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User Panel
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:36:11 AM EST
[#1]
get a bidet.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:36:46 AM EST
[#2]
Username is appropriate
Just use flushable wipes, squeaky clean and less work. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:36:55 AM EST
[#3]
FPNI
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:37:15 AM EST
[#4]
Poop thread
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:37:23 AM EST
[#5]
 Comfort Wipe Dub |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:37:49 AM EST
[#6]
In before the dog scooting across the carpet gif.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:37:59 AM EST
[#7]
In use a bidet. I love it. I have the cleanest crack in tha hood.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:38:10 AM EST
[#8]
Toilet brush
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:38:31 AM EST
[#9]
Ironic Username is Ironic.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:38:33 AM EST
[#10]
Go through the middle in stead of around back.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:39:18 AM EST
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Username is appropriate Just use flushable wipes, squeaky clean and less work. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:40:01 AM EST
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
In use a bidet. I love it. I have the cleanest crack in tha hood. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:40:54 AM EST
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
get a bidet. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:41:09 AM EST
[#14]
My wife is an Elementary School Teacher. I kid you not, years ago one little kid was so fat (not calling you fat) and mentally challenged that he couldn't reach back and wipe. His arms were to fat to get back there I guess. He had to bring salad tongs to school to wrap toilet paper around them to reach back to wipe. Then expected my wife to clean off the tongs. She refused and the Principal would take the kid and clean up the tongs. I still to this day call her a "bad teacher" for not doing that.
"Other duties as assigned" is in your contract woman! Clean them salad tongs! |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:41:24 AM EST
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Username is appropriate Just use flushable wipes, squeaky clean and less work. Nonetheless, IBTL but as someone who has been there my experience and advice: Butt floss. Not a thong, rather a thin hand towel. Preferably in the shower. I feel your pain, brother. 
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:41:40 AM EST
[#16]
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:42:02 AM EST
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
In use a bidet. I love it. I have the cleanest crack in tha hood. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:42:42 AM EST
[#18]
 Failed To Load Title |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:42:44 AM EST
[#19]
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:42:53 AM EST
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
get a bidet.  
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:43:28 AM EST
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
In use a bidet. I love it. I have the cleanest crack in tha hood. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:46:00 AM EST
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
He can't reach down with toilet paper so he couldn't reach down with wipes either. I hurt so bad im shaking. May go the the hospital later if it don't calm down. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:47:00 AM EST
[#23]
Pump sprayer full of water. Poor man's bidet.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:49:56 AM EST
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
You have the portable one of the $75 one hooked to the toilet? Spend $2-300 on a seat replacement one, like a biobidet. You'll need electricity nearby. Failing that, the $27 one a few posts up looks like your best bet. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:51:13 AM EST
[#25]
Wet corncob
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:51:54 AM EST
[#26]
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:54:26 AM EST
[#27]
shit, shower, and shave, it's in that order for a reason
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Posted: 8/26/2017 11:58:43 AM EST
[#28]
Get a ugly woman, or an orphan, they both need you.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:01:49 PM EST
[#29]
Just scoot your ass on a rug or the carpet.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:02:27 PM EST
[#30]
Hit the sphincter with the spray from the shower head. If you spend more than a few seconds on the sack, you are playing with it, so make sure the door is closed.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:05:13 PM EST
[#31]
Quoted:
I jacked up my back Thursday day and wiping my bottom, has literally been a pain in the butt. This is not a troll or joke post. Bits of towel attached to an unused axe handle. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:07:27 PM EST
[#32]
Quote HistoryOP you're going to need a stick and a rag. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:11:35 PM EST
[#33]
3 seashells
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:12:51 PM EST
[#34]
Tushy bidet. Cheap, does the job.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:13:51 PM EST
[#35]
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:14:18 PM EST
[#36]
Freedom wand.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:15:51 PM EST
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
get a bidet. 
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:16:10 PM EST
[#38]
Doggy style! Pinch it off and walk away clean.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:18:34 PM EST
[#39]
Been there, done that ,after my back surgery. Try wrapping toilet paper or baby wipes around a 18 inch dowel. Sort of like a torch. Just don't light it on ??. Good luck.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:19:28 PM EST
[#40]
Time for OP to find out if his wife actually loves him.
Edit, I just asked my wife about OP's situation. She said she'd wipe my ass for me. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:19:47 PM EST
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Doggy style! Pinch it off and walk away clean. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:23:22 PM EST
[#42]
Orthopædic surgeons suggest a cooking tongs with your favorite brand of paper wrapped around and clamped between. Bad backs can prevent twisting the torso to reach your backside and this, sort of, makes your arm longer.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:26:27 PM EST
[#43]
Take a spatula and cut a slit in part of it and wrap to around and put both ends in the slit to hold it. That is what the giant lady at where i used to work at used
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:26:30 PM EST
[#44]
Use these. You will forget about a sore back in no time!
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:29:50 PM EST
[#45]
Pump up garden sprayer. Bend the spray wand for a better angle.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:36:27 PM EST
[#46]
Wrap towel around sawhorse.
Step up and scooch. |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:51:48 PM EST
[#47]
Get a selfie stick.
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:51:50 PM EST
[#48]
You need it, someone is selling it...bottom buddy, torkel, and more
http://www.caregiverproducts.com/toileting-aids.html |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:52:43 PM EST
[#49]
 Redd Foxx - Wash Your Ass |
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Posted: 8/26/2017 12:55:01 PM EST
[#50]
Do your poop then take a quick shower. All nice and clean.
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