Posted: 7/14/2013 7:11:35 PM EDT
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I'm looking to prove a point to someone and need some statistics.
The story: Boy & girl meet, date, and fall in love. We'll call them A & B. A is married, but only on paper for the past year & still lives with spouse, but sleeps in separate room & bed. A has a 6 month plan to get divorced and marry B. Life happens and 4 years pass during which A & children live with B for a short periods like summer break. A then moves into another house owned by B. During the latter part of year 6, A and B have huge fights & issues & nearly end relationship, but manage to pull through it. During the middle of year 7 A and B still have the occasional minor issue, but are still in love and A files divorce papers. A now wants to marry B in 6 to 9 months. Please hit the poll. What would you have done? Bailed as soon as I found out A was married. Bailed after A's 6 month plan turned into a year. Bailed during the issues of year 6. Still in love, so stay & get married. Still in love, so stay, but wait on marriage. |
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I have done similar things to what A&B although the relationship fell apart before marriage, but considering you are only 1 year out major issues, I would date each other as two single (as in not married) people for a while (2-3 years) before I would go right into marriage, usually while not physically married for some time there is still time that needs to be taken to adjust, and it should not be rushed, rushing in will probably lead to another divorce, which if you love each other neither of you wants. So take your time and if it's true love it will work out and she should understand. If she doesn't eject, because most likely she is going to be a serial marrier. Where her entire life is made of up the lets get married fast, then when things aren't going well divorce. Trust me taking your time at this point will be good for not only her but you also.
Edited to add personal experience. I have two ex gfs like this one is serial marrier, married, and divorced constantly because two things she can't keep her legs closed, and second she loves the feeling of being married no matter how brief, just like her mom who has been married 12 times. Her mom also cannot keep her legs closed, so it seems to be a genetic problem. Second ex GF was married to her husband when I met her, (I didn't know she was married when I met her, but on our second date she told me) but they lived apart the entire time they were dating for religious reasons, she was getting ready to move in with him after they got married and in the two weeks between marriage and her moving completely in she came home at lunch to surprise him and found him in bed with another woman. So she immediately moved all of her stuff out, they never actually lived together, so the marriage like what you are talking about was really only on paper. When we were together she started divorce proceeding, finalized the divorce, and about 6 months after the divorce was final discovered she was cheating. This is why I say wait, because sometimes even though it is only a piece of paper it will do screwy things to peoples minds once the stress is gone. So I ejected |
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A is a narcissistic control freak trying to reign over all before her. Would not be surprised if there is a C and/or D some where in the mix, simply because she can. It is all because she is "in love" you see. Some one needs to grow a pair and flush this turd. |
| I was going to vote for the one where you're still in love so stay together, but then I thought: Why did it take so long for "A" to file for divorce, and why had A's spouse not filed for divorce. A clearly harbors residual feelings for his legal spouse, and likewise for legal spouse. That's shady as hell. And if that's not the case, "A" is lazy a shit for taking 7 years to file, and I wouldn't advise marrying a person that lazy. |
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From the info in OP its safe to assume person "A" is a worthless human being, and was getting it from both spouse and person "B" for years.
Person "B" is a sucker. Person "A" is a crazy and will ruin person "B"s life before cheating and leaving them too, all the while dragging the chiddlins threw their shit. I feel sorry for the chiddlins. 
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Married - OK, Well then just give me a call after all the paperwork is done and the final orders have been certified by the court.
Until then - You don't have time to be seeing me, you got your own homework to get finished up. On a scale of 1-10 this adds a -2 handicap before your out of the gate in my book. |
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7 years is pretty fucking excesive, it took my ex and I 2 years after seperation before our divorce was final and THAT was way too long. Luckily my current wife understood my situation and stuck by my side through it. Then again I never saw my ex after she moved out, 3 months in, so it's not like we were still fucking or anything. E-motherfucking-ject, 4 years ago. |