Posted: 5/8/2008 9:09:37 AM EDT
As some of you know one of my favorite things to do is to travel, so I have begun to write some of my experiences down. This is probably the third one I have written, all of this is 100% true and remembered to the best of my ability  So..........justinwb Goes To A Mexican Cock Fight I arrived in Mazatlan on a Friday afternoon got through customs fine which is an experience in itself. If you haven't been through Mexican customs then you have definitely missed out. In Mazatlan you get off the plane and goto the immigration desk give the people your forms get your passport stamped and pass through. Now the unique and hilarious thing is there was a couple on there honeymoon who was in front of me. The lady handed the guy the forms and he ignored her. It was the single greatest thing I saw that day, not only did he just completely ignore her but he also pointed to her husband. He totally just customs blocked her, he didnt even try to hide it. The official (who looked like he was 14 tops) would only take the papers from the guy. Anyways I arrived at my hotel at about 4 PM, I wanted to sleep but you can sleep when you die. I left my stuff in the room and went down to the pool to see if my buddy got there yet. I get down there and who do I see, none other than "Evan". Sorry I couldnt think of another alias for a 6'3" super ripped black dude from Long Beach so now he has to sound like a white nerdy kid who plays D&D anyways. Our conversation goes like this: Evan: "J!!!!!!!!!!" justinwb: "Evan hows it going man?" Evan: "Good good, lets do a shot" justinwb: "Alright lets do it". It was pretty obvious I was late to the game as he was way ahead of me but that isnt the point of the story. So we are talking about what we are gonna do that night since his friend isnt showing up until the next day he drops the bomb. Evan: "J I got us tickets to a cock fight lets get loaded and go." justinwb: "Wait what?" Evan: "Yeah you know when chickens fight, it will be bad ass plus there is going to be a bunch of other people from the hotel there." justinwb: "Alright I will go, you have your flask? Im filling mine before we go." Evan: "Yeah I got a water bottle full of 151" These would be famous words. So the fights started at 8 so we wanted to get there at about 7:30 so we could get seats etc. So we take the open air taxi to almost the end of the strip to this place right next to a strip club. Now this is not just any strip club, this one came complete with used condoms stuck to the outside and bullet holes. I am starting to get a little nervous so I take a drink from my flask and head in. We get our seats and we of course are the oddest people there you see Evan got the cruise confused with the cock fights. So all those people that are supposed to be there from the hotel are of course on the booze cruise. Finally at 8 the fights start it was pretty impressive the birds were very strong and it was an interesting experience. That is until Jose 1 showed up. Now Jose 1 was a pharmaceutical salesman who regularly traveled to the US so he could speak excellent English. Jose1: "Yo guys, buddies do you want to buy some blow? What about some x?" justinwb: "No im good man, thanks though." Evan: "Yeah I want two grams of blow" justinwb: "Dude chill out, you dont need any of that shit right now." Evan: "I was kidding man, plus we need to start on this 151." Jose1: "You guys let me know if you need stuff ok." So we start drinking the 151, and finish it in record time. We are pretty much drunk now. This is where things get out of hand, Jose2 comes over and asks us if we want to bet on his cock. justinwb: "Yeah well first, how big is your cock." Jose2: "Well hes bout umm how you say 18 inches in America." Evan: "Wow thats a big cock, much bigger than mine." justinwb: "I thought your cock was at least 2 feet?" Anyways we each bet 100 pesos on Jose2's cock and sit back and watch. His cock totally destroyed the other one, I mean not just beat it but completely kicked the shit out of it and then shit down its throat. So we each win $15 total and are feeling good, so we start betting like mad and we cant lose. Some of the Mexican guys are getting pissed, it was like magic touch or something. We were each up like $70 so we were thinking about bailing and going to a club since it was only 10:30. Evan starts looking not so good, like maybe all that alcohol he drank wasnt a good deal so he walks off for a few minutes and come back in the middle of a fight I put $15 on. Evan: "Hey man we need to leave right now." justinwb: "I cant I just put $15 on that one right there." Evan: "Seriously man we need to bounce now." I can see the urgency in his face so I say fuck it and start walking out, as we are