[ARCHIVED THREAD] - delete (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 11/11/2004 12:16:39 PM EDT
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Women, I have a question...I have a former single female employee that went to work for another business. I do not think she left because of my managment skills but the decisions that were made by management above me. We chat on the phone every few months about work, family and friends. Yesterday out of nowhere she emailed me and asked me to go to lunch to "catch up". What do you think she is thinking? Being married I am not sure if I should go. I told her lunch sounded good but did not commit to time or place. Suggestions? |
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If you have to ask this question, you're obviously not 100% sure she doesn't want to fuck you, or that you don't want to fuck her. I have female friends that I'd fuck, but I don't fuck 'em because I'm married. My wife knows this about me, and it's ok with her. I don't recommend this for other people because most people don't have the character to hang around with a chick they'd like to fuck and then not fuck her. If you think your wife might be pissed off about you going to lunch with this chickie you're probably right. Oops..just saw what forum I was in [ducking for cover] |
| If you are asking for advise, I already think you know yourself what the answer is. I do not know what your relationship with your wife is like,but if you are going to do this I think you should say something to her about it. I looked at this as if it were my husband, and as long as he told me about this I would not have a problem,if he didn't tell me and I found out I would really have a problem with it. I trust my husband implicitly. It's just my .02 for what it is worth. |
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The guys seem to have offered fair advice here. My husband just doesn't have female friends. He never has. If he had one, I'd be concerned, not out of lack of faith, but because it would be out of character for him. If you're asking this question, you're probably better off to stay away from lunches with this woman. Not just to avoid "temptation", but to avoid your company getting in trouble. It might seem paranoid, but she might be collecting information for a lawsuit. Who knows? |
*sigh* I'm not sure that "okay" is the right term, but for the most part, it doesn't bother me. I will admit when the ex-fiance called and wanted to get together with QS, I nixed that. Not because I thought anything would happen, but because I hate the bitch for treating someone I love the way she did. I honestly thought nothing good could come from that. Anyway, did you all notice how he didn't say "I don't fuck 'em because I love my wife", right? I think my husband may be an asshole. 
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DOH that's what I meant 
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Do you REALLY need to catch up on things with this chick??? I'm not sure I know many guys who feel the need to lunch with a woman to "catch up on things." Smells kinda stinky to me. Maybe just keep it to the tri-monthly phone call and definately share it with your wife no matter what you end up doing. ETA: Who is more important to you...your wife or this chickee. Put the appropriate person first when you make your decision and you'll have your answer simple enough. |
Did you used to 'lunch' with this woman? Were you really friends or just friendly? If you didn't catch up regularly before than she probably wants something from you. It could be innocent, a job reference for example, or maybe she is hot for you. Everyone is giving you pretty good advice here, if it looks like a duck, smells like a duck and quacks like a duck-it is probably a duck.....so.....are you interested in duck?? Good luck! |
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It sounds like you live in the same fantasy world I live in... where any woman that isn't your wife that is friendly wants you and anything they say or do is read as "she totally wants to f*ck me". We could break this down Freudian style: 1.) You're sex life with your wife isn't as adventurous as you would like it to be. 2.) You are not happy in your relationship with your wife and are always considering other options 3.) You watch way too much porn and the lame story lines that lead to the sex acts is permeating your view of reality. |
| There is no way I would ask a married man to lunch unless I was good enough friends with his wife that I knew she would be ok with it and she wouldn't get the wrong idea about it. Maybe it was how I was raised or something, but it's just not something you do. Simple as that. |
That's the most accuracte explanation! 
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que the music.. whack a whack wow. whack a whack wow. "hellow mam, i'm here to clean your pipes!" |
Wow! Really? I have lunch with female coworkers and other female friends from work all the time and have never given it a second thought. My wife hasn't met a single one of them, either. She knows about it and I don't think she minds in the least. I was just really surprised to hear this from a woman. IMO, if you can't trust your husband to go to LUNCH with another woman, you have bigger issues than you might think... |
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The roles are certainly reversed in my case... my wife goes to lunch with her male co-workers... I think I have met about 80% of them but I couldn't name 10% of them and wouldn't recognize them on the street. Does that mean she's having a gang-bang train with all the guys in her office? I totally trust her because I know she's crazy about me (and crazy because of me a lot of the time). If she was working with someone who she was previously involved with and was going to lunch on a regular basis exclusively with this person I may have an issue with it. I also joke with her all the time when she is talking about guys she works with. When we're talking and she says "Guess what So&so did today at work?" To which I always reply, "Grabbed your boob?" |
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Thanks for all the input. This woman is not a friend of my wife's. However, she visited us when our first child was born and stopped by while our house was being built. At the time I thought she was just being a good caring employee. The last time my wife saw her was a few years ago at a shooting event that was held on her (woman's) family's land. She stopped by and one of my wife's friends was really upset that she showed up. My wife did not seem to care that she stopped by to say hi. Update...she just called about a business issue. She said she had to call because she could not put it in an email. She asked me to lunch during the phone conversation after discussing business. I did not respond to the question and changed the subject. hinking.gif |
When referring to women....I would think the mouth would be the one orifice a man would be the LEAST interested in, no?  |
I wouldn't have even a tiny problem with it... I trust her completely. And it's LUNCH folks!!! Everybody eats lunch. Husbands and wives rarely get to eat lunch together. To restrict oneself to eating lunch with the same sex or previously approved friends seems absurd to me. I'll say it again, if there's an issue with having lunch with a friend (regardless of gender or marital status), then your relationship already has bigger problems than just a midday meal. |
