Posted: 12/25/2004 4:50:44 AM EDT
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A good friend of mine and I both have romantically inclined feelings for one another and this is known as we have both made it known to the other yesterday, Christmas. The problem is, she lives thousands of kilometers away in Malaysia, while I live in Sydney. We both have at least 4 years left in university and she is unable to study in Australia due to her family's financial situation. Should we have a long distance relationship, we may only see each other during one period of time per year, with communication being done via MSN messenger, mobile phone text messages, and through the phone. She has put forward the question, what do you wish to do? To be honest, i have no bloody idea! This would be my first relationship, and it would be long distanced, which may be a bad idea for someone with as little experience as me. This would also limit myself from seeing any girls within that 4 years (which would be easy for me if a relationship commenced with her). We obviously wont be seeing much of each other. On the other hand, she is a wonderful lady. She believes my desire to join the military is a very noble thing, and does not disapprove of my fascination with weapons, and approves of my common visitation to this forum. I think that even if we were to say no to a long distance relationship, it is likely that we would continue to feel the same way for one another so therefore we would be in a weird area where we are not in a relationship thingy and know we like each other etc etc etc. What do the wise people at ARFCOM have to tell an inexperienced relationship/life newbie? Should I go for it or not? Please keep in mind that I seek a long term relationship, and I will be a virgin until I get married. Much thanks |
All I can say is do what your heart tells you. Is this something you'd like to do? And her? If so, go for it! Don't put any weight into what a bunch of goons like us say!  BTW, I think it would be tough, but if both of you want it bad enough, it can work. But 4 years is a long time. Just think heavily about this and then make your decision. |
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1000's of Kms? The last girl I broke up with was because we lived almost 2 hours drive from each other, and we just got sick of driving. We were both getting old and crusty and laziness actually superceded lonlieness. To offer some serious advice though, either you or her will probably find someone else more geographically convenient after a while, and you may slowly drift apart, while becoming more attracted to the new person. The painful part will be if the other person hasn't found someone and is still banking on you. |
What he said. I've been dating a woman who lives 600 miles away. I work for an airline, so we see each other a couple times a month. Even that's difficult. It's easy to forget what a prize she is and start to think about dating others if I haven't seen her for a few weeks. And I'm 47. At your age, I would absolutely not commit to an exclusive, long-distance, long-term relationship. Tell her that you look forward to seeing her whenever and wherever you can, but that you should both continue to date other people. Otherwise, you'll likely be four long years behind your peers in terms of social skills when this thing ends. And it should be a felony to even think about marriage before the age of thirty. |
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you have two problems... one...you actually think that the people on ARFCOM are wise. big mistake two...you gotta find out if she is as committed to you as you are to her to make the long distance thing work... in my experience it hasnt worked being 2 hours away but thats also cuz i was dating a needy whore. but thats something entirely on its own. good luck though |
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She just opened up to me. She told me she had intercourse with her ex boyfriend. They dated for approx 3.5 years and though they were going to get married sometime during that time. Then approx 2.5 years into their relationship, he came here first and met some other chick and promptly lost feelings for my lady friend. She feels that she has betrayed me by not telling me previously. I have forgiven her. This does raise questions about her boyfriend though as he is a supposed christian. We met at uni approx halfway during the year and became friends. There is a thread about her in the women's forum from a few months ago, while she was still here. While she was here, I took her around Sydney and did things with her as friends. Since then we have communicated via MSN messenger, text messages and phonecalls. She has become quite a good friend of mine. She is very similar to me, except for the love of weapons. I really enjoy her friendship. I do not work for an airline 
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Drop that sentiment fast. Either she is Christian or she isn't. EVERYBODY does something unChristianlike in their lives, that's why Jesus came. His grace covers our weakness. If you have forgiven her, TRULY forgiven her, then you can never let that be an issue again. Besides that, go with your heart. |
Dropped it a while ago. I have truly forgiven her and have let her know it. Sorry I havent been on. Had no internet access for a while. We decided to go for it  . I am planning on visiting her either the beginning of this year, or during the middle of the year, depending on uni.Cheers fellas |
| I had a long distance w/ my first gf (one year of high school, then she went away to college, i went closer to home)...slowly drifted apart....looking back on it, she had some good qualities but was not the kind of person i wanted to marry (very religious, yet democrat that wanted to work for the UN)....we were very different to say the least....one of the first things she said to me was that she wanted to work @ the UN, I told her (in jest) that I wanted to be the pilot that bombed it .....should have been an omen of things to come. |