Posted: 2/18/2008 3:21:22 AM EDT
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So, for the past thee days I have been working 14s for the NBA allstars game. On my feet dealing with morons, asshats, directing traffic, dealing with a couple shootings, etc. At about 0100, a chap walks by me and my partner, then turns to me and asks in heavily accented english (turns out he is from Norway,) "hello officer, may you tell me where is I can find the place with the pretty ladies, and for the funny time?" I said "What?" He said "You know, the place of the pretty ladies, with the *winked* extra funny time?" I turned to my partner, rather incredulous, as we were both in full regalia for the occasion, and he looked back at me, and then we looked back at Mr. Norway and almost at the same time asked him "WHAT are you asking for?" Mr. Norway then said "You know, you know, I look for the place of pretty ladies, you know, with the plus plus!" Us: "Are you asking two uniformed policemen about where to find a prostitute?" Norway: "Yes, the you know *demonstrates groin thrusts* pretty ladies happy to go plus plus!" Us: "Uh, that ain't legal here (thinking maybe Norway is like the Netherlands and we just don't know.) Norway: "No, is against law in Norway too, but the police is always know best place for the pretty lady, ones who are good at funny time." Us: "Uh, look, we don't pay for it, and we ain't in vice, so you better just head to the strip clubs and hope for the best." Norway: "But they tell me you are know best places!" Inside our minds, I must confess, did pass the thought of sending him to the Artists Cafe, where he would see some mediocre strippers, many of whom would likely give him 'plus plus funny time,' but since they would also likely give him 'pus pus not so funny time, complete with maybe funny time place falling off,' we sent him to the Penthouse club. At least there he would spend money in the city, then get thrown out when he tried to get some action, as they do not play that there. (We do know which strip joints are most known for the selling of p@#$&, a@^, and B!@% j*&$, but good gracious we don't go there, or really condone that crap. |
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Reminds me of the time in paramedic class, when some classmates joked about going to the City and "picking up some hookers" during an after class "study meting" at a local drinking establishment. Completely deadpan, I tell them "Ask for the five dollar tour first" and take a sip of my beer. They, of course, give me the  and ask WTH I'm talking about.I reply "look, they're working folks; thier time is money. So, before you engage in any 'activity', give 'em $5 and ask 'em to lift their skirt, so you can check the merchandise." They still are  , and one of them asks "why?"I replied "Because some of our "girls" aren't girls "all the way" yet, and you should know what you're gonna find before you get surprised in the backseat" and I take another sip.     Hey, they'd never had to transport "Francine" for getting the crap kicked outta her. ("Francine's" DL read Franklin, and indicated a 35 y.o. male) 
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Are you with NOPD??? 
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