Posted: 10/30/2006 5:35:52 PM EDT
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[I couldn't find an existing joke thread here in the women's forum, so thought I'd start one!] After the woman gave birth to a baby, her doctor stood solemnly at her bedside. "I have something I must tell you about your baby." "What's wrong?" the alarmed mother asked. "Your baby is a hermaphrodite." "What's that?" "It means your baby has both male and female parts." "Oh my God!" the woman exclaimed. "You mean he has a penis and a brain?" (I know!  )*************************************************************** ETA: What kind of mistakes do spooks make? Boo-boos. How do you mend a broken Jack-O-Lantern? With a pumpkin patch. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts. What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body. Why are there fences around cemeteries? People are dying to get in. How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes. What do baby skeletons drink? Evaporated milk. What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet? A holey terror. What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frost bite. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo Here’s one for you mathematicians: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius? Pumpkin pi. What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs. And finally: What happens when a ghost haunts a theater? The actors get stage fright. 
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Just for tonight A man and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found them selves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... him in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married. "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket." After a moment of silence, he farted. |
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Just read this one: Jack and Bob… Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they encountered a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there, and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?" "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit and go to bed with her?" "Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did." "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?" "She just died and left me everything." (And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?) |
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This'll get your heart pumping, ladies!! www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1-ek2dyPqw |
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A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize." 
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