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Sorry to hear, I am betting every other word out of his mouth is a lie. I have dealt with all sorts of addicts, but opiate addicts are the worst when it comes to having no dignity, ethics, and when it comes to lying. They lie and steal constantly. As harsh as it sounds, my advice is to write him off. People like that are toxic and you can't fix him, only he can do that.
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You WAS a GOOD big brother? Sheesh....yea, whatever makes you sleep well. If you WAS a GOOD big brother you wouldn't have already threw the towel in or raised the white flag until he was six feet under. You never cared did you... Sorry..i can just relate to your brother and MY big sorry ass brother. He is kinda like you. Sitting up all polished and got the world by the balls, for now, while telling folk how bad his dad, brother , grandfather, etc was you know..kinda dishonoring them? Your not helping folks dragging your hurting brother thru the mud here before he is dead. It would probably be better to keep these problems to yourself instead of making them public, no telling what YOU may have to battle (alcohol, etc.) before you are cremated or lowered your final time View Quote The rest of your post is assumptive garbage, I assume there's a reason you're so butthurt that I'm not going to venture into. My biological dad (whom I'm also very close to) has been diagnosed with cancer for a second time, this time AML Leukemia and is doing in-patient care in Orlando. On 2 June I divorced my wife whom was cheating on me while I was deployed with another member in my own Active Duty unit. The lawyer fees weren't cheap and I'm struggling to make ends meet while doing my best to support everyone in my family that's been devastated for both my biological dad AND my brother. Is that the polished life you're referencing? I have problems like everyone else and I'm meeting them head on the best way I know how. I'm not dragging my brothers name through the dirt; you don't know his name, my name, my stepdad's name, or anything else about anyone in my family. This is a random thread on the internet created so others can learn, so that I can vent and maybe it'll help a member here deal with their own personal crisis involving this stuff. |
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A serious question: Do you happen to know if his illegal drug activity started out with marijuana? If not, was there a history of any alcohol or any other drug involved? ( Basically asking anecdotal evidence of what led to the heroin addiction...) I hope things get better and work out well, in the end. View Quote |
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These threads always bring out the addiction is a weakness of will vs addiction is brain wired wrong disease. It does not matter. There are Junkies who love getting high and don't care whether it is will or wiring. There are Junkies who hate being Junkies and want to stop but can't, whether it is will or wiring. Just like there are pedophiles who don't care, and self loathing pedophiles who hate the urges they have and wish they did not want to do those things. Either way, the Junkies and the pedophiles still do horrible shit and ruin the lives of those around them and the victims of their crimes. Overall, the world ends up being a better place when they die. So, my question is, You know things will be better for your family and the world when he dies, Do you feel guilty about that or has he burnt that out of you yet? View Quote |
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OP I would like to tell you that I have the answer for what you can do for your brother. My little brother OD'd last month at the age of 21 and he sounds a lot like what you have described in your postings. He had been in rehab a couple of times and we all thought that he was getting better. All I can tell you is do whatever you can to help him but in the end, he will make his own choices and ultimately either kick the habit or wind up dead.
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Sorry to hear, I am betting every other word out of his mouth is a lie. I have dealt with all sorts of addicts, but opiate addicts are the worst when it comes to having no dignity, ethics, and when it comes to lying. They lie and steal constantly. As harsh as it sounds, my advice is to write him off. People like that are toxic and you can't fix him, only he can do that. View Quote I've had limited dealings with the hard stuff but since being in Florida and in a tourist location I've learned rapidly. Seeing and dealing with addicts at work has taught me much about my own brother. Every addict I've dealt with has the same vibe and I see a little of my brother in each of them. I think that's where my resentment for his behavior has come from. |
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Sorry OP, that sucks.
