Divorce is looming (updated) - Page 6

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Posted: 12/19/2017 9:15:40 AM EST

[#1]

Never been married, nor will I ever marry, because of shit like this.
The way all Western countries are going, this is all going to come to ahead one day.
What are women going to do when Islam, South American machismo, etc take over?

Posted: 12/19/2017 9:16:20 AM EST

[#2]

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Make it look like an accident.

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Posted: 12/19/2017 9:23:51 AM EST

[#3]

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Courts don't give a flying fuck who's cheating, least in va anyways....still gets split 50/50

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If it were me, I'd be trying to get some personal time with her phone to find evidence. And/or hire a PI.

If she's cheating it won't go well for her in court.

Best of luck to you OP.

Courts don't give a flying fuck who's cheating, least in va anyways....still gets split 50/50

Typically, adultery does matter for purposes of alimony.
Doesn't mean it completely bars it, but for purposes of the division of property, you're basically right

Posted: 12/19/2017 9:26:57 AM EST

[#4]

Good luck. Been there, done that.

Posted: 12/19/2017 9:28:25 AM EST

[#5]

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It's great. Nothing makes a relationship better than getting the government and family courts involved when/if things go bad.

Don't sign papers giving a romantic relationship legal status. You gain nothing while risking everything.

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Meh... I've been married twice. First time was hell. Second time has been heaven. I'd never marry again. But that's only because anyone other than my present wife would only be a step or ten down. After 11 years, I still feel lucky to be married to her. I totally get why people don't want to chance marriage. The risks for the guy are too damn steep these days. But still, there are many great wives out there... not to mention poor husbands.

Posted: 12/19/2017 9:30:06 AM EST

[#6]

And as always in GD, I'm sure it's all her fault

Posted: 12/19/2017 9:30:32 AM EST

[#7]

Damn, sorry OP.
Did you see it coming in any way? Things been cold/ distant for some time?
Hope it all works out for the best.

Posted: 12/19/2017 9:34:11 AM EST

[#8]

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She promised that she would not ask me for any of my gun stuff, and I have a decent collection with lots of reloading gear.

Trust me, she is not cheating, but I think she wants the life of some of her younger girlfriends.

All she asked for is what she is entitled to by law. Is that 50% of the assets? If so, that is going to hurt even though I have been the primary breadwinner for most of the years, bringing home at least 75% of the income, at times 100%. I realize that that it isn't all about income but I also do a lot around the house, helping wherever I can. I wanted financial freedom and she wants to be free of being a wife.

Kids are grown so child support is not an issue.

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Half of all marital property.
If she's going to leave your gun stuff alone, that simply means that that part of marital assets will go under your column of joint property and she'll get her pound of flesh from some other joint assets.

Posted: 12/19/2017 9:49:14 AM EST

[#9]

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Never been married, nor will I ever marry, because of shit like this.
The way all Western countries are going, this is all going to come to ahead one day.
What are women going to do when Islam, South American machismo, etc take over?

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The same thing they did to us.

Posted: 12/19/2017 9:55:42 AM EST

[#10]

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It's a symptom of a larger problem that's been simmering for a while. She may have been trying all sorts of ways to feel happy again. Ones I've seen in the past include retail therapy, remodeling the house, hitting the gym, deciding they need another baby or a puppy, career changes, hair cuts, makeovers, and, yes, plastic surgery. But the underlying problem is unhappiness with herself and possibly feeling unloved. Divorce can be just another attempt at changing external factors to fix internal problems.

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Bullseye. Bravo.

Posted: 12/19/2017 9:58:34 AM EST

[#11]

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Half of all marital property.
If she's going to leave your gun stuff alone, that simply means that that part of marital assets will go under your column of joint property and she'll get her pound of flesh from some other joint assets.

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She promised that she would not ask me for any of my gun stuff, and I have a decent collection with lots of reloading gear.

Trust me, she is not cheating, but I think she wants the life of some of her younger girlfriends.

All she asked for is what she is entitled to by law. Is that 50% of the assets? If so, that is going to hurt even though I have been the primary breadwinner for most of the years, bringing home at least 75% of the income, at times 100%. I realize that that it isn't all about income but I also do a lot around the house, helping wherever I can. I wanted financial freedom and she wants to be free of being a wife.

