I worked for a company with some British offices. Americans constantly using British slang really started to annoy me.

Recruiters always saying “I think you would be a good fit” annoys the shit out of me.

There's a lot to "unpack" in this thread.

Stop tickling my balls (ie get to the point)

Ping. I think that one is idiotic. Only Marco Ramius used that line......

100,000 ft view......

Equity.....

Demonstrate fortitude..... what? That's like dividing by zero.... you sorts of has or don't.....

Moving on..... that has to be one of the cuntiest ones. I love when the entitled crowded pulls that out when an agenda item isn't completely complete, for they synergistic synergies..... assholes...

Elevate.... we need to elevate......dumb.....

The calls/meetings that are an hour of just buzz speak, with only about 5-10 minutes of actual content are the worst. The ladies..... sorry, birthing persons tend to be worst. Actually, the true marker here I have noticed tends to be their history. If this persons past includes  any level of physical work hey seem to be much better about this. The more fucking private educated, and the more entitled they are the worst he gets. They can spend 30 minutes and not talk about a fucking thing. Especially when they think they're the smartest people in the room, yet they get owned by their sheer incompetence about ever 5-10 minutes....

KPIs.... you can't say KPIs ever 60 seconds unless the actual key performance indicator is the key topic.....

The fucking people who use acronyms in a situation where literally no one else knows what the acronym is...... What a rude ass thing to do. I usually have to stop pump the brakes and explain what the acronym means to everyone else in the discussion. Don't be a fucking asshole, when you're the only one of the room that knows what the acronym means. It also wastes time. Because if you're that person chances are you're going to go on for the next 5 to 10 minutes and nobody else is going to know what the fuck you're talking about unless you're a guy like me that already knows that but is smart enough to know that you need explain it to people, so they also understand.....It doesn't make you fucking smarter, it makes you a jack ass by doing that horseshit.....


Artificial intelligence can't come soon enough. I for one look forward to the cleansing fire that AI will bring. Everyone whose skillset pretty well stops at being able to turn on the computer is going to perish..... I can't fucking wait.

I hate it and have found myself using it. I stop myself and just say “contact” now. Lol.

A few years ago at a work gathering, every department head had to speak.  

It had become a game to see how many of these kind of phrases could be worked in to the presentation.

I talked my boss into adding "in our department we have lots of tools in our toolbox, but Mike (my bosses boss), is the biggest tool of all".

on board, either as a noun or verb.

Its moved WAY past pronoun usages. Now to extra virtue signal everyone (stupid people) are now putting rainbow tranny support photos under their signatures.


Shit like this...
Attached File

If only everyone's level of bullshit was so low.

Obviously "reach out" sounds a bit more polite than "just fucking ask"

Circle back to us with your preferred pronouns.

Guys use that here. Constantly.

I HATE this one.

This one is used in my industry ALL the damn time.....

ASAP

I absolutely despise it...  Nobody plans their project correctly and everything is always last minute.  When someone sends an email with ASAP, they are implying that you stop what you are working on to work on their shit...

Ok, Soap box over with.

Thanks,
D

Not sure where it came from originally, but it sure sounds like touch base = balls deep.

"Back of the envelope"

" Lean in"

"down in the weeds"

" top of the waves"

Do you forget the old AT&T commercials?

Reach out, reach out, and touch someone

Perhaps you've heard of a sport called "baseball?"

But no more polite than, "ask", "request", or any number of other normal words.

"Fucking reach out" isn't polite either.

Let’s table that and circle back later

"Circle back", "on load" and "off load" are currently being overused at work. "Synergy" about 10+ years ago was the Nickleback of corporate speak but is hardly ever used today.

About 5 years ago, anything to do with "Six Sigma" was also all the babble and everybody getting certified in that nonsense. Hear nothing of it today.

About every 3-4 years when we get a new CEO, whatever his buzzwords are will start making the rounds.

Uptick also in people put their "preferred pronouns" in their email signature. Shows who is the tards at work.

"By close of business today" on an e-mail sent out at 8pm

What is your ask?

Is this thread SOP for this kind of topic?

I'm going into a zoom meeting soon and should have a bunch of these when it's finished

Deliverables
Team Building
Synergy

Those were always my eye rollers

I hear both of those lines pretty often, both in email and spoken. They don’t particularly bother me.

INCLUSIVE


Are we "inclusive" to customers if they don't have any money?
No?

Then STFU with this "inclusive" bullshit.

Opportunity - code word for we really suck at this.

This is accurate. Circle back, and level set are the annoying ones now. I dont necessarily care about their overuse in the office vocabulary though. I just find that when managers or directors say 'let's circle back to that later' it really means discussion on this point is over and will never be talked about again. I guess I would rather they just say what they mean, then mask shooting down ideas with a turn of phrase.

Millennial at work constantly using “tie off” instead of the above
It’s become like nails on a blackboard

I forget some of my favorites, as it's been quite a few years since I've experienced these things. When I worked for a large company that did enormous meetings, I made 'Corporate Buzzword Bingo' cards for myself and a few of my friendly coworkers. We also played other games, like making wagers on the over/under for instances of our favorite (or least favorite) buzzwords buzzphrases.

My current field has its share of lingo and acronyms/initialisms, but we don't have the same sorts of meetings, so it doesn't allow for the same kind of mocking.  




Temba, his arms wide.

Close the loop.

Yep. It’s very common in my world.

Mine is not a Tarted Corporate Email expression but Tarded Corporate processes.

Every month the Budget Monkeys would send out an authoritarian email requiring explanations for budget variations greater than 5%. I had a stock answer that I copied and pasted to every variance; “the budget assumptions, as approved in the annual budget process, failed to materialize.”  They never followed up or called me on the carpet about my response. The other managers would fret and spend a lot of energy responding.  I would spend like 5 minutes on my response.

When it was the TQM fad of having the word “Services” in every department name, I was on the name changing committee. I was successful in slipping the in the name change for Human Resources to Personal Management Services, following the trend for Information Technology Services, Building Services, Accounting System Services, and so on. In typical fashion of corporate culture there is always someone who takes credit for someone else’s work efforts or ideas. This time I let them do it and even encouraged it. It made it all the way up the food chain to the 1st Vice President before she pointed out that having departments with the initials of PMS, ITS, BS, and ASS was not the image she was wanting to portray even though there was some truth to the name changes.

My saving grace was the 1stVP had the same sense of humor that I had.

connect the dots.

Hate this one.  Poor excuse for poor management.  There was probably an engineer or tech screaming about the problem for the last 12 months you ignored.

Everyday I hear this and I get trapped in a repetitive thought of me holding a 16oz med rare juicy Ribeye, I snap out of and think what the in the hell are we even talking about here. I just nod and say, yes, yes and toss in an “exactly”. I close it out with a, thank you, that was on point.

I can't stand...."Kick it around"

I'm getting zoom call PTSD just reading this thread.

One of my absolute favorites is "get in a knife fight" used by 20 something females/soy boys that haven't been in a physical altercation in their lives.

Mindy or Cody saying something like "We don't want to get into a knife fight with them over this..." would be an example.

Cringe.

Wheelhouse

and, "Cycles" as in "I don't have the cycles to deal with this." "Time"...

In sales - "lookie Lou's"

Sales funnel.

Value proposition

Bugger off you bloody wanker