronounced accent
I thought she was telling me she liked to draw and paint. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:25:50 AM EDT
[#6]
Quoted: I did try to let it the fuck go. Complete stupid bullshit, then she comes in the room flicks on the light when I am trying to sleep, yells at me, this after we had both agreed to be done after fighting. Then I am yelled at, told if I love her then fucking act like, it. I ask how she expects me to show her affection immediately after a fight, then she says she doesn't know. So I give her a fucking hug, then she slaps the crap out of me. Fucking insanity. When she flicks on the light... Say, Hell yeah, sex with the light on. She slaps you? Say, My turn, you have been very naughty. She blames you, attempts to start shit... "Listen princess" .... |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:26:12 AM EDT
[#7]
Most women want wallet, not a husband. Sometimes they want an emotional tampon that gives them attention without competing with them.
Dating women here in the US, then dating women abroad, and then coming back home to date women here is an education. Apparently life is way too easy here. Maybe not for much longer... |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:31:53 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Can I ask what those symptoms are? My niece has something, I just don't know what yet. @STL_Nik It presents different in females. First was the stacks, everything goes in a pile. Then the hordes of rocks and trash started showing up. Complete inability to focus on any task. Reading is her soothing thing. She will read 70 books in a month all while walking in circles in the kitchen. Individually some of it is odd but not alarming, once you start adding it all together the picture becomes clear. For my wife and I the 2 hardest things with me are 1) Random meltdowns over trivial things. No matter how hard I try the meltdowns win. 2)my wife desires hand holding and cuddling. This is difficult for me because being touched is a huge sensory overload. It feels like thousands of static shocks flowing through body at once. We over come that by I can touch her but she can't touch me. IE she holds her hand out and I'll hold it, but she can't grasp my hand. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:36:21 AM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Yeah but with acoustic people, from what I've personally seen, it's ramped up to 11. I'm not going to tell them not to marry, but it is very, very important that they find someone that has dealt with autistic people first hand, and understand what they're getting into. I've seen relationships ruined over it. Acoustic people do like to turn it up. Seems like they're always next to me at the red light too. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:42:57 AM EDT
[#10]
OP it reads more like she is gaslighting you.
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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:45:07 AM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I did try to let it the fuck go. Complete stupid bullshit, then she comes in the room flicks on the light when I am trying to sleep, yells at me, this after we had both agreed to be done after fighting. Then I am yelled at, told if I love her then fucking act like, it. I ask how she expects me to show her affection immediately after a fight, then she says she doesn't know. So I give her a fucking hug, then she slaps the crap out of me. Fucking insanity. LOL! Sounds like my previous marriage. She'd wake me up at 3 am and scream at me. This happened about once a month for a couple years. This almost always included accusations of infidelity. I'd patiently explain to her that I didn't even have the inclination or the time for such an activity. Every minute of my day was accounted for. If I wasn't at work, being billable, I was with the kids after work, at the gym. They played judo, I rolled with the BJJ class. After the gym, we grabbed some food, went home, did homework and got ready for bed. Come to find out later, she was screwing her coworker. Once I found that out, I secretly arranged to start all the divorce paperwork. I also put a keylogger on the computer, got all her passwords to all her accounts, and figured out how long this was going on. I made a file of all her bullshit including screenshots of IMs, etc. Once I had all the divorce paperwork put together, I put together a folder and kept it in my car. The next time she woke me up screaming at me, I calmly told her to go sit at the kitchen table and we'd discuss this. I went to my car, retrieved the file, started my tape recorder, and went back inside. I put the folder in front of her, told her I knew everything, and the divorce paperwork was ready for her review. She lost her shit. She started punching herself. I told her to stop because I was recording everything. She melted down and ran out of the house. The divorce still took a few months after she lawyered up. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 8:54:26 AM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Because I am overly blunt, apparently have a severe resting angry face, don't get why certain things upset people, and should know better about the things I say that hurt her feelings. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Why? If she hasn't laid it all out, ask her to. Tell her that you don't understand, but that you love her and want to understand, and if it still doesn't make sense after she tells you what the issue is, then the problem might not be you. It's not what you say but how you say it. I get that one a lot in addition to the above |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 9:28:27 AM EDT
[#13]
Get a better wife, if that is an option.