Kids are grown so child support is not an issue.

Half of all marital property.
If she's going to leave your gun stuff alone, that simply means that that part of marital assets will go under your column of joint property and she'll get her pound of flesh from some other joint assets.

Exactly. We settled that I'd get all the guns and she'd get the furniture. Then she itemized and calculated over $20,000 in ammo, magazines, scopes, mounts, extra barrels... We had to go to arbitration and I successfully argued that all of that stuff was included in guns. She was red faced and mad when she said something along the lines of "I figured he'd want the ammo and I'd get everything else". I got a whole lot of stuff I didn't even want after that arbitration.

My opinion was we should both get what we would consider ours and split everything else. I offered this many times but she continued to go for blood like I wronged her, the divorce was due to her cheating.

Posted: 12/19/2017 9:58:50 AM EST

[#12]

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It was easy for me. After My bitch of an ex wife called the cops to falsely accuse me of beating her up, I showed the responding officers who came to haul me away a video recording of our fight (advice from my lawyer!) and they hauled her ass to jail for hitting the s hit out of me. They straight up told me without the video I would be going to jail, and would have lost my son and been bent over backwards. (told them I tried to throw her off the top of the stairs to kill her and hit her)

So I reciprocated back to her. I did what she would have done to me. I went into court, filed a domestic abuse case against her (because she was abusive), said she was a danger to our son (she was) and made sure to tell them about a night a few months prior when she fell asleep drunk with a loaded gun on the bed (true story). That last one carried a LOT of weight in the custody case. Still went on longer then it should have. I assume because she has a vagina and i don't.

Surprisingly with all of that shit i accused her of (all of which was true) not a single person attempted to verify ANY of it. Someone who has no problem lying their ass off has no obstacles. Scared the shit out of me for other men.

And some judges are totally against men it seems. We went in to court about property issues and saw a different judge. This asshole asked my ex if she had a car, she said no. Told me to give her my fucking 1 and only car. The car wasn't even the topic of why we were there. Lawyer somehow managed to get that crazy ass order rescinded in a backroom.

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I believe you. I've personally witnessed this.

Posted: 12/19/2017 10:09:39 AM EST

[#13]

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She promised that she would not ask me for any of my gun stuff, and I have a decent collection with lots of reloading gear.

Trust me, she is not cheating, but I think she wants the life of some of her younger girlfriends.

All she asked for is what she is entitled to by law. Is that 50% of the assets? If so, that is going to hurt even though I have been the primary breadwinner for most of the years, bringing home at least 75% of the income, at times 100%. I realize that that it isn't all about income but I also do a lot around the house, helping wherever I can. I wanted financial freedom and she wants to be free of being a wife.

Kids are grown so child support is not an issue.

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OK, I finally noticed that you're from Utah. A few pointers:
1. She gets 50% of marital assets attained during the marriage. That's retirement funds, equity in the home, personal property, etc. Doesn't matter who was the breadwinner.
2. Local courts are biased against you when it comes to child custody, but since kids are grown that should be a non issue here.
3. She can push for and likely get alimony for 1/2 the duration of the marriage. Married 20 years = she gets 10 years alimony. Sounds like she works some so that would ease the hit, but if she wants it she will almost certainly get it.
4. If she remarries, then you are off the hook for the alimony.

I'm sorry, but there it is.

I don't know if you're LDS, but if you are then here is the flip side to the situation in Utah.
1. She's about to find out that single middle age LDS women are abundant compared to middle aged LDS men. She'll learn that she's not as "special" as she might think.
2. If you're LDS and squared away as a man, you'll find yourself swimming in prospects as long as you're half decent and not socially impaired.

Good luck. Forget the "friends" thing.

Posted: 12/19/2017 10:29:29 AM EST

[#14]

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Hiding marital assets is stupid fucking advice.

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Move all of your guns to a friends house, a friend you totally trust to give them back to you someday! Immediately! And any gold, silver coins, etc. If you have 25 guns, only admit to her lawyer that you had 5, and name the 5 lowest priced ones you have. Or, tell her lawyer you had to sell all of them to pay for your lawyer!

