That is my understanding as well. I could live with that risk if divorce wasn't so costly for a breadwinning man.

Fuckin yikes.
- 30 year age gap
- And he's not average attractive, he's BELOW average attractiveness
- She's quite pretty

Yikes.
They're at different points in their lives for one, she's still thinking about doing young-fun-20 year old stuff.
With this guys age and health situation, sex might be a challenge for him.

That's a biig mis-match.

I know some of the niche-internet-micro-celebrity guys are saying being 50 and picking up 19 year olds is easy or something but.
At this point I kinda want to know how many of them eventually MARRIED a girl with an age gap like that, AND it went on to work and be stable.
And in today's dating landscape.
One where she's an app away from seeing a man that's 5 years older than her, has less stuff, but might, money aside, be a better fit for her in a lot of other ways.

It's just tough. I think that's much harder than they at times will let on - and dramatically more difficult for their viewers (vs them, the "Celebrity").
Age gaps happen, yes, I'm not debating that, I'm just saying once it gets large, very large, and there's a looks gap, oh boy.




Oy

In reality land, if he was a "rugged 6", that was great to her, in shape, it's more workable, IMHO




SMV is a complicated concept, it really is. It's nebulous, it's like this big cloud you can't actually touch.
There is no unified standard of SMV^TM, that we can all break out calculators and figure it out easily.
It's waaaaay more like eBay price-values vs the periodic table

If someone will pay that price, technically, that's kind of what it is.
But if no one else will pay that price, was that really the price?


Some people accidentally over-value themselves, some under-value themselves.
The reasons are endless, lack of experience, being naïve, being arrogant, identity issues, etc etc.

I'm sure by now you've seen a kind friend (male or female) try to pursue someone who, if we're being honest, has better dating options
They might not know it.
They might think, "But I'm funny-ish? My job is great? Hell my W2 is amazing, why wouldn't that instagram man with hordes of instagram girls throwing their panties at him, wife me up? I'm Cute^TM? I think he's My Level^TM"

Who is going to explain, "Friend, you're like a 5-6, ish. That's a 9-10. Fucking stop."

married and lonely really sucks

I married for the first time a year ago at 49.  I’ve got a great wife, we are good together and my life is a lot better for having her in it.

That said, I will not remarry. She’s 19 years older than I am, and I can’t see taking the risk again. Growing old by myself will suck, but I have a lot of experience being single and to be honest. Being single has a LOT of benefits-you always want what you don’t have and for me it would be really easy to slide right back into a bachelor life.

A good friend married a Taiwanese woman and I gotta say, she’s pretty amazing.

not very hecking granular of them

curious how they define "higher level of education"

mindset/personality/game
looks/height/physique
resources/time spent away from home/social circle

If I weren't lazy and super busy, I'd make graphs 'n sheeeit

pure speculation on my part - those guys maxed out 'resources' relative to everything else, and lawyertroll spends a lot of time working

unknowns about their relationshits: what are their streetdwelling wives like (what are their parents' marriages like, what were their values growing up, what are their values, what are their friends like, what were their social circles like growing up, are they even still able to pairbond etc.)

Opinion, for purposes of that study, (immigrants and education), they probably considered a 2 year degree as higher education. (As in, higher than HS).
I could be wrong

IMHO on relationship designs - there are some delicate balances.
If 2 people have the same tools and mindsets (almost copies of eachother), they might get along great - but, they have the same blindspots for certain life challenges.
If they're totally different, they might have a very complete human-skills-toolbox, but now it's harder to get along and be totally happy with whatever gets negotiated.

It's like any other design, there are always tradeoffs. BUT, if you have two people who have enough in common, have similar values, have slightly different toolkits - and they can be patient with eachother where they're different? I think that's a good design.

Age gaps can be a challenge after a certain point.
A mid 30s man and a late 20s women are a good match in some ways.
In practice, something I'm seeing a friend go through with his young wife - her friends are all party girls still.
She's the only one that's married.
He wants to have a kid because allll his friends have them and he's basically getting FOMO.
But the fun times are rolling for her.
In reality they're sort of in different points at their life.
That's not every late 20s woman, but that's enough of them these days.

Despite that ~6 year gap, it is presenting them with a challenge.
A 30 year gap is.... Jesus Christ.

Even for a fit 51 year old man, for some of them "things don't work as well as they used to."
A 21 year old woman at the peak of her hormone roller coaster isn't trying to hear that.
She's also going to be 31 when he's 61..
When her husband is in AARP, she will be 35 right?

There's a 40 year old guy who can still work out intensely (But smartly) that's eyeing her up at work every day.
That guy thats' 65 might be trying to retire soon. At 36, she's still go things she wants to do.
Very few of her friend's husbands are all that grey-  her husband is white and getting surgery on a hip.
Her drunken gal pal starts making old jokes one night.

A hot 54 year old woman probably won't give a shit.
A 34 year old sure might. There's a point at which the design is getting less workable.


Now I've seen an age gap or two work okay in real life, at least seeing it from the outside - I'm not totally knocking the idea, but.
Here's what I'm getting at.
I'm becoming increasingly skeptical of the relationship-design ideas being floated by some of the RP dating coaches these days.

I'm looking to find a tradwife (They are in short supply, an endangered species for sure), and have a family.
Many of these guys are in their mid 40s, 50s, etc.... not married/re-married?
They have FAMOUS-ish guy options, and they didn't get one? Huh?
THOSE options and they can't make it work?
They couldn't figure out a relationship design that could work, when I have about 80% of the blueprint done, and I'm just some guy that's younger than they are?

I kinda think to myself, I don't want what they have. (The natural results of treating people as interchangeable, as pokemon cards to be traded back and forth).
I don't want their results.
I'd like something different.


So when they talk about relationship designs that last, I think they may have nice opinions that I might agree with - but I don't consider them Experts^TM, enough so to suspend my own critical thinking anyway.
I'm finding some of the relationship design ideas passed around the manosphere, as lacking.
And this is after some years of exposure.
I can point out the design flaws. I mean shit?
If I really believe that  I can see some things they can't, why am I listening to them?
Because:Niche internet micro-celebrity?

I haven’t read past page 2, and am a week late to the party.  But, is the bolded part really true?  Seems like 95+% of the people I personally know (men & women alike, although I’m usually previously friends with both) who married young when they had nothing, and built their lives and fortunes together, are still together;  whereas a much larger majority of those I know who married later in life, no matter their individual fortunes, are divorced and had a MUCH shorter relationship.

For the record, I’m 53/GenX, married young 30+ years ago, as are the vast majority of my friends.  Most of our very close married friends were our very close unmarried friends 30+ years ago. Most married within our friend groups, and are still with their spouses today.  We are probably outliers, all still good friends, both male and female, 35+ years down the road.

My wife and I built everything we have together, if not necessarily on a 50/50 earned basis, at least on a 50/50 contributed basis.  If we separated tomorrow, she would truly deserve 1/2 of everything we have. I’ve said this many times on this board.  Although I hope we grow old together and she outlives me, even if only by a little.

I got married at 21 and am still married 17 years later.   I'm the only person I know in my age group who didn't end up divorced.  

I will say that my dating philosophy was different than most of my divorced friends though.  Every single one of them had a make it work and compromise philosophy of dating.  They stuck with partners that made them unhappy sometimes and changed things to try to satisfy them and expected their partner to change to make the happy too.  I think that is a recipe for failure long-term.  All of my friends grew to resent their partner due to not being able to follow the paths they wanted and truly be themselves.  You do not get happiness from a partner.  You find your own happiness and share it with a partner.

