[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Legal question (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 6/27/2012 7:25:47 PM EDT
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I am the wife a member here. Since some people know my husband's screen name & his real identity I started my own account so my personal embarrassing situation isn't linked to me outside of arfcom
Sorry there will be no pics. I'm 53 years old and you would probably turn to stone if you saw a picture of me 
Now to my question. I was born out of wedlock to my mother. I was her only child, she never married, we were dirt poor. I mean so poor we didn't have running water in the house. No flush toilets, we took sponge baths from pails of water, we heated the house with kerosene heaters. My mother never took a hand out from Welfare, or other gov programs to support us. She never went begging to my father for $ to support. She accepted her mistake ( me ) & worked hard all her life gave me the best life she could. She took the identity of my biological father to her grave in 1995. After all these years I believe I know who my father is. Unfortunately he passed away about a year ago. I don't know if he knew I was his daughter. I doubt his family knows about me because I was the result of an extramarital affair. I imagine that his estate is already settled, but if by chance its not, would I be entitled to part of it. I know ARFCOM is not exactly the best place to get answers regarding health or legal issues  That said I'm just wondering if this is something I should pursue or just let it go away. My father may have 2 sons from his marriage.
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Quoted: I imagine that his estate is already settled, but if by chance its not, would I be entitled to part of it.
I think the short answer is no. In all reality it depends on what his will said, (if he had one.) If he died intestate, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intestacy) his identifiable heirs would probably have divided the estate, then you MAY have a claim. (Disclaimer, I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV) |
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Probably. And, it does not matter that his estate was settled. It can be reopened. God bless. Thanks. God has Blessed me. I have a great husband who has been understanding of my idiosyncrasies of not having a clue who my father was. Some may say I'm a gold digger for thinking about his estate. I don't know maybe I am. We lived in a small town so it was no secret I was an out of wedlock child. Although he was married my mother wasn't a home wrecking whore. She just fell in love with the wrong man. She didn't try to ruin his marriage by using me as a wedge. It was a tough life living that way and I admire my mother for her ability to cope with such crappy conditions without a spouse. I know she made poor choices. |
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Quoted: I imagine that his estate is already settled, but if by chance its not, would I be entitled to part of it.
I think the short answer is no. In all reality it depends on what his will said, (if he had one.) If he died intestate, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intestacy) his identifiable heirs would probably have divided the estate, then you MAY have a claim. (Disclaimer, I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV) I do know his house is for sale. I assume ownership was passed to the sons. Although I'm not sure he had sons I know to boys that had the same last name . The worst part is I think I knew his sons ( my half brothers ) in school. I'm still piecing everything together right now |
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So you want money from a man's estate that you never knew and who never knew you? Stay classy.  Maybe you're right. I'm pretty sure I half my chromosomes are his. I'm not sure he didn't know I was his daughter. I really don't know. Maybe part of me wants revenge. Would exclude an out of wedlocjk daughter from your estate? |
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Quoted: Quoted: Highly unlikely you could get anything, especially if he had a will. Leaving your children out of your will/estate is common and rock solid. However, if he did not know she existed, he couldn't intentionally leave her out of the will. Doesn't matter why a person is left out. You are not required to give a reason. Anyway, he is dead, gonna be hard to prove he did not know, I myself find it hard you can get a woman pregnant in a small town, your kids go to school with dsaid person, and not know. Gonna also be hard to prove he was the father, what are they gonna do, dig him up and DNA test him? What if he was cremated? Get court order to DNA his other kids? No good will come from pursuing this. |
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Highly unlikely you could get anything, especially if he had a will. Leaving your children out of your will/estate is common and rock solid. However, if he did not know she existed, he couldn't intentionally leave her out of the will. Doesn't matter why a person is left out. You are not required to give a reason. Anyway, he is dead, gonna be hard to prove he did not know, I myself find it hard you cannot get a woman pregnant in a small town, your kids go to school with dsaid person, and not know. Gonna also be hard to prove he was the father, what are they gonna do, dig him up and DNA test him? What if he was cremated? Get court order to DNA his other kids? No good will come from pursuing this. The first issue will be legal standing to bring suit. Many wills simply divide the estate amongst the children because at the time they are drafted the total children aren't yet known. 
