Posted: 11/13/2008 11:07:24 PM EDT
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Alright, so I'm writing this while intoxicated after a night at the bars. I would probably never write this while sober, so I figure now is the best time.
Anyways, I am socially retarded and don't know what to do. Atleast socially retarded when it comes to females. I suck with them. I'm a good looking, swole guy, yet I have absolutely, positively NO game. Tonight, as usual, I went to the bar with a couple buddies, and came home alone. This bar was filled with attractive, drunk coeds. Yet I did nothing. I have no clue how to approach girls I don't know. I have no clue how to seal the deal. Basically I started looking good in late high school, then promptly started dating 1 girl for the next couple years, and now I have I'm in my 4th year of college and have no clue what to do. I feel like I'm majorly wasting my time and effort, and I want it to change. So what do I do?? Please give me some advice! |
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First of all, I'm not going to sleep yet. I still have half a plate of delicious bacon cheese fries I just made for my 2:00 snack.
Second of all, for those of you saying "just talk to every girl you see", easier said than done. Don't you think that has ever occurred to me? Doesn't happen though. I have nothing to talk about, and even if I did, the music is so loud I can barely hear over it. I am screwed. (not literally unfortunately) |
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Don't hit on girls in bars.
Do everything in your power to be fun, attractive, at ease, and in the company of other people like yourself, and THAT will be your "game". If you're doing things right, they find you not the other way around. The second you start hitting on women in public, cold style, you trip their "oh shit a predator" instinct and 99% of them will shut down unless you're VERY smooth and do things JUST right. Why do that? It's senseless. Women want to discover, and they want the meeting to be natural and not a setup, or an artifice. They'll sniff out desperation on you like a dog smells pot in a Mexican car. If you're relaxed, in your element and not chasing something, you'll seem 1000% more attractive to a woman. When you DO bump into one, be friendly, smile, look her in the eye and talk to her like she's your buddy's girlfriend.....confidently, without skeezing on her. Give HER a chance to flirt, to touch her hair, to slap your arm.....in otherwords make her show the signs she's into you. I'll be honest, bars are tough to meet quality people in, you have to be doing everything right. It's much easier elsewhere, but if that's where you're going to be then be the alpha of your environment, be slightly aloof, and be patient. Walking around with a lonely boner isn't a good plan, and any pickup line there is will be offset by the fact that your penis arrived at the bar 2 seconds before you got there. Settle down, be confident, be a man amongst boys, and relax. Oh, and funny beats sexy. Every. Damn. Time. |
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Quoted:
Don't hit on girls in bars. Do everything in your power to be fun, attractive, at ease, and in the company of other people like yourself, and THAT will be your "game". If you're doing things right, they find you not the other way around. The second you start hitting on women in public, cold style, you trip their "oh shit a predator" instinct and 99% of them will shut down unless you're VERY smooth and do things JUST right. Why do that? It's senseless. Women want to discover, and they want the meeting to be natural and not a setup, or an artifice. They'll sniff out desperation on you like a dog smells pot in a Mexican car. If you're relaxed, in your element and not chasing something, you'll seem 1000% more attractive to a woman. When you DO bump into one, be friendly, smile, look her in the eye and talk to her like she's your buddy's girlfriend.....confidently, without skeezing on her. Give HER a chance to flirt, to touch her hair, to slap your arm.....in otherwords make her show the signs she's into you. I'll be honest, bars are tough to meet quality people in, you have to be doing everything right. It's much easier elsewhere, but if that's where you're going to be then be the alpha of your environment, be slightly aloof, and be patient. Walking around with a lonely boner isn't a good plan, and any pickup line there is will be offset by the fact that your penis arrived at the bar 2 seconds before you got there. Settle down, be confident, be a man amongst boys, and relax. Oh, and funny beats sexy. Every. Damn. Time. I honestly scrolled down till I found Swingsets post first because it's just way easier to quote him. This man knows his shit and is always right. |
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I appreciate the post swingset, apparently you are the resident expert No, nothing I'm saying hasn't been said before and take my word on it I stuck my dick in the dirt many times as a young swingset trying to get things to go my way with women. That's part of the problem. We're problem solvers, and we see vagina like a project - but it's not. It's not something you can manically & systematically figure out, or pick at until it's yours. The best analogy I can think of with women vs. men, as far as attraction goes is that men are dogs, and women are cats. What do you do with a dog when you want it to come to you? Call its name, slap your leg, say "come here boy!" and act exuberent. It works. Dog comes running, you grab it or smack it or hug it and it's just happy as fucking all get out, right? That's what we are. We like overt, direct, simple interchange. We are excitement and simplicity. Not so with the ladies. They're cats. Call a strange cat to you. What does it do? Looks at you like you're retarded, or it runs, or it acts disenterested. Worse, try grabbing one and hugging it with affection and it'll claw your jugular. So, how do you get a cat to come to you? Sit down, on its level, be calm, show something that it's interested in. Offer your hand from across the room, but don't motion it....just be there as a temptation. And, what happens if you are non-threatening? The cat comes to you and rubs up against you. Now, this rub isn't a sign you should pick it up and squeeze it, is it? Nope, you'll get clawed again. You just stay there, and let it rub a bit. Let it try to tempt you into stroking its back. Small steps, non-threatening steps. That is the interaction in public between men and women. You have to see them as an animal that is naturally wary of you, and be the neato new scratching post in the room, not the guy running around trying to hug the pussy. 
