Wife of 32 years is moving out Saturday.  Her choice.  No fighting, she's just not happy.  Kids are long out of the house.  Still sharing same bed, yesterday she actually swallowed etc.  All is well.  She's in no hurry to file so we are likely to remain married for several months.  

I'm keeping the house and after a home equity refinance tomorrow (my name only on new deed) will have $75k to hand off to her for her share of the home equity.  She or I may be hosing ourselves but neither of us cares.  I'm staring out with $140k in positive equity above my note and keeping 95% of all contents.  She keeps the $40k she'd have owed me as part of her (greater than mine) retirement and that could well be worth $200k someday.  I don't care.  

But I've told her I'm not going to hand over the $75k without a notarized letter from her stating that she forgoes any rights to future increases in equity on the house, my retirement etc.    
On her end the letter would offer protection from any claims against her retirement (401k and Roth), any share of her inheritance should her 92 YO mother pass before we file/finalize etc.  She actually wants to give me $3k (maybe 10%) from her mothers estate when that time comes but I'm refusing it.    It would also call out her ownership of a few furniture items that I'm storing for her at my place for an as yet undetermined length of time because her rental house is furnished.  

Neither of us knows how to write such a letter that might hold up as a viable legal instrument so I want to go to a lawyer to have it done.  But I just want the letter and am not interested in being drawn into a mindset where I need to "win" this divorce.  We are parting respectfully and peacefully.  
This is a very touchy issue between us because neither would ever cheat the other.  But I've pointed out to her that someone might otherwise file a claim on her behalf if she were comatose or other calamity.  

So what is such letter called?
How much should I expect to pay a mid-grade independent lawyer for this service?
Is it kosher to ask for just a sliver of their service portfolio as I want to do here?

TL/DR:  Giving soon to be Ex $75k for her interest in home equity, want protection against future claims against increases in HE.  

I'm sorry your marriage is falling apart.  These threads make me sad.





I too went through an amicable divorce.  I trusted her.  17 years down the tubes.  It came out of nowhere.  I thought that we were happy.  LOL. Did the friendly thing, everything was settled, she cashed out, paid in full.  Until she thought that she needed, wanted, could get more.  





Get absolutely EVERYTHING in writing. Everything.  Use a lawyer for all property, equity, retirement divisions.  I don't care how much you trust her.  





Of course I'm sure your divorce will be different.  Of course.



eta Everything.

LOL

Have any documents written/reviewed by a lawyer, document everything, and leave nothing to trust or good faith.

I was only married for 7 years, but amicable seperations have a way of turning into "I changed my mind and want more of your money" down the road.

I too am sorry but, am curious why you are not consulting an attorney. Certainly would seem to make sense and to relieve any future liability issues that may arise.
I would even offer to foot the bill if I were in your shoes.

Going through it now. Paying a mediator $6,500.00 instead of $20K each for separate lawyers. I'm losing about $750K in the deal. half of what i spent my life working for.

lawyers will bleed you dry. They know how much money you have, when its gone they will send you to the mediation your should have started with.

Gross.
I suspect in an uncontested divorce situation it would be fairly easy to find a hungry attorney that would take 1k or less to print the forms up and file it with the state of record.

Lawyer, mediator, whatever, my point still stands.



Get absolutely EVERYTHING in writing.  Signed, notarized, witnessed, whatever it takes.

Called a local firm last week. To go with one of their partners it would be $450 and hour and $20,000.00 retainer. But they got a new guy that will do it for $375 and hour and $10,000.0 retainer. Im going to stick with the mediator at $250 an hour.

I paid a lawyer about 5k, he was my attorney by law but I told him to answer any questions she had, and draw up the final documents fairly. We did the financial transactions at closing. I suggest you do the financials at closing too as a way to protect yourself.

10-20k for an uncontested divorce? RUN from that firm!

You need to talk to a lawyer and get your agreed upon terms into a separation agreement or divorce decree.

I had a lawyer draw mine up for $600. I sold it to my ex as protecting her interests and she signed most ricky tick.