Hiding marital assets is stupid fucking advice.

They should have been hid long before any reason to hide them came up. Practical reasons for caching! I need to do a video or book......

Posted: 12/19/2017 10:37:57 AM EST

[#15]

I know three dudes that had their wives get boob jobs, and within 2 years all divorced.

Posted: 12/19/2017 10:40:24 AM EST

[#16]

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Wow, I didn't know you got hit too.

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At least two Cluster B personalty disorders, professionally diagnosed. Very intelligent and incredibly manipulative. Became a matter of personal safety on multiple levels. Separated/escaped early August and simultaneously filed and had her served in order to protect myself.

Posted: 12/19/2017 10:41:36 AM EST

[#17]

@sigman68 pm me a pix

Posted: 12/19/2017 10:44:26 AM EST

[#18]

I have not seen anyone mention this yet, so:

OP, at some point after she goes out on her own, and discovers that that grass is not as green as she thought, she WILL drift back towards you as her emotion tampon. Note that I said she will drift back TOWARDS you, not back TO you.

Do not let her do this. Do not have anything to do with her. No dinners as friends, no cutsie phone calls. Nothing. Tell her you're just "too busy" and make sure that indeed you are.

CMOS

Posted: 12/19/2017 10:45:14 AM EST

[#19]

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OK, I finally noticed that you're from Utah. A few pointers:
1. She gets 50% of marital assets attained during the marriage. That's retirement funds, equity in the home, personal property, etc. Doesn't matter who was the breadwinner.
2. Local courts are biased against you when it comes to child custody, but since kids are grown that should be a non issue here.
3. She can push for and likely get alimony for 1/2 the duration of the marriage. Married 20 years = she gets 10 years alimony. Sounds like she works some so that would ease the hit, but if she wants it she will almost certainly get it.
4. If she remarries, then you are off the hook for the alimony.

I'm sorry, but there it is.

I don't know if you're LDS, but if you are then here is the flip side to the situation in Utah.
1. She's about to find out that single middle age LDS women are abundant compared to middle aged LDS men. She'll learn that she's not as "special" as she might think.
2. If you're LDS and squared away as a man, you'll find yourself swimming in prospects as long as you're half decent and not socially impaired.

Good luck. Forget the "friends" thing.

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Hit the nail squarely on the head. one thing to add if NOT LDS it would be a great time to look into it for the boat loads of Beautiful now single ladies looking for a decent man.

Posted: 12/19/2017 10:53:01 AM EST

[#20]

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Hit the nail squarely on the head. one thing to add if NOT LDS it would be a great time to look into it for the boat loads of Beautiful now single ladies looking for a decent man.

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Quoted:

OK, I finally noticed that you're from Utah. A few pointers:
1. She gets 50% of marital assets attained during the marriage. That's retirement funds, equity in the home, personal property, etc. Doesn't matter who was the breadwinner.
2. Local courts are biased against you when it comes to child custody, but since kids are grown that should be a non issue here.
3. She can push for and likely get alimony for 1/2 the duration of the marriage. Married 20 years = she gets 10 years alimony. Sounds like she works some so that would ease the hit, but if she wants it she will almost certainly get it.
4. If she remarries, then you are off the hook for the alimony.

I'm sorry, but there it is.

I don't know if you're LDS, but if you are then here is the flip side to the situation in Utah.
1. She's about to find out that single middle age LDS women are abundant compared to middle aged LDS men. She'll learn that she's not as "special" as she might think.
2. If you're LDS and squared away as a man, you'll find yourself swimming in prospects as long as you're half decent and not socially impaired.

Good luck. Forget the "friends" thing.

Hit the nail squarely on the head. one thing to add if NOT LDS it would be a great time to look into it for the boat loads of Beautiful now single ladies looking for a decent man.

So playing Russian Roulette with a semi auto pistol is your thing? Been shot twice, there shaln't be a thrice.

Divorce and retirement before care home age doesn't mix.

Posted: 12/19/2017 10:57:56 AM EST

[#21]

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[snip]

I don't know if you're LDS, but if you are then here is the flip side to the situation in Utah.
1. She's about to find out that single middle age LDS women are abundant compared to middle aged LDS men. She'll learn that she's not as "special" as she might think.
2. If you're LDS and squared away as a man, you'll find yourself swimming in prospects as long as you're half decent and not socially impaired.

