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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:39:09 AM EDT
[#1]
Probably been going on for a while, could even be the real father.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:39:26 AM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Mind your own business. It's not your problem so why inject yourself are you fucking stupid? Exactly the usless types I predicted would come in here. Weenies seldom stand up for anything. The mealy mouth breathing is a great way to disguise ineptness. There's too .any of you on the train already.....we know how you will do nothing |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:42:30 AM EDT
[#3]
"Develop the photos."
"Destroy the negatives." 
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:42:34 AM EDT
[#4]
If you are willing to fuck over your best friend then you cannot be trusted with anything. Let me repeat that. If you are willing to fuck over your best friend then you cannot be trusted with anything.
I don't put myself into situations where there is a chance of fucking around because I love my wife and getting some 'strange' isn't worth throwing away a 20 year marriage. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:43:18 AM EDT
[#5]
Tell your buddy. He needs time to process and decide how he wants to proceed counseling or a divorce. He needs time to prepare with a lawyer and finances for all eventualities, and all of that. He needs to be calm and not be pushed to act rashly by telling the church. There's kids involved, and his future. This could go sideways through over exposure.
The time for public shaming of the church fucker must come so that your church community is protected, but it can wait a little bit for the most injuries parties to get on a good trajectory. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:45:12 AM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Blackmail…just think of it as a Sin Tax. $300 a month for one year or a one time payment of $2500. THIS..!!! |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:45:38 AM EDT
[#7]
In for the aftermath
hoping its biblical |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:47:02 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted: "Develop the photos." "Destroy the negatives." LOL he just dated himself. Only hard-core photographers shoot film these days, and even they would reach for the digital backup camera in this scenario. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:47:13 AM EDT
[#9]
I'm sure it hasn't been said over the last 6 pages, fuckin tell him. If you don't have the juevos then send them anonymously or give them to one of us fine ARFCOM members so we can tell him.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:51:41 AM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuoted: THIS..!!! Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Blackmailjust think of it as a Sin Tax. $300 a month for one year or a one time payment of $2500. THIS..!!! Where my TI users!?!?!?! |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:52:26 AM EDT
[#11]
Friend as in some guy your really not close to but see occasionally?
Or friend as in will bury a body no questions asked? If the first MYOB, if the second Bro's before Hoe's. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:54:30 AM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted: If you are willing to fuck over your best friend then you cannot be trusted with anything. Let me repeat that. If you are willing to fuck over your best friend then you cannot be trusted with anything. I don't put myself into situations where there is a chance of fucking around because I love my wife and getting some 'strange' isn't worth throwing away a 20 year marriage. When I'm at the store? Softball practice? The park? Church? When does this apply? |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:56:36 AM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Explain this "chance of fucking around"? When I'm at the store? Softball practice? The park? Church? When does this apply? I can answer that. It occurs when you're alone with a woman who isn't your wife/daughter/mom/sister. Be careful with it. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:56:37 AM EDT
[#14]
Subscribed
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:57:32 AM EDT
[#15]
Tell buddy then go to the church leadership.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:57:50 AM EDT
[#16]
Just noticed this thread, been busy with ministering to and feeding people. I'm struggling a bit with my family gone and I've lost 7 of my former teens from my congregation to gang shootings the last 6 weeks. Two of which I was very close.
OP, if you want, you can you call me. I just IMed you my info. I need more info before I give advice. Does your friend go to the same church? Are you two very close? If you are close friends,, My advice from what little information that I know is that I would go to my friend and tell him and then the two of you go to church leadership together. Otherwise go to church leadership immediately and have a meeting with them. Scriptural, leadership must be held to a higher standard (2Tim. 2). You have to protect the other young ladies and wives out there from this man who has power but is a wolf in sheep's clothing. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:58:17 AM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Confront "pastor" with pics tomorrow immediately before the service. I fucking HATE hypocrites |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 9:59:33 AM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I can answer that. It occurs when you're alone with a woman who isn't your wife/daughter/mom/sister. Be careful with it. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Explain this "chance of fucking around"? When I'm at the store? Softball practice? The park? Church? When does this apply? I can answer that. It occurs when you're alone with a woman who isn't your wife/daughter/mom/sister. Be careful with it. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:03:37 AM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted: "HE" did? No, two cheating adults did. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Well that sucks OP. I have been in that position and its no fun. New church secretary comes on board, some of the women members of the church made the comments ya this could lead to problems if theres not a 3rd person here in the office during the week. Normally the preacher was in the office alone during the week or his wife would be there. Things went well for awhile. I had seen them in his car, he had tinted windows but you could still see the people in the car, the passenger was a female and was slumped way low in the passenger seat, I thought it might have been his daughter at first glance but when I did a second look as I waved I could see it was not her, ok nothing out of the ordinary as he did give folks rides to the store or doctors office at times. 