I count two... three if you're a freak [and if hit orifice #3 and post pictures]. Good point though... how important can the converstion be if you have to have it between mouthfuls of food? Another point... if you were having lunch with a guy would you be worried that you're wife is thinking you're gay? |
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I used to take my secretary for lunch that point blank told me I could have her any time I wanted. It is about self control. I arranged for a colleague to wear her out. They both got fired for related and unrelated reasons. other perspective: (if you pass up that tail, you will never have another chance) |
In my opinion it's not a matter of me not trusting her. It's a matter of me not trusting another man. It's a matter of her respecting me, like I will respect her. Considering I'm not married I don't think my "relationship" has any problems. I will not be alone with another woman once I'm married. It's respect, character and committment. |
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There was this one time when I was in Florida for a .mil ceremony. A girl I worked with at a previous assignment was stationed there and I hadn't seen her in about 3.5 years. When I was stationed with her I had a thing for her but it never went beyond being friends. My wife flew in, we attended the ceremony, and she pretty much had to fly back out the next day. After I dropped her off at the airport I went and hun out with the friend-girl. My wife was pissed about it but never said anything for a while. When she did I made sure to remind her that: 1.) I was married to her for a reason 2.) She had hung out/stayed in touch with ex-BOYFRIENDS since we had been married 3.) That I hadn't seen this friend in a long time and probably wouldn't again in a long time 4.) The fact that this friend was a girl that I liked 3.5+ year before didn't mean I still felt the same way |
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If you go and don't tell your wife she'll be totally concerned about your being dishonest if she ever found out about it. If you don't go and you do tell your wife you were invited she'll still be concerned, but slightly less perhaps. If you don't go and don't tell you are being deceitful about being asked. If your former co-worker was truly a friend of yours then there wouldn't be a problem with it as your wife would know that your relationship with the other woman wasn't an issue. This woman isn't really a close friend and so it just doesn't look right, even if it is just purely a friendly lunch. If you took your wife with you then it would be OK., but your "friend" should call and ask your wife and you to lunch on her own and leave you out of it. |
Big +1 here . Consensual sex doesn't happen by accident . If you think your mate could be easily swayed by even an aggressive offer . Then you have bigger problems then who they have lunch with . |
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Exactly. It depends on the totality of the situation. It's something that needs to be worked out and understood within each relationship. People should be allowed to hang out with members of the opposite sex. What a half full life it would be to not have a mix of both sexes for friends. As long as that's what they are...friends. When there is some level of sexual thought or excitement from the other person that actually has some substance to it, that is where the line must be drawn. If having guy friends was not "permitted" while I am in a relationship, then I would only have two or three friends...and not even the kind of friend's I would like to do things with, since most of the things I do are "guy" hobbies. 
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| Isn't trust in your spouse knowing they are going to be doing the right thing regardless of whether you tell them or not? If you have to check in everytime you think about doing something that migh be suspect it's almost the same as not having trust there because you're essentially not telling her... you're asking permission. |
IMO, part of the fun of having friends of the opposite sex is the sexual tension. |
You're always jumping into these discussions with this idealistic Jesus-freak stuff. Did you ever think that your fictional whitebread Protestant fantasy relationship filled with hand-holding and candlelight low-fat dinners might be the reason you don't have a woman? |
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I used to work in Boston and met a female co-worker that has ended up in a friendship spanning almost 30 years. Whenever I ended up in Boston on business, I would give her a call to join me for lunch (at very public Boston restaurants). When we first met she was a very bright and gorgeous 23yo single lady and I was a 29yo married man. I did tell my Wife that I was going to meet this lady for lunch, or stop by her office, etc. We were at her wedding and numerous of her family events, we've had them to our house and we've been guests at her house. A few years ago she brought her Husband and two kids to join us and another couple at a Boston oldies concert. Romance was never in the picture of what either she or I wanted from our friendship and thus there never has been any tension between us or our spouses. In fact it's funny but if I call her and her Husband answers he and I will speak for a minute or so and then he'll tell me (with no prompting by me) that he'll put his Wife on the phone with me. A number of years ago, I corresponded with a female professor from VA on one of my gun eLists. She took a Summer teaching job at a Boston area college and was looking for a place to shoot. I invited her to join me at a gun club nearby and she took me up on the offer two or three times. The deal was that I'd pick her up at the commuter rail station and bring her back there, supply the gun and ammo (until she got her MA LTC) and she'd treat me to lunch at the local Chinese restaurant that my Wife and I always go to. My Wife never met her, but knew about it. The owner of the Chinese restaurant (in our small town) knows us by name and may or may not have thought it strange to see me there with another woman (I didn't care), but there was nothing wrong with it and thus I didn't care. Friendships with people, male or female are natural. If you don't trust yourself, then don't do it, but otherwise meeting publicly for lunch isn't a sexual/romantic event unless you make it one. Thus, indeed sometimes lunch is just lunch! |
| Lunch may not mean sex, but my husband just doesn't have female friends and insists that men don't. If he suddenly develops a friend who is female, Ima gonna wonder. It may say something about our relationship that I would wonder, but it also may just be that my husband is introverted, a bit of a homebody, and doesn't even go out to eat with him best buddy very often. It would be more realistic to say his type of man doesn't have female friends. It might be the case that some men enjoy the company of women just for the sake of company. That's not such a bad point to ponder. |
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| I think this it's so great (in a Dr. Phil kinda way) that you guys feel so comfy coming in here to hash out your obvious emotional problems with....WOMEN!!! Good God, if you need to talk then do it! You know the written word is one of man kinds greatest accomplishments! But STOP busting each others balls for posting in here when you are doing the same damn thing. You are still posting in here even if it's to show your ass to some other guy. Grow up, or STFU! |