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That's QUITE interesting to hear. My crazy ex was planning to move to UT before Christmas (to escape her problems, and presumably lure in a new guy and get into new pickings for welfare). I advised her against it, saying that she can't run away from her problems. Whatever cash cow she was attempting to use to pay for the move fell through. So I thought that the issue was dead. But last week, I heard from one of my kids that the plan is still to move down to UT, this time in February. I dunno what the hell she thinks she's running to. Her desirability is low because she's crazy, has let herself go, and has a slew of kids (had two with her new ex, after we split). So she would have to really dig deep to find some sap desperate enough to rescue her this time. So lame. She could stand up on her own two feet and become a decent human being and decent mother. But she'd rather just try to stumble along in hopes of a miracle that the solution will come from outside herself.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:07:13 AM EST

[#22]

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I am not sure that it really changed the marriage but it changed her. She was always outgoing but with the boobs she started wearing more makeup, dressing nicer, and flirting more. I still want a wife and she wants to be the single socialite. We were best friends when we got married and so far I really believe that we still have a friendship. She depends on me for advice on a lot of things and I can feel that she is afraid to lose that as I have always had her best interest at heart, and will continue to do so.

We did a lot of negotiating tonight and it went well. I am going to contact a lawyer tomorrow for advice.

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How did the boob job change your marriage?

If she didn't have a boob job, do you think you would be in this situation?

I am not sure that it really changed the marriage but it changed her. She was always outgoing but with the boobs she started wearing more makeup, dressing nicer, and flirting more. I still want a wife and she wants to be the single socialite. We were best friends when we got married and so far I really believe that we still have a friendship. She depends on me for advice on a lot of things and I can feel that she is afraid to lose that as I have always had her best interest at heart, and will continue to do so.

We did a lot of negotiating tonight and it went well. I am going to contact a lawyer tomorrow for advice.

You're doomed. She's not "negotiating". She's just stalling for time until her plan is in place. Many women won't leave a relationship until they manage to gin up some anger. You haven't hit the anger phase, apparently. It's coming. And all I will be able to say is "I told you so".

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:07:28 AM EST

[#23]

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All she asked for is what she is entitled to by law. Is that 50% of the assets? If so, that is going to hurt even though I have been the primary breadwinner for most of the years, bringing home at least 75% of the income, at times 100%. I realize that that it isn't all about income but I also do a lot around the house, helping wherever I can.

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It all comes down to income and assets during the divorce. Utah has an equitable, meaning asset splits don't have to be 50-50, but was seems fair. It's going to come down to 50-50 plus whatever she feels like letting you keep. Plus whatever alimony she gets, if she goes after that. You already admitted to providing for her, in divorce she is entitled the same standard of living she when you two were married and you were providing for her.

Any retirement account, 401k, pension you have built up...she can claim part of. Any assets or savings you have she can make claim to. It all comes down to how friendly of a divorce it really is. It would be in the best interest of both of you to decide how to split everything and then take that information to a single lawyer. Otherwise you will spend in lawyer fees arguing over things.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:08:40 AM EST

[#24]

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Exactly. We settled that I'd get all the guns and she'd get the furniture. Then she itemized and calculated over $20,000 in ammo, magazines, scopes, mounts, extra barrels... We had to go to arbitration and I successfully argued that all of that stuff was included in guns. She was red faced and mad when she said something along the lines of "I figured he'd want the ammo and I'd get everything else". I got a whole lot of stuff I didn't even want after that arbitration.

My opinion was we should both get what we would consider ours and split everything else. I offered this many times but she continued to go for blood like I wronged her, the divorce was due to her cheating.

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I'm glad that it worked out for you.
I'm actually sort of surprised, because I could see some judges wanting to value all of those accessories on their own worth.
I think there's some precedence though...IIRC, rather than valuing household contents as individual items, we agreed to assign a flat agreed upon value to generic "household contents".
OP might want to list his firearms stuff as "guns and accessories" when it comes that time.