If daddy had a sizable estate, it's worth a look-see. |
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So you want money from a man's estate that you never knew and who never knew you? Stay classy. aaaaaaand we're off! I really don't mind. My husband warned me of this. I'm honestly looking for opinions. I know this question make me look like a gold digger. I'm the first to admit I feel cheated out of things in life. Part my mother's fault but my father shares in the blame also. |
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Already a thread about this:
http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1337215_Need_a_little_lawyer_advice.html |
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Highly unlikely you could get anything, especially if he had a will. Leaving your children out of your will/estate is common and rock solid. However, if he did not know she existed, he couldn't intentionally leave her out of the will. Doesn't matter why a person is left out. You are not required to give a reason. Anyway, he is dead, gonna be hard to prove he did not know, I myself find it hard you can get a woman pregnant in a small town, your kids go to school with dsaid person, and not know. Gonna also be hard to prove he was the father, what are they gonna do, dig him up and DNA test him? What if he was cremated? Get court order to DNA his other kids? No good will come from pursuing this. And that is one of my fears. I don't want to ruin the man's memory for the pursuit of money. My father wasn't from the same small town. His kids ( I think ) were in the same school district though. My husband isn't exactly thrilled with the idea of pursuing this either. He is a "Let sleeping dogs lie" kind of guy. |
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how are you going to proof that he is / was your father
you would have to do a DNA test - do you have access to his DNA also you would need consent to do this I would guess since he is now dead - how would you obtain his DNA you would also have to pay for this DNA test and that is not cheap at all |
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Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: So you want money from a man's estate that you never knew and who never knew you? Stay classy. aaaaaaand we're off! I really don't mind. My husband warned me of this. I'm honestly looking for opinions. I know this question make me look like a gold digger. I'm the first to admit I feel cheated out of things in life. Part my mother's fault but my father shares in the blame also. Your post count is going up! At least you know there are idiots on this board that can't help coming into a thread and taking a dump. They don't realize that their opinions are worthless. They just keep posting. Good luck and ignore the children. |
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Quoted: I imagine that his estate is already settled, but if by chance its not, would I be entitled to part of it.
I think the short answer is no. In all reality it depends on what his will said, (if he had one.) If he died intestate, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intestacy) his identifiable heirs would probably have divided the estate, then you MAY have a claim. (Disclaimer, I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV) I do know his house is for sale. I assume ownership was passed to the sons. Although I'm not sure he had sons I know to boys that had the same last name . The worst part is I think I knew his sons ( my half brothers ) in school. I'm still piecing everything together right now I would concentrate all your efforts in establishing paternity first, then worry about possible money later. I'm not even sure how you should go about it. Have you thought about approaching one of his sons? |
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Already a thread about this: http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1337215_Need_a_little_lawyer_advice.html That was the thread my husband started. He created a second account so we could post anomalously (sp?). It was locked for that reason, maybe the moderators unlocked it. Sorry for the confusion. |
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Highly unlikely you could get anything, especially if he had a will. Leaving your children out of your will/estate is common and rock solid. However, if he did not know she existed, he couldn't intentionally leave her out of the will. Doesn't matter why a person is left out. You are not required to give a reason. Anyway, he is dead, gonna be hard to prove he did not know, I myself find it hard you can get a woman pregnant in a small town, your kids go to school with dsaid person, and not know. Gonna also be hard to prove he was the father, what are they gonna do, dig him up and DNA test him? What if he was cremated? Get court order to DNA his other kids? No good will come from pursuing this. Even though this is obviously something that affects the lady deeply I agree with the bolded. The only thing this will do is sew chaos and bad feelings. A family will want proof and most folks would tell you to stick it and require a court ordered DNA test. Good luck with that. Your reputation would forever be the money grubber who forced themselves into something years after the fact. It sounds like you have a nice life and are living well. Be satisfied with that. |
