Posted: 6/9/2009 9:34:13 AM EDT
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(posted on a job search forum)
The scene is set thus … I had posted my CV on monster.co.uk which had been live for a several weeks - unbeknown to me it is patrolled by lots of ‘little monsters’, masquerading as bona fide employment agencies and recruiters. Once I’d got to the stage of phone calls at ten pm of an evening with long winded and convoluted conversations buttering me up for that ‘cream contract’ (read: bullsh*tted) I decided that the only way (short of finding a shotgun and case of cartridges) to weed out the errant monsters from the half-decent ones (there are some?) was to put a A4 page preface and details of what I would and would not consider, so it saves times, mostly mine and means I don’t have to get ear ache listening to some driveling half-wit ‘fresh out of University media studies’ nurd who after swallowing a years subscriptions worth of ‘The Recruiter’ now knows everything there is to know about business and commerce. So, you can imagine my surprise and to some degree (pun intended) delight at getting a rather refreshing call from a guy one early evening, which was a much better time, very pleasant, asked if it was ok to talk, and started off really well. This was the first bullsh*t, sorry buttering up phase to get me to drop my guard and drag me ‘on side’. The guy said he’d seen the CV blah blah blah, waffle waffle, joke thrown in here and there to lighten the conversation, so I went along and played the docile puppy-dog and rolled over for a tummy rub. He exclaimed how reading the preface made his life easier in selecting ‘the right candidate’ (remember that phrase will you for later on?) and that he had ‘just the job’ for me. He didn’t give too much in the way of details initially i.e. location, job title, hours, and salary level despite my attempts to glean the information from him (a fishes arse would have been easier to prise open I’m thinking at this stage). The conversation leads on to the CV and he asks if its ok to ‘pass it across’ to the company concerned, to which I reply fine, of course as an active job seeker you want to appear keen to impress and anything that could result in a great job is an obvious bonus, or so you would think. Anyway, a day or two goes by and I get a call, recruiter says they like the CV, keen to see me and arranges for a telephone interview and then a proper interview, so that’s ok at least the phone stage gives us the opportunity to sound them out and find out what its all about, at this stage I’m still none the wiser as to the damn job, all I know is that it’s a specialist packaging firm, young, dynamic and going places, great I thought. Said recruiter further says that he’d ‘send me an e-mail’ with all the details on, so that’s even better then isn’t it?! Or so you would have anticipated. Then they guy rings a few days later demanding that I do the telephone interview the next day and that ‘they want to get the physical interview done this week’, which I think is a bit off as we’d already arranged everything and now shylock is changing the goal posts. At this point I smell a rat and call his bluff, all bets are off and it has to be the original plan, I’m then pestered relentlessly to get this done the same week, but I’m not buying from Mr. pushy recruiters barrow and tell him a firm no, and that we do as planned, he relents, so I think I have the upper hand here. Shylock then rings me up the following week and says that they’ve decided to skip the telephone interview and want to move things towards the real thing, also that he’s passed them three CV’s and mine’s been picked from the three, lucky me! By this stage I’m getting well pissed off with all the changes, three pestering phone calls in one week and this guys really starting to become like a wart on my arse that needs lancing, if for nothing else the autocue telephone pickup line of ‘Hiya!!! How are you?’ in an overly friendly ‘ill-be-your-bum-chum-but-you-don’t-yet-know-you’r e going-to-be-screwed-over’ tone of voice. At this stage I get passed the briefest of information that the jobs 19k a year and it’s a day position 8-5.30 or thereabouts, great, just what I’m looking for, so of course I’m dead keen on this. So we eventually fix the date for the following week, I get a pre-arranged email with the company address (which is in fact wrong – what a dickhead) although no contact numbers (what’s wrong with this guy? Why so secretive?) and I’m told that all the info I need is ‘on the website’. So I get arse in gear do a search, and find a small website, not the best thing in the world but some info, like the proper address and phone number, so I presume ha, this must be some kind of engineering job, maintenance etc. so I get loaded up with the company info, and off I trot to the train station, I want to arrive in pristine condition, so I’m dressed smartly and arrive actually an hour early, so a dinner on the station platform is deemed useful and some reading up. I arrive early as you do, find the place, go to reception and find some mechanic stuffed behind a PC in an office - once I get his attention, I ask for the party concerned, get told someone’s gone to find him and are asked to wait. Then the interviewer appears about 10 minutes later, initial looks seem ok but this guys looking at me with a fierce expression on his face, as if to say, “ Jesus Christ, who’s the guy sent us now? “ (Do I LOOK like coco the sodding clown?) He asks me if I’ve been briefed what the job is, and out of all honesty I haven’t - so I say so, the guy then goes loco on me, starts mouthing off, slagging off the recruiter, tells me that this is a machine minders position (try reading the CV you’ve allegedly been passed over and you find something useful you steaming tw*t!) and that it’ll take 18 months to 2 years to learn (oh yeah?) said really negatively, and more of a ‘I’m trying to put you off stance’. He then goes and gets an ‘application form’ (what a joke that was) for what its worth and an idiot form for basic Maths and English that any half-literate immigrant can pass with their eyes half cocked shut with one finger on the detonator. Says to me, shouldn’t take more than 20 minutes to complete, and about 10 mins later I’m all done. This guys still in one hell of a shit-on of a mood, and I do not like this one bit, I feel like I’ve been sailed down the river by the overly keen recruiter and that it would appear, as was later intimated to me, that he’s been sending candidates that simply weren’t up to the job in hand, or was they were all ‘jobs in hand’ (think about it). I don’t know whether turning up in blue overalls