At one point I caught my ex in my FFL area with the clipboard going over what was on the shelf and figuring dollar amounts. That had me worried and I started letting my inventory dwindle through sales attrition for a while until we were past that phase of the proceedings....

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:09:13 AM EST

[#25]

My advise, those feelings your feeling. You need to lock those away for now and think about this logically. Been married 11 years myself, if you don't have kids with her, I'd lawyer up ASAP and try to take everymotherfuckingthing she didn't directly pay for with money she made.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:10:25 AM EST

[#26]

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Okay, that doesnt mean he shouldn't just give them to her though....so whats your point?

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my point was that just because those things were in place didn't mean the marriage was in good shape.

i agree that he should lawyer up. bigly.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:11:47 AM EST

[#27]

I wish there was a way to get married and still protect your future self.

And don't tell me about a prenup, they are basically useless.

ETA: I'm already married, this was just a thought experiment sort of question.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:12:41 AM EST

[#28]

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Cordell and Cordell

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I hear their commercials all the time, are they for real or is it a scam?

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:13:47 AM EST

[#29]

Find the most expensive divorce lawyer you can possible afford.

And don't try to play nice because she want.

Get a gym membership.

Get a new hotter woman.

Move on with life.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:14:22 AM EST

[#30]

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Anyone that asks GD for divorce advice ......well, you know.

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GD is GREAT for divorce advice.

Relationship advice, on the other hand...

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:15:24 AM EST

[#31]

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What are women going to do when Islam, South American machismo, etc take over?

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Not a fucking thing, because the time when people listened to women and cared what they thought would be over.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:15:46 AM EST

[#32]

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I have GOT to get my wife a boob job.

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This is worth quoting again.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:19:15 AM EST

[#33]

Convert to Islam.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:19:49 AM EST

[#34]

Quoted:
I hate to air my dirty laundry on here but I would like to get some advice. After 27 years of marriage, and 6 years after the boob job, she doesn't want to be a wife anymore, she wants freedom. She wants to remain friends and I still love her but she is shattering my dreams.

I am not a perfect husband but I have always provided above and beyond for the family. We have decent cars that are paid for, a paid off house, and money in the bank. We are in our late 40s and my dream was to retire a little early and enjoy life. Now I am not certain what that dream should be.

Probably going to get a lawyer soon and draw up separation papers. Any input would be appreciated.

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She wants freedom on YOUR tab I'll bet. "Independent" women my ass...

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:20:12 AM EST

[#35]

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I've known a handful. Not as many as there have been women pulling that eject handle, but there have been a few. And a zippy sports car is whatever fast, impractical car they decide they just have to have when they hit that midlife crisis stage. Maybe it's oldschool American muscle, or some fancy European model, or maybe it's even a motorcycle. Whatever suits their fancy when they get sick of their humdrum, routine marriage and decide to start changing external things up in pursuit of internal happiness.

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Yep. And sometimes those same guys will eject on their wives too. She "got fat" and "let herself go" and "acts bitchy" etc, etc, etc. Sometimes, those are all just excuses they tell themselves and others to feel better about dumping the woman who stood by them for years so they can chase younger, hotter women in their new, zippy sports car.

I feel bad for the spouses in both instances. Sometimes, they've done nothing wrong but failed to meet expectations set too high.

And yet in the last twenty years I know of none of my male friends that instigated a divorce. And wtf is a zippy sports car?

I've known a handful. Not as many as there have been women pulling that eject handle, but there have been a few. And a zippy sports car is whatever fast, impractical car they decide they just have to have when they hit that midlife crisis stage. Maybe it's oldschool American muscle, or some fancy European model, or maybe it's even a motorcycle. Whatever suits their fancy when they get sick of their humdrum, routine marriage and decide to start changing external things up in pursuit of internal happiness.

I'm approaching my mid-life crisis. It'll be a motorcycle. I've put aside pretty much every part of my life in the name of making my family secure and happy. And I've got a great family anchored by a beautiful wife. She doesn't understand why I want one with a single saddle and no passenger pegs. It's not for the chicks, it's for that feeling when you twist the throttle on a hilly back road that smells of hay fields and honeysuckle. I could die a happy man without another bike. But my family understands my need for it.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:20:23 AM EST

[#36]

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I'm glad that it worked out for you.
I'm actually sort of surprised, because I could see some judges wanting to value all of those accessories on their own worth.
I think there's some precedence though...IIRC, rather than valuing household contents as individual items, we agreed to assign a flat agreed upon value to generic "household contents".
OP might want to list his firearms stuff as "guns and accessories" when it comes that time.

