Posted: 11/4/2008 9:15:36 AM EDT
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Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.' Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mum wants to talk to you.'  Next 
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WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: Definitely not! WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married? HUSBAND: Of course I do. WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry? HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again. WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan). WIFE: Would you live in our house? HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house. WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed? HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep? WIFE: Would you let her drive my car? HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new. WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers? HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs? HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed. WIFE: - silence - - HUSBAND: Shit .... |
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An English ventriloquist visiting Waleswalks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.
He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the boyo 'Hi, mind if I talk to your dog?' Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid English t**t.' Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?' Dog: 'Yeah, I'm doin' all right.' Boyo: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager) Dog: 'Yep' Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?' Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the lake once a week to play.' Boyo: (look of utter disbelief) Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?' Boyo: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I don't think.' Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?' Horse: 'Cool' Boyo: (absolutely dumbfounded) Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at thevillager) Horse: 'Yep' Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?' Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often, and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.' Boyo: (total look of amazement) Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?' Boyo: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a f*****' liar……' |