You need a lawyer but you will lol and ignore that advice like you have in the previous two threads you have been advised to get a lawyer.

Guess that's what I'm doing tomorrow

 
No shit!!  I had mine done for $1,200


My ex paid her lawyer $5k


COMPLETELY uncontested!!

AMICABLE DIVORCE

Ok, so both of you....get down to a lawyer's office and start the ball rolling.  Tell your lawyer what you both have agreed to in principal.  Let the lawyer earn his money.

He might say that she should have it reviewed by her own lawyer too.  Don't be offended if he says this.  

In the end she will have to decide what she'll do.

Aloha, Mark

Never trust a woman, get everything you can in writing and check with a lawyer to ensure you have everything covered.  

She'll be civil and fair... Until she isn't, and you'll get screwed.

Ask yourself how many marriages ended in divorce in very rapid fashion after every single guy said "this one's different".  Get yourself to a lawyer or get yourself screwed, those will be the choices. Bet on it.

What you're looking at is called a "Settlement Agreement", you two can write one up, but you'll want a lawyer to review it to make sure you don't miss anything important as far as legal procedure for your state, to protect both of you.  The lawyer would also know the best way to file for an uncontested divorce in your area.  I know around here there are lots of lawyers who offer to handle divorce cases for $400-500, not sure I'd use one of them :-)  Check the HTF to see if there's a lawyer there who might want to make a relatively easy buck - but be aware that people get squirrelly once legal paperwork actually starts, and if she decides to contest at that point, it can get expensive.  

Sounds like my divorce.  I gave him the house, including my equity.
No joint debts.  He kept his retirement $, I kept mine.
He kept his car, I kept mine.

I signed a quit claim deed on our house and a few weeks later when I bought a house it was my expectation he would sign one on my home.  That was the crux of the deal.  

Cost about $1500 with a divorce attorney.  I was entitled to half, I just wanted to be rid of him.

It's always amicable until the lawyers get involved....

My lawyer would only talk to one of us for an uncontested divorce.  Conflict of interest.  Cost me 500 for lawyer and 225 for court fees.  Very simple divorce decree, no kids, basically we kept a house each and money in existing accounts.  Actually it was just finished up Friday now just waiting for it to be recorded.

You will want all of that put in the divorce settlement.  Even if you get letter now a divorce judge could always say something different.  You can't legally sign your rights away.  For example a sky diving place I went to had me sign a document saying that I wouldn't' sue them for injuries even in the event of extreme negligence on their part.  An attorney friend of mine says that document would have no weight in court and was just designed to make people think they couldn't fight the company.







I had a very broad statement for property in:



 

Bitches always want more. ALWAYS. It might be all fucking sunshine right now, but get everything in writing.

I'll go against the grain here and quote one of my police academy instructors who said "it's cheaper to keep her."

I understand divorce where there has been infidelity, etc. but if you've been together 32 years with no major issue besides "unhappiness" has come up, then why not try to work your shit out?  

Not my situation, but it seems to me to be a lot less hassle and money to work on things rather than divorce.






Sometimes I swear I'm the only one in GD that hasn't had a divorce.

Seriously though, it's in both your interests to have a lawyer draw up the paperwork.

I went through nightmarish 6 fucking year divorce battle in Utah with the evil slut I was married to.  

My advice to you is GET A LAWYER YESTERDAY.  

DO NOT THINK you know ANYTHING about ANYTHING law or legal related when it comes to Utah divorces.  

Even then to quote my lawyer; "This is one of the most fucked up divorces I've ever seen".  Shit happens no matter how "amicable" you are now when the state (who has a huge financial stake in the two of you) gets involved in granting this divorce.

I view divorce as a life-failure indicator and would sever a digit to stay married and cross the finish line together.  But she has made up her mind to go and that's that.  

No infidelity or other egregious transgressions, but she's on her phone 24/7 when home visiting with her Camino groups (her fellow 'pilgrims' as she calls them).  Her head is elsewhere and I'm ready to let her move on.  