2nd time was pretty obvious what was going on. I saw his car at a motel towards the edge of town, and him standing in front of one of rooms knocking on the door. at first I did not think too much of it, then the door opened and it was the church secretary, they hugged and kissed. oh shit Now I really struggled with this, I knew it was wrong of course, both parties were married with kids. I ended up going to one of the elders, we had two, him being the oldest, and told him what I saw. The look he gave me, shit. His reply and tone changed from a light hearted to a very serious one, 1shott he said, thats a serious statement to make about a preacher and also a friend. Then the grilling, dates, times, any other witnesses, I mean I get it, but in retrospect I felt like I was being accused of lying. He said not to mention it to anyone, he would get with the other elder and they would handle it. In the end everything was exposed, the church split, some accused me of lying and trying to destroy gods work, others just chose to distance themselves, some still at least spoke to me. He stepped down, after he was caught and confronted, him and his wife tried to make it work but divorced, the kids were torn up. The secretary and her husband stayed together but left the church, well she did, he did not attend. As I said the church split, and after a few years of theft by the "new leadership" of church funds and property the church just dried up and blew away. All of that is for anther thread. Did I do the right thing by speaking up, well I believe I did, but for awhile there I was really 2nd guessing myself. Yep, you destroyed a lot of lives. Lot of collateral damage there. Not sure what you accomplished. "HE" did? No, two cheating adults did. Normally it would be a none of my business thing, but the man was the preacher of our church. He demanded accountability from the members, he should be held to the same standard. Want to preach about immoral affairs yet you are having one, ya not a good thing to do. The question I struggled with was who do I talk to. So I sought out advice from friends out of state on how they would handle a situation like that. All of them said they would seek out the elders and tell them, then let the elders go about gathering the facts and speaking to the people involved in the affair and take it from there, thats what happened I destroyed no lives or families, I came forth with the truth, I did the right thing, no matter who thought otherwise. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:04:58 AM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Exactly. It's a situation that invites/promotes temptation. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Explain this "chance of fucking around"? When I'm at the store? Softball practice? The park? Church? When does this apply? I can answer that. It occurs when you're alone with a woman who isn't your wife/daughter/mom/sister. Be careful with it. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:05:44 AM EDT
[#21]
tough situation. I think if you tell him you make it worse and likely to loose a friend for life. I think pass it off to the pastor. They do have training for this. I hope you have a good one.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:08:12 AM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted: OK, my friend should be here in a few minutes. I asked for some help on a project and he's dropping everything to come over. Great guy right? I will show him the photos but not mention the nasty stuff I saw. I won't embarrass him that way. Bad idea. It may be too late now, but if you omit something major from your account the first time you give it (to your friend) and only later "mention the nasty stuff [you] saw" (to church leadership), that would likely weigh against your credibility because you essentially told two different stories. People naturally expect that if someone is telling the truth about what they witnessed, they won't leave out the most important facts initially. And if you actually saw sexual activity, that would be pretty damn important. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:09:57 AM EDT
[#23]
I wouldn’t have come here for advice. I’d come here to tell everyone what I just did. ??. Preacher man was releasing some demons. Stop reading this shit and go tell your friend. Then tell everyone in church. Be sure the church thing isn’t spoiled by your friend beating the fuck out of the preacher.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:10:15 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted: How has no one else commented on this? @ZAquaman Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Your buddy definitely has a right now know. How you tell him is up to you. The longer you wait the more pissed he'll be at you. That's 50/50. There are guys that will deny and say you made shit up. Been there. He has photos… Depending on the park he may have an additional witness to these events....... How has no one else commented on this? @ZAquaman @-daddy go on... Assuming this isn't a troll thread, I'd give it about a 10% chance of OP coming out of this unscathed. Despite that, OP needs to tell his friend and church elders as it is the only morally acceptable response. Having been involved extensively in religious leadership I can say with certainty that the statement about nice men versus good men is correct. A large number of "leaders" are anything but, when asked to the right thing they'll cry, fold, and do what is easy and doesn't hurt feelings. It certainly exposed a lot of people's true colors for me and made me feel justified in shamelessly exposing their hypocrisy, which of course gained me some critics from the go-along-to-get-along crowd. ETA: this is not to be misconstrued as a condemnation of organized religion but an example of evil/wicked people. We are all sinners but those who sin against others with malicious intent have evil in their hearts. I suspect that OP's story would be similar, so my suggestion is make backups, document throughly, then tell friend. Help him acquire legal guidance. Once those things are in place, go before leadership that you believe to be trustworthy and try to minimize the exposure of information, keep it solely need to know. Tell them to act, force them to act, and lay low. If they refuse you now move up or down the organizational chart as needed, documenting the actions taken by leadership along the way. Going public is an absolute last resort for the sake of the friend and OP. The cheating wife and pastor's well-being cannot be a consideration in any decision. ETA2: to explain above statements, FWIW I am a licensed ordained minister, non-practicing and have also been in leadership roles in denominational churches. I stepped away from those roles due to leadership refusing to make the hard decisions and taking the non-confrontational, smooth things over approach. Congregations, on average, are a slightly more well-behaved cross section of the community, just exclude some of the criminals and replace them with busybodies and hypocrites. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:14:08 AM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You must be some low self control type of men. Because my dick has never unexpectedly ended up anywhere I WASN'T PLANNING on putting it. If you "might" cheat on your wife, then you "want to" cheat on your wife. Cheating doesn't "accidentally" happen. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:14:28 AM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Any reason why you didn't just walk up and say "hi" while nasty stuff was going on? No blaming you. Just curious. That would get everything out in the open right then and there. Tell friend and tell elders. Make sure you have evidence that cannot be refuted. Domestics are dangerous. Walking up on a cheating couple puts them in a corner. Trapped people do dumb shit. Interjecting your self in that moment could turn violent and I got no desire to get shot over some cheaters or shoot some dumb mother fucker getting his dick wet. Op did fine. Tell your buddy ASAP |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:16:43 AM EDT
[#27]
OP, do the needful and tell. What kind of a friend are you if you’re going to hide something like that from him? Don’t listen to people who say MYOB; their advice is cowardly and dishonest.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:19:24 AM EDT
[#28]
If your buddy has any assets he needs to get into gambling and have a bunch of 'losses'.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:24:34 AM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Mind your business, they're adults. Not only that, but it she may be the instigator. Either way, they're both culpable and most likely know exactly what they're doing. ETA: not sure what I'd do in this situation. Good luck, OP. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:26:51 AM EDT
[#30]
Quoted: So I took the kids to a park (remote & quiet) to get some autumn photos when I see our assistant pastor sitting alone in his minivan. I wanted privacy so we avoided contact with preacher man... Then along comes my buddy's wife and she plops down in Bible boy's car after hugs and kisses. I could see nasty stuff going on in the minivan. Had the camera so I took some photos as they said their goodbyes. Just hugs and a kiss. Normally I mind my own business but I think this guy is a total predator. My Friend's wife has been going through major bout of post-partum and she's a total train wreck right now. Clearly mentally fragile. I've asked for a meeting with church leadership. Not sure if I should tell my friend yet. Having mixed feelings about not confronting them in the car... Could use some advice here. Should have taken it to your church leaders instead of gossiping on a forum filled with unbelievers. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:33:01 AM EDT
[#31]
How is something like this even a choice?
Of course you tell the guy…otherwise you are aiding his hoe wife in hiding her cheating. Never help a cheater hide anything. Call him now…right now. It gets worse with time, not better. Call. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:33:52 AM EDT
[#32]
Congrats to your buddy on his upcoming divorce.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:34:18 AM EDT
[#33]
First get blackmail money from both of them, then tell your buddy.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:36:19 AM EDT
[#34]
Absolutely tell your friend, and tell him first. Don’t give the church and the pastor an opportunity to spin it first. Plus, this news is better delivered by a friend and not some rando or publicly found out.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:37:04 AM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I would want to know. I would also want to know before you took it to the church leadership. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Your buddy definitely has a right now know. How you tell him is up to you. The longer you wait the more pissed he'll be at you. I would want to know. I would also want to know before you took it to the church leadership. Absolutely this. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:37:18 AM EDT
[#36]
 I'll Kill Him - Friday. Remastered [HD] |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:37:54 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You must be some low self control type of men. Because my dick has never unexpectedly ended up anywhere I WASN'T PLANNING on putting it. If you "might" cheat on your wife, then you "want to" cheat on your wife. Cheating doesn't "accidentally" happen. Or the type that recognizes our own fallibility. All men with normal sexual functionality are capable of cheating. You don’t avoid it by testing your self control. That works great until it doesn’t, and none of us know where that point is. You avoid it by avoiding the situation. Easy Peasy. ETA: as a bonus, avoiding the situation makes false accusations difficult. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:38:51 AM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Should have taken it to your church leaders instead of gossiping on a forum filled with unbelievers. Gossip names names. This doesn’t qualify. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:40:03 AM EDT
[#39]
Quoted: So I took the kids to a park (remote & quiet) to get some autumn photos when I see our assistant pastor sitting alone in his minivan. I wanted privacy so we avoided contact with preacher man... Then along comes my buddy's wife and she plops down in Bible boy's car after hugs and kisses. I could see nasty stuff going on in the minivan. Had the camera so I took some photos as they said their goodbyes. Just hugs and a kiss. Normally I mind my own business but I think this guy is a total predator. My Friend's wife has been going through major bout of post-partum and she's a total train wreck right now. Clearly mentally fragile. I've asked for a meeting with church leadership. Not sure if I should tell my friend yet. Having mixed feelings about not confronting them in the car... