Posted: 1/8/2009 5:03:25 AM EDT
With having a long holiday weekend I decided I would burn up a weeks vacation and get in some quality resting and shooting time and scheduled this whole last week off. I planned it all out and stocked up 400rnds of 5.56, 550rnds of .22, 100rnds of .17hmr and 60rnds of .243win. Yup, I was stoked, I have done a little work on my AR and am ready to test it out. Just did some trigger work on my M700 .243 and am just itching to see what kind of groups I am going to get. It shot great before, but now the trigger is so light and crisp  Yup, I'm ready to burn up the money I just shelled out on all my ammo and develop that goofy grin one gets after a full days worth of shooting.
Then it happened  Monday morning I was awaken from my peaceful slumber by the wife while she was getting ready to head to work. She nudged me out of dreamland, instantly ruining any chance I had of scoring with dreamgirl. I peeled my head from my pillow and wiped the drool from the side of my face and said the thing every tired, awaken from a good dream, married guy says "Yes baby?" Hey, you might say I need to grow a pair, but every married man knows the wife will chop them off anyway. Then she informed me that there was a note for me read on the kitchen table when I get up before I do anything. She gives me a kiss, tells me she loves me, then off to work she goes.
Curious, I stumble my been asleep for 2 hours ass downstairs to the table. There it was, the note every man fears.......The Honey Do List. She left detailed instructions that before I go "play with my guns" I needed to finish the list first, there isn't too much to do on it and I should have it done in no time. Then I continued through the "I love you honey blah, blah, blah" crap and finally got to the list. Here the "short and easy" list is. 1. Hang the microwave, it takes up too much space on the counter. 2. Go get insulation and insulate the floors above the crawlspace. 3. Get new storm window for the girl's room. 4. Change all the old yellowish light switches and plugs in the house with new white ones. (Yes, the whole house) 5. Clean and arrange your (mine) closet. (This is not an easy chore, there is a mountain of gun parts breeding in there) 6. Paint all the doors and closet doors white. (Again, the whole house) 7. Fix the blind in our bedroom. 8. Hang new blind in the girl's room 9. Hang pictures in the hallway. (Now I'll tell ya all, there is like 20 of them) 10. Put a new toilet paper roll holder in the downstairs bathroom. 11. Go get a new heat register for the family room, the dog keeps running into it and its all bent up. 12. Put new trim up around the laundry room door. 13. Put new tile in the downstairs bathroom. 14. Go get a flood light for the backyard and whatever conduit and wire you need to install it and get it put up. 15. Put a new window lock in the boy's room, he managed to break his. 16. Fix spot on the floor. (Now this "spot" on the floor is not just like a stain on the carpet. Oh no, its where I stripped the old carpet out a couple months ago revealing the hardwood floor. I then proceeded to crawl on my hands and knees with a pair of needle nose pulling out the million staples, sand the floor down, stain it and refinish it. Only to have my loving wife spill paint stripper on it while stripping some old trim.) The list was signed "P.S. I figure you can get all this done in a day and have the whole rest of the week to relax and go shooting with your dad, don't forget you have a Dr. appointment Thursday to get on Chantix to help you quit smoking, I love you honey" Needless to say I have lost 5 pounds since I have been on vacation, my back hurts, got itching ass insulation somehow in places it was never intended to be, have repeatedly hammered my thumb, spent enough money at Home Depot to make my butthole pucker, and the only trigger I've pulled all week says Craftsman on the side of it. For all you guys contemplating on getting a wife you got to get yourself one of these critters. 
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Eh, me thinks her proposed timeline near the end of the note is a little skewed. If you get your butt over to the Home Depot RIGHT DAMN NOW, you might get all of that list completed in time to have one full day at the range before you have to carry your ass back to work.
Have fun. 
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Oh, so that's what I have to look forward to? 
