Would you ever be a step- parent?

General » General Discussion

Site Notices

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Would you ever be a step- parent? (Page 1 of 3)

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:35:28 PM EDT

what is the consensus of GD on being a step parent?

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:43:09 PM EDT

[#1]

I am one, but I never raised him with that thought process. He is my son. I am his father.

Edit to add; the natural father was not in the picture.

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:43:42 PM EDT

[#2]

I would like to imagine not....

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:43:55 PM EDT

[#3]

Nope

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:44:36 PM EDT

[#4]

I have two sons. One of them just happened to be 8 when I married his mother.

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:46:25 PM EDT

[#5]

Nope. After going through a nasty divorce I took time getting back into dating. The ladies I dated always had some kind of family drama. Maybe it was the age group I was in at the time and the ladies had early teens at home. Hearing their tales of drama and seeing my kids dealing with a step dad gave me a different outlook on relationships. I decided to stay single and date. It hasn't always been easy keeping a dating life style separate from a family life style. I chose not to mix personal time with family time. Now that my daughters are grown and have kids of their own they understand why I chose this path. We joke about it at times and they thank me for the step mom they never had.

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:46:34 PM EDT

[#6]

lol no

why would i raise someone's kids?

i don't fault someone for doing it, but not for me

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:47:01 PM EDT

[#7]

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:48:05 PM EDT

[#8]

I am one. The boy is great, I get along with his father (who is appropriately involved), and I wouldn't change anything but the state in which we currently live.

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:49:24 PM EDT

[#9]

Did it and it was ruff

Now I am a step grand parent and it is glorious

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:50:45 PM EDT

[#10]

Nope

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:51:49 PM EDT

[#11]

She'd have to be a solid 10.

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:51:52 PM EDT

[#12]

Only if the father died and in an honorable manner. Not talking about a guy and his Glock 40 vs 20 policemen.

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:53:47 PM EDT

[#13]

Quote History

Quoted:
I am one, but I never raised him with that thought process. He is my son. I am his father.

View Quote

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:53:55 PM EDT

[#14]

Nope. Only dated women that had no kids after my divorce. I really don’t want anyone being a “dad” to my six year old either.

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:54:59 PM EDT

[#15]

It's not the kids that would stop me personally, it's the fact that 95% of single moms are that way for a reason.

Then you throw in the gamble of taking on somebody else's kids, and you're just taking a huge risk, but then again no risk no reward for some.

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:56:27 PM EDT

[#16]

Quote History

Quoted:
I am one, but I never raised him with that thought process. He is my son. I am his father.

Edit to add; the natural father was not in the picture.

View Quote

FPNI, except she is my daughter. She was 9 when her mother and I started dating.

Posted: 6/12/2019 8:59:09 PM EDT

[#17]

Quote History

Quoted:
I am one, but I never raised ~~him~~her with that thought process. HeShe is my ~~son~~daughter. I am~~his~~her father.

Edit to add; the natural father was not in the picture.

View Quote

this.
he called when she was 16 or 17. I heard her say "my dad is here, i dont know you" and hung up.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:00:33 PM EDT

[#18]

I am one.

Wouldn't change it for anything.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:00:46 PM EDT

[#19]

There is only one child I want to be the father of but his mom is bat shit crazy so no.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:07:15 PM EDT

[#20]

Answer to the general question is no. However, the situation and details could affect my perspective. Unless it is a widower situation I would be picking up the burden of other parties failures. Good kids I like. Bad or poorly trained kids no way.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:08:46 PM EDT

[#21]

I might do it if the child was less than two yo and the mother was incredibly hot, very wealthy and very skilled at wifely "duties" (sandwich making and such).

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:10:40 PM EDT

[#22]

Quote History

Quoted:
I am one, but I never raised him with that thought process. He is my son. I am his father.

Edit to add; the natural father ~~was not in the picture~~.

View Quote

died in a car crash when step son was 6 months old, before boobhooing father was in total denial about being a father and was hit with child support goodness earlier that day. got drunk and stoned and drove into a bridge abutment.
stepson is 28 now and honestly if I'd known then what I know now and have known for for 12-13 years I would have done things differently.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:11:02 PM EDT

[#23]

Quote History

Quoted:
I am one, but I never raised him with that thought process. He is my son. I am his father.

Edit to add; the natural father was not in the picture.

View Quote

Same here

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:12:14 PM EDT

[#24]

I have a step-son.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:12:18 PM EDT

[#25]

I'd like to avoid it but anything is possible.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:13:50 PM EDT

[#26]

I'm never getting married or having kids, so it's academic for me, but I wouldn't have a problem being a step dad provided biological dad was out of the picture and mom was willing to let me be "dad" and do what needs done for the kids.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:24:50 PM EDT

[#27]

Quote History

Quoted:
I might do it if the child was less than two yo and the mother was incredibly hot, very wealthy and very skilled at wifely "duties" (sandwich making and such).

View Quote

That's pretty much how I did it.

It's worked out nicely.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:25:07 PM EDT

[#28]

Almost was; would have been if the dad wasn’t a lying scumbag who had the corrupt PD on his side. In hindsight I wish I would have corrected the problem on my own.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:25:41 PM EDT

[#29]

Quote History

Quoted:
I am one, but I never raised him with that thought process. He is my son. I am his father.

Edit to add; the natural father was not in the picture.

View Quote

This. Pretty common OP.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:32:13 PM EDT

[#30]

You marry a woman who has a kid, you get to be a step parent, it comes with the deal. If you don't step up to that duty then you are a shit and should not marry the woman.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:33:53 PM EDT

[#31]

Steps get walked on.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:34:05 PM EDT

[#32]

I like how guys who prob can’t even get a date on tinder, now need a mother to be a ten.

I’m not a step father but if that was how life worked out I’d be fine with it.

I have a lot of respect for step fathers doing a good job. It’s a big responsibility. I also see enough natural parents that suck that I don’t see many draw backs.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:45:38 PM EDT

[#33]

Quote History

Quoted:
Steps get walked on.

View Quote

Nope.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:46:54 PM EDT

[#34]

Quote History

Quoted:
I am one.

Wouldn't change it for anything.

View Quote

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:51:46 PM EDT

[#35]

I love mine. I only tolerate other people’s kids. I don’t think I’d be up for it.

ETA: think it would be different if children are already adults. Either way, Mrs. T hasn’t decided to change the locks and she won’t be so lucky for me to divorce her, so it doesn’t matter in my case.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:51:49 PM EDT

[#36]

no, i bang lots of single moms but always tell them up front i wont date them. no fucking way in hell im letting someone elses sperm run around my house messing up the place

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:52:05 PM EDT

[#37]

depends on the woman and the kid.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:54:55 PM EDT

[#38]

... I certainly don't hate kids. In fact they are awesome. Just never wanted any of my own. However, I've been told that I'm a grand uncle!

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:55:04 PM EDT

[#39]

I have been a step parent a couple of times. Once (first time) was a disaster. It all depends on the person. Second time, has gone great. Over 20 years later and I still think the step child is a wonderful person and a great adult.

Each case is different, I don't think one can reasonably generalize about how things will turn out. You can no more predict a step child, than a child can reasonably predict a step parent.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:55:16 PM EDT

[#40]

something something playing someone else's saved game something

I hope I am never in a position where I have to consider this possibility. Been happily married to the same woman for a long time. All kids are mutual.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:56:59 PM EDT

[#41]

I think if you already have kids, then it's more acceptable to date or marry a woman with kids. If you don't have kids and you are dating a woman with kids, it's likely better to just hit it and quit it. I mean she might be smoking hot and way out of your league though, so I could see the advantage here. And you're likely not the best looking guy and have a solid job and would be a good provider. Hot chicks went for the hot guys, but hot dudes are players and don't stick around. So these hot single moms go looking for a more financially stable guy she can manipulate better. I mean I'm not saying these dudes won't be happy of course, still get sex with a hot woman. I know some guys like that and it's all good. But the girl is clearly just using the dude for his money. Or you can find a less attractive girl with no kids to go marry and have kids with. And you can probably be the one in charge of making the decisions. Long term the hot chicks don't last as they tend to cheat more. And the ugly chicks try harder and don't cheat on you since they know they are the lucky ones with a guy out of their league. Ideally you want someone really close to your league, same sexual attractiveness and same kind of income. But it's really hard to find sometimes as most chicks are unrealistic of their standards until they get older and are wondering why they are still alone. But yeah I've dated single moms, wouldn't marry one though unless she was really hot and amazing in bed. And you have to ask yourself, do you want kids of your own? Single moms usually don't want more kids. End of my rambling, haha

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:57:09 PM EDT

[#42]

Quote History

Quoted:
There is only one child I want to be the father of but his mom is bat shit crazy so no.

View Quote

and that is a major drawback

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:57:11 PM EDT

[#43]

I did, and it was a great decision

Not that it was always a perfect situation with my spawn... but definitely would do it all over again

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:58:41 PM EDT

[#44]

If you like kids and their mom will support you in raising them right I don't see the problem. Kids need love, guidance and discipline and far too few have decent parents these days. It's a big responsibility and can be a lot of work and very trying but the reward is worth it. I'll have steered another young adult in the right direction in life and hopefully given them enough of an example and enough ethics, morality and wisdom to grow into a person of good, strong character in an age when our country and culture are falling apart around us.

I guess it really boils down to three things. Will their mother fully support you in your parenting even when she disagrees with you? Are you a man of character who is willing to sacrifice so that a child can grow and develop in character? Do you have the right character to raise children?

It was raising my first daughter as a single parent with no child support that helped me to develop into the man I am today. I'm thankful that the kids value me as much as they do, it motivates me to continue growing and developing.

Posted: 6/12/2019 9:59:57 PM EDT

[#45]

I love my step daughters. They are my family.

Posted: 6/12/2019 10:00:54 PM EDT

[#46]

I’m increasingly of the opinion that it’s something a guy with a healthy sense of self worth would not do.

But few men know their own value in our society.

Posted: 6/12/2019 10:01:40 PM EDT

[#47]

Quote History

Quoted:
FPNI, except she is my daughter. She was 9 when her mother and I started dating.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
I am one, but I never raised him with that thought process. He is my son. I am his father.

Edit to add; the natural father was not in the picture.

FPNI, except she is my daughter. She was 9 when her mother and I started dating.

My step daughter was 7 when I met her mother. Daughter is 26 now and giving us a lot of trouble. I love them both but wonder what I got myself into sometimes. It will all work out, I pray.