maybe you need reflect upon yourself a bit before you act.

Not sure anyone said "ultimatum", but if you read that into my comments let me clarify. There was and is no "gain xx lbs and see ya" threat. When you get to know someone (dating) you should get a good feel for how they look at health, fitness, and what is and is not acceptable (to them) with regards to those from an ongoing point of view within a relationship. Some of us intentionally looked for someone who would hold us accountable, and expect us to hold them accountable, for many things including health and fitness. From there it's not so tough to have the 'conversation' before things get out of hand. Before it takes a "long time to fix". Yes, gaining crazy amounts of weight usually has an underlying cause. It shouldn't take 30-50-100 pounds to see that and start working on it.

Do we all have ups and downs with weight? For sure. It's what you do before outgrowing your current size that matters. Pants get tight? Stop stuffing your face and workout. Back to normal in a week. With few rare exceptions, it really is that fucking easy. You work on it as a team. We get off track with meals and start eating shitty, one or both of us will call it out and correct the course. Neither one of us want to look bad, for ourselves or each other. And both are just as important. I make sure I am in better shape now than when we met 10 years ago without her saying a word. After four kids she is not where she would like to be ideally, but is below her pre-pregnancy weight (which was pretty fit) and she gave birth to twins less than 18 months ago and had multiple complications, including heart failure a week after delivery.

Yes shit happens. Yes it gets hard. Schedules, injuries, illnesses, etc. But you don't make excuses and you keep at it - for both of you. If you find someone with that mindset going in, it should never be a problem that cannot be solved relatively quickly. That is one of the many ways you continue to respect and honor each other. You make them proud of how you look. You stay healthy for them. You stay active with them. We knew going in neither one of us saw "letting yourself go" as acceptable by any means. That is not an ultimatum, that is simply what you believe in and commit to the other person. To me, upholding that promise is just as important as any other, including fidelity, hence my original comment equating the two. Most don't see it that way or we would not have an obesity epidemic. Good for them - it is important to us and that is all that matters.

I don't have any problem with any of this. It was the OP stating that it would be in the marriage contract (you get fat and I'm gone) that is what was on my mind.

If you choose wisely and know that the other person is on the same page, the problem shouldn't get too out of hand before it is addressed. And, she won't get butthurt because she has agreed that she doesn't want it to get too out of hand, and you're willing to help and support her. It's all fine.

(Edited to add: Of course it stands to reason that she might have some strict limit to certain things about you, and if it got out of hand, she'd be on you and supporting you to make sure you got back in line? It wouldn't have to be your appearance, but maybe something else like earning money or some other aspect? You'd have to be okay with that too, I gather?)

However, if it isn't a problem at the time but the other person is already saying, "If you do this, I'm outta here" (instead of saying, "This is an important thing for both of us, don't you agree?") then that's a problem that would cause many to eject.

I can imagine a slim woman being told, "If you gain weight, I'm gone" as a reason to eject. She's not fat, but he's already planning to leave her if she gains weight, as if that's all she is to him? She's already being put on notice that she'd better toe the line and he's watching to make sure she does? She can do better than get attached to an asshole like that. Eject!

I guess a vow now translates to being weak willed, eh?

reap what you sow.

How long does your wife give you to get into MMA shape before she kicks you to the curb?

I've seen so many guys after marriage just let themselves go and get all tubby, looking like Larry the Cable guy.

Didn't read thread. I made promise to God. I can't break that. Ever.

What other promise have you made to God?  This is my only one.

Both the wife and I went up several pants sizes since our wedding and the birth of our son. I'm in no position to talk to her about weight. We both know we need to hit the gym.

Marry a Mormon 10.

Mine weighs the same as she did when she graduated from HS.

Diet and exercise are part of our life.

Thankfully my wife is still the size she was in High School and she is retired now.  She is very kind to me though and is working hard but gently on my waist line.

To answer the OP's question as someone who has been there and done that.......til death do you part.

Yeah... my SO is 40+ and we haven’t missed a day in the past 8 days I think.., not that I’m counting or anything

She found geezus, and ate the entire last supper by herself I imagine.