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Already a thread about this: http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1337215_Need_a_little_lawyer_advice.html That was the thread my husband started. He created a second account so we could post anomalously (sp?). It was locked for that reason, maybe the moderators unlocked it. Sorry for the confusion. I understand that. I just wanted to let you know in case you weren't aware that he started another thread about the exact same thing. I don't think that thread is locked. |
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Already a thread about this: http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1337215_Need_a_little_lawyer_advice.html That was the thread my husband started. He created a second account so we could post anomalously (sp?). It was locked for that reason, maybe the moderators unlocked it. Sorry for the confusion. I understand that. I just wanted to let you know in case you weren't aware that he started another thread about the exact same thing. I don't think that thread is locked. funny thing the right hand does not know what the left hand does 
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Quoted: Except if he never knew and had the chance to give his Daughter anything.Highly unlikely you could get anything, especially if he had a will. Leaving your children out of your will/estate is common and rock solid. A Judge may look at this a lot different than your saying |
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Quoted: Quoted: Except if he never knew and had the chance to give his Daughter anything.Highly unlikely you could get anything, especially if he had a will. Leaving your children out of your will/estate is common and rock solid. And you know that how? You spoke to him about it before he died? Maybe he did pay money to the mother all those years? After all she lied by omission to her daughter about who her father was. Like I said, no good will come from this. |
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You should talk to an attorney who does estate work in the area where your father lived. An attorney can easily find out whether you are legally entitled to anything. That is kind of the next step if I continue. I just wanted to get an idea if I had a leg to stand on and where else to find out but on ARFCOM. Secondly, I really don't know if I want to go through this door. Life is good now. On the other hand I think about the poverty I grew up in. My mother was too prideful to seek help form government agencies and didn't want to cause trouble with my father's real family. Growing up I always felt like the little girls whose father didn't want her. If I had found out his identity before he died I certainly would have tried to contact him |
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Already a thread about this: http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1337215_Need_a_little_lawyer_advice.html That was the thread my husband started. He created a second account so we could post anomalously (sp?). It was locked for that reason, maybe the moderators unlocked it. Sorry for the confusion. I understand that. I just wanted to let you know in case you weren't aware that he started another thread about the exact same thing. I don't think that thread is locked. Thanks. He started that thread at my request. He has backed out now and I'm on my own
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Except if he never knew and had the chance to give his Daughter anything.
Highly unlikely you could get anything, especially if he had a will. Leaving your children out of your will/estate is common and rock solid. And you know that how? You spoke to him about it before he died? Maybe he did pay money to the mother all those years? After all she lied by omission to her daughter about who her father was. Like I said, no good will come from this. Possibly true. My mother was a frugal woman. I think if she was getting help from my father we would have at least moved into a place with running water & flush toilets. We lived in a run down house that was owned by a family member. It kept the rain off our heads but that was about it. |
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So you want money from a man's estate that you never knew and who never knew you? Stay classy. aaaaaaand we're off! I really don't mind. My husband warned me of this. I'm honestly looking for opinions. I know this question make me look like a gold digger. I'm the first to admit I feel cheated out of things in life. Part my mother's fault but my father shares in the blame also. You didn't get cheated out of shit. You were born in the United States of America. That alone is the greatest gift any human being could ever receive. At least up to this point in time, and ignoring spiritual salvation. You say your dad did you wrong - I say he's responsible for your very existence, whatever the circumstances surrounding it may be. You're 53? So you were born in 1959/1960? Feel fortunate. 13 years later and you may have just been killed by abortion instead. You were born in a time when shame and personal responsibility still existed. I know those concepts are dead now, but they're still yours if you want them to be. Your mom never asked for a dime, and I think maybe you ought to follow her lead. My point is, you could have had it much worse. Hell, you could never have existed at all. And more importantly, is any potential personal gain worth screwing with your siblings over? They're probably finally over burying their (your) dad, and you want to dredge everything up again? I don't know that I could do that to somebody, especially if I didn't really know them. But your call. As far as legally, you get a good lawyer and you'll get something, even if it's an out-of-court settlement. Whether you'd want to... well, I guess that's your call. |