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I don't know when I morphed from being an introverted Trek geek to becoming an asshole, but it happened, and I kinda want to walk into a meat/meet market and let the chips fall.
I married around that time and haven't really looked back, but I believe this is the trick: FUCK PEOPLE, I HATE YOU ALL, AND IT'S BY MY GRACE THAT WE'RE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION. Seriously, I KNOW TO THE CORE OF MY BEING that I'm 150% PURE FUCKING WIN, and a female has to prove to me that she's 1/10th of the awesome that rubs off when I wipe my ass to get the time of day. It's not so much that chicks dig assholes, but that they dig confidence. This is the deal: turn your despair into rage, let that rage cool into loathing and contempt, and throw in a dash of humor, and you're set. Here's how you do it, whenever you encounter a female you could possibly find attractive, think this: "Oh, you're a hot chick, yeah, whatever, bitch probably voted for Obama, well that's fine, when the time comes I'll vote from the rooftops motherfucker, until then you might work your way into the privilege of smoking my cock." Confidence. As the Drills used to say, "False motivation is better than no motivation." Fake the funk, eventually you'll realize that next to the slack-jawed brain-dead populace that it's not so fake, and once you own yourself, you will win. Believe in yourself, and you shall succeed. ETA: remember to temper this with knowledge of self and a sense of wonder and appreciation of the insanity that human interaction provides, if you can't laugh at "What's your sign?" or "OMG I love MySpace" and form an appropriately humorous response: "Well, in the Army my call "Sign" was Pikachu Actual." or "I prefer Spaces inhabited with real people, such as yourself." Nobody likes a total hate-monger, but use it to form your base, just keep conversation light with an snarky edge of contempt for others (directed to anyone NOT your target, so that she'll identify more toward you than them). |
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I don't know when I morphed from being an introverted Trek geek to becoming an asshole, but it happened, and I kinda want to walk into a meat/meet market and let the chips fall. I married around that time and haven't really looked back, but I believe this is the trick: FUCK PEOPLE, I HATE YOU ALL, AND IT'S BY MY GRACE THAT WE'RE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION. Seriously, I KNOW TO THE CORE OF MY BEING that I'm 150% PURE FUCKING WIN, and a female has to prove to me that she's 1/10th of the awesome that rubs off when I wipe my ass to get the time of day. It's not so much that chicks dig assholes, but that they dig confidence. This is the deal: turn your despair into rage, let that rage cool into loathing and contempt, and throw in a dash of humor, and you're set. Here's how you do it, whenever you encounter a female you could possibly find attractive, think this: "Oh, you're a hot chick, yeah, whatever, bitch probably voted for Obama, well that's fine, when the time comes I'll vote from the rooftops motherfucker, until then you might work your way into the privilege of smoking my cock." Confidence. As the Drills used to say, "False motivation is better than no motivation." Fake the funk, eventually you'll realize that next to the slack-jawed brain-dead populace that it's not so fake, and once you own yourself, you will win. Believe in yourself, and you shall succeed. ETA: remember to temper this with knowledge of self and a sense of wonder and appreciation of the insanity that human interaction provides, if you can't laugh at "What's your sign?" or "OMG I love MySpace" and form an appropriately humorous response: "Well, in the Army my call "Sign" was Pikachu Actual." or "I prefer Spaces inhabited with real people, such as yourself." Nobody likes a total hate-monger, but use it to form your base, just keep conversation light with an snarky edge of contempt for others (directed to anyone NOT your target, so that she'll identify more toward you than them). False confidence, being the elusive prick works. No doubt about it. But, it's a brand of bait that attracts a certain type of fish. Are you sure that's the kind of fish you're wanting to hook? There's the rub with being the overconfident guy. Eventually you keep meeting the same person, and you start believing your own inflated self-worth because you're attracting a not-very-worthy type of girl over and over. A no head-games, no-chaos, straight up nice girl wants to find a nice guy that she has to earn. She's likely not going to respond to the overly confident, certainly not enough to seek him out. Think about what kind of girl responds to that....she's going to have a lot of ego herself, an "I'm good enough to hook this detached jerk" vibe, and is that someone you really wanna spend time with? |
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Dude, just don't be afraid to smile and be your natural goofball self.
Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't try to be 'cool'. In my experience, women do not like guys that talk about themselves like they are just so cool, and act like they are just so cool. Also don't get too drunk. Big no-no there. They like warm lightheartedness, smiles, and laughter. Eye contact. Smile, and be funny. Point out funny and goofball things going on around you at the place. Relax. |
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The secret to women is...... Wait of it........... Wait.................... Still waiting???????? There is NO SECRET!!!!!!! Just talk to a woman the way you would talk to anyone else..... If you put on an act she will detect your bullshit. Walking up to someone you're interested in, is an act. And, most women will detect it. She'll detect that you're in a social setting, trying to establish penis/vagina docking protocol. It's a predatory move, and it will seem artificial to most women. You're at a supreme disadvantage right out of the gate. If you're VERY lucky, and you match her ideal, and you say all the right things without tipping the "predator alert" you might get away with it. MIGHT. But, you'll also lose the same woman (nice, attractive, decent) that could have worked out if you had let the situation take care of itself by just being yourself in a social environment and having her show interest in you. Sometimes that means she's a friend of someone you're with, sometimes it means you're both at the bar for drinks at the same time, sometimes it means she tells you she likes your hat. But, you let that interaction happen, and exploit your chances. I'm wasn't a super stud, ever, but once I figured this out I don't think I ever walked out of a bar that I didn't meet or talk to a woman. Wasn't always someone I was interested in, but I always had a conversation or something. I wasn't the best looking guy in the room, wasn't a jerk, most times wasn't even in there to find a woman, but I always managed to have one talk to me in a way that I could have tried to establish some attraction and I NEVER walked up to one cold and started it. All it took for me, honest and truly, was getting over that "young guy in a bar looking for tail" posture. Just learning to go in, with my buddies, and have fun and be a pleasant social guy. Sort of like my cat analogy above, if you're in a bar you want to look like the brand new scratching post. It's not easy, mind you, you have to be real and you have to be interesting but it's always going to be more successful than walking around trying to pry women open. |
| You have to act confident, not arrogant but confident. Act like you don't need or maybe even want to talk to anyone in the place. I consider myself average looking, and can always get @ least 1 girl to approach me, maybe my sights are set to low, as I will F anything with a vagina and pulse, but trust me, chicks love confidence. I have great luck playing 'hard to get', I think chicks figure you must be the man if you act like it. A broad will always F the guy ignoring her before the guy kissing her ass. |
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Please disregard previous post, I dunno dude, I'm drinking champaign and eating a nuke-able cheesesteak @ almost 5am.
My dorky fellow 'trek-loving wife has been passed out in snuggly covers for about 6 hours now. She's from the Bronx, I'm from here, and we met in Tx while enlisted, fell in love and got married while still PFC's. Honestly, I have no idea, but we're still together 7 yrs later, so to hell with it. It's going to come down to you, all people are different, but once you are comfortable with yourself, everything will fall into place. Comfortable and confidence go hand in hand. You can't force it, you just look back one day and say "When/how the hell did that happen?" I'm just so pissed off after having to deal with people all day that it clouds my judgement and posts. I recommend getting a job that forces you to deal with the public, the more you interact with people, the better you get at it. Quit before it destroys your humanity. |
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Stop TRYING so hard. If you leave the bar and get some pie great, if you don't there is always the internet. Just go out and have fun and if you wanna talk to a girl then talk. If she wants to talk to you she will. Remember, they are getting drunk too, so have some fun and experiment. If a chick doesn't want to give you the time of day you probably know before you head her way anyhow. Find one that looks interested and say hi or something. It doesn't matter what you do if she is interested she WILL let you know. And as stated above chloroform works great when you absolutely have to get laid.