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Posted: 7/17/2023 9:39:57 AM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Dude, I'm semi-austitic(my wife worked in the trade) I like getting laid, more than I like being right....within reason. Let it go. Truth.  I understand that it is easy to get wrapped up around the axel about some things, but this. ^ |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 9:48:15 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I like getting laid, more than I like being right....within reason.  Attached File Attached File Attached File |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 9:57:22 AM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Diagnosis after several tests and exams through a Behavioral therapist that specializes in the test and diagnosis of various nuro-typical and non-typical medical conditions. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Are you autistic or have you just been told? Because you seem retarded. If you were misdiagnosed then that just makes you an asshole? |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 10:12:24 AM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted: LOL! Sounds like my previous marriage. She'd wake me up at 3 am and scream at me. This happened about once a month for a couple years. This almost always included accusations of infidelity. I'd patiently explain to her that I didn't even have the inclination or the time for such an activity. Every minute of my day was accounted for. If I wasn't at work, being billable, I was with the kids after work, at the gym. They played judo, I rolled with the BJJ class. After the gym, we grabbed some food, went home, did homework and got ready for bed. Come to find out later, she was screwing her coworker. Once I found that out, I secretly arranged to start all the divorce paperwork. I also put a keylogger on the computer, got all her passwords to all her accounts, and figured out how long this was going on. I made a file of all her bullshit including screenshots of IMs, etc. Once I had all the divorce paperwork put together, I put together a folder and kept it in my car. The next time she woke me up screaming at me, I calmly told her to go sit at the kitchen table and we'd discuss this. I went to my car, retrieved the file, started my tape recorder, and went back inside. I put the folder in front of her, told her I knew everything, and the divorce paperwork was ready for her review. She lost her shit. She started punching herself. I told her to stop because I was recording everything. She melted down and ran out of the house. The divorce still took a few months after she lawyered up. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: I did try to let it the fuck go. Complete stupid bullshit, then she comes in the room flicks on the light when I am trying to sleep, yells at me, this after we had both agreed to be done after fighting. Then I am yelled at, told if I love her then fucking act like, it. I ask how she expects me to show her affection immediately after a fight, then she says she doesn't know. So I give her a fucking hug, then she slaps the crap out of me. Fucking insanity. LOL! Sounds like my previous marriage. She'd wake me up at 3 am and scream at me. This happened about once a month for a couple years. This almost always included accusations of infidelity. I'd patiently explain to her that I didn't even have the inclination or the time for such an activity. Every minute of my day was accounted for. If I wasn't at work, being billable, I was with the kids after work, at the gym. They played judo, I rolled with the BJJ class. After the gym, we grabbed some food, went home, did homework and got ready for bed. Come to find out later, she was screwing her coworker. Once I found that out, I secretly arranged to start all the divorce paperwork. I also put a keylogger on the computer, got all her passwords to all her accounts, and figured out how long this was going on. I made a file of all her bullshit including screenshots of IMs, etc. Once I had all the divorce paperwork put together, I put together a folder and kept it in my car. The next time she woke me up screaming at me, I calmly told her to go sit at the kitchen table and we'd discuss this. I went to my car, retrieved the file, started my tape recorder, and went back inside. I put the folder in front of her, told her I knew everything, and the divorce paperwork was ready for her review. She lost her shit. She started punching herself. I told her to stop because I was recording everything. She melted down and ran out of the house. The divorce still took a few months after she lawyered up.  You guys might be a little more careful with where you put the thing you claim is your most important possession. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 10:13:58 AM EDT
[#18]
Why?...those on the spectrum have a unique view of the world...they Gestalt our reality maybe revealing the precariousness
