Posted: 7/8/2011 11:44:02 AM EDT
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The numbers won't line up since I'm pasting from another website, but here's a start. This is all page one, several more to read http://competitiondiesel.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29230
10. You wake up at 22:00 and think it's morning. 9. Your brain tells you that [camel] steak in the chow hall you have been eating is now USDA PRIME Black Angus. 8. The Binary System for judging the ladies (or gents in reversed roles for those ladies) is your prime form of sidewalk entertainment. 7. Chow hall food is now, and has always been Mom's home cookin' 6. 12 shower stalls... 11 other extremely hairy dudes in various stages of clothing to the left and right of you seems normal. 5. Zulu is the only time you know how to count on. 4. You have beaten and mastered every X-Box, P.S. 2 & 3 game known to man. 3. HALO 3... Mission Complete! 2. You look to your wrist to see what Zulu time it is... you register 15:00 in your brain... only you lost your watch five months ago. 1. You're in the shower all soaped up, enjoying a good scrub trying to remove the desert dirt from places you didn't know you had............................................... ................... And the F'n PA System Siren sounds off tellin' you to take cover..................... You continue showering while the first-timer newbies go streakin [nothin' but towels and flip-flops] for the bunker. Don't forget that 120+ in the shade doesn't sound as hot as it used too... And the water bottle out of the Connex thats 100+ degrees goes down just as fast as Bud Light on Labor Day when its 3 in the afternoon in Iraq. 11: You make contact, But would rather just keep standing up making yourself a target because its just too damn hot inside the vehicle to be "Taking Cover". #12: You sleep through the mortar attack, to be wakened from your much appreciated slumber by some 1st timer private asking whether or not he should sleep in the Bunker tonight. #13: Hoji food and the resulting port-a-john "aftermath" is more acceptable to you than the T-rats or MR.E's you've been living on for a month plus. #14: You would rather just sleep in your Vehicle because you know that QRF is inevitable. #15: You tell the IP Liason to get bent becuase you know if you go out there you will be introduced to the RPK, PKM and RPG Ball in your honor That is staged about a click shy of where they said they were making contact. #16: You would just about sell your soul for a telephone because you haven't even SEEN one in 5 months. Or, you glady pay the fortune for the AT&T phones to wait in line for an hour+ just to get 3 minutes into your conversation to have the phones go down. One more: #17: You've gone 15 days without a shower with only 1 change of uniform, But you feel like a new man when you change your Brown T-shirt and socks. #18 when the new guys ask you how hot it is and you say "eh its only 115" #19 when the ugly chicks are now pretty damn cute and the cute chicks become models #20 when garrison puts out a memorandum saying "we are tired of being called 'FOBBITs' so please stop" #21 when you get IDF and you start running towards the flames and smoke in your scivies and shower shoes just to see the new unit that showed up that day running around like headless chickens! #22 when your sittin in your truck outside an outpost and you see tracer rounds right in front of your window and you turn your truck around just to get a better view of the fireworks # 23 when you can make up endless games, challenges, and bets that involves throwing rocks! #24 when you have seen two differnt companies show up in country after you got there and leave before you even go on leave! #25 when you go on leave and the three things you want first are MILK, EGGS and BEER! #26 you know you have been in the desert too long when your replacements show up and you move from your CHU's to your tents and find out TOA is one week away and your plane leaves the day after!!!!! #27......you stand ON TOP of the bunker to watch out going fire..... #28......you've ever threated to stab someone over a MRE milkshake..... #29......you know the best way to make said milkshake so it actually tastes like a milkshake........ #30......you pray you get to go to a big base with a Cinnabon, Pizza Hut, Burger King, Ciano's or any other restaurant cause your just sick and tired of crappy DFAC food..... #31......outgoing fire from the Paladin helps you sleep..... #32......laughing at the people that never go outside the gate when you hear them freaking out about having too...... 33. Drinking coffee at 10am when the tempature reads 126 is just a normal day on the line. #34......anything under 95 is just down right cold.....it almost requires long sleeves #35......anything under 115 is a nice day #36......anything over 140 is hot #37......controlled det's before while the announce it......."THIS IS A BOOOOOOM!!!!! " #38......you know better than to leave anything set outside......even in the shade you know its too hot to touch #40- you know what time it is back home without having to count in your head. #41- you've memorized all the bus routes at Balad because you ride them during your day off out of boredom, and are on a first name basis with at least 2/3 of the bust drivers. #42- you look forward to BX/ PX runs even though you're not going to buy any of that ****. #43- controlled det's and F-16s on full burner don't wake you up, but that heel- walking asshole on his way past your room does. #44- you invent rumors to spread (hey guys, our replacements deployed to Guam so we're going to have to do a double rotation to cover for them...). #45- going to the DFAC on the Army side of Balad is a big deal because there aren't any Air Force fatties over there. #46- you discover new ways to produce booze. #47- you discover shortly thereafter that pruno is NOT worth it. #48- you **** your pants doing 60 MPH for the first time after you return home. #49 when you wake up in the middle of the night reaching for your IBA and barrett only to realize your at home #50 hunting is no longer any fun cause the deer dont shoot back #60 being able to laugh when you almost get your ticket punched thinking that was the **** lets do it again |
