Posted: 1/6/2017 1:55:34 PM EDT
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Okay, this isn't strictly SDF related but please bear with me.
My wife isn't doing well. She's sick a lot, gets headaches. She's obese, doesn't exercise. Anyway, I want to get her on the path to better heath but she's been resistant. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has ever constructed a comprehensive "wellness plan" for someone that has a bunch of metrics or milestones to try to achieve for better health. Exercise and diet is definitely part of it. I am thinking a combination of diet, medication, exercise, and social experiences will improve her health. I also think she needs to be outside more. (it's not as easy when it's 0 degrees outside). And the biggest challenge is her WANTING to make a change. Complacency is the enemy of improvement. Anyway, would appreciate any thoughts. She has 2 young boys at home to keep track of, but she also has a YMCA full membership with childcare privileges. |
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For someone like her and well most people really it's all about making small sustainable changes. Eliminate or replace daily bad food choices, start tracking your food, do a 30 day fitness challenge, park in the furthest awaynparking spot, stairs instead of elevator, walk at least x miles a week etc.
Someone who is scared of change isn't going to look at a grand plan to revamp their lives fondly but they might stop drinking soda. |
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I think you really need to address the mental health aspect of this first. Otherwise, everything else will be a waste of time and effort.
Sometimes it takes a death in the family (obesity related), a heart attack for herself, or some other external influence to get her going. I've known a few women who only became interested in weight loss after their kids asked ...."mommy, why are you so fat". "Why can't you ride your bike with me?" etc etc. Sad fact but sometimes it takes something horrible to get them to open their eyes. |
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Sorry, I got my inbox emptied sufficiently. I think it was overfull from when I was a paying member. It should be possible to send me an IM soon.
I think you guys are right that she herself needs to decide on a change. One of the better times we've had recently was on our run-up to our Hawaii vacation. We were both doing Keto although she refused to exercise pretty much except for swimming a few times. We are getting back on Keto at the end of the month. The kids didn't mind keto, the biggest problem was all the extra planning and food prep time. You have to be pretty motivated to adhere to it. |
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Quoted:
Sorry, I got my inbox emptied sufficiently. I think it was overfull from when I was a paying member. It should be possible to send me an IM soon. I think you guys are right that she herself needs to decide on a change. One of the better times we've had recently was on our run-up to our Hawaii vacation. We were both doing Keto although she refused to exercise pretty much except for swimming a few times. We are getting back on Keto at the end of the month. The kids didn't mind keto, the biggest problem was all the extra planning and food prep time. You have to be pretty motivated to adhere to it. Not really, make simple choices. I keep my freezer loaded with fatty meat and keep bqcon greens and butter in the fridge always. Hell you can even eat at a lot of fast food places, just ask for protien style or no bun and a knife and fork. |
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Quoted:
Sorry, I got my inbox emptied sufficiently. I think it was overfull from when I was a paying member. It should be possible to send me an IM soon. I think you guys are right that she herself needs to decide on a change. One of the better times we've had recently was on our run-up to our Hawaii vacation. We were both doing Keto although she refused to exercise pretty much except for swimming a few times. We are getting back on Keto at the end of the month. The kids didn't mind keto, the biggest problem was all the extra planning and food prep time. You have to be pretty motivated to adhere to it. Just empty the house of carbs. Try her on a NON-psychoactive CBD oil as a lot of people report it helping with these underlying issues. |
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You can't make someone change who doesn't want to change. True but childbirth and bad food can mess up a woman's hormones and cause her to put on mega pounds and the come lethargy and depression etc. I assume OP didn't marry her like this and this has been a slippery slope to get here. Most of us take an oath of in sickness and health when we marry and this is just the sick phase. |
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True but childbirth and bad food can mess up a woman's hormones and cause her to put on mega pounds and the come lethargy and depression etc. I assume OP didn't marry her like this and this has been a slippery slope to get here. Most of us take an oath of in sickness and health when we marry and this is just the sick phase. I agree about the hormone levels though. I have Kaiser and they can do a whole body physical that includes hormone levels etc. Would advise for something like this. OP, perhaps a support group in your locale. Weightloss, overeating, depression groups can often be very helpful. Finally OP, I know it might be harsh, but have you ever had that hard conversation with your wife that went something like "I love you but I worry for your health" etc. |
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My wife's wake up moment was when she broke 200lbs and I told her either she changes her lifestyle or she changes addresses.