of it all. Rather see them marry... then the atheist Marxist groomers |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 10:37:02 AM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted: So you fell for and then subsequently stayed around long enough to impregnate a crazy ass borderline and as a result, American women are bad? You guys might be a little more careful with where you put the thing you claim is your most important possession. It didn't start out that way. It damn sure ended up that way though. I've got two intelligent, pretty stable daughters with a good work ethic out of that mess that I wouldn't trade for anything. I thought that I vetted my ex long enough before marriage. Obviously I didn't. I figured 3 years was long enough. Nope. It wasn't. I don't wish her any sort of ill will. I just didn't want her in any aspect of my life after that, so that's what I accomplished through the divorce. Life is pretty peaceful now. ETA: Not all American women are bad. However, the popular culture that people in the US are constantly subjected to via media, social media, educational system, etc. is not conducive to marriage, or maintaining a marriage. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 10:59:38 AM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I did try to let it the fuck go. Complete stupid bullshit, then she comes in the room flicks on the light when I am trying to sleep, yells at me, this after we had both agreed to be done after fighting. Then I am yelled at, told if I love her then fucking act like, it. I ask how she expects me to show her affection immediately after a fight, then she says she doesn't know. So I give her a fucking hug, then she slaps the crap out of me. Fucking insanity. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Dude, I'm semi-austitic(my wife worked in the trade) I like getting laid, more than I like being right....within reason. Let it go. Fucking insanity. I think the problem may not be that you have a bit of the 'tism, but that she's a bitch. Sleep well knowing that your condition has no bearing on the situation. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 11:15:50 AM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted: It didn't start out that way. It damn sure ended up that way though. I've got two intelligent, pretty stable daughters with a good work ethic out of that mess that I wouldn't trade for anything. I thought that I vetted my ex long enough before marriage. Obviously I didn't. I figured 3 years was long enough. Nope. It wasn't. I don't wish her any sort of ill will. I just didn't want her in any aspect of my life after that, so that's what I accomplished through the divorce. Life is pretty peaceful now. ETA: Not all American women are bad. However, the popular culture that people in the US are constantly subjected to via media, social media, educational system, etc. is not conducive to marriage, or maintaining a marriage. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: So you fell for and then subsequently stayed around long enough to impregnate a crazy ass borderline and as a result, American women are bad? You guys might be a little more careful with where you put the thing you claim is your most important possession. It didn't start out that way. It damn sure ended up that way though. I've got two intelligent, pretty stable daughters with a good work ethic out of that mess that I wouldn't trade for anything. I thought that I vetted my ex long enough before marriage. Obviously I didn't. I figured 3 years was long enough. Nope. It wasn't. I don't wish her any sort of ill will. I just didn't want her in any aspect of my life after that, so that's what I accomplished through the divorce. Life is pretty peaceful now. ETA: Not all American women are bad. However, the popular culture that people in the US are constantly subjected to via media, social media, educational system, etc. is not conducive to marriage, or maintaining a marriage. Cheers. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 11:18:52 AM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Work in IT/InfoSec Audit and Risk Management. Very good at what I do, apparently because I am autistic, or so I have been told. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 11:23:25 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Work in IT/InfoSec Audit and Risk Management. Very good at what I do, apparently because I am autistic, or so I have been told. Go with your strengths. All of them. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 11:29:42 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Why?...those on the spectrum have a unique view of the world...they Gestalt our reality maybe revealing the precariousness of it all. Rather see them marry... then the atheist Marxist groomers |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 11:35:35 AM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Read between the lines. He's on the spectrum and married a typical. Sounds like he's not the only one...  Same here. Though I married a good woman. Most would have left me years ago I think. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 11:40:04 AM EDT
[#26]
OP, I'm in your wife's shoes.