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Rock in can, rock nearest can, rock nearest the chief with out waking him up, rock in coffee cup, rock in chiefs coffe cup, rock on hard hats, rock in hard hats, rocks in boots, rocks in a dirt circle on ground, rocks, rocks, rocks I like rocks. and 44 Me: Dude we got to sit in quaritine for 30 days upon return New guy: Really? Me: ya and they take all of our stuff and wash it with some sort of heavy duty disinfectant... even our personal electronics and shit! New guy: WTF? Me (a day later): Dude this is fucked up now they are saying we have to take these other pills in quarintine and cant have sex for another 25 days after our release! New guy: Goes on a rant and says wtf? Me and about 20 others let it boil for about 6 hours after that before we broke the news, that poor bastard was ready to curl up in the fetal position. He was pissed! |
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signs you have been forward deployed too long
-you stare off in space not talking to anyone for hours -you talk about how hot the 10 year old haji girls are -you look like a skeleton -you haven't showered in six months -you eat nothing but rice and a little bit of chicken you bought from the hajis, one meal a day this is what the guys from 1/2 were like when we replaced them in north helmand last year they were WIERD i hope they got back to normal when they went home |
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You're in the DFAC and hear the shrill of a mortar and stop eating long enough to see if it hits you. If it doesn't, you run up and get seconds because all the newbs left the DFAC for the bunker.
You started a pool to see where the next mortar/107 hits. There aren't anymore wild dogs left on the FOB because you shot em all. |
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For the medical folks...
- the Taliban start listing you as their personal physician - you can recite all variations of the MACE exam, while concussed - you know how to shout, "Don't shoot, I'm just jogging!" in Slovakian. - You find Groundhog Day tragic, and Combat Hospital funny - a patient off the vent can be discharged the same day - "Darki" "Dawa" and "Parktia" are all you need for your physical exam - You haggle with a patient over how many Afghanis it will take them to LEAVE the hospital - an isolation room is one that has a door. |
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-You recognize your team mate in the next shitter stall by his boots
-Your chinstrap smells like your underwear -The inside of your helmet smells like your socks -You have none of the socks you started deployment with -People are BACK for another tour ... and you haven't left yet -You know a mag is one round short just by picking it up -You're on your fifth bottle of hand lotion -Turnover with another team leader takes ten seconds -Half of your conversations with Americans start or end Pashtun -You don't gag when a local has something really important to tell you UP CLOSE -Standing in the middle of other Americans when you go to the big PX on BAF smells like the perfume aisle at Macy's to you -You have to turn your M4 in to be RE-BARRELED! |
You stand up on top of a Hesco to view the damage from an IED right outside the wall and 150 locals start yelling your name and waving at you like you're a freaking rock start.
2 unrelated interpreters whisper to you the locals know you by sight and name outside the wire. 
You start attending ARFCOM get togethers with other ARFCOMERS and you've established an equipment exchange program. |
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-You start a 15-6 investigation because of a rumor that the BSB is hoarding the Gatorade shakes.
-Back home you see a Rip-It truck and chase the guy down to score a case of pomegranate. -All of your furniture is made out of 2x4s, plywood, and empty ammo crates. -You ave your SPAWAR telephone account memorized. -You know where they make the best samoon. -You go apeshit on the Nigerian grill cook at the DFAC because he can not give you eggs sunny side up because they are dangerous. -You don't sew-up the hole in your crotch because you like the ventilation. |
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Quoted:
Quoted:
-Back home you see a Rip-It truck and chase the guy down to score a case of pomegranate. You guys actually drank that shit?  The best use we found for those was to shake the ever loving shit out of them, and whack them with a baseball bat!
Power FTW! I love the citrus ones  (I can only find them at our COPs. So, I always snag a few when I am there)
The grape ones are pretty damn good, too |
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
-Back home you see a Rip-It truck and chase the guy down to score a case of pomegranate. You guys actually drank that shit? The best use we found for those was to shake the ever loving shit out of them, and whack them with a baseball bat!
Power FTW! I love the citrus ones (I can only find them at our COPs. So, I always snag a few when I am there)
+1 on the grape! The grape ones are pretty damn good, too |