She's a workout nazi now. 5am classes m/w/F and 6pm classes t/r. Shes eating 5x per day, dropped 30lbs, and is finally starting to be happy again. Amazing what a little motivation does. |
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Finally OP, I know it might be harsh, but have you ever had that hard conversation with your wife that went something like "I love you but I worry for your health" etc. All the time. But my concern doesn't equal her concern. I think it's a combination of stubbornness (which runs in her family) with ignoring problems (which also runs in her family). For example, she had some blood sugar issues several years ago (so pre-diabetic) and she didn't even mention it to me. Didn't make any major changes. I only found out because I was wondering why she had testing equipment. And I agree with the "in sickness and in health" part, but she changed the instant we got married WRT libido, which seems pretty deceptive to me. But that's a whole different issue. I will suggest the physical. I tried talking to her about the Wellbutrin again and she got really defensive ... I can't make her want to change... I just don't understand it. IT'S ALWAYS EASIER TO DO NOTHING, BUT KICKING THE CAN DOWN THE ROAD RARELY SOLVES THE ISSUE. |
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Quoted:
My wife's wake up moment was when she broke 200lbs and I told her either she changes her lifestyle or she changes addresses. She's a workout nazi now. 5am classes m/w/F and 6pm classes t/r. Shes eating 5x per day, dropped 30lbs, and is finally starting to be happy again. Amazing what a little motivation does. Man, I would love that. But I can't even picture myself saying that to my wife. And if I did, she wouldn't react the same way your wife did. She usually clams up into silence and resentment. |
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Well, props to you for sticking it out with your wife. Far too often men in your situation would seek companionship elsewhere and the eventual "ejection" that so often dominates GD.
I can't imagine how frustrating it all must be for you. I really don't know what I would do in your shoes. My wife and I met at the gym so fitness and health have always been a part of our lives. Perhaps she has some underlying issues. I would repeat my earlier suggestion with therapy. Perhaps even couples therapy. As for another final suggestion, you mentioned she had a membership to the Y. Do you to workout together? Now I don't mean you each arrive at the gym together and then go your seperate ways but actually workout together? For my wife and I, we each struggled with workout passion as we seperately went through our mundane and boring routines. Now, we are excited to workout together and see each other progress. She just benched 95lbs for 6 reps and I couldn't be prouder. Perhaps sharing in the enjoyment of a workout will make it more palatable for her. Sometimes women can be intimidated by the gym. I realize it's winter but come spring, perhaps there are outside based bootcamps that can attended? Most of the workouts my wife and I do are with equipment I've purchased and we workout in our driveway and street in front of our house. Good luck sir, I really really do hope things improve for you. |
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Man, I would love that. But I can't even picture myself saying that to my wife. And if I did, she wouldn't react the same way your wife did. She usually clams up into silence and resentment. Oh, it didn't go smoothly. We fought for several days about what I said. I didn't just start off with that. My approach started off like this. Let's eat a little better Let's start walking together OK, you need to do something OK, I have some issues with this OK if you don't change, I'm gone It happed over the course of about 2 years. In that time I had started eating better, working out, and loosing weight and honestly, getting attention from people in public. She noticed it and got mad. I told it kind of boiled down to the fact that when I walk into a place, I want all the guys to look at you and think, "damn that dude is lucky." It will make you feel better as well. My wife was the same way. Worked out daily in college and when we got married(right before she graduated) she let the gym membership go and started eating like a pig. Ring on my finger, I've got you suckered, and she got her Mrs degree. Sometimes your happiness is important too. Just remember that. |