I guess I have lived a somewhat charmed life in this regard, as I have never had to deal with anyone I know using hard drugs. Although, I have 3 teenage daughters, so I do say my prayers. Probably based off that experience, I find the "gateway" drug argument somewhat laughable. I don't use drugs, but I know a TON of otherwise upstanding citizens in suburbia (think your doctors, lawyers, dentists, accountants, etc.) that are at least somewhat frequent users of marijuana, and some are damn near daily users from what I gather. None of these guys have progressed to anything other than marijuana and alcohol, and I fully believe I would hear about it if they did. The suburban wives gossip circle knows just about everything about everybody. I do, however, fully believe that if the Republicans come out hard-core against marijuana that it will kill their chances of retaining a majority. The younger generation accepts it, and more than half of our states have decriminalized it in some regard. I don't think it's the hill they need to die on. Best of luck to your family. |
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Similar situation with my 24 year old brother. He was the lucky one of his little shit bag of friends; all the rest are in prison for long sentences while he skirted by just by a hair. I really wish he wouldn't have and got hit with a sentence like the rest of them as what remains of my brother is a disgusting mess of a human being. I don't know if he does H anymore but he will do ANYTHING to get high, any available pills, alcohol, he'll huff shit, anything. He shakes all the time, says some real fucked up shit not based in reality, I can't imagine what those drugs did to his brain (he started while in high school, so during some important formative years). And he steals all the time, can not take him anywhere without locking everything down first. My mother keeps him with her in her apartment, which they're probably going to be kicked out of because of my brother and his "new" friends my mother lets him host over there. She feels guilty as the home we all grew up in was a dysfunctional mess before my folks finally got divorced, and he has cystic fibrosis passed on from my mom's side which will cut down on his lifespan. So she enables the shit out of him, buying him cigs and beer on a daily basis not to mention all other living expenses, and the allowance he receives (a 24 going on 25 year old man getting an allowance from mommy, how fucking sad) more than likely goes to more drugs. I tried for a long time to get my mother to see the light; that while it's hard throwing your own kid out onto the streets you're making it worse by enabling him. Mom works two jobs, is 61 and it worn out. She's going to die an early death because of all the stress he puts her through, and for that I wish he'd just fucking die any day now. Isn't family great! View Quote Just got back home from my mothers place. Heartbreaking to see her in the state she's in. She found him dead on her living room floor, had been dead for a few hours by then. |
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I hope he gets help someday before it's too lat OP, by brother in law went down that road when he fell in with a bunch of dirtbags and developed a drug habit. It ended with him getting behind the wheel with liquor, pot, and cocaine in his system and him crushed dead underneath the car he had been ejected from..........died a few blocks from his own house.
Its all about the company you keep. Scumbag friends will drag an otherwise good man down the road of darkness. |
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Close. Marijuana recreationally which progressed to oxys and hydro's. I wouldn't say weed was a "gateway" to it. More like the company he kept that often associated with those behaviors. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes |
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Explain, in detail, how you would stop it. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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If it were my brother, I wouldn't tolerate this behavior. It's a hit or miss with rehab...I think the 30 day spa rehab centers are just another way to meet other junkies, other sources, or learn new buzz words to con family and friends If you have time to invest, go find a narcotics anonymous type organization and get down to a level where you can bullshit with some of the counselors or recovering (rare maybe to find a recovered) addicts... they can give you some guidance, what worked for them, what didn't, what to expect if you want to take on your brothers demons, I know in the past, there was something along the lines of behavior modification that coincide with addictive behavior |
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No joke, my brother died today. Probable OD, although not sure yet WHAT drug did him in, will know when we get the results from the medical examiners office. Just got back home from my mothers place. Heartbreaking to see her in the state she's in. She found him dead on her living room floor, had been dead for a few hours by then. View Quote |
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Sorry to hear. A neighbor in my grade had a little brother my little brother's age that got into heroin. This is middle class suburbia. His parents were oddly overbearing on all of their kids. I think he rebelled in the typical way against them. How this translated into H is beyond me. Last I heard of him he was doing better and had never hit rock bottom as far not becoming the common theif drug addicts usually become. Stuff scares the shit out of me.
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Sorry about your brother OP
But I've just got to laugh at the posters who turn this into it all started with dirty pot needles! So much stupidity, and ignorance. Because if that is true, we're about to have a seriously huge opiate epidemic here in Colorado when all the potheads switch over to heroin. |
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Good luck OP. BTDT.