Lawyer and everything in writing just as others have said. They always start out amicable but don't always stay that way........(mine didn't)

Don't dilly dally, get it done, signed and then you can get on with the rest of your life.

Fair enough.  Now you've got my curiosity.  WTF is a Camino group?  I googled it and am even more confused.

The division of assets is handled through a Property Settlement Agreement (PSA). It does need to be signed and notarized. It is binding and your final divorce decree will incorporate that, not replace it. I drew up my own.

Contrary to what everybody says here, amicable divorces do exist. Some people no doubt see a payday when going through a divorce, and even my ex had some people talking to her about it. You know, the whole "you're entitled to this and that" sort of thing. Her best friend at the time was a bad influence.

Nonetheless, we did get it worked out, and I think the entire divorce cost me about $600. If you've already talked it out and have everything considered, there's no reason you can't do this yourself. You may want to consult an attorney to help draft and review it, but you don't need to shell out a ton of cash for what is at present an uncontested divorce.

OP, I don't know about Utah, but over here we call that a Separation Agreement, and an amicable divorce is a Dissolution of Marriage.



I've never been divorced.  I've never been married either.  

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=camino+de+santiago

She spent 7 weeks in  Spain last fall walking 800 miles.  That activity and the Lib Socialists she met and befriended along the way are her life emphasis now.

Billboards in my AO says uncontested divorce filing $395.00

Lawyer up.  My wife of 13 years and I had an amicable divorce.  We made a list of what each would get.  Then we went together to hire one lawyer for both of us.  We needed separate address so we got a PO box for her.  It only cost a few hundred dollars and legally protected both of us.  We stayed together and slept in the same bed for 6 months after the divorce.  20 years later, I don’t worry about her coming back for money.

double tapped out

Get an attorney

You can joint file the divorce document, that is the document you seek. Judge will approve rather quickly no court appearance typically required. Anything else is just pointless bullshit.

It is commonly referred to as a 'Divorce Settlement.'

Have an attorney draw it up.
The words used matter.
The 'who gets what' part can just be a list you supply to the attorney that they incorporate.

It can be as detailed or simple as you desire.
Listen to the attorney's recommendations.
They do this every day.
You are doing it for the first time.

The 'rules' vary state by state.
Just as an example Virginia requires you to be living separate and apart for 6 months for an uncontested divorce with no minor children involved.
Minor children bump it to 12 months.
A contested divorce with 'charges' can be done faster.

You also cannot agree to get a divorce in the settlement.
It is basically an 'after the fact' pre-nup.

Your best bet is to get her to Quitclaim her interest in the property to you.  Common in divorces.

You need a lawyer to write up a quitclaim deed.

And a quitclaim does not alter mortgages.

There are several sites that lets you download divorce documents for a fee.  Fill them out, it has areas for this item specifically.


You can attach any letters and agreements you both have.  You both can go file it at the court house to make things real easy and just wait for your court date.


Quit claim deed the property and part of that quit claim she benefits the 75k.

Didn't you say she wants to become a nun now? ..... and she swallows

Amicable and divorce do not belong in the same sentence.  OP's going to learn that the hard way.

bEST OF LUCK TO YA op. But I fear ^ ^^

You are going your separate ways.

This means that either or both of you are going to be self-reliant on your future successes and or failures.

If both of you are successful, fine.

If one of you is successful and the other one fails there is always a temptation to try and take something from te other partner. It is basic, simple human nature.

Make sure that NEITHER of you can do that.

Whomever keeps the house should refinance and remove the other party then.

Getting things "in writing" is necessary, but not sufficient.  You can't do the writing necessary to settle the issues.  There are no doubt specific requirements for those writings in your state in order to make them effective.  For example, even pre-nups written by family law practitioners are challenged, and challenged successfully for many technical grounds.  What you seek is a post-nup, in other words a division of property after marriage but before dissolution.  I would suspect any agreement could be challenged on the basis of concealed assets, absence of consideration and the like. You're going to pay a lawyer one way or another.

Blantant shill for services. Reported.