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Quoted:
Don't hit on girls in bars. Do everything in your power to be fun, attractive, at ease, and in the company of other people like yourself, and THAT will be your "game". If you're doing things right, they find you not the other way around. The second you start hitting on women in public, cold style, you trip their "oh shit a predator" instinct and 99% of them will shut down unless you're VERY smooth and do things JUST right. Why do that? It's senseless. Women want to discover, and they want the meeting to be natural and not a setup, or an artifice. They'll sniff out desperation on you like a dog smells pot in a Mexican car. If you're relaxed, in your element and not chasing something, you'll seem 1000% more attractive to a woman. When you DO bump into one, be friendly, smile, look her in the eye and talk to her like she's your buddy's girlfriend.....confidently, without skeezing on her. Give HER a chance to flirt, to touch her hair, to slap your arm.....in otherwords make her show the signs she's into you. I'll be honest, bars are tough to meet quality people in, you have to be doing everything right. It's much easier elsewhere, but if that's where you're going to be then be the alpha of your environment, be slightly aloof, and be patient. Walking around with a lonely boner isn't a good plan, and any pickup line there is will be offset by the fact that your penis arrived at the bar 2 seconds before you got there. Settle down, be confident, be a man amongst boys, and relax. Oh, and funny beats sexy. Every. Damn. Time. This and stop getting intoxicated, you'll miss their signals. |
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Ok here is a really good hint...If you want to know how to talk to women...Ask a woman––go to one of your friends that is a girl or something...And there are plenty of good hearted intelligent women on here!!! (before I contradict you, please take this in the spirit in which its intended and I say this with the utmost respect): Worst. Advice. Evar. NEVER, EVER, EVER, get advice about women from women. They talk in platitudes. Ask a woman what her "ideal man" is, and be prepared for a long list of dreamy qualities she'll NEVER choose when it all shakes down. My wife likes tall guys with blonde hair, I'm not tall, dark hair. Good thing I didn't ask her first. Women will go into mother mode when they toss out advice. They try to nurture you, they'll give you the neutered, "boy" talk, a softened and idealized version of how they really operate. Worse, women are like French cars from the 60's, even if you know cars, every damn model is different and has it's own special way of being worked on and figured out. Try starting one based on the last model you own, you'll flood it and it'll die. Don't seek to understand 1 model by studying another. That's not your mission as a young man. Your mission is to improve yourself into the best version of you, the funniest, the nicest, the most successful and coolest version of you and then you just live your life. Again, so this sinks in... DO NOT DO COLD APPROACHES ON WOMEN. Let those exchanges happen naturally, be confident, relaxed, and at ease. When you DO get your chance, talk to women like they're your best friend's sister that's not. You are into her, but you're not going to hit on her or bang her. Flirt, joke, be lighthearted, and don't show your hand. Be slightly out of reach. Get them to show they're into you. Don't ask a girl out, just talk and she'll invite you to ask her out. Talk about things that might be mutually intreresting, so she can lay something out there that invites you to establish a date. Talk about movies, when she says she hasn't seen one you are praising, voila "we should watch that sometime". You say you're really into art, she says she likes art too "We should hit the Galleries sometime". See what I mean? You're not pressing, you're not pursuing, you're just being you talking about the things you like or the nature of WHO YOU ARE, and she'll dangle an invitation, subtly, that tells you to strike and do so casually and naturally. Then, look for language. Does she face you, shoulders square to you? Look you in the eyes? Does she touch her hair, her neck, does she touch you? Good signs. Pour on some interest then. Does she cross her arms, or her legs, or sit "bladed" away from you? Bad signs. Does she look away from you? Does she fidget? Start seeing these, just shut it all down and play cool fish with her. Act disinterested, find a reason to leave and go. When it does come time to show interest, be genuine but don't use movie lines and hallmark crap on her. Don't go for obvious things. Don't compliment her eyes, her perfume, her lips. She's heard it before. Compliment her shoes if they're different or pretty. Tell her she has pretty skin, or hands. Do something when you DO get the chance to show YOUR interest that says "I'm not a typical douche, I'm into YOU now and I'm paying attention to more than your vagina". Don't touch her until she's touched you, make her earn it. Making sense? Go to the ladies forum, and ask your same question. See if anyone there gives you the advice I just did, and I'll reverse my opinion about getting advice from women. Trust me, I've gotten some chick advice and it fucking stunk. |
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Halloween is exactly, exactly, exactly right, OP.
