Posted: 11/24/2005 5:54:39 PM EDT
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The Rules of EMS Sick people don't bitch Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing. The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are. Being an EMT means having extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror. Always follow the rules but be wise enough to leave them sometimes. If the patient vomits, try to hold the head to the side of the rig with the least difficult cleanable equipment If you absolutely must vomit, than it is probably best to turn your head away from the patient. If I'm up, EVERYONE is up! When responding to a call always remember that your ambulance was built by the lowest bidder. If its stupid, but it works, then it ain't stupid ! The important things are always simple. The simple things are always hard. If the patientt is going to vomit (especially projectile) be sure to aim towards any bystanders that would NOT clear the scene. "When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout". When a call comes in 2 minutes before shift change, you will always pass your relief 1 block from the station. he/she/ it will be laughing and waving at you. You are bound to get a call either during dinner, while you are on the can, or at 2:00am in the middle of a great dream. When it comes to needles, 'tis better to give than to receive. Listening to some EMT's talk on the radio makes you wonder why they don't become professional auctioneers. Most of your patients are healthier than you are. Being in emergency services means you get to celebrate your holidays with all your friends, while on-duty. Being an EMT means you get to expose yourself to rare, exotic and exciting new diseases. You fall, you call, we haul, that's all.! If you have a ride-along you want to show the real world, nothing will happen that shift. You can't cure stupid (this is so true) If it's wet and sticky and not yours, leave it alone! Heaven protects fools and drunks. The address is never clearly marked. The stereo must always be louder than the siren ! You know you are in trouble when the directions to a patient's house include... " turn off of the paved surface..." The pain will go away when it stops hurting. (What I sometimes wanna say to the whiners) The larger the house the furthest from a door the patient will be. If the patient fell and was moved by the family, they will have moved them so that climbing stairs will be involved. |
One of my mine- The Pt's ability to walk to the ambulance is inversely proportionate to the height of the building they're in. 
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This post is great! So so true. PTs are always upstairs.....ALWAYS! For some reason at my station we get lots of calls for falls and such. Even if the Dispatchers dont tone out the engine, we follow the ambulance about 5 minutes after they get the call because the PT is always morbidly obese and soon as the ambulance arrives they call for the pumper. Obese people shouldnt have 2story houses. period 
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Rule of 3's 3am, 3rd floor, 300+lbs, code 3 Paramedics Save Lives...EMT's save Paramedics. ABC's Ambulate Before Cary Airway Breathing Check for weapon DRT- Dead Right There FUBAR F**ked up beyond all recongnition Victom of Gravity- Fall PT. If you dont reconize the rhythm shock it into something you do know. Homeless Hypothermic patient- Bumcicle |
Found this variation not too long ago....  And like Citabria mentioned, the Pumper crew had to get involved, since she was HUGE and was in a sunken livingroom. (And that was after we separated her from the KFC bucket, and it took all three of the ambo-crew to get her on the stretcher......) 
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