I had CPS, DSS, the boy's school administration, and guidance counselors on my side. She stopped sending them to school so they had to repeat first grade. She walked in to court, looked at the judge and said, "Well I'm here and I bought new car seats, can I take my boys home now?" He told her that if he had anything to do with it she wouldn't be left alone with the boys unless I said so. This was in NY with a notorious mother's rights judge too.

In other news, OP is somewhere between 13 & 14 and still isn't quite sure what a vag looks like.

She had a favorite shirt that was purple. One day the kids were watching Barney. My then 3 year old pointed at the TV and said, "Mommy!" I laughed. And then the fight started.

When facing a wall and trying to stand as close as possible, to the boobs or belly touch first?

Wow.  My words mean something when i make a promise

I see a lot of guys complain about this all the time but they're fat ass slobs.

Do you keep yourself in shape?

I do and we both agreed to do the same for each other in the beginning.

She's the mother of 3 year old and 1 year old boys.

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Are you a wizard?

This right here.

JMHO but if you married a 120lb cutie and she's 250lbs now it's pretty much game over. That's many years of bad habits to overcome and most people simply cannot do it.

OP, it all depends on how short your dick is.

It's a cautionary note to warn people against holding others to a standard they do not themselves meet. IOW, don't be a hypocrite. If you're going to hold others to a standard, make sure you meet it yourself.

It does not mean that you should never judge anyone.

Yep...that is often a misinterpreted bible verse.

Hell being Catholic the whole point is to judge and guilt everyone into salvation.

The love and to honor your husband part.

If you let yourself go, you're not honoring your commitment to your husband.

On the other hand, husbands who marry a woman for a steady sex partner and because of the "lust" of a woman, choose poorly because looks never lasts and sex fades with time.

I’d never leave my wife over that. If I make a promise, I keep it. Mofos need to have some damn integrity.

Wife goes to the gym two damn times a day and runs marathons and shit.  She weighs less than before kids.  I appreciate that she is staying in shape, but between work and the gym, she has no time and I am the one that ends up doing all the damn work around the house.  Of course I work full time too.  I wish we could hire a maid.

Good then maybe when one becomes crippled in a car accident the wife will eject because her husband can't provide for her anymore

Cause that’s the same thing as someone who makes the selfish decision to be fat and lazy.

I told my wife there are only three things that will make me leave her.
1. Cheating on me
2. Getting into drugs
3. Acting like her mother

Aside from that, I love a curvy woman.

1. No arfcommer would ever have their 11/10 unicorn wife that got fat.
2. Arfcommers have 14" dongs minimum so rolls are not a problem.
3. Arfcommers make enough dough to have their wimminz fat zapped, shrink wrapped, live-in dieticians and their own crossfit box.

This was a non-starter from the beginning...

No honor.

Well...my wife was doing pretty well a few years ago shedding the weight, the she came down with guillain barre syndrome. With the inability to move around, walk as she used to do, the pounds came back. She has gotten to the point where she can use a walker or crutches, but still tires very easy with physical exertion. Do I still love her? Hell yes. I had my prostate removed last year and now mister happy ain't as happy as he used to be, if you catch my meaning. Yes. She still loves me.

Point is. We married because we loved each other and committed to take care of each other no matter what life threw at us. If you are shallow enough that physical appearance would cause you to cast aside the person you said you loved, you never "loved" them in the first place.

You divorced the mother of your children because she gained weight?  Yes I understand that's a lot of weight but seriously have you ever read the statistics on what divorce and what it does to children?

I was always fit and thin--even after my pregnancies.  I was blessed with very good genes.  However I am now 53 and have arthritis which makes it so I can't get out and move like I used to.  In the past year I have gained 40 pounds.  I've been doing all I can to lose it but it's hard as F*ck.  I'm so thankful my husband married me and not my weight.

