Posted: 9/6/2026 2:33:45 PM EDT
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I'm still grieving and trying to process this and hoping this helps. I've never been a man of few words. TLDR: my cat died, I have a good wife, and prayers for my cat's spirit and our reunion would be appreciated. It was 19 years ago to this day that I picked up my cat, which I called lots of names, but given this forum I'll use the nickname I used the most for her, Mausers. My girlfriend at the time and I went to a breeder, not to get Mausers, but to get an Ocicat kitten for her daughters, which we did. But while we there there, in the pandemonium of the cat playroom they had with 20 or more cats roaming, one small white kitten kept risking getting attacked by running up to my shoe and batting it, then running away, sometimes getting tackled by other cats. She did that repeatedly which wore me down, and reluctantly I accepted that we were going to be leaving with two cats, not one, and asked the breeder to put another cat on the tab. I quickly learned she was from a new exotic breed, the Savannah, and got to meet her grandmother, a cat the size of medium dog with the attention span of a ferret on cocaine, and her great-great grandfather, an African serval that was kept in a large enclosure outside. She quickly grew into a very large cat, easily twice the size of the Ocicat we got with her. And together they got up to the usual kitten shennanigans, though the scale of them kept up with her size. Time passed. Three years later, my girlfriend (now fiancee') broke things off. I left the house we'd been living at, and since we got the cats for her daughters I had no plans on bringing them with me. A few weeks later Mausers became ill, throwing up and having diarrhea everywhere; my ex took her to the vet, which gave her a treatment plan that required frequent attention -- which my ex couldn't provide due to working. Since I worked from home, she asked if could watch her, and I did. Within a few days she was better, and I dropped Mausers back off with the ex and her kids. A week later, Mausers is sick again, and the process is repeated. And a week after that, Mausers is sick yet again, and this time I take her to the vet. The vet sees that it's the third round and asks if there have been any changes in our household, and I explain that the ex and I broke up. The vet picks up Mausers, said she doesn't need any medication, and hands her to me, telling me I have been chosen. And that's how I can to have Mausers. I learned that Savannah breed cats are pretty notorious for bonding with a single person, some to the point if the owner dies the animals has to be put down as well. I have no doubt that Mausers was one of those. She was fiercely loyal to me and me alone, and the best anyone else could hope for was her deference. The early years -- up until she was five or so -- were a challenge. She was incredibly smart, and 18 pounds of seemingly pure muscle, very few things stood in her way. My house looked like I had a toddler given all the house-proofing needed to kept an animal like this from fucking with things. Her physical abilities were insane, and jumping from the floor to the top of the refrigerator was nothing to her. She played predator games with me, if I turned my back on her she's leap across the room onto my back and gently bite my neck like she was taking down wild game.  Her size and strength caused other issues as well. Her first vet "fired" us after she sent a tech to the ER. But it wasn't in her nature to be aggressive at all and just needed to be respected. I lived in Cave Creek at the time, and found a new vet there -- a Vietnam special forces medic, and his daughter worked as his tech, and she understood Mausers. She told me "I have never taken a blood sample from Mausers, everything I get from her is because she chose to give it to me." To this day she was the only one Mausers ever deferred to.  In spite of the aggressive play, Mausers absolutely adored me and would gaze into my eyes with love often. My ex, and then six years later my soon-to-be wife, both independently said that most people would go their entire lives without having something look at them the way Mausers looked at me. And it was true. With Mausers I was never alone, and I was never not loved. She seldom was out of eyesight and for the first 10 years would sleep on my desk as I worked, first just in front of me, and later in a heated bed I put on the side of my desk. Always present.  When I was single before I met my wife, in the winter I'd go to bed, and she'd slip under the covers once I'd fallen asleep, and stretch out against me, back to back, keeping us both warm. Mausers always enjoyed guests, which didn't happen often since I'm an extreme introvert, but would love to meet new people and get pets. Girlfriends, though, were competition and were subject to scrutiny. Eventually I met my now-wife, and Mausers and my wife's relationship shifted from the honeymoon period into an uneasy detente, and finally to acceptance. About once a week Mausers would catch my wife in an unaware moment and sneak a love bite on my wife's ankles, just as a reminder of the pecking order. This is how my wife's nickname for Mausers, "Wife number one," came to be. Some days Mausers would literally wake up from a sleep, stretch, and then walk over to my wife and bite her, like she was checking off a daily to-do list. Sometimes followed by a head-bump like it was all in good fun. This May, the week Mausers turned 19, my wife noticed Mausers had a nose bleed. We brought Mausers to the vet, and the diagnosis was split -- either it was a dental infection or a sinus tumor. We started antibiotics for a dental infection -- due to her age they were very reluctant to do anesthesia to treat or examine her. A month later she began to have breathing troubled and snored excessively, which was deemed to be due to whatever was in her nose getting bigger. Eventually Mausers began to breath through her mouth, which cats hate to do. By July hear breathing became more labored -- the vet suspected she might have COPD, and when we brought her in for the exam, the vet noted that she'd never been able to examine Mausers so closely for so long before, which we took as a bad sign. The vet took her in for an x-ray and then brought her back saying "Mausers is back" as she reverted to her old