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So you want money from a man's estate that you never knew and who never knew you? Stay classy. aaaaaaand we're off! I really don't mind. My husband warned me of this. I'm honestly looking for opinions. I know this question make me look like a gold digger. I'm the first to admit I feel cheated out of things in life. Part my mother's fault but my father shares in the blame also. How do you figure this? Your mom didn't tell you anything about him, maybe she didn't tell him that you were his.......assuming that you actually are. |
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So you want money from a man's estate that you never knew and who never knew you? Stay classy. aaaaaaand we're off! I really don't mind. My husband warned me of this. I'm honestly looking for opinions. I know this question make me look like a gold digger. I'm the first to admit I feel cheated out of things in life. Part my mother's fault but my father shares in the blame also. You didn't get cheated out of shit. You were born in the United States of America. That alone is the greatest gift any human being could ever receive. At least up to this point in time, and ignoring spiritual salvation. You say your dad did you wrong - I say he's responsible for your very existence, whatever the circumstances surrounding it may be. You're 53? So you were born in 1959/1960? Feel fortunate. 13 years later and you may have just been killed by abortion instead. You were born in a time when shame and personal responsibility still existed. I know those concepts are dead now, but they're still yours if you want them to be. Your mom never asked for a dime, and I think maybe you ought to follow her lead. My point is, you could have had it much worse. Hell, you could never have existed at all. And more importantly, is any potential personal gain worth screwing with your siblings over? They're probably finally over burying their (your) dad, and you want to dredge everything up again? I don't know that I could do that to somebody, especially if I didn't really know them. But your call. As far as legally, you get a good lawyer and you'll get something, even if it's an out-of-court settlement. Whether you'd want to... well, I guess that's your call. 
There were no abortions in the 50s and 60s? Maybe her mom did ask for help. Maybe she was told no. It was the 50s/60s, she probably didn't have a lot of options. |
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Highly unlikely you could get anything, especially if he had a will. Leaving your children out of your will/estate is common and rock solid. However, if he did not know she existed, he couldn't intentionally leave her out of the will. Doesn't matter why a person is left out. You are not required to give a reason. Anyway, he is dead, gonna be hard to prove he did not know, I myself find it hard you can get a woman pregnant in a small town, your kids go to school with dsaid person, and not know. Gonna also be hard to prove he was the father, what are they gonna do, dig him up and DNA test him? What if he was cremated? Get court order to DNA his other kids? No good will come from pursuing this. Let it go and get on with your life. Don't screw up another family based on what you think might be true. FYI: I have no idea who my biological father is and I have no desire to know. I had someone research the possible genetic medical issues for me and that is all. |
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Get a consultation with a wills, trusts, and estates lawyer in whatever jurisdiction the man died in. Pick a lawyer that's old; grey hair is good. It will probably cost you a half hour or hour of his time. If he does, or has a law partner that does, will caveat litigation, that's even better.
A lot of posters presume he had a will, but it's equally possible that he died without one. |
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Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Except if he never knew and had the chance to give his Daughter anything.Highly unlikely you could get anything, especially if he had a will. Leaving your children out of your will/estate is common and rock solid. And you know that how? You spoke to him about it before he died? Maybe he did pay money to the mother all those years? After all she lied by omission to her daughter about who her father was. Like I said, no good will come from this. Possibly true. My mother was a frugal woman. I think if she was getting help from my father we would have at least moved into a place with running water & flush toilets. We lived in a run down house that was owned by a family member. It kept the rain off our heads but that was about it. Not saying it happened, but these are the kind of arguments you are going to see from the estate. They will then say she spent the money on drugs or whatever. |
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I, too, am a product of an extramarital affair. My mother was a high school student, my father an older married man. My mother put me up for adoption and I never knew the identity of either biological parent. I tried somewhat to find out my mother's identity but was unsuccessful. Didn't really care to find my biological dad. Even if I had found one or both, wanting a piece of either estate would be the last thing on my mind. Move on OP, let it go. |