My dating philosophy was centered around compatibility with no compromise.  If a women did things I didn't really like or expressed things they didn't like about me that required any significant change I immediately ended the relationship.  Dont care if it was two dates in or two months in.   Walk away and try again.  I was in search or someone who just fit with me and I found her.  I dumped several "good women" along the way with no chance to compromise or work out our differences.  I believe if I had settled with one of those women I'd be struggling to keep things going or divorced like everyone else.  Instead I have a 17 year marriage with 2 kids and a woman I have never had a real fight with who is my best friend.  

Compatibility imo is the foundation of modern relationships.  It is too easy to walk away from a marriage today.  Nobody feels shame over it and the courts pretty much gives a financial incentive to do so for the lower earning half of the party.

In order for marriages to last like they used to in modern times people need to search for more compatible mates and drop the idea of people changing who they are to make relationships work better .   I don't see that cultural shift happening which is why I think many men nowdays will choose to build wealth before pursuing a relationship and family because if they do they can at least protect their wealth from divorce court in most states and be in a position to share custody and not get raped on child support as well. This dynamic changes of you date a woman who earns the same or more pay than you but that's not the norm and let's face facts here.  Very few women are interested in men who make less money or have less career potential than them. The reason for that imo is the subconsciously seek the safety net of a divorce court that will financially benefit them.

Now after all that woman bashing I did earlier about how they will get bored and move on or upgrade I will add that men suck ass too. All this talk from men about being seen as a paycheck.  How their work isn't appreciated or whatever.  Lots of these men see their wife as a maid and a prostitute pretty much.  Meanwhile they chase their hobbies and goals they do nothing to inspire their wives to have their own goals and hobbies and pursue things more individually fulfilling than just being your wife.   People usually need more in life than just existing for the benefit of someone else.  Men seem to get that which is why we pursue so many different hobbies and activities but many of us don't understand that women need that too and women haven't really been taught that in our society.  They have been taught that a man will take care of you and make you happy. That's bullshit and too many men expect a woman to be happy as your support system and nothing else. This old school traditional relationship where a man makes money and a woman raises kids and that's good enough for both parties is dead.  Life has way too much to offer for that to be enough for either party.   You can either figure that out and chase a good time together or end up divorced and doing it solo

  You have to start from a compatible place to even get this far though.

Thin, attractive women don’t need dating apps.

You are correct.
I've never used the internet for a date, ask em out face to face or meet up thru friends.

I wish I understood this when I was in my 20s and fresh out of college. A lot of my friends got married and appear to be living good lives with their spouses, many of whom are also college educated professionals. And they are piling up wealth together.

That said, I’m sure a few of them are in unhappy relationships, although I hope not.

I married because I felt social pressure to do so and it was a huge mistake. She turned out to be a miserable person and I had my own issues.

I’ve got 4 more years of child support and then I’m free.

After 10 years of being a hermit and trying to heal my body and mind, I finally decided that I’d let another woman into my life. At 47, with older kids, it’s a very different situation and she’s a very different person.

I plan on making a long term commitment to her, but neither one of us is in a hurry to get hitched and or move in together. There’s no timeline for anything in our relationship and we’re fine with that.

Lmao brilliant

Lol there’s signs all over my gym not to throw anything at the wall.

I’m not going to say they were put up there for the women, but they were put up there the women.

Drywall repairs be getting expensive, yo.

Are you a vegetable gardener?

“Cute af”

The level of delusion that a lot of women have is mind blowing. Simps have turned them into narcissists.

I bet that girl only showers every 2-3 days (if that) and wears the same underwear between showers.

QFT

Post whore whose personal value is based on actual whores.

Me neither. Been single all my life and I adjusted. Only issue is I am 60 now and there is the future issue of possibly needed help with a medical problem. There is no one I can rely on so I will have to arrange to pay for someone to care. After meeting with my financial advisor yesterday, it seems I can afford that The rising interest rates are excellent from my point of view. Treasuries are at 3.62% and climbing.

Doesn't sound that bad, really.