self during the process, scaring the techs. The x-ray showed an enlarged heart. The vet recommended an ultrasound, which in our rural area can only happen once a month when we get vets coming in from Phoenix. That happened, and to our relief Mauser's heart and everything else was fine -- and more importantly, the specialist vets stated she could easily handle the general anesthesia needed for a CT scan to find out what was really going on with her. We called the only vet with a CT scanner in the area to find out that their scanner was down, waited a week, and tried again, still down. We were reluctant to put Mausers through the long car trip into Phoenix, but she kept getting worse, so last Wednesday we made took the ride. It was very stressful on all of us. After the scan, we had the long drive back home. The ER vet that did the scan had commented on how strong Mausers was and that she dealt with the scan and anesthesia with ease. Late Wednesday night we got the call. There was a mass in Mauser's sinus, it was aggressive, and it had invaded her cribriform plate, which separates the sinus from the brain. We knew this was a possibility, and my wife had called the local visiting vet about arrangements a couple weeks before, but obviously we hoped it was just a bad dental infection at that time. With this news, we figured we had another week, maybe two at most. Mausers was a strong cat. Thursday morning I woke up to find Mausers standing at her water dish. Not drinking, just standing there. I had put security cameras pointing at that and the litter box months ago to monitor things, and I reviewed the footage. She had been standing there for two hours. Her breathing changed as well. By late morning I noticed her eye on the side with the tumor had started weeping brown mucus, probably tinged with old blood -- not even 24 hours before at the ER vet in Phoenix her eyes were so good they weren't even mentioned in the exam. I told my wife I thought it was time, but my wife wasn't quite ready. A couple hours later Mauser's eye was worse. At 1 PM my wife came in and said we had a 4 PM appointment. I didn't want it to be this way. We had planned on doing it at home, with her comfortable and surrounded by all the things she knew. Mausers was never great at car rides, so much so that six year ago when we moved to the forest I asked her old vet for something, and we got some xanax for that ride. After so many recent trips to the vet Mausers was even worse, would always tremble in the car. I asked my wife to check with the vet if xanax would be OK, and it was. So I gave her the pill and waited. This trip I didn't put her in a carrier, she was relaxed enough that I carried her in her favorite bed to the car, and then held her on the drive. Much like when we first came here, on the drug she stared at the trees in wonder as they went by. But she still trembled. But she also gazed into my eyes. We arrived at the vet, and my wife went in -- I didn't want to be in the waiting room without a carrier. They opened the back door and I carried my baby in her bed into the closest room to the back door, and she settled down into the bed, looking at me. I got in a low chair, and rested my head at her eye level, and looked back at her. And the vet started what needed to be done. In about a minute, Mausers stopped trembling, comfortable but aware of me. From that point onward Mausers and I locked eyes. I never saw her spirit leave, she just kept staring with the same gaze she had whenever she looked at me. The vet confirmed her heart had stopped, and I waited another five minutes before I broke eye contact, just to be sure. My wife left and got the car ready for the trip to the crematorium, which my wife had also called and arranged. I gently put Mauser's head down in the bed, and covered her with a small sheet, and carried her in the bed to the car, put her on my lap, and pet her for the next half hour. When we got there, the staff hadn't arrived yet, and the sun was beginning to set, with a hot sun beam falling directly on Mausers in my lap, which she would have loved. Mausers loved sleeping in the sun until she was too hot to touch. The staff opened, and had me set her bed down on a small table decorated with flowers. We made the arrangements, and asked if I wanted the bed, which I did -- then went and got it for me. We went to leave and I could see just Mausers' tail out, uncovered, through the doorway, and I couldn't leave without another goodbye. I went into the room and she was laying on the table, with her pose the same as it was when she slept while very relaxed, just peacefully sleeping. I gave her body a gentle pet and a kiss, and walked away. Up to this point my wife had been completely stoic, just a few tears over the hours this took place, but nothing like mine. My wife had handled all the calls and arrangements without any effort on my part, I doubt I would have even been able to speak most of the time. She is amazing. We left the building and that's when she broke down. I have so many regrets. I regret not taking Mausers outside to the forest on her leash more. I regret not getting her more Taco Bell, she absolutely loved their chicken as a treat and by the time this came, she wasn't interested in eating. I regret not getting the CT done earlier, so we could have known sooner and had her final trip happen at home with certainty. I regret not having taken a last picture of her lying in state, sleeping peacefully for the first time in four months. I really regret not having more pictures of us together. I have thousands of pictures of Mausers, but only a handful of us. Take pictures with the ones you love, not of the ones you love. I doubt many of you have made it this far, and I've never asked this from the forums before, but if you're one who prays, no matter your religion, please pray for the spirit of Mausers, and for her, I, and my wife to find peace though this, and for us all to be reunited in time. This was the last picture I took of her, 3 hours before she crossed rainbow bridge: 
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So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. |
Looking for my first .45. Satin nickel Colt Combat Commander serial # 70SC85412 sold at a gun show in Louisville KY sometime in 1985. My Avatar, my sweet princess girly girl Maggie. Got a nice 15 years with her, miss her a lot.