leaving I see the chicken pens. As we get closer 3 of the chickens are covered in the most disgusting vomit I have ever seen. I look at Evan, and he looks at me and busts up laughing. The mother fucker puked on 3 of the chickens. We arent talking like a Mary Kate puke like when she goes in the bathroom and purges herself. We are talking about full blown Burma Typhoon puke it was everywhere. We quickly left and headed for Joe's which is in my opinion the greatest bar ever, 8 beers for $10 including tip. Not bad, especially at a packed bar. We are having a good time hanging out with these guys from Brooklyn just BSing. So I am looking for Evan and I see him making out with a girl who has the build of I shit you not a herby curby. She was maybe just maybe 5 feet tall with no neck. Now when I mean no neck I mean seriously no neck. She looked like something was putting pressure on her head pushing it down into her shoulders. The only think I can compare her to would be Rosie Odonnel and that would be giving Rosie a compliment. She was hideous. So I am watching from our table when Evan looks like he is gonna yack again. I see the girl lean in to him to say something in his ear and he loses it, I mean full on Hurricane Katrina the dikes broke and people die loses it. He missed her by mere inches and hit the bench behind them, causing it to deflect and cover this girls back. This girls back was covered, yet she didnt notice. I laughed uncontrollably for a good 3 minutes as she walked around and was grinding on dudes causing them to be covered in vomit. Eventually bowling ball head got kicked out after someone complained to security. The next morning Evan woke up covered in vomit, but that didnt surprise me. I will post the next days story a little later. |
|
Day 2 justinwb Convinces Jelly Fish Victim I woke up at about 10AM feeling good which surprised me so I headed down to the bar to hit up the bloody Mary bar. Note to people who find these, always bring your own bottle they have nothing but shitty vodka that is $3 a fifth not even kidding. So I have probably had about 4 and am nice and relaxed when "Evan" comes down looking like absolute hell. He quickly grabbed 2 bloody Marys. I told him we should go for a walk as some excersice might help him. It helped as he puked 3 times while we walked. As we were walking I noticed the red flag up which is a extreme jelly fish warning. For those of you not familiar they sting you and it feels similar to a bee sting. On our way back we notice a girl hopping around, so I ask her what she is doing. justinwb "What are you doing?" girl "I got stung by a jelly fish and it hurts" Perfect, I felt like Dave Chappelle. Gotcha bitch and she was kinda hot. I look at "Evan" and he realizes what is about to happen. justinwb "That sucks, but you know the only thing that helps right?" girl "No what?" justinwb "Well you have to pee on yourself" girl "Are you serious?" justinwb "Dead serious" "Evan" "Yep I have seen it a hundred times, im a lifeguard" God he is a good wingman, especially minorly buzzed. So I eventually convinced her to pee on herself and she did. She will make another appearance later in the trip. When I get back I will post night 2's crazyness. |
|
Since the meds I am on make me feel shitty and give me insomnia I am going to post night 2's craziness. Night 2, "Evans" buddy "Albert" shows up Well most of the day was spent relaxing around the pool smoking stogies shooting the shit etc. That is until "Albert" shows up. Now I have never met this guy, I met Evan at a frat party a few months before hand and he said I should come down to MX with him and his friend so this was the first time for me to meet him. When I first saw this guy I almost shit myself, he was the typical gangster. Now I am not trying to be racist but this dude had it down to the grillz, new era hat and bling. In one hand he had a basketball jersey and in the other a fifth of Grey Goose. Evan "Whats up bro, hey this is Justin. Justin this is "Albert"" justinwb "Hows it going man, you look like you just came from compton." They both looked at me like I just shot there dog, I realized I might have said something that could possibly get me killed so I guess I knew how Kennedy felt. Then they both simultaneously bust out laughing, they got me good. But the funny thing was "Albert" had lived in Compton for 2 years with his aunt before he moved to San Jose to go to school. So we all start killing the bottle of goose plotting our plan of attack and we decide to hit up a pretty decent place called Bora Bora. It was a Saturday night and we knew everyone would be out in force so we made a pact to not drink anymore until that night. Fast forward to 10 PM and we meet up in the lobby. "Evan" and "Albert" come down and they are ready to kill it, blinged out like nothing I have seen. We get a open air taxi and head to bora bora, luckily for us I have been going down there for a few years so the manager was someone I would call a friend. We got right in no security got setup with a table and bottle service, I tipped the manager (who probably just uses me for money but oh well ). Its fucking dead as shit, there are a bunch of old people there that are from Canada and they smell like piss. And they kept bothering us for booze until I told them Canada is just good for hockey, syrup, and Shania Twain. All of the sudden at about 11:30 all the touristy girls show up and the party gets started and it gets out of control. Girls dancing on bars, Girls dancing on our table people buying everyone drinks. Everyone is having a good time, These 4 dudes come up and say whats up turns out they are way cool and go to San Fran State. And no they dont enjoy knob gobbling so get it out of your head. 3 of these dudes are Arab and then the token white guy, like me. We get to talking and they tell us what they do etc. Finally one of the dudes says his dad is some oil speculator, this mother fucker was loaded. Anyways there are 7 of us hanging out shooting the shit. Albert gets the bright idea to start dancing on the bar with 2 girls on the bar, well he is pretty shit faced from jaegar bombs, rockstar and goose. He is holding onto one of the girls pretty tight and totally eats shit mid beat, were not talking like he slipped and fell on the bar. We are talking epic shit eating moment, not only does he slip and fall off of the bar but he uses the girl as his cushion of his fall. Albert helps her get up and comes back to the booth and thats that, he ditched her. This was not the end of his craziness, without missing a beat he gets on the other bar and starts dancing or should I say fucking this chick with her clothes on right on the bar. He then decides instead of paying $5 for the cab back to the hotel he decides to fuck her right on the beach. While he is doing that we are just chilling smoking stogies and Arab dude with the rich dad is buying bottles of Goose like no other. Now at this time in my life I did not really understand limits because I was an inexperienced douchebag. After 10 shots I yack in the bathroom and come back up to see Albert in handcuffs. Apparently the fuzz caught him fucking on the beach, but they actually had the common courtesy to let him finish. So anyways I am talking to the police asking them what he is getting arrested for and the manager comes up. He pulls me over and tells me they want a "propina" which is espanol for tip. Crooked mother fuckers, we convinced them them well actually Evan did that we would give them $100 if they would take a shot with us and let "Albert" go. They quickly agreed. This became crucial later on, always make friends with the local police no matter what. We ended up going home at 1:30 completely out of control and with MILF's which was a first for me and quite awkward I might add. |
 This is a different trip, And we were in Cancun but no he didnt make out with a tranny. Unfortunately. ETA: When I get all of the Mazatlan trip posted I will then move on to the Cancun trip. |
|
|
Ok Day 3, justinwb sees something he will forever see. I woke up at about 12:00 and feel the effects of last nights crazyness, ridiculous crazyness I might add. I also awoke to someone cooking me breakfast A delicious greasy breakfast I might add. She says she needs to get back to her hotel I did not ask why, because I notice the ring on her finger. God I feel like an ass, well not really. So I go down and fine Evan and Albert already balls deep in bloody mary's. Except Albert is doing it wrong, he is taking a swig out of a smirnoff bottle and then drinking his bloody mary which already had booze in it. At that point I realized my liver was done a long time ago.So we recount last nights events and exchange stories of what we can remember happening after we split up. All of the sudden Albert spits out his bloody mary and they next exchange will permanently scar me for life. Albert "Yo N****a look at the third floor, what the fuck." Evan "Why whats going on" Albert "Just look bro" I turn around and look and start scanning the rooms about 3/4 of the way through I saw it. A what appeared to be 60 year old naked womans body pressed up against the sliding glass door. I was about to vomit. As we looked on we saw a man in the background going back and forth except this man was in his 40's. I could not hold it, it had to be the mix of hangover/nasty naked old woman that did it to me but I ran to the garbage can and yacked. I have never seen 2 grown black men laugh so hard. |