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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:19:02 PM EDT
[#1]
You couldn't fart your way out of a wet paper sack.
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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:19:13 PM EDT
[#2]
Ain't no thang.
Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'. |
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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:19:33 PM EDT
[#3]
This place is like a gravy train with biscuit wheels
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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:20:54 PM EDT
[#4]
There's a lot of ways to fuck that chicken. But if you end up with feathers in your ass you're doing it wrong.
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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:22:52 PM EDT
[#5]
"Crazier than a hatful of assholes"
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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:25:09 PM EDT
[#6]
"Asshat"- often said regarding some our lower IQ clientle...
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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:27:26 PM EDT
[#7]
I use "anything fun and exciting happening" whenever I greet my staff. If I'm feeling more poetic, it's "what fresh hell has been visited upon us?"
and I mutter the phrase "fuckin hellFIRE" at least a half dozen times a day. |
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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:32:45 PM EDT
[#8]
It’s your monkey, you fuck it however you want.
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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:34:31 PM EDT
[#9]
I’ll be in an out like a two inch dick.
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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:45:22 PM EDT
[#10]
After the delivery of what could have only been a wet fart words were muttered
"skid marks are my racing stripes." |
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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:52:39 PM EDT
[#11]
Suck it up buttercup
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Posted: 11/29/2023 10:53:47 PM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted: After the delivery of what could have only been a wet fart words were muttered "skid marks are my racing stripes." Are we talkin' nitro injected or alcohol fueled? 
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:00:43 PM EDT
[#13]
Bless your heart or Aren't you precious.
When someone starts arguing I like to state "Good Day Sir" in a blunt way and turn away from them. It's better if they respond and I get to say " I said Good Day Sir" in a more abrupt tone. It confuses the crap out of people. |
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:06:36 PM EDT
[#14]
“That was fun let’s do it again sometime”
I usually say that one after I finish something I was struggling with at work that made me contemplate quitting my job. Also, any of my coworkers with a first initial of a vitamin get called that from time to time. For example, if I’m looking for, let’s say, Kevin, I’ll say, anyone seen vitamin K? |
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:12:18 PM EDT
[#15]
Since I have a youngin'
Now they are... Really? Gosh Darn it Son of a Monkey Farfegnugen And if I slip up, his 6 y/o butt acts like I kicked his dog... Then tells mom, grandma, grandpa, and everyone I cussed.... |
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:12:44 PM EDT
[#16]
Turkey dump
Buford T Justice. |
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:15:04 PM EDT
[#17]
Master got me working!
I get the oddest looks when I start singing that at work |
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:16:28 PM EDT
[#18]
When payday and the end of the work week coincide I always give em the "well ain't that like a sore dick; you just can't beat it!"
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:18:36 PM EDT
[#19]
"I reckon so" Clint Eastwood Josey Wells
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:28:29 PM EDT
[#20]
You can't fix stupid...
But you can kill it. 
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:30:02 PM EDT
[#21]
Great Cesar’s Ghost!
Gee Whiz! Jeepers! Is the Juice worth the squeeze? Good night nurse. If you can’t find em’ grind em’ Keep the shiny side up Two worst sounds in the world a bang that should have been a click and a click that should have been a bang. Here’s mud in your eye! |
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:31:12 PM EDT
[#22]
Quit beating around the bush like a 70s porn.
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:36:28 PM EDT
[#23]
What it is bro
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:41:02 PM EDT
[#24]
I love it when it first goes in.
If you lick it a little it goes in easier |
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:44:26 PM EDT
[#25]
Not my chair, not my problem. That’s what I say.
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:45:51 PM EDT
[#26]
Dead as Davey Crockett
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:49:01 PM EDT
[#27]
Colder than a well diggers ass.
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Posted: 11/29/2023 11:53:30 PM EDT
[#28]
Colorful sayings of an older, highly-talented engineering manager from 30 years ago:
"It's time to call the dog an' pee on the fire" (time to go home) "You're gonna run the stagecoach off the bluff" (you're about to mess up) "Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin' chairs" "Help me mama, I'm eatin' dirt" (You're clueless) "Time to go to Aunt Nancy's house" (Time to go home) "It's time to go to Miss Becky's house" (time to go home) "That's not in your baliwick" (Mind your business) "Draw it up, print it out, an' use it for toilet paper for all I care" (frustrated) "Time to kick the tires, an' light the fires" (time to get busy) "Let's go get a biscuit" (time for lunch) What're you doin'- sitting around playin' with your gemdog?" (This is all you got to show?) "Let's change our drawers, and then see how this smells" (Sleep on it) "I'll kiss your butt on the corner of main street and give you an hour to draw a crowd" (not gonna happen) "Peein' on one leg an' wiping it off with the other" (nervous) "You have got to give it due dilligence" (missed something obvious) "Busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest" "It's all a crapshoot" |
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:00:15 AM EDT
[#29]
"Your lack of proper planning does not constitute an emergency on my part." Delivered straight while looking them directly in the eyes and holding their gaze for a moment after you say it. 95% of the time entitled assholes immediately deflate, the other times they fight you.
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:02:13 AM EDT
[#30]
Fraggle stick car
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:03:05 AM EDT
[#31]
Smells like Fuck-Wits.
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:05:02 AM EDT
[#32]
She’s 10 gallons of crazy in a 5 gallon bucket
She’ll make a freight train take the dirt road |
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:18:22 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Go fuck yourself /Thread |
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:28:03 AM EDT
[#34]
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:51:10 AM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I use “oh for fuck sake” daily. This Oh, and sigline 
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:53:32 AM EDT
[#36]
"Soft bigotry of low expectations"
"Benefits of a classical education" |
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:55:22 AM EDT
[#37]
There are very few problems in life that can't be resolved with the proper application of high explosives.
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:56:58 AM EDT
[#38]
Fucknut. Knew a kid that used it frequently, only other time I heard it was a decade later on The Wire.
I love the way the English use "cunt", I guess just because it's so verboten in the US. |
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:57:58 AM EDT
[#39]
“Square away your gear, you’ve got a mission”
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:58:49 AM EDT
[#40]
“No, let’s do it the Army Way.” To a guy that was in the Army that every time given a solution to a problem that would have made him (and everyone else’s) life easier, would keep doing it the harder way. No learning EVER occurred with him.
To my co-workers who some could escalate a “Good morning” into a Cops Episode. Be nice. Be nice. Be nice. Until it is time to not be nice. |
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Posted: 11/30/2023 12:59:03 AM EDT
[#41]
What the fuck
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Posted: 11/30/2023 1:03:28 AM EDT
[#42]
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Posted: 11/30/2023 1:13:10 AM EDT
[#43]
Shuckin & Jiving...
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Posted: 11/30/2023 1:13:51 AM EDT
[#44]
"Go Fuck Yourself"
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Posted: 11/30/2023 1:22:29 AM EDT
[#45]
Nuckin futz.
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Posted: 11/30/2023 1:26:35 AM EDT
[#46]
early bird gets the worm but it's the second mouse which gets the cheese.
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Posted: 11/30/2023 1:31:29 AM EDT
[#47]
Engaged in venereal commerce.
Benign neglect. My kid is rather fond of Shakespearian insults. |
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Posted: 11/30/2023 1:32:00 AM EDT
[#48]
madder than a bee in a banjo
more assholes than Hope Solo's nudes dump pig in the poke |
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Posted: 11/30/2023 1:32:09 AM EDT
[#49]
Stay fresh, cheese bags..
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Posted: 11/30/2023 1:53:51 AM EDT
[#50]
Like sticking a wet noodle up a wildcats ass...
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