My lists haven't been quite that long yet, but since my employer has so kindly encouraged me to take a brief UNPAID vacation due to the decreased workload, she has suggested that maybe I could clean the house for her since I'm at home... Girls, what are we gonna do with 'em? |
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Here are Bubba's helpful home repair hints :
Quoted:
1. Hang the microwave, it takes up too much space on the counter. Four 3" sheetrock screws through the roof of the microwave and into the bottom of the cupboard. 2. Go get insulation and insulate the floors above the crawlspace. Lotsa cans of spray foam. 3. Get new storm window for the girl's room. Clear trash bag and some duct tape to match your siding. 4. Change all the old yellowish light switches and plugs in the house with new white ones. (Yes, the whole house) White spray paint. 5. Clean and arrange your (mine) closet. (This is not an easy chore, there is a mountain of gun parts breeding in there) Use empty shipping boxes to better stack/hide your stuff. 6. Paint all the doors and closet doors white. (Again, the whole house) Hmm, too big of a job for just more spray paint, so time to buy that Wagner Power Painter and let Tim Allen "rewire" it for more power. 7. Fix the blind in our bedroom. Tell the blind to get their own damn home. 8. Hang new blind in the girl's room Hanging is a little extreme, just boot 'em out the front door and point 'em towards the nearest free clinic. 9. Hang pictures in the hallway. (Now I'll tell ya all, there is like 20 of them) NAIL GUN!! 10. Put a new toilet paper roll holder in the downstairs bathroom. You're gonna need to buy more power tools for this task. Perhaps a nice TIG welder to fabricate a stainless or aluminum TP holder. 11. Go get a new heat register for the family room, the dog keeps running into it and its all bent up. Train dog to not run into it. Build taller curbs or fence it in to prevent future damage. 12. Put new trim up around the laundry room door. Why get new? Refurb the old stuff. Here's another chance to use that new Wagner painter! 13. Put new tile in the downstairs bathroom. One word, linoleum. 14. Go get a flood light for the backyard and whatever conduit and wire you need to install it and get it put up. Get Surefire catalog. Order Humvee battle light. 
15. Put a new window lock in the boy's room, he managed to break his. NAIL GUN!! 16. Fix spot on the floor. (Now this "spot" on the floor is not just like a stain on the carpet. Oh no, its where I stripped the old carpet out a couple months ago revealing the hardwood floor. I then proceeded to crawl on my hands and knees with a pair of needle nose pulling out the million staples, sand the floor down, stain it and refinish it. Only to have my loving wife spill paint stripper on it while stripping some old trim.) Can you get grass to grow this spot? Helpful, ain't I. 
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| I agree with J20... how funny would it have been to see the look on her face when she sees that note with several bullet holes in it?? I know you would be in the doghouse but sometimes the rewards are worth the risk... You should be able to tile a bathroom in a day....ummmm.... NO!!! or you could make a neat design with all the pics and use duct tape to fix everything else... |
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And then it happens....Pick up your guns, take some dress clothes with you. Hurry home, stash the armory and put the worn dress clothes in the dirty laundry. "Work called me in today so I didn't get a chance to get to your list. I'll start on it tomorrow." Wink-Wink I have a neighbor with a wife like that. The difference, if the floor doesn't get fixed when she stomps her foot, she does it while he's out hunting. So, he gets mad that she did it wrong and things go haywire from there. I'm thankful things don't work like that in my house! After 17 years, I've never been given a honey-do list. She knows it would go both ways. |
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Quoted:
What you should have done is taken the first day and gone shooting. gone shooting all week then told her that since it will only take one day to do the stuff she asked she shouldnt be bothered that you took the first one to do what you wanted.used the last day of your vacation to work on the list. Fixed it |
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Quoted:
Quoted:
What you should have done is taken the first day and gone shooting. gone shooting all week then told her that since it will only take one day to do the stuff she asked she shouldnt be bothered that you took the first one to do what you wanted.used the last day of your vacation to work on the list. Fixed it I like this idea 
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Some good suggestions on here, so here's my solution to all the inside tasks except hanging the pictures: Replace all light bulbs with 40 watt bulbs. If some of the problems are still visible, try 25 watt bulbs.
Use the electricity savings to buy more ammo (and beer.) |
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Treat this list like you would vegetables when you were a kid. If you just push the veggies around the plate it LOOKS like you ate some. So if you just lay a bunch of tools around with nails and screws everywhere it might look like you got it done.
then off to the range
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Quoted:
Some good suggestions on here, so here's my solution to all the inside tasks except hanging the pictures: Replace all light bulbs with 40 watt bulbs. If some of the problems are still visible, try 25 watt bulbs. Use the electricity savings to buy more ammo (and beer.) I like that. Have to keep that in mind for my next list. And OP, I feel your pain. 
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