Posted: 3/7/2017 1:13:47 PM EDT
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Guys I need some advice and just overall curious of others opinions.
My mother comes to our house 3 times per week to watch my 4 year old. I also have a 13 year old step son. Monday has been coming up missing out of my moms purse and she has been investigating (Baiting) people at her work trying to see if its happening there as she didnt want to believe her grandson would do this. So yesterday my son comes home from school and asked me (I was at work) if he could go to the volley ball game at school. He was just running home cause he needed $5 of which he does have himself. So my mother had $15 in her purse. When he got home she took the $10 out and left the $5 just to see what happens. Sure as shit he leaves and the $5 is gone. So we approached my son later that night and asked him if he knew anything. He said he didnt and is sticking to his guns that he did not do it. My wife is stating "we didnt see him take it and he says he didnt take it and we need to stick by him" approach. Fuck me. Now that this has been brought up I also have noticed money missing and cant help but think it is him. I also put a $20 in my 4 year olds piggy bank and it is gone as well. GD...What do you think? I understand asking GD for parenting advise is fucking retarded but I need to hear some other opinions as I am walking on egg shells here. |
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Is he bringing anyone home with him at the time. i know stupid question, but just checking.
with the fact that you already showed your cards your in a hard spot now, this due to your wife. Its her son and your mom. she has already shown who shes going to side with. a child over a adult. sorry. its all conjecture, no proof unless you press him and he confesses and you still have the pissed of wife at that point, because she thinks you should side with him already. he also will probably stop for a while cause it to hot to try again. If your dead set on catching him with proof. DROP THE SUBJECT NOW. and dont bring it up again. then get yourself a hidden camera from amazon or ebay or whatever. set up a baitpile (piggy bank, spare change cup, whatever) and wait. if you dont want to go the hidden camera if you have a laptop with a camera, load software with motion activation/capture and leave it out with the object of intrest in view. lock the software down so it cant be messed with. and wait. once you catch him and you will, its to easy money for him, theres plently of other peoples thoughts on how to handle the punishment/infraction/ect. first thing you have to do is prove it to your wife. hes inocent till proven guilty by only you and her. even then its not over. eitherway good luck, you just got handed a shit sandwich, and and it dont matter what end you start on, its still gona suck. |
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I think you need to get onto firm footing evidence-wise and get the wife on board.
Then you need to approach the problem in terms of instilling respect for the rights of others. I've never met a kid who didn't take things that weren't theirs at some point, when they're little at least, but once they're teens it represents a serious dysfunction that needs to be addressed, you aren't going to address it just by punishing the behavior IMO. He's rationalizing his actions somehow, you need to destroy those rationalizations. He needs to understand how much he's sacrificing for whatever insignificant benefits he's deriving from the money, and he needs to understand the work that money represents. |
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Thank you guys. Good ideas all around. I am truly the shit on a shit sandwich. Wife wants to start going to church and have him join a youth group, etc, etc. Not that im all against that I just was not raised that way.
I think he eventually will break from the guilt. Hes not a bad kid but he is rationalizing these actions somehow and it does need to stop immediately. Fuck me |
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Quoted:
Thank you guys. Good ideas all around. I am truly the shit on a shit sandwich. Wife wants to start going to church and have him join a youth group, etc, etc. Not that im all against that I just was not raised that way. I think he eventually will break from the guilt. Hes not a bad kid but he is rationalizing these actions somehow and it does need to stop immediately. Fuck me When you catch him, don't tell him. Just send him an invoice for the balance due along with a copy of the video. I would go all out, and even make up my own headers in quickbooks with a new company name for it. |
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Cut off his hand?
J/K. I would also set up a hidden camera. With him being your step son and your wife wanting to side with him, you're fucked. Even if you do catch him on camera, I hope you know how to reason with your wife or she will take his side again, saying he doesn't know better or its just a little bit here and there and he needs it..blah blah bullshit blah I'm sorry man. I'm a single dad and I dont want to date anyone with kids for those kind of reasons. |
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Quoted:
Cut off his hand? J/K. I would also set up a hidden camera. With him being your step son and your wife wanting to side with him, you're fucked. Even if you do catch him on camera, I hope you know how to reason with your wife or she will take his side again, saying he doesn't know better or its just a little bit here and there and he needs it..blah blah bullshit blah I'm sorry man. I'm a single dad and I dont want to date anyone with kids for those kind of reasons. Ha! Yeah I hear ya. My situation is a bit different as I have been with him since he was 3 years old. About 4 months after I started dating his mom, his dad relapsed and OD'd shooting up heroine. So I am dad and all he knows as dad which does make it easier. But I still think he did it. And I am one to side with evidence and gut feeling rather than siding with him just cause hes my kid. And right now there is no hard evidence but a good amount of speculation. Man I was hoping he would just come clean last night.... |
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Quoted:
Is he bringing anyone home with him at the time. i know stupid question, but just checking. with the fact that you already showed your cards your in a hard spot now, this due to your wife. Its her son and your mom. she has already shown who shes going to side with. a child over a adult. sorry. its all conjecture, no proof unless you press him and he confesses and you still have the pissed of wife at that point, because she thinks you should side with him already. he also will probably stop for a while cause it to hot to try again. If your dead set on catching him with proof. DROP THE SUBJECT NOW. and dont bring it up again. then get yourself a hidden camera from amazon or ebay or whatever. set up a baitpile (piggy bank, spare change cup, whatever) and wait. if you dont want to go the hidden camera if you have a laptop with a camera, load software with motion activation/capture and leave it out with the object of intrest in view. lock the software down so it cant be messed with. and wait. once you catch him and you will, its to easy money for him, theres plently of other peoples thoughts on how to handle the punishment/infraction/ect. first thing you have to do is prove it to your wife. hes inocent till proven guilty by only you and her. even then its not over. eitherway good luck, you just got handed a shit sandwich, and and it dont matter what end you start on, its still gona suck. OP, this is a great way to convince your wife that you hate and/or don't trust her son. First of all, you need to convince your wife that there is a possibility that he may be guilty. as long as she refuses to believe he can be, he never will be. once she opens up to that idea, then you can try and nab him red handed. lord knows, she won't day anything if she's 'misplaced' money. good luck. |
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He's 13. Print out the Wiki on Occam's Razor. Have a mini lecture and class on it, then lower the boom. This is the truth. You are doing father stuff, not prosecuting in a court of law. If the tiny chance is there that he isn't stealing, he still deserves a damn good lesson in "perception is reality", which will serve you all well when he start picking friends to hang out with and emulate. |
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Quoted:
This is the truth. You are doing father stuff, not prosecuting in a court of law. If the tiny chance is there that he isn't stealing, he still deserves a damn good lesson in "perception is reality", which will serve you all well when he start picking friends to hang out with and emulate. |
| Aversion therapy, dude. Give him so much money that he gets sick of it. I mean, really lean on him. Like, make him rich beyond his wildest dreams and keep going until those dreams become nightmares. It might take a few billion dollars, but it will payoff in the long run and he'll be the better man for it. |