[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Relationship advice? (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 10/10/2010 12:32:54 PM EDT
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Here's the deal: I've been dating a girl for several months. We enjoy the same hobbies, such as doing stuff outdoors. We've been shooting several times together and have a great time. She keeps a clean house and enjoys cooking. We both have similar values and similar long-term objectives. We work really good as a team.
The only problem is her apparent lack of a sex drive. We go at it once or twice a week, and it is enjoyable. But I want it more often. She usually has an excuse such as: "I'm tired", "I'm not in the mood", "I had a bad day at work", "My foot/back/stomach/head/etc hurts" and so on. In my opinion it is even more important to have sex when you've had a bad day because that releases good hormones, improves sleep, reduces stress, and promotes bonding between a couple. She obviously disagrees. I've tried discussing this with her several times, but she usually becomes defensive and often cries. Last weekend, I tried discussing this, and she said that "sometimes she feels like all I want from her is sex". It is frustrating because I put 100% into our relationship. I've spent countless hours fixing up her house and yard, and helping her with household chores. I'm not complaining about doing this. I just expect her to help with my needs too. I don't think I've ever told her "no" when it comes to helping her out with something, but I frequently hear "no" from her. She doesn't even offer an "alternative means" of satisfying me. It is almost as though I am bothering her by asking for sex more than once or twice a week. I think she is a great woman and would make an excellent mother, so I really want this relationship to work. My heart tells me that things will get better as we grow closer in our relationship. But my head tells me that things will get worse as things grow busy (house, having kids, etc....) Any advice from you guys (and gals) who have "been there, done that" would be greatly appreciated. |
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Having done this before, I can tell you from experience. ASSUMING nothing changes.....no matter how hard you try to justify the lack of sexual satisfaction, and no matter how hard you work to appreciate the other positive qualities - at the end of the day you are still not going to feel bonded to her like you need. It won't work. The only thing I can think of that might solve this problem is for her to radically ramp up her willingness, or you to get neutered.
If neither of these is happening, then you need to nicely eject and find someone that has the sex drive, or at least the willingness, that you need. ETA: my first wife was exactly the same - "all you want from me is sex". Do they teach that line in Home Economics class??? If you are doing a decent job in the relational department, then that is just a way to push the blame into your lap. ETA again - first wife also didn't seem to have a problem fucking anybody else. LOL. That's how it rolls when she's "just not into you". Eject, eject, eject! |
| hormones are at their highest when you meet up first, then the newness wears off, and excitement wanes. If she doesn't feel sexually aroused for you right now, then it'll NEVER get better. You'll probably end up in a sexless marriage. If you're OK with that, go with it, if not, punch out! |
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In the big picture how important is sex?
Have you tried "chopping down the morning wood"? Try to find a time when she is horny morning, late morning, etc. How old are you/her? I have read, and am not claiming it to be gospel, but women truley hit their sexual prime after 24 yrs old, until 34, where as men are 16 to 26. |
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I know two guys that have gotten married then cut off (one of them twice). I would suggest getting this issue resolved or ejecting now.
It has been a few years since I the numbers were given to me, but at the time it was estimated that 20% of women have no interest in sex and another 20% have a treatable dysfunction. If you think it is worth saving the relationship you may want to get her to seek counseling. |
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good god man you are bitching about twice a week? thhey make this fap machine called the internet for a reason. as long as she is into it a couple times a week and the sex is good and everthing else is great i think you are being a bit selfish about it. if you absolutely cannot live without sex more than twice a week you are going to kill yourself when you have a kid and will probably never survive marriage and getting older . Some women just don't want to fuck like rabbits all the time. You either can live with sex once or twice a week and be happy with her or you should probably stay single forever. A benefit you might want to consider of having a woman who isn't a fucking nympho who needs dick in her three times a day is she won't bang the cable guy and the neighbor and you boss and the mailman when you aren't home . |
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Is she actually getting off? Are you the 30 second wonder?
A lot of times a low sex drive is the result of low sexual satisfaction. How often would you want sex if you never climaxed? Just feel lucky you get it that often. I'm looking at once a month... if I'm lucky. Also,  for coming to GD for relationship advice. Hell I don't even think half the members have lost their virginity yet 
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Calmly explain to her that you enjoy having sex. If she is not willing to provide it, you are happy to find someone else that will.