My older sister has been a junkie for 27 years. Smartest and most capable of three kids. Incredible softball player with a pitch that came in at damn near light speed. Could have gotten a full ride to college. Decided to be punk-rock counter-culture hero instead. She had a fairy tale upbringing that 99.9% of the planet would kill for. She definitely has the addictive mind/personality @Subnet discusses. If she had one glass of wine at dinner, it became three bottles. She used LSD daily for two years straight before hooking up with the heroin crowd. Oddly, she hated weed. Made her feel "out of control." Always some on the fringes of the Bell Curve, I guess. She is now in the care of a hepatologist because she smoked her liver with Hep-C and won the cirrhosis prize. She almost died from a fungus on her mitral valve from shooting street junk into her veins and was in ICU for three months on the strongest IV antibiotics medical science can offer. She wrecked my family and broke my mother's heart, who died from cancer at 59 feeling like a failed mother. Dad always coddled her, and I had a come to Jesus meeting with him, after mom died, telling him that wherever my sister was, I wouldn't be, so don't invite me to Thanksgiving or Christmas, and I cut her out of my life. Didn't speak to her for 13 years and didn't miss her. She cleaned up this year and we talked for the first time in a long while. Had two pleasant get togethers with her and at the next, noticed some unfortunate familiar behavior of evasiveness and dishonesty. A week later she says she abruptly quit her job because of "knee pain." No backup plan and lots of stupid justifications. Sadly, I know she is relapsing again. With all of the cofentanyl-laced heroin going around, I suspect its only a matter of time until she takes the fatal dose. Feels bad, man. |
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Sorry to hear. A neighbor in my grade had a little brother my little brother's age that got into heroin. This is middle class suburbia. His parents were oddly overbearing on all of their kids. I think he rebelled in the typical way against them. How this translated into H is beyond me. Last I heard of him he was doing better and had never hit rock bottom as far not becoming the common theif drug addicts usually become. Stuff scares the shit out of me. View Quote |
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Sorry about your brother OP But I've just got to laugh at the posters who turn this into it all started with dirty pot needles! So much stupidity, and ignorance. Because if that is true, we're about to have a seriously huge opiate epidemic here in Colorado when all the potheads switch over to heroin. View Quote It seems to me like the usual chain of events is cigarettes/Alcohol>weed/bad friends>pills>Heroin. I said before I don't think weed is a gateway drug in the traditional sense, there's too many facets to the issue to just play the Devil's Lettuce game. Just a guess but I feel bad friends is far more damaging than just a little recreational put use at a concert or something. |
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Some people are attracted to that crowd. You can put them in a new town and they'll meet up with that same type of people. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes |
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If he doesn't want to change he wont. The best thing for him is to detox and leave the area he is in to get away from all the negative influences around him that will draw him back into that life.
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At some point you have to conduct damage control with people in your life, even family. I care very much about my brother and have offered him help; he's not interested. I cannot care more about him than he cares about himself in terms of his health but I've been very real with him over the issue. When he's ready to get clean I'll be there for him to help and support him the best that I can in the most constructive manner possible. The rest of your post is assumptive garbage, I assume there's a reason you're so butthurt that I'm not going to venture into. My biological dad (whom I'm also very close to) has been diagnosed with cancer for a second time, this time AML Leukemia and is doing in-patient care in Orlando. On 2 June I divorced my wife whom was cheating on me while I was deployed with another member in my own Active Duty unit. The lawyer fees weren't cheap and I'm struggling to make ends meet while doing my best to support everyone in my family that's been devastated for both my biological dad AND my brother. Is that the polished life you're referencing? I have problems like everyone else and I'm meeting them head on the best way I know how. I'm not dragging my brothers name through the dirt; you don't know his name, my name, my stepdad's name, or anything else about anyone in my family. This is a random thread on the internet created so others can learn, so that I can vent and maybe it'll help a member here deal with their own personal crisis involving this stuff. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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You WAS a GOOD big brother? Sheesh....yea, whatever makes you sleep well. If you WAS a GOOD big brother you wouldn't have already threw the towel in or raised the white flag until he was six feet under. You never cared did you... Sorry..i can just relate to your brother and MY big sorry ass brother. He is kinda like you. Sitting up all polished and got the world by the balls, for now, while telling folk how bad his dad, brother , grandfather, etc was you know..kinda dishonoring them? Your not helping folks dragging your hurting brother thru the mud here before he is dead. It would probably be better to keep these problems to yourself instead of making them public, no telling what YOU may have to battle (alcohol, etc.) before you are cremated or lowered your final time The rest of your post is assumptive garbage, I assume there's a reason you're so butthurt that I'm not going to venture into. My biological dad (whom I'm also very close to) has been diagnosed with cancer for a second time, this time AML Leukemia and is doing in-patient care in Orlando. On 2 June I divorced my wife whom was cheating on me while I was deployed with another member in my own Active Duty unit. The lawyer fees weren't cheap and I'm struggling to make ends meet while doing my best to support everyone in my family that's been devastated for both my biological dad AND my brother. Is that the polished life you're referencing? I have problems like everyone else and I'm meeting them head on the best way I know how. I'm not dragging my brothers name through the dirt; you don't know his name, my name, my stepdad's name, or anything else about anyone in my family. This is a random thread on the internet created so others can learn, so that I can vent and maybe it'll help a member here deal with their own personal crisis involving this stuff. Damn man. |
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Your MJ support blinds you to the problem, namely that many (not all) end up chasing a high. Based off experience I'd say most folks I've run across that smoke weed are doing so for a reason be it pain management (physical or emotional). That usually leads into synthetic opioids and my work has shown me this. I often find percs/hydros/Xanax bars along with their weed and it happens too often to ignore it; it's a trend whether the legalization crowd likes it or not. It seems to me like the usual chain of events is cigarettes/Alcohol>weed/bad friends>pills>Heroin. I said before I don't think weed is a gateway drug in the traditional sense, there's too many facets to the issue to just play the Devil's Lettuce game. Just a guess but I feel bad friends is far more damaging than just a little recreational put use at a concert or something. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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Sorry about your brother OP But I've just got to laugh at the posters who turn this into it all started with dirty pot needles! So much stupidity, and ignorance. Because if that is true, we're about to have a seriously huge opiate epidemic here in Colorado when all the potheads switch over to heroin. It seems to me like the usual chain of events is cigarettes/Alcohol>weed/bad friends>pills>Heroin. I said before I don't think weed is a gateway drug in the traditional sense, there's too many facets to the issue to just play the Devil's Lettuce game. Just a guess but I feel bad friends is far more damaging than just a little recreational put use at a concert or something. Anecdotally, here in WA some of the head shops are like good cigar stores. Super clean and friendly. Some of them are full of gross ass hippies. The latter shops seem to be less and less prevalent, and I think what we are seeing here is MJ use getting out of the drug culture. |
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Your MJ support blinds you to the problem, namely that many (not all) end up chasing a high. Based off experience I'd say most folks I've run across that smoke weed are doing so for a reason be it pain management (physical or emotional). That usually leads into synthetic opioids and my work has shown me this. I often find percs/hydros/Xanax bars along with their weed and it happens too often to ignore it; it's a trend whether the legalization crowd likes it or not. It seems to me like the usual chain of events is cigarettes/Alcohol>weed/bad friends>pills>Heroin. I said before I don't think weed is a gateway drug in the traditional sense, there's too many facets to the issue to just play the Devil's Lettuce game. Just a guess but I feel bad friends is far more damaging than just a little recreational put use at a concert or something. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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Sorry about your brother OP But I've just got to laugh at the posters who turn this into it all started with dirty pot needles! So much stupidity, and ignorance. Because if that is true, we're about to have a seriously huge opiate epidemic here in Colorado when all the potheads switch over to heroin. It seems to me like the usual chain of events is cigarettes/Alcohol>weed/bad friends>pills>Heroin. I said before I don't think weed is a gateway drug in the traditional sense, there's too many facets to the issue to just play the Devil's Lettuce game. Just a guess but I feel bad friends is far more damaging than just a little recreational put use at a concert or something. Also I am no stranger to the opiate addiction world, I've lost old friends to Od's, and won't be around certain family members due to their addictions. |
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Damn man. View Quote He just mildly pissed me off with his assumptions about me being high and mighty with some sort of grandiose life. I only put that personal info out there to show we've all got problems. |