At one point I caught my ex in my FFL area with the clipboard going over what was on the shelf and figuring dollar amounts. That had me worried and I started letting my inventory dwindle through sales attrition for a while until we were past that phase of the proceedings....

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I was lucky. My ex was singularly focused on moving-on to the guy who she'd set her sights on (who she's about to divorce after having two kids with him). We didn't do our divorce with a single lawyer involved. I told her very firmly that any money I paid to a lawyer would be money that she wouldn't get from me. So appealing to her greed worked. We both walked away with her own assets and she didn't touch my guns, guitars, car or motorcycle. We had a house together and she agreed to give-up rights to my pension if I walked away from the home equity. We didn't have a lot of that, so it was an easy decision. She's since sold the home and pissed away the profit long ago. It was a nice house, and she currently lives in a single-wide trailer. I wanted my kids to grow-up in that nice house, but the ex wasn't too bright (and her greed got the best of her).

I have paid her more than the state child support calculation for the past 11.5 years, to the tune of $250K. It's been deposited in her account on my pay days since day one of me leaving the home. So she's had things damn good. I told her to keep the state child support enforcement people out of our lives, because they'd just screw it up. At one point, she was trying to get on welfare and that necessitated the support people getting involved. I was pissed. I called them and told them that all this was going to do was screw everything up and provided records of how much money I'd paid her and that it'd never been even a day late. Incredibly, the lady that worked there agreed with ME and they've left me alone ever since. I'm still completely baffled that a female working for the child support enforcement division would actually agree to stay out of our business!

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:20:41 AM EST

[#37]

Quoted:
I hate to air my dirty laundry on here but I would like to get some advice. After 27 years of marriage, and 6 years after the boob job, she doesn't want to be a wife anymore, she wants freedom. She wants to remain friends and I still love her but she is shattering my dreams.

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She does not get to be your friend.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:21:20 AM EST

[#38]

if your state allows it. use a mediator not separate attorneys.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:22:10 AM EST

[#39]

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She can make promises till the cows come home, but that goes out the window once a lawyer gets involved. Listen to what she says, and know that it will change.

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She promised that she would not ask me for any of my gun stuff, and I have a decent collection with lots of reloading gear.

Trust me, she is not cheating, but I think she wants the life of some of her younger girlfriends.

All she asked for is what she is entitled to by law. Is that 50% of the assets? If so, that is going to hurt even though I have been the primary breadwinner for most of the years, bringing home at least 75% of the income, at times 100%. I realize that that it isn't all about income but I also do a lot around the house, helping wherever I can. I wanted financial freedom and she wants to be free of being a wife.

Kids are grown so child support is not an issue.

She can make promises till the cows come home, but that goes out the window once a lawyer gets involved. Listen to what she says, and know that it will change.

Yep. It's not in the lawyer's best interest to have a quick and painless divorce. There will be a fight over everything.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:22:55 AM EST

[#40]

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If it were me, I'd be trying to get some personal time with her phone to find evidence. And/or hire a PI.

If she's cheating it won't go well for her in court.

Best of luck to you OP.

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in no fault states cheating doesn't matter in divorce court. She could fuck the lakers, on video, and she still gets half

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:23:56 AM EST

[#41]

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Lol most men dont do something to deserve divorce, women just get bored with having g it easy. She wants to freely date and get attention from men again, after all its her nature.

Let this be a lesson to any men thinking of marrying. All women are like that.

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The fact is you don't know shit! There is 2 sides to every fuckin story like this , and you don't have a fuckin clue about them.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:24:44 AM EST

[#42]

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I'm approaching my mid-life crisis. It'll be a motorcycle. I've put aside pretty much every part of my life in the name of making my family secure and happy. And I've got a great family anchored by a beautiful wife. She doesn't understand why I want one with a single saddle and no passenger pegs. It's not for the chicks, it's for that feeling when you twist the throttle on a hilly back road that smells of hay fields and honeysuckle. I could die a happy man without another bike. But my family understands my need for it.

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I've been riding dirt bikes and street bikes for most of my 49 year life. But this summer, I sold my street bike (Yamaha FJR1300) and bought a Triumph Tiger 800 adventure bike. My [great] wife just doesn't like being a passenger (I get it). So I bought a bike that I can have fun on pavement and dirt and explore my region on. I've put over 3K miles since September on it already. I'll be 50 next month, so this is overall a pretty healthy mid-life crisis. I've tried to talk my wife into getting an ADV bike of her own, so we can travel/explore together. But she's just not a motorcycle person. So our plan is for her to follow along in her Subaru when I want to go on long trips on the bike. She can haul the luggage and I get the wind in my hair... errrr... my helmet.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:28:46 AM EST

[#43]

Quoted:
I hate to air my dirty laundry on here but I would like to get some advice. After 27 years of marriage, and 6 years after the boob job, she doesn't want to be a wife anymore, she wants freedom. She wants to remain friends and I still love her but she is shattering my dreams.

I am not a perfect husband but I have always provided above and beyond for the family. We have decent cars that are paid for, a paid off house, and money in the bank. We are in our late 40s and my dream was to retire a little early and enjoy life. Now I am not certain what that dream should be.

Probably going to get a lawyer soon and draw up separation papers. Any input would be appreciated.

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My Dad retired and my step mom (they were married for 32 years) pulled the exact same thing just a couple years into retirement. She wanted "freedom", to "find herself", "be her own woman", etc. My Dad did not handle it well emotionally however going on 3 years later I have never seen him so happy. All this to say you're not alone in dealing with this and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there.

Edit: dont fall for that "friend" crap. She wants a divorce - bite the bullet so to speak and do it - My Dad tried to fix things and hoped she would come back for over a year - all that did was let her spend more of his retirement...

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:30:08 AM EST

[#44]

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Quoted:

The fact is you don't know shit! There is 2 sides to every fuckin story like this , and you don't have a fuckin clue about them.

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C'mon man... some anonymous guy on Arf with the screen name of "JohnnyBoi" has GOT to have ALL the insight/answers to the secret of relationships. All women are bad to the core. Just trust him.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:32:42 AM EST

[#45]

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C'mon man... some anonymous guy on Arf with the screen name of "JohnnyBoi" has GOT to have ALL the insight/answers to the secret of relationships. All women are bad to the core. Just trust him.

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Quoted:

The fact is you don't know shit! There is 2 sides to every fuckin story like this , and you don't have a fuckin clue about them.

C'mon man... some anonymous guy on Arf with the screen name of "JohnnyBoi" has GOT to have ALL the insight/answers to the secret of relationships. All women are bad to the core. Just trust him.

Really, "Red_Label?"

Never trust a drunk.

A.W.D.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:33:03 AM EST

[#46]

And people wonder why I say I will NEVER FUCKING GET MARRIED.

"Oh by golly guys, 25 years of utter happiness with my wonderful beautiful wifeypoo. Just gotta find the right one"

Whats the rate of divorce now? Over 50% right?

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:33:25 AM EST

[#47]

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That's why you keep track of shoes! My ex-wife had $30,000 in shoes!

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purses and shoes are what saved my guns and other toys. She had JUST bought an almost 10k purse. That's one big plus of the gun hobby....a lot of hobby purchases go down in value tremendously, but guns and ammo hold value relatively well.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:34:40 AM EST

[#48]

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That's QUITE interesting to hear. My crazy ex was planning to move to UT before Christmas (to escape her problems, and presumably lure in a new guy and get into new pickings for welfare). I advised her against it, saying that she can't run away from her problems. Whatever cash cow she was attempting to use to pay for the move fell through. So I thought that the issue was dead. But last week, I heard from one of my kids that the plan is still to move down to UT, this time in February. I dunno what the hell she thinks she's running to. Her desirability is low because she's crazy, has let herself go, and has a slew of kids (had two with her new ex, after we split). So she would have to really dig deep to find some sap desperate enough to rescue her this time. So lame. She could stand up on her own two feet and become a decent human being and decent mother. But she'd rather just try to stumble along in hopes of a miracle that the solution will come from outside herself.