Meh. My husband got fat and stayed that way for years. I didn't leave him. He took up tobacco use. I didn't leave him. He drank heavily for a while. I didn't leave him. I loved him through it all and continually encouraged him to make healthier choices, even though he had none of those habits when I married him. And after a while, he quit the drinking. And he lost weight. And he's made a commitment to quit using tobacco. A spouse's duty is to be there unconditionally, helping to steer their partner back to better ways of being. You don't just give up when the going gets tough. He's never given up on me through any of my selfish choices, and I've not given up on him. We're a team.

YMMV.

The part you talk about before you put a ring in her finger.

In this thread obese people and or pushovers will pretend that it is about the vows, vows taken in front of god, a god who holds gluttony to be a sin.

They will attempt to excuse a spouse who disrespects themselves and their health, who challenges their longevity, handicaps their ability to fully participate in whatever life may offer for their family and who sets a bad example for their children regarding how to ensure they have healthy eating habits that promote health and happy life.

You know, a good and loving example, not one that focuses on how to burden others with the bullshit of your ridiculous excuses while you continue to destroy yourself

Vows are about respect, letting yourself slide into gluttony not only disrespects yourself but those you made the vows with.

It is selfishness and self-destruction.

Save that "kids takes it toll on a woman" bullshit.

Fat cells are not made of magic, they are made of excess calories acquired through the gluttonous indulgence.

Tell Naamah that she was a pushover for not leaving her husband. Because that's what you're telling all of us. That she's an idiot for sticking with him.

I don't know Naamah nor do I care to, I do find it hilarious that you have taken it upon yourself to associate her directly with my post.

If I had an advocate like you, I would kick her to the curb.

Admittedly though, I do not suffer fools well.

Lacking the ability to find victim status for yourself in my post you volunteered your friend for it?

Furthermore, learn to read, start with this definition.

You'll see, should you reread my post, that I never said anyone should leave anyone over anything.

That "she's an idiot for staying with him" statement is a product of your mind not my words.

My words simply stated, simple truths, while you may disagree with them, that doesn't make them any less true.

That's a bold strategy, Cotton....

I just thought it was funny that she acted the way I'd expect any loyal, faithful wife would, and any man here would admire her for it. But if we switch the genders of her post, I predict the attitude would be very different for some of you.

I'm also not against a husband or wife choosing a spouse whom they know is on the same page as them and encouraging them to keep those standards. (As long as it's a two-day street.)

But still, I return to what Naamah wrote, and how some of you wouldn't be willing to say the same as she, were the genders reversed...

sorry, all the 'till death do us part' fellas on here, but reality is, unless you mirrored her in the weight gain with some strange, 10yr long, food-orgy-couples therapy, if you for example; married a chick that looked like the one on the left and then one day, a few years down the road, woke up next to the same chick thta now looks like the one on the right (maybe woke up on the floor cuz the bed had no room anymore), few if any of you would be sticking around.
Women do gain/loose/fluctuate in weight far more than men, post marriage especially. Post 2nd or 3rd kid, certainly. That is to be expected, but when a man has to hide his food, for fear of not getting any if its located by the wife-beast.....you gots'a bail for your own survival bro! jus sayn.
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So, in your opinion, should I have ditched my husband?  Dropped him when he needed me most? How is that consistent with the vows I made?

Hypothetically, how fat is the husband?

Either way, I wouldn't kick my wife out.

Are you married? How long and is this your first marriage?

So I can quit my job, get fat, never take a shower, hang out at home, spend all the money on alcohol and my wife should just deal with it.  I like the way you think.

Did she chose to get cancer?  Getting fat is a choice.

It's true....some people don't understand mutual respect.....

Sorry, I don't buy into that.

Not saying I'd kick her to the curb after a year, I'd give her a little longer than that but I know enough women that got back to their pre-pregnancy weight to know that there is little reason to not get back into shape after pregnancy.

Marriage is as much physical attraction as being a mental commitment...I can't imagine marrying someone who looks good on my marriage day than 5 years later is a land whale because she refused to take care of herself.

Make a new thread.  This is not the subject.

I have not seen anything in this thread that applies to what you posted.  Please point out where someone said you should leave someone because they got sick etc.....What "life throws at you" is completely different than what you throw at life.