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I support the local liquor stores also, does that blind he to the problem? Alcohol is far, far more destructive. Do you disagree? I don't smok pot, I get randoms, but your right I do support freedom. Also I am no stranger to the opiate addiction world, I've lost old friends to Od's, and won't be around certain family members due to their addictions. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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Sorry about your brother OP But I've just got to laugh at the posters who turn this into it all started with dirty pot needles! So much stupidity, and ignorance. Because if that is true, we're about to have a seriously huge opiate epidemic here in Colorado when all the potheads switch over to heroin. It seems to me like the usual chain of events is cigarettes/Alcohol>weed/bad friends>pills>Heroin. I said before I don't think weed is a gateway drug in the traditional sense, there's too many facets to the issue to just play the Devil's Lettuce game. Just a guess but I feel bad friends is far more damaging than just a little recreational put use at a concert or something. Also I am no stranger to the opiate addiction world, I've lost old friends to Od's, and won't be around certain family members due to their addictions. Too much of anything is bad is the best answer I have right now. |
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Dude... Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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I empathize with what you are experiencing. My sister started using Xanax, then onto meth, then onto pain meds, and finally into heroin. She had an addictive personality, as each drug (Xanax, etc.) was needed after the first time. She was in and out of jail, and my parents and I wondered why they wouldn't lock her up for a long time. She would violate her probation repeatedly with crimes such as drug possession, prostitution, and petty theft (<$50 each time). She once told me she like being in jail, as she would get clean and felt she could function as a member of society. She would last a few days once out, then slip back into the needle again. Her location didn't matter. Florida, Tennessee, Illinois - everywhere she would go, she would find "that" crowd. I explained to my parents early on that this was a choice that she made, and my parents shouldn't feel responsible or guilty. Her addiction lasted for for over 15 years. This would include the many times that she stole from both my mom and dad (divorced and living in different cities). My mom kept enabling her. Lil Sister had a daughter who was raised by my mom, her daughter would end up turning her back on her mother. Also, my dad finally turned his back on her. She was on the street, homeless, addicted, selling her body for the next fix. She got picked up in a Backpage.com sting, and with the multiple probation violations, new crimes, etc., finally went to prison. My parents were ecstatic to say the least. I was glad too, as all of us thought she'd have a better chance of kicking the habit. She was in prison for almost 2 years. She got out about a week before Christmas in 2015. Christmas with the family was actually nice. Sis was sober, Dad and I didn't argue, Mom and Dad got along, my wife and kids were enjoying everything too. Little did I know that would be the last family Christmas, as two days later, my little sister was found dead in a bathroom at a Dollar Tree in a not so good part of town. OD'ed on heroin, needle still in her arm when the paramedics found her. Coroner said she had a "hot" batch, and probably took 5 breaths before it was over. Needless to say, I hope you don't experience what my family went through. I didn't have anything to do with my sister in the beginning of her addiction. It pissed my family off to no end that I wasn't supportive and try to encourage her to get straight. I didn't write her off, but she and my family knew my position. Get clean, and all will be good. But to get clean is a choice SHE had to make. The hardest part of the ordeal was watching the pain my parents and her daughter went through while riding that roller coaster. At the end, it was numbing for all - but more importantly, both of my parents have and never will be the same since Sis died. Be there for your parents and other family members. But as you know, that downward spiral your brother is on is fast and he'll either get thrown out once he hits bottom and get sober; or worse yet, he'll never hit bottom until your family gets the call from the coroner. Good luck to you and your family. |
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It seems the crowds that drink are universally different than the crowds that chase getting high via MJ or other narcotics. They tend to lead very different lives and make very different choices. I don't make a distinction between which is worse at it's not a 0 sum type of game. Too much of anything is bad is the best answer I have right now. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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Sorry about your brother OP But I've just got to laugh at the posters who turn this into it all started with dirty pot needles! So much stupidity, and ignorance. Because if that is true, we're about to have a seriously huge opiate epidemic here in Colorado when all the potheads switch over to heroin. It seems to me like the usual chain of events is cigarettes/Alcohol>weed/bad friends>pills>Heroin. I said before I don't think weed is a gateway drug in the traditional sense, there's too many facets to the issue to just play the Devil's Lettuce game. Just a guess but I feel bad friends is far more damaging than just a little recreational put use at a concert or something. Also I am no stranger to the opiate addiction world, I've lost old friends to Od's, and won't be around certain family members due to their addictions. Too much of anything is bad is the best answer I have right now. Did you ever think that maybe you only notice the loser type "potheads"? The ones who want you to know they are cool hippy lazy potheads? Kinda like the drunks who are obviously drunks and make it known. Maybe you don't notice the hardworking folks who use MJ responsibility because well, they use it responsibly and don't make their life revolve around it. I live in a state with legal MJ and therefore I know folks who use it legally and responsibility. They are not your stereotypical "pothead dude bra" types. They are normal hardworking, family raising folks, they also can enjoy alcohol responsibly. |
