Posted: 1/31/2004 9:25:49 AM EDT
|
So there we are, really nice neighborhood, set up on this nut with over 400 original Henry and Winchester lever guns and ammo for them in his house. (Damn fine sticks too) He's gone cuckoo and threatening to shoot the neighbors up. My partner and I are laid up outside in the cold and then the thunder starts ... uhhhhh ohh. It starts raining so hard we can't see at all. Ponchos blow off ... Having fun now ... So we di di mao and beat on this ladies door. Cold, soaked to the skin, shivering like two dogs shittin' peach seeds. Nice lady lets us in and we take over her kids bedroom as he's gettin' ready for school. "Coooooool Mom! SWAT dudes". Nice lady makes us some bisquits and coffee, tosses us the keys and says "Please lock up when you're done officers. Ya'll be safe. I'll get the keys later" She gets in the car with junior and takes off ! WTF ???????? That shit don't happen here ! So we're watchin' this fool and the entry guys, who are stuck out in the rain and cold for FRIGGIN' ONCE and my partner has to take a dump. His guts are rotten and I told him I couldn't believe he was going to stink up this nice ladie's house after all she had done for us. He takes care of business PDQ and is right back to his stick. Then it hits me ... coonass coffee went right through and my ole stomach rolled over. Uh oh. Not good. My turn. Dudes, have you ever tried to take a dump with several layers of soaking wet clothes on and you wired for sound with your commo headset wiring run through your blouse, long johns, radio, gunbelt, etc. Well, I barely got my britches down before I shit myself and it was ON ! Couldn't believe this was happening and also couldn't seem to get clean and then ... Oh NOOOO !!! ... I stopped up the DAMN COMMODE. So I did what any of us would do ... I panicked. All I could think about was messing up this nice ladies crib. Shitty water rising, rising ... There I am with my pants around my damn ankles, all that wiring and shit looking like the back of my ole man's VCR and I'm hopping around like the fucking Easter Bunny, stomping muddy mens size 10 bunny tracks throughout this ladies house, looking for the proverbial plumber's friend before the thing ran over. Still had my headset on so as not to miss anything. Hopping around, tethered to my ankles by my headset, tripped, fell against the cabinet, bonked my head ... My partner is like "What in the heeeeell are you doooing back there? Finally get myself together and get back to my stick. "Don't ask dude. Just don't even ask ... |