smeared in monkey grease and swarfega would have calmed down ‘Mr. Frosty’ or perhaps he needed to cool down in the works fridge (you work his name out) but I get the distinct feeling that I’m about as welcome as Tony Blair at an Iraqi’s coming of age party. Mr. Frosty then goes and gets some other guy to show me round, and in all honesty I like the next bloke, pleasant, jovial, informative, not a patch on this motor mouth unappeasable arsehole that I’ve just been dealing with. It’s a quick tour of the factory floor, I’ve done my homework and explain that I know what they’re all about, where they’re going and this seems to go down ok. One tour later and I’m back in the ’custody’ of Mr. Glaring Psychopath and his distinct attitude problem, again, going off on about this recruiter and then starts the patter of what do I think of the place, we’ll in ten minutes or so what can you say? I want to move in? Pric*. Then he humpfs, walks off, talks to someone in the office, comes back and to my amazement says that he’s ‘not getting the right vibes from me’, and he ‘can’t see me climbing all over machinery’ well f*ck me, and there was me thinking I’ve come for a job interview and it was really to play second dustbin lid in some ramshackle timpani band from some sun swept Caribbean island, or was this the interview for a double jointed circus trapeze artist to swing from the machinery? What a complete twa*!!!!! I’m sitting there wondering whether I should just get up and walk out after having a whole bastard day wasted, and apart from being made to feel totally unwelcome, I’m insulted! ‘Not getting the right vibes?’ Step outside sonny and I’ll show you some vibes all right - on the way to A & E pal. I’ve lost interest at this stage and am so hacked off, but ever the diligent candidate I stick it out, the guy then harps on some more blah, blah, waffle, waffle, more bullshi* and I’m thinking yep, this is definitely one complete arsehole of the first order who apart from just about having a single, lonely brain cell to his name, knows toffee about recruiting and even less about how to conduct a ‘proper’ frigging interview. Then the whammy comes, he goes away (bearing in mind this ‘interview’ has been conducted in a dirty works reception area, the place is one hell of a dirty shithole) and tells me it is a continental shift, no issues there for me, but being pre-warned would have been nice i.e. the recruiters job is to brief, not de-brief the sodding candidate, and that after a consultation with the Shift Manager, the recruiter will call me and tell me the result of the interview, despite being told by Mr.Bullsh*t recruiter that as the interview was with the Shift Manager as well I’d be told on the day, so more lies from Pinocchio the woodcutters son. Burn by the fire you scumbag. I left fuming with rage, totally dejected, hacked off, fit to be tied, and had I gone by car, double parked and got a ticket I’d have gone hunting for the traffic warden and rammed the machine so far up his arse he’d have dispensed a ticket every time he sneezed or blinked twice. At this stage I realize I’ve been conned by this ‘professional recruiter’ who isn’t fit to shovel shit from A to B. After getting off the train, I’m not 2 minutes down the road when the mobile goes, guess who? Osama Bin Laden? John Prescott? Nope – Pinocchio himself! ‘Hello xxxxxxx, how did it go?’ comes the sly voice down the phone, at this stage I lose the plot big time and rip the bastards throat out down the phone, not giving this lowlife scum the air to get a syllable in edgeways I tell him what happened, what I thought of the pre-interview brief, the lies, the deceit and the utter bullsh*t that vented forth from his mouth and the so called interviewer, not withstanding that the client poured scorn on the caliber of candidates he’d been sending them and that one guy the previous week only lasted 3 days before going AWOL (A long service medal in order perhaps?) Of course, the phone call telling me the result of the interview never comes, and it was only to be expected that Mr. Gutless Bastard recruiter wouldn’t have the balls to come back to me, one minute I can’t get this sweaty jockstrap off the phone, the next it’s like being on a ghost ship, all quiet and peaceful. So pissed off at having my day totally wasted, the morals of this story are as stated, two fold;- 1. Never EVER trust an independent recruiter who can’t deliver the right timely information as they’re bullsh*tting you from the first breath. If you can’t get the scumbag to impart the relevant information within the first 3 minutes, you’re wasting your time - hang up, I wish I had. 2. If the job sounds too good to be true, then it probably (and definitely in this case) is too good and sixth sense should tell you to walk away. This was the worst interview I’ve ever had (apart from a particular company a few years ago) and I’m fuming that I’ve been sold a pup, conned, lied to and had to travel cross country dressed to the nines on a hot day, when I could have been doing something more productive and indeed constructive. And a special mention to any genuine job seekers, should you EVER get a phone call from a twat called Mik* Clar* in a broad Brummie accent slam the phone down! Yes, I’m annoyed and have every damn right to be. Name and shame and hopefully it will save some other poor sod a wasted journey to the company from hell and Mr. Frosty the sodding snowman - melt you basta*d. And as for the recruiter, well all I have is a phone number and an email address, so no chance of a visit to his home address, oh how I wish. Rest assured should we ever meet I’ll nail the wassock my way. Monster.co.uk – it’s really not worth all the hassle, honest. The local job centre has more credibility and that’s saying something. I also intend to make sure that this post is duplicated on about ten other web sites and that whenever any potential client or job seeker types in their name on the search engines they hit THIS before their piss poor website thanks to search engine optimization, and my honed skills. If it costs this shower a contract – great, and if it saves someone a wasted day at the interview from hell then my task has all been worth it. Merry Xmas Mr. Frosty – stick a 99p flake where the sun doesn’t shine! Would I work for this inept shower? You must be Formaxing joking!!! The crap company concerned is: FORMAX UK, UNIT 3a, CUTTERS CLOSE, NARBOROUGH, LEICESTERSHIRE www.formax.co.uk The recruiter in question is M.Clare of PRS recruitment in the West Midlands, 'Mike' (although i call him something less flattering) is to be avoided at ALL costs, should he glare over your CV on monster and 'give you a call'... |