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"We give Mauser back to you, dear God, for it was you that gave her to us; and as you did not lose her with your giving, we will not lose her in her return. It was not this world that gives, for it is you, O Lord, who holds sway on all souls in life; and you call them back as you see best. We know that which you give, is never truly taken away. For life is eternal in your grace, love is immortal. Death is only the horizon, and the horizon is nothing except the limit of our sight..." Thank you for sharing and it sounds like she lived a life of love. |
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I’ve been called naive, and occasionally a lot worse, when I’ve declared to friends/family/strangers my belief that we will see them again. I stand by that.. no amount of cynicism will push me off my position. Grieve the loss and stand by for the reunion. My condolences to your family… |
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wow. 19 years. thats a run. im very sorry op, I can tell you from recent experience that it will take a long while to get used to I still half expect my boy to meet me at the door, but I can see his plot from the deck, I still give it a glance every morning when I leave. it sounds callous when the pain is fresh but we had one if his puppies still and having a soft set of ears to rub has actually been a godsend. its not time yet but don't grieve alone any longer than you think you need to. They make our lives better. Be a little selfish. again..very sorry. Thats a shit day for sure.
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Originally Posted By seek2: I doubt many of you have made it this far, and I've never asked this from the forums before, but if you're one who prays, no matter your religion, please pray for the spirit of Mausers, and for her, I, and my wife to find peace though this, and for us all to be reunited in time. I made it that far. I lost my Stormy November 11, 2024. She was my kitty for her entire life, bonding with me at the pet rescue when she was about two months old. My wife has told me the same thing as you were told about something looking at you like she did. (I think the wife actually was a bit jealous of Stormy.) RIP Mausers. Seek2, I pray that Mauser is waiting for you on the Rainbow Bridge. |
The right to own weapons is the right to be free.
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Condolences op, 19 years is a good run. I've dealt with it more than I'd like. It's the price we pay for what they give. |
Alabama: That the great, general and essential principles of liberty and free government may be recognized and established, we declare....That every citizen has a right to bear arms in defense of himself and the state. (Art. I, § 26)
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My condolences to you and your wife, OP! Thank you for sharing your story. You were blessed to have shared your life with an amazing being for 19 years. The change in routine is what will really hit you hard, when you realize all the small sacrifices you made every day to care for her. |
Said goodbye to General Jack two weeks ago. He welcomes Mauser to Valhalla.
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The duty of a patriot is to protect his nation from its government.
"I would remind you that extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice! And let me remind you also that moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue!"
"I would remind you that extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice! And let me remind you also that moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue!"
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Originally Posted By motojunkie_pewpew: "We give Mauser back to you, dear God, for it was you that gave her to us; and as you did not lose her with your giving, we will not lose her in her return. It was not this world that gives, for it is you, O Lord, who holds sway on all souls in life; and you call them back as you see best. We know that which you give, is never truly taken away. For life is eternal in your grace, love is immortal. Death is only the horizon, and the horizon is nothing except the limit of our sight..." Thank you for sharing and it sounds like she lived a life of love. Thank you for this, @motojunkie_pewpew , I see you don't post often but you surely made this one count, my wife was reading the thread on her own and was just as affected by this as I was. Mausers was very much loved which is why this time has been so hard. And thanks to everyone else as well. We picked up Mausers' ashes yesterday afternoon. I put the wooden box that contains them in her kitty bed that sits next to ours. I hope she is warm. Everywhere I look in the house, she is both there and not there. |
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Mausers chose you and you had a great life together. You did everything you could for her, and now it is God's turn. He has eased her pain, and I pray that He comforts your family. I believe that we will see our 4 legged friends again. Until then, they are living their best lives. Thank you for sharing your story. |
| Very sorry about Mausers. I've lost several cats over the last 40 years and know the pain. |
To anger a conservative, tell him a lie; to anger a liberal, tell him the truth.
Women and Only Fans: When one door closes, their legs can open - SideCharger
DEI stands for “Discrimination, Exclusion, and Intolerance.” and "Didn't Earn It."
Women and Only Fans: When one door closes, their legs can open - SideCharger
DEI stands for “Discrimination, Exclusion, and Intolerance.” and "Didn't Earn It."