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Utah has high per-capita plastic surgery in the country.

http://www.thespectrum.com/story/news/2017/04/11/cosmetic-surgery-rates-surge-among-utah-women/100316764/
https://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=43505715

It has been frequently speculated that this is because of the competition for scarce single practicing LDS men over the age of 30. I know of a man who went through something similar to what I went through. He had a nervous breakdown and his family intervened to get him out of the toxic marriage before he went suicidal. Two years after divorce he barely dipped his foot back into the dating scene and almost immediately had two marriage proposals made to him. Fortunately for him, he's learned to be cautious.

Now the LDS man has to be a decent guy for this to happen, but that's the point. Just being a decent LDS man practically guarantees success if what I'm being told is correct. My cousin's wife abandoned him a year ago. He just married again a month ago!

An attorney warned me that one of the most concerning things he sees are so many men who remarry within a year here. They get swept off their feet before they have sufficient time for vetting their new partner. My own attorney begged me to give her the names of any women I end up dating seriously so she can run checks and see if red flags come up...for free!

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:34:42 AM EST

[#49]

Quote History

Quoted:
My Dad retired and my step mom (they were married for 32 years) pulled the exact same thing just a couple years into retirement. She wanted "freedom", to "find herself", "be her own woman", etc. My Dad did not handle it well emotionally however going on 3 years later I have never seen him so happy. All this to say you're not alone in dealing with this and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there.

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I don't understand women who do that. It can't be because they have the same sexual pull with younger men as they did when they were younger. In many cases, I think that it's because they just get bored, or tired of putting up with some guy's shit (not saying that's the case with your dad, as I don't know him). I could certainly understand a women who had an ogre for a husband just eventually deciding that she'd had enough and wanted to try something different before she breathed her last breath. I could understand that coming from either sex if they felt like they'd put up with someone for decades and weren't happy. That's a human thing to do, and not limited to either gender.

Posted: 12/19/2017 11:35:15 AM EST

[#50]

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You're doomed. She's not "negotiating". She's just stalling for time until her plan is in place. Many women won't leave a relationship until they manage to gin up some anger. You haven't hit the anger phase, apparently. It's coming. And all I will be able to say is "I told you so".

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How did the boob job change your marriage?

If she didn't have a boob job, do you think you would be in this situation?

I am not sure that it really changed the marriage but it changed her. She was always outgoing but with the boobs she started wearing more makeup, dressing nicer, and flirting more. I still want a wife and she wants to be the single socialite. We were best friends when we got married and so far I really believe that we still have a friendship. She depends on me for advice on a lot of things and I can feel that she is afraid to lose that as I have always had her best interest at heart, and will continue to do so.

We did a lot of negotiating tonight and it went well. I am going to contact a lawyer tomorrow for advice.

You're doomed. She's not "negotiating". She's just stalling for time until her plan is in place. Many women won't leave a relationship until they manage to gin up some anger. You haven't hit the anger phase, apparently. It's coming. And all I will be able to say is "I told you so".

This. OP is a fool. SHE IS ENDING A 27 YEAR MARRIAGE TO GO FUCK AROUND WITH IMPUNITY. Why you would give her the benefit of the doubt her intentions thereafter is mind-boggling. Absolutely mind-boggling. She turned on you for a chance to get some strange, but you don't think she will turn on you for a sure-thing in divorce court? She already told you she wants what she is legally entitled to. Who do you think is going to tell her what she is legally entitled to? Her fucking lawyer, that's who.

There is simply no reason to try and work this out without a lawyer in your corner. If you are worried about the cost - don't. She will probably end up with that money if you don't get a lawyer anyways. If you are worried about her "feeling betrayed" or whatever - don't. She clearly doesn't give a shit about what you think or she wouldn't be trading you in for cock roulette.

Stop listening to what she says. She clearly does not have your best interests in mind or you wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. She is looking out for herself, plain and simple. She will only play nice as long as she feels like she has the upper hand. Then she will tag her lawyer that she has probably already contacted to come in and rain unholy fire.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Divorce is looming (updated) (Page 6 of 9)

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