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I fully agree. Moderation is the key, but your nonsense about chasing the high on pot and thinking drinking alcohol is somehow different is funny. Why do people drink? Don't say it's to be social or they like the taste because that is total bullshit. Alcohol is highly addictive, and destructive in society, bottom line, and some people cannot use it in moderation. Did you ever think that maybe you only notice the loser type "potheads"? The ones who want you to know they are cool hippy lazy potheads? Kinda like the drunks who are obviously drunks and make it known. Maybe you don't notice the hardworking folks who use MJ responsibility because well, they use it responsibly and don't make their life revolve around it. I live in a state with legal MJ and therefore I know folks who use it legally and responsibility. They are not your stereotypical "pothead dude bra" types. They are normal hardworking, family raising folks, they also can enjoy alcohol responsibly. View Quote I know those types exist, my dad is one of them. I openly admit it's medical benefits as well. I've seen him in an absolute mess from chemo treatments and every pill they give him has a side effect that requires a new pill to counteract the original script. He smokes half a joint and the nausea is lessened and his appetite stimulated all for about $30 a week if I had to guess. It even lifts his spirits. I'm positive there are people that use MJ responsibly but they're rare to run into in my scope of experience. I'd have to pull my quarterly stats to say for certain but I usually find evidence of a more important nature when using MJ smoke as PC to toss a car. It happens enough that as an MP (not even a civvie cop) with about 6 miles of civilian beaches/roadways that I've lost count of the bigger/better stuff I've found. After so many jars of scheduled narcotics, meth, meth pipes, stolen guns, stolen ID cards, stolen Credit Cards and various other artifacts that lend themselves to fruits of a crime or burglary tools you have to ask yourself... If it coincidence I keep finding these items together? I almost never find booze in conjunction with these other items. When I find normal folks with weed that just wanted to smoke a blunt while at the beach (it happens) I utilize my discretion, FWIW. I'm pro legalization even with a junky brother because I'd prefer to stick with more freedom for people but I'm not in denial about its possible destructive abilities which exceed booze when it comes to criminal behavior. I accept that at this stage the cat is out of the bag in regards to MJ and that a more sensible approach must be taken. I don't know if that's Federal legalization, state legalization or a mixture of the two. At a bare minimum I think MJ needs to undergo an FDA study and be rescheduled as it does seem to provide a legitimate medical solution. |
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Indeed, I'm familiar with your line of work. I've had limited dealings with the hard stuff but since being in Florida and in a tourist location I've learned rapidly. Seeing and dealing with addicts at work has taught me much about my own brother. Every addict I've dealt with has the same vibe and I see a little of my brother in each of them. I think that's where my resentment for his behavior has come from. View Quote |
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Close. Marijuana recreationally which progressed to oxys and hydro's. I wouldn't say weed was a "gateway" to it. More like the company he kept that often associated with those behaviors. View Quote |
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What are those traits you recognize? View Quote Personality wise, they're usually not *stupid* people. They know the game and play it well. As previously mentioned they're normally good at lying or attempting to conceal their actions or evidence. The pity party pleas they give are nearly identical in my area; bad family, no job, can't find work, sick family, down on my luck etc. etc. It's always a sad story followed up with denials they use, denials they've been in trouble before, exclamations of outrage if you insinuate they're a user or sometimes my personal favorite, playing the race card. It's all shit my little brother does, he's come to exemplify the people. I actually use it as a gauge as once it starts I know I'm on target. He's even tried the race card with a black cop in our hometown. No bar is too low for him to set if it means getting his ass out of a sling. He rails on about police abuse whenever he gets stopped by law enforcement. I don't know if he feels singled out because he's a shitbird or he has bad luck... But I know it's because he looks like a skinny dope addict that drives the typical POS beater car and hangs out in high crime neighborhoods. |
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