Dear Ryan J. Reilly (of The Huffington Post),
I've got these earplugs and I can't for the life of me figure out how to load them in my 30 round assault clip. Maybe my ghost gun is defective? I'll just have to send it back to Eric Holder for replacement as I received it through the "Guns for Tots" program, also know as "Fast and Furious". I thought you might be able to help as you have proven yourself to be such an expert in the subject.
I understand if you don't have the time to assist me as it has come to my attention that Barack Obama has you working vigorously to cover up his unfavorable work as "Commander and Thief". If possible, can you please forward this message to the folks in your office, along with some friends at CNN or MSNBC. This matter is very urgent as my shotgun is also not functioning correctly so I'm unable to shoot my warning shots like Uncle Biden told me to do.
I have included a picture of my kit to hopefully assist you in troubleshooting this problem.
Thanks in advance Ryan