You've told that story before in GD.

Vegans who send the waitress to ask the chef to change the menu for them vs just going somewhere that already serves their horseshit.

Was waiting to pick up my pizza one evening, I had arrived a touch early.  A very angry black man came in an threw his pizza box on the counter.  Accused the staff of cheating him out of his pizza.

"They's supposed to be 8 slices here!  There's only 6!"  No attempt to explain it's all the same, still a large pizza, we just missed a cut fell on deaf ears.  Poor kid behind the counter even offered to take to the back and make the missing cut.  "Aw hell no, you can cut it to ribbons now that you done stole the rest of it."

Poor kid threw him a coupon for a free pizza just to get him out of the store.

You made me snort, luckily I didn't have a mouthful of Coke at the time.

I like talking about when I had my dick in my hand?  

I was to told to do an impromptu tech training (for free) at one employer that had hired me and had lied about compensation and bennies.
  I was looking for a job anyway.
Anyway, back to the tech training. I convinced a group of noob phone salesmen that we drilled holes through the glass to mount the latest cellular phone antennas on cars. It lasted about a week before I was called out on it.

My coworkers think I’m crazy now thanks.  I know EXACTLY what level of noise you’re talking about.  Lol.

Why all the secrecy, 25 years later?

I knew a vegetarian that went to the ER when he suspected cooked chicken touched his food and made him sick. The result was the Dr pushing on his stomach until he ripped a huge fart and everything was fine.

i work in I.T.


i win.

mic...drop

Same with breathe normally. 1/3 times followed by a big deep breath.  

At this point I figure it's just how I say it. Not some inherent stupidity.



plenty of obvious inherent stupid out there.

So, did you throw them out the window?

OK, that made me laugh out loud

Gunshow thread.  Memorable story.

Many years ago, before I was a vet, I worked at a vet office as an assistant. One day this lady came rushing in holding a box yelling that her dog was dying. You could see 4 stiff legs poking out of the top of the box. I grab the box and tell her I will rush him to the vet. I went to the back and placed the box on a table. The vet came over, looked in the box and shook his head. He pulled out a stiff chihuahua that had obviously been dead for at least a few hours. He waited an appropriate amount of time before going up and telling the client that we did everything we could but could not save the dog. It was sad but I don't know how she didn't realize that her dog with the blue tongue and a body stiffer than a board wasn't already dead.

Set property corners in a small subdivision
....


One of the lot owners calls my boss telling him I fucked up the corners by 20-30 ft....

I'm shitting bricks on the way out there as I'd only been a crew chief for a couple years ....

I get there, check everything. It's perfect
Homeowner comes out and says come with me ...

He stands on a back corner and says the prop line should be "way over there"

I asked how he knew this....

"My eye" was the answer .

Uh ok , my 20k instrument says your eye is crooked , see ya

An accountant?

I wouldn’t know where to start. Forty seven years in car dealership parts departments plus twenty four years part time in motorcycle dealerships and ten years volunteer Firefighter/EMS I could start my own discussion thread.

If you really care, the first one was Siemens, and the systems were never released in the US, the second, the IBM PS/2

I run a Motorcycle Safety Foundation motorcycle "school"...   Sometimes students are so nervous, inept, or uncoordinated its necessary to do a "counsel out". This is MSF -Speak for "dismissed from class".  Every counsel out requires the coach complete a Counsel Out Form, justifying the action, and providing reasons for the Counsel Out. its never done lightly or flippantly, and student safety is usually the reason for the Counsel out.  We need everyone going the right way, operating in the right direction, or someone will get hurt...

I've got "Jimmy".  Jimmy is a Meathead.  I'm not sure if its a case of Cant follow directions or Wont follow directions, but Jimmy is ALWAYS doing the wrong thing...

Every exercise runs the same.  We are on about Exercise 7.  Jimmy has seen the routine 7 times so far

1) The instructions are read to students.  "On signal leave here.  Go there.  Stop.  Turn left....".  During the instructions, I'm using non-verbal signals (hand signals) as well as speech to ensure all learners "get the message".

2) A Rider Coach rides a demonstration.  On signal he leaves here.  He goes there.  He stops.  He turns left...

3) I ask questions designed to ensure that students understand and comprehend the task.  "Jimmy, what do you do when you are signaled?"  His reply "Leave here. Go there.  Stop.  Turn left."

4) The first student is signaled.  That student leaves here, goes there.  Stops.  Turns left....

5) The second, third, fourth AND fifth students are, in turn, signaled.  Each one leaves here, goes there, stops, turns left.

6) Its Jimmy.  Jimmy does not wait for a signal.  On his own, Jimmy leaves here. He goes there.  He does not stop.  He rolls right through without slowing.  And Jimmy makes a hard right turn....  I shit you not....

On my counsel out form, in addition to checking the little box that said "Unable to follow directions",  I drew another little box, beside it I wrote "Entirely too stupid to ride motorcycle", and checked that handwritten box too...

-Customer calls me over to her desk.  She's one of those prissy interior designers and tells me her computer is running slow, and it's really hot under her desk.  So I walk over, and ask where her computer is.  It's underneath her desk.  I couldn't see it due to all the changes of clothes she had under it.  This woman had about 6 changes of clothes for client presentations and the like.  So I get her to remove the clothes from underneath her desk, and I see a red high heel melted to the back of the power supply on her desktop.  

-Developer at the same company didn't know how to restart his mac.

-Same architecture company didn't know that server rooms needed AC units.  Blamed me for not telling them.  

Another company, user complains after I replace her laptop that I didn't set the sound settings to her preferred volume and didn't know how to change it.

I had a government building flipping out because they bought a chilled water crac unit on a building that doesn't have 24/7 chilled water

@Ronnoc
Did the woman get paid well?

I'm a doctor.  I once had a patient pull his dick out, and tell me he was a woman.

This is normal these days.
You must have not gotten the memo......

I used to be a collector for a sub-prime lending outfit. A big part of that job was working the late delinquency stuff, including accounts out for repo. But my favorite story of pure stupidity was from somebody who wasn't ever on my radar for that reason.

I walked into work one morning and my boss said one of the neighboring business owners chatted him up the day before asking about a car parked outside their business for a few days and wanted to know if we knew anything about it. I ran the VIN through our system, it turned out that it was one of ours. So I called the customer and let them know their car was parked in front of another business that might be towing it soon. The lady said "Oh yeah, it said it was due for service, so I dropped it off. When can I expect my loaner?" I explained that she'd have to take her car to a garage or dealer and ask them about a loaner because we don't work on cars, we just finance them. She said "well, isn't that your job?" I said no and explained how financing cars works. She just said "oh" and got the car later that day.

We had more than our fair share of odd questions from people who simply didn't know anything about banking/finance, but that one was a stand-out. Especially since this customer's job was in the finance sector.

That brought back a flashback!  While working as a corporate VS drive expert I get a call to to get to Pennsylvania because a corrugator wasn’t working. I work on paper machines, and a corrugator was the equivalent of a pimple on my ass.

Flew to PA, got to the plant at 9pm, asked the local electrician where the Rockwell CLX terminal was. When I sat down to troubleshoot, I saw purple out of the corner of my left eye. I ask why the processor is in “program mode” (which halts all execution) - had to argue with the plant electrician and the $200/hr Rockwell engineer - they said that was normal mode. Finally demanded the plant electrician, turn the key to “remote run” and bring it to me.

Took the key to the plant manager’s office, put it in his hand, and told him not to let his people or the Rockwell engineer ever have hit.

Barely missed the last flight out, was still home within 24 hrs. Dumbasses.

Yes, but some do-gooder refenestrated them right away.