[ARCHIVED THREAD] - MAN TEST (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 6/24/2009 10:25:04 PM EDT
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MAN TEST
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot. 2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer–– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as tinkerbell. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too. 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer. |
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MAN TEST 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot. 2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer–– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as tinkerbell. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too. 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer. nchapa knows a lot about being gay. |
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MAN TEST 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. Now, I will disagree with that. I do a lot of bass tournys and I can pick out chartreuse because it's usually the best color in deep running plugs for the lakes around here. I can get along with everything else. 
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MAN TEST 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. Now, I will disagree with that. I do a lot of bass tournys and I can pick out chartreuse because it's usually the best color in deep running plugs for the lakes around here. I can get along with everything else.
Interesting. I dont fish for suspended bass in open water, but I have my best luck with black senkos in the weeds. |
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MAN TEST 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot. 2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer–– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as tinkerbell. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too. 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer. nchapa knows a lot about being gay. Yup. Definately has issues with his own masculinity. |
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1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot. Because fatasses that sit around with their $2500 rifle (while they can't do more than a couple pushups or run more than a couple hundred yards) and drink themselves fatter are sooo morally superior to those who simply have a little more discipline. Being in shape obviously means you vote for obama. 
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| No way in hell would I ever plop my bare ass down in a public restroom. I'm not queer, but I have enough problems without the added aggravation of catching something in those bacteria breeding grounds. One can only hover for so long. I'd rather shit in the woods and use my own shirt to wipe my ass. |
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1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot.
I prefer not to have a beer gut. A beer gut does not help me when I deer hunt, fish, or canoe. It would drag me down at the range. No beer gut means better quality pie also. How is that gay? |
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Quoted: No way in hell would I ever plop my bare ass down in a public restroom. I'm not queer, but I have enough problems without the added aggravation of catching something in those bacteria breeding grounds. One can only hover for so long. I'd rather shit in the woods and use my own shirt to wipe my ass. If you actually feel this way and are logical about bacteria exposure, you'd never leave your house. |
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MAN TEST 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot. 2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer–– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as tinkerbell. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too. 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer. Well that's a weak test........I passed it with flying colors. 
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What is up with all the macho manly threads tonight? You have fogotten that image projection is critical for some to remain in the closet. Signed heterosexual DriftPunch, who likes flan, has been to a Cirque de Soliel show, likes to look at women in nice clothes and enjoys home decor that wasn't pulled out of a '78 F150... |
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MAN TEST 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet...Faggot. What if you have spent all your time killing people for the government? That's pretty fucking manly 2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer–– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez you're so queer. Can't really disagree with this one 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag. See above 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. True 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as tinkerbell. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there too. Gay coffee FTL 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are a peter puffer. If you spell 'color' 'colour' you are a eurofag. Also I rather enjoy food, especially dessert (although PIE is superior to them all). And silk undies feel INCREDIBLE 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer. There is some truth to this. I think you forgot something. A REAL MAN DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT OTHERS CONSIDER MANLY |
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Why all the cat hate on Arf? Your dog will enthusiastically eat my cats shit. Then fuck another male dog. "Arf" is fundamentally a dog concept. 
I have two cats, a desert tortoise, an aquatic turtle, and two temporary guest pets - One dog and one bartender. Bartender says we're out of bourbon, so I need to fo and get some. |
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Sounds more like an out of shape idiot test to me. I can or will do all of those things except suck on lollipops. I crunch them if I eat one. Always have.
You are profoundly mentally and socially retarded if you feel the need to call me a faggot because I don't have a beer gut, hate filthy, stinking loud animals like dogs (unless they are properly prepared by a Korean chef) like coffee drinks, might not shit in a fly infested public restroom, refuse to piss in a parking lot like a fucking hobo, can remember the names of desserts & colors, and drive with both hands on the wheel because I don't drive like a granny, I need to be able to react properly in traffic. (If you can name one racer that drives with one hand on the wheel he's a loser or dead.) I'd call a guy that can't do those things a fat, stupid, slob that can't drive because he's busy building his "beer gut" with fast food while holding up traffic. Just my opinion though. If you don't like it, I'm up for a duel. Unless you're a faggot. A real man wouldn't turn down a challenge to duel, would he? 
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Quoted: Quoted: Why all the cat hate on Arf? Your dog will enthusiastically eat my cats shit. Then fuck another male dog. This. I love cats. I hate dogs. /thread. Cats are awesome... They bury their own shit, and will eat until they are full, then eat more when they're hungry again. Ring Pops are awesome. I can't drive, when when on a lawnmower I use both hands because I look like a race car driver. Olive Drab and other such color names are not gay. And all real men know about Nomex, Kevlar, and Ballistic Nylon. PS: Public restrooms are sick... If you are willing to sit on another man's urine and feces because you "take a crap where you want" you're gay. However, I do agree that a Soy latte would be gay, primarily because soy makes your pee-pee small. However, anyone that buys coffee from a chain such as starbucks on a regular basis is completely faggy. |
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1. Under forty here but who has a better chance of getting laid. The guy with the washboard stomach or the guy with the beer belly?
2.My neighbor's dog rolls around in his own shit and humps my friend's(male) leg. My cat has had beer before and chased the neighbor's dog out of our yard. If you put a sweater on your cat you are gay. 3. dead on 4.pretty much 5. I usually get an iced coffee with cream and sugar but don't really mind drinking iced coffee. IMHO if you get coffee that has soy in it you are gey. 6.If you know more than 6 non-earth tones you are gay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting a fancy dessert. Liking a variety of desserts means you like food that tastes good. Now ordering a dessert because it, "looks pretty" is very gay. 7.sorta agree with this. I'd add that its ok to have 2 hands on the wheel if you are driviing aggressively,
8. If you wear a low cut vneck shirt you are gay. seriously why the fuck are you trying to show off your man cleavage? |
[ARCHIVED THREAD] - MAN TEST (Page 1 of 2)
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