One of three things will happen: 1) She provides more sex. 2) She ejects 3) she neither provides more sex nor ejects, thus prompting you to eject. These are not ranked in order of probability 
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Lets see, you are dating a girl for several months and you are treating it like you are married. You really hardly know each other and are wanting to be extremely intimate many times a week just because you helped her do some house work. All sorts of problems could be happening here. She could feel guilty about having sex outside of wedlock, she could be unsure about a commitment based on knowing each other for such a short time, or it could be she simply wants to know you better outside of sex. My advice would to be to back off or eject. |
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Quoted:
good god man you are bitching about twice a week? thhey make this fap machine called the internet for a reason. as long as she is into it a couple times a week and the sex is good and everthing else is great i think you are being a bit selfish about it. if you absolutely cannot live without sex more than twice a week you are going to kill yourself when you have a kid and will probably never survive marriage and getting older . Some women just don't want to fuck like rabbits all the time. You either can live with sex once or twice a week and be happy with her or you should probably stay single forever. A benefit you might want to consider of having a woman who isn't a fucking nympho who needs dick in her three times a day is she won't bang the cable guy and the neighbor and you boss and the mailman when you aren't home .[/quote This man speaketh the gospel. You can either choose to listen or not. |
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If your not getting enough trim now, it WILL NOT get better in the future. In fact, you can expect your trim quotient to decrease severely. If its twice a week now, expect that to go down to 2x/mo once you guys have been together for a while. You have to decide if she is worth being around and only hitting it occasionally.
Having been in that situation, it honestly wasn't worth the aggravation. I was with a chick for 5+ years, at the beginning I was getting some literally every time I saw her. After 3 years, I was lucky to get it once/week. In fact, I began to realize that the better I was in the sack the less trim she gave me. If I made her cum, scream my name and have convulsions she was GOOOD for about 2 weeks and I was gonna go to sleep sad for 2 weeks. Realizing the better I was in the sack, the less trim I got, I started cumming quickly. If I came quickly, she would be waking me up 2 or 3 days later. So then she started realizing that I was intentionally not satisfying her, and that created its own drama. In hindsight, I should have ejected. There were TONS of other chicks who would have loved to bang me any and every time I desired trim. |
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Quoted:
I think she is a great woman and would make an excellent mother, so I really want this relationship to work. My heart tells me that things will get better as we grow closer in our relationship. But my head tells me that things will get worse as things grow busy (house, having kids, etc....) you've only been dating several months and it's already an issue? eject |
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You do all that for sex 2x a week? You will soon be a doormat for 2X a year, working and caring for the kids, wondering if they are yours because you don't remember having sex. Bail Don't kid yourself with this "if I show her how much I care" crap. It will not improve, in fact she will lead you to kiss her ass more and just tease you with the idea of more sex. You will not be a challenge - fail |
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Originally Posted By Texas_Sig
The only problem is her apparent lack of a sex drive. We go at it once or twice a week, and it is enjoyable. But I want it more often. She usually has an excuse such as: "I'm tired", "I'm not in the mood", "I had a bad day at work", "My foot/back/stomach/head/etc hurts" and so on. In my opinion it is even more important to have sex when you've had a bad day because that releases good hormones, improves sleep, reduces stress, and promotes bonding between a couple. She obviously disagrees. I've tried discussing this with her several times, but she usually becomes defensive and often cries. Last weekend, I tried discussing this, and she said that "sometimes she feels like all I want from her is sex". Get out now. From experience I can tell you this will not get better. Especially if she is unwilling to even discuss it. If she is under 25, definitely get out now, as she gets older she is going to have more stress from a job, more aches and pains etc. Add a baby and your sex life is absolutely gone. Speaking from experience... |
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Me and my gf have very differing schedules since I work during the day and she's in nursing school. I wouldn't complain about twice a week as that is exactly twice the amount of days in a week I get some.
I would think that if it was once every two weeks you would have a reason to worry. |
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If theres not enough ass now, get the fuck out.
Once you're married, it's gonna get worse. Some day you'll wake up and realize that you haven't gotten laid in 2 months, and your wife disgusts you to the point that you really don't even want to fuck her anymore. You just resent her, and honestly wish she would choke on a dick and die. Then you'll spend thousands upon thousands on a divorce just to hear her say, "You know, I think it really was my fault. Maybe I should have listened. Can we work it out?" Fuck no we can't work it out you fucking shallow cunt. Leave me the fuck alone, and I hope to hell our son is smarter than his fucking dad, and instead of marrying for "love" marries for a more practical fucking reason, like tax purposes. Fuck. Nevermind, just eject. |
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Quoted:
You do all that for sex 2x a week? You will soon be a doormat for 2X a year, working and caring for the kids, wondering if they are yours because you don't remember having sex. Bail Don't kid yourself with this "if I show her how much I care" crap. It will not improve, in fact she will lead you to kiss her ass more and just tease you with the idea of more sex. You will not be a challenge - fail Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. |
| A lot of these DB's in there are saying its probably you ect. It couldn't be further from the truth. If it was you and you were that bad she'd be gone by now. Most likely, she has low self esteem and a lack of confidence, I'd explore that. Speaking from experience. |
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It's like this: she either sees you as the priority in the house, and wants to satisfy you, OR she sees herself as the priority, and isn't going to make concessions because she knows that she doesn't have to work to keep you around.
The other component to this is, how attentive are you to her while you are hitting it? Do you give her any reason to want to fuck you, or do you just 2-pump-chump it, roll off and go play video games? Honestly I don't see this getting any better for you. |