As the Drills used to say, "False motivation is better than no motivation." Fake the funk, eventually you'll realize that next to the slack-jawed brain-dead populace that it's not so fake, and once you own yourself, you will win. Like many other situations, mindset matters a hell of a lot more than anything else. If that's on track, everything else will tend to follow. Now, you can turn that into being an asshole, or an idiot, like a lot of guys. But you can also, instead, turn it into being your own man, and being the man the right woman would want to hang on to. And, EVERYTHING is something to talk about with a woman. Jesus christ, you ever hear one talk before? If they were in a sensory deprivation tank, on mind suppressing drugs, they'd still talk constantly. Talk about how there's nothing to talk about. Talk about how you can't hear her talk. Talk about how you hate finding stuff to talk about. Worst case, recite a dictionary. If you're really bothered by the bar scene, find a different place to hang. Go to club meetings. Go anywhere, do anything. Talk to every woman you meet. It's practice, she doesn't have to be the girl of your dreams, or even single. It'll never be this easy. It'll never be impossible, and you'll get better at it, but you'll always look back and think about how easy it would have been right now. |
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If you're at the top of the hill, you can always walk down it. It's a lot harder to go the other direction.
A no head-games, no-chaos, straight up nice girl wants to find a nice guy that she has to earn. She's likely not going to respond to the overly confident, certainly not enough to seek him out. Think about what kind of girl responds to that....she's going to have a lot of ego herself, an "I'm good enough to hook this detached jerk" vibe, and is that someone you really wanna spend time with? Now, of all the women I've walked away from and shouldn't've, I can't think of one that I met at a bar. But, each started with a simple conversation and self-confidence. |
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Alright, so I'm writing this while intoxicated after a night at the bars. I would probably never write this while sober, so I figure now is the best time. Anyways, I am socially retarded and don't know what to do. Atleast socially retarded when it comes to females. I suck with them. I'm a good looking, swole guy, yet I have absolutely, positively NO game. Tonight, as usual, I went to the bar with a couple buddies, and came home alone. This bar was filled with attractive, drunk coeds. Yet I did nothing. I have no clue how to approach girls I don't know. I have no clue how to seal the deal. Basically I started looking good in late high school, then promptly started dating 1 girl for the next couple years, and now I have I'm in my 4th year of college and have no clue what to do. I feel like I'm majorly wasting my time and effort, and I want it to change. So what do I do?? Please give me some advice! There is nothing wrong with being a homosexual. |
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Not so with the ladies. They're cats. Call a strange cat to you. What does it do? Looks at you like you're retarded, or it runs, or it acts disenterested. Worse, try grabbing one and hugging it with affection and it'll claw your jugular. So, how do you get a cat to come to you? Sit down, on its level, be calm, show something that it's interested in. Offer your hand from across the room, but don't motion it....just be there as a temptation. And, what happens if you are non-threatening? The cat comes to you and rubs up against you. Now, this rub isn't a sign you should pick it up and squeeze it, is it? Nope, you'll get clawed again. You just stay there, and let it rub a bit. Let it try to tempt you into stroking its back. Small steps, non-threatening steps. Excellent post! 
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Learn to dance. I'm a terrible dancer but i landed plenty of women just by dancing with them once or twice.
I used to be the big guy hugging his beer leening against the wall. One day i said fuck the mocho shit and danced with the girls. Instant poon with little conversation required. 
Now I'm married. 
But seriously dancing with a girl shows you are confident and fun two things that attracts women the most. |
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WRT the "not having anything to talk about"...
Ask questions and give compliments. Girls love to talk. If both of you are nervous, just ask questions. She will be relieved you gave her something to talk about. studies show that people who do the most talking in a conversation, come away from the conversation feeling that it was a good one, vs. people who do less talking. Let her do most of the talking, and occasionally lead her with relevant questions. She will telll you all about herself if she's interested in you. By the time you're ready to call it a night, make sure you tell her you had a great time talking to her and that you'd like to see her again. This is where you get the phone number. It's your game to lose from that point forward. |