[ARCHIVED THREAD] - MONTY PYTHON (Page 1 of 3)
Posted: 10/9/2004 5:40:46 PM EDT
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Second Bruce: G'day, Bruce! First Bruce: Oh, Hello Bruce! Third Bruce: How are you Bruce? First Bruce: A bit crook, Bruce. Second Bruce: Where's Bruce? First Bruce: He's not 'ere, Bruce. Third Bruce: Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce. First Bruce: Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum! Second Bruce: That's a strange expression, Bruce. First Bruce: Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. 'It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, your Majesty,' he said and she smiled quietly to herself. Third Bruce: She's a good Sheila Bruce, and not at all stuck up. Second Bruce: Here! Here's the boss-fellow now! - how are you Bruce? (Enter fourth Bruce with English person, Michael) Fourth Bruce: 'Ow are you, Bruce? First Bruce: G'day Bruce! Fourth Bruce: Bruce. Second Bruce: Hello Bruce. Fourth Bruce: Bruce. Third Bruce: How are you, Bruce? Fourth Bruce: G'day Bruce. Fourth Bruce: Gentleman, I'd like to introduce man from Pommeyland who is joinin' us this year in the philosophy department at the University of Walamaloo. Everybruce: G'day! Michael: Hello. Fourth Bruce: Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. First Bruce: Is your name not Bruce? Michael: No, it's Michael. Second Bruce: That's going to cause a little confusion. Third Bruce: Mind if we call you 'Bruce' to keep it clear? Fourth Bruce: Gentlemen, I think we better start the faculty meeting. Before we start, though, I'd like to ask the padre for a prayer. First Bruce: Oh Lord, we beseech Thee, Amen!! Everybruce: Amen! Fourth Bruce: Crack tubes! (Sound of cans opening) Now I call upon Bruce to officially welcome Mr. Baldwin to the philosophy faculty. Second Bruce: I'd like to welcome the pommey bastard to God's own Earth, and remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here. Everybruce: Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce! Fourth Bruce: Bruce here teaches classical philosophy, Bruce there teaches Haegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism, and is also in charge of the sheep dip. Third Bruce: What's New-Bruce going to teach? Fourth Bruce: New-Bruce will be teaching political science, Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett, and Benet. Second Bruce: Those are all cricketers! Fourth Bruce: Aww, spit! Third Bruce: Hails of derisive laughter, Bruce! Everybruce: Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you amen! Fourth Bruce: Another tube! (Sound of cans opening) Any questions? Second Bruce: New-Bruce, are you a Poofta? Fourth Bruce: Are you a Poofta? Michael: No! Fourth Bruce: No. Right, I just want to remind you of the faculty rules: Rule One! Everybruce: No Pooftas! Fourth Bruce: Rule Two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way at all -- if there's anybody watching...... Rule Three? Everybruce: No Pooftas!! Fourth Bruce: Rule Four, now this term, I don't want to catch anybody not drinking..... Rule Five, Everybruce: No Pooftas! Fourth Bruce: Rule Six, there is NO ... Rule Six!... Rule Seven, Everybruce: No Pooftas!! Fourth Bruce: Right, that concludes the readin' of the rules, Bruce. First Bruce: This here's the wattle, the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle, you can hold it in your hand. Everybruce: Amen! First Bruce: Right, let's get some Sheilas. (An Aborigine bunts in with an enormous tray full of enormous steaks.) Fourth Bruce: OK. Second Bruce: Ah, elevenses. Third Bruce: This should tide us over 'til lunchtime. Second Bruce: Reckon so, Bruce. First Bruce: Sydney Nolan! What's that! (points) (Cut to dramatic close-up of Fourth Bruce's ear. Hold close-up. The superimposed arrow pointing to the ear.) (And now all four Bruces launch into the Philosopher's song) Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable. Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table. David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel. And Whittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel. There's nothing Nieizsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist. Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed. John Stewart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shanty was particularly ill. Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day! Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle, And Hobbes was fond of his Dram. And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: 'I drink, therefore I am.' Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed; A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed. |
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I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberrys! now go away or I shall taunt you a ssecond time! oh, btw, I was born in 1985 and I was able to get the rest of the guys in my class, all 7 guys(13 people in class), to watch Monty python and the holy grail, and quote it constantly for our senior year. |
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I just spent 4 hours burying the Cat. 4 hours to bury a cat? Yes. It wouldn't keep still.... I am THE Monty Python master, owning all of the episodes AND the CD's AND most of the live performances AND the movies, AND the special edition glow in the dark boxer shorts, AND the limited edition renderings of Conrad Pooh's Dancing Teeth. So bring it baby. I am THE man. But I want you all to call me Loretta.... |
Nope born in 1985 and i like Monty Python i want Monty Python and the holy grail for christmas plus when i had regular tv i would watch them when i saw the m on need to get my coconuts brb |
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ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit? TIM: It is the rabbit. ARTHUR: You silly sod! TIM: What? ARTHUR: You got us all worked up! TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit! ARTHUR: Ohh. TIM: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armour I was so scared! TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer! Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." Damn I love that movie!  |
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Yes, well, that's the sort of Philistine pig-ignorance we've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring tinkers' cuss about the struggling artist. You excrement! You whining hypocritical toadies with your Tony Jacklin golf clubs, and your colour TV sets, and your bleeding secret Masonic handshakes, well, you wouldn't let me join, would you, you black-balling bastards! I wouldn't join the Freemasons now if you got down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me! Well, we're sorry about that, but we did want a block of flats and not an abbatoir, nice though the abbatoir is... |
First thing that went through my mind when I saw ETHs thread about joining the masons. Well, that and getting eatin' by a bloody great crocodile. |