She wants you to recognize her mood without her having to hold your hand and explain it to you. It could be a good mood or bad mood. It literally just boils down to you realizing the reality of the situation..... Which is exactly what autists struggle with. Here's an example... You piss her off. You don't recognize she's pissed. Now you're pissed because you can't figure out why she's pissed. Now she's really fucking pissed because you're not even pissed at the appropriate thing. Bottom line, there's no changing you. She needs to learn how to communicate with you. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 11:57:40 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: If my wife stormed in the room, turned the lights on, continued the argument then slapped me, she'd find out what it really means to have someone be an asshole. Holy shit dude. No fucking joke. Put your hands on me and I’m ejecting. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:09:37 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Work in IT/InfoSec Audit and Risk Management. Very good at what I do, apparently because I am autistic, or so I have been told. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:14:28 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Next time she comes in the room and flicks the light on. Don't give her the satisfaction of the fight. Your getting nothing from it and shes getting off. Just wake up in bed, don't fight. Jerk off while shes standing there and go back to bed. This is a prime example of women saying one thing and doing another. Says some bullshit like oh I just wanna make up honey buns, then slaps you in the fucking face when you hug her. Ah, The "Bill Burr Special'. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:15:25 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted: When we were kids Asperger's didn't exist - they just sent us to engineering school. Almost everybody in my office that has an engineering degree is on the autism spectrum. It's the same in just about every engineering firm everywhere. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:20:04 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I did try to let it the fuck go. Complete stupid bullshit, then she comes in the room flicks on the light when I am trying to sleep, yells at me, this after we had both agreed to be done after fighting. Then I am yelled at, told if I love her then fucking act like, it. I ask how she expects me to show her affection immediately after a fight, then she says she doesn't know. So I give her a fucking hug, then she slaps the crap out of me. Fucking insanity. Insanity indeed. You both sound like retarded 12 year olds. How old are you and your wife? My advice, ditch the behavioral therapist. They are retards who are out trying to make other retards like themselves. Nothing you said in your second post sounds special. Every guy has gotten those comments from their girl. Stop fighting with your wife, don’t even react to her bad behavior in an emotional way. Would you argue and get into a pissing match with a child? Women for the most part aren’t logical and are driven by emotions. Only problem is emotionally they are children so when they get all worked up and throw a tantrum treat them as you would a child that is throwing a tantrum. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:21:36 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You're going to get him the reverse lifetime special treatment.  He should definitely try “ If you would have said something worth listening too I would have heard you” it goes over well! I know from experience.
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:22:01 PM EDT
[#33]
My ex-wife is autistic. Unfortunately, I didn't know. It would have been better if I had known so I could understand why she acted that way.
Now we're divorced. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:22:13 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Almost everybody in my office that has an engineering degree is on the autism spectrum. It's the same in just about every engineering firm everywhere.  Girls With Autism vs Boys With Autism (Dune Meme) |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:24:20 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Everyone has autism. It’s an all encompassing spectrum. What you think is a personality trait, nay fuck that - its autism. Wrong |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:27:48 PM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Everyone has autism. It’s an all encompassing spectrum. What you think is a personality trait, nay fuck that - its autism. Truth. It’s an excuse to pump otherwise normal boys full of drugs. I swear half the kids that I have seen that are “Austic” or “ADHD” just had no father or a weak father that never smacked them upside the head and said “Quit acting stupid dumbass” when they got out of line. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:28:03 PM EDT
[#37]
lol bro...your issue has nothing to do with being an autist but everything to do with being married to a woman.
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:29:50 PM EDT
[#38]
I don't know if this is OPs situation but something I have noticed is how many people will spend HOURS bragging about how 'not normal' they are.
Then just leave it at that, like you have no option to learn or improve yourself with the knowledge that you gain this new diagnosis. Just 'I got the _______ and everyone needs to cater to me now.' Instead of 'noise distraction is something I have issues with so I will use ear plugs that reduce ambient noise which can help me' you have people telling others not to breathe because 'you know noises bother me'. The fact that OP blames autism for the situation he is in leads me to think this is the actual problem. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:34:35 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I did try to let it the fuck go. Complete stupid bullshit, then she comes in the room flicks on the light when I am trying to sleep, yells at me, this after we had both agreed to be done after fighting. Then I am yelled at, told if I love her then fucking act like, it. I ask how she expects me to show her affection immediately after a fight, then she says she doesn't know. So I give her a fucking hug, then she slaps the crap out of me. Fucking insanity. Eject. Now. ETA..just saw that she's a SpEd Para. IME (teaching 20+ years), most of them are in the "..I'm also a client" category. She likely thinks she can "change" you and you're a "project". |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:48:18 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Every fucking argument I am told: "You don't get it." I have a different understanding. Let's figure this out. "Why can't you understand" We're disagreeing about something. That's all this is. Can we talk about it? "What is wrong with you?" That's not a helpful comment. We can talk about this, but respectfully. "Why can't you just .." I'm sorry you're frustrated. I'm frustrated. I love you. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 2:49:04 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: According to her that is me. It’s projection, my SIL will run her mouth nonstop about how mature she is. Then scream like a child when she doesn’t get her way. Looks like you got yourself a similar problem. |
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Posted: 7/17/2023 9:34:38 PM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I don't know if this is OPs situation but something I have noticed is how many people will spend HOURS bragging about how 'not normal' they are. Then just leave it at that, like you have no option to learn or improve yourself with the knowledge that you gain this new diagnosis. Just 'I got the _______ and everyone needs to cater to me now.' Instead of 'noise distraction is something I have issues with so I will use ear plugs that reduce ambient noise which can help me' you have people telling others not to breathe because 'you know noises bother me'. The fact that OP blames autism for the situation he is in leads me to think this is the actual problem. |
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Posted: 7/25/2023 5:59:21 PM EDT
[#43]
Quoted: Never fucking marry. And, more specifically, never marry a Virgo. Keep this on replay:  Don't Bring Me Down Animals FULL SONG ReEdit STEREO ReMix HiQ Hybrid JARichardsFilm Lyrics: When you complain and criticize I feel I'm nothing in your eyes It makes me feel like giving up Because my best just ain't good enough Girl, I want to provide for you And do all the things that you want me to, but Oh, oh no! Don't bring me down I'm beggin' you, darlin' Oh, oh no! Don't bring me down Sacrifices I will make I'm ready to give as well as take One thing I need is your respect One thing I can't take is your neglect More than anything, I need your love Then troubles are easy to rise above Oh, oh no! Don't bring me down Oh no, no, no, no, no Oh, oh no! Don't bring me down @mkboob Hang in there. |
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Posted: 7/25/2023 6:10:02 PM EDT
[#44]
How you doing, OP?
I'm 42 years into this marriage thing, and the part that concerns me is where she slaps the shit out of you. It's not uncommon that people on the spectrum have people-pleasing inclinations. Think about it. The burden to "fit in" has mainly been on you, and that builds behaviors. But getting hit is not okay. I don't care if she's 100 pounds less than you, it's not okay. |
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Posted: 7/25/2023 6:14:28 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Wait a sec. There are non autistic people here? When did this start?  Dude let it go! Just know two truths in life! 1) Women are always right! 2) Women are f%#king crazy! As a male you will never understand them! Ever! So find your happy place and soldier on! eta: I didn't see how old this thread was
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Posted: 7/25/2023 6:19:23 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Yep. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Read between the lines. He's on the spectrum and married a typical. Sounds like he's not the only one... Which season of Love on the Spectrum was your favorite, OP? |
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Posted: 7/25/2023 6:32:52 PM EDT
[#47]
Did we just combine lack of success with women and autism? The perfect GD storm.
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Posted: 7/25/2023 6:33:32 PM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I did try to let it the fuck go. Complete stupid bullshit, then she comes in the room flicks on the light when I am trying to sleep, yells at me, this after we had both agreed to be done after fighting. Then I am yelled at, told if I love her then fucking act like, it. I ask how she expects me to show her affection immediately after a fight, then she says she doesn't know. So I give her a fucking hug, then she slaps the crap out of me. Fucking insanity. Wait. Are you autistic or is your wife? I don't get it. |
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Posted: 7/25/2023 6:43:38 PM EDT
[#49]
Don't let a diagnosis meme you into incompetence. It can be an asset as well as a burden.
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Posted: 7/25/2023 6:52:24 PM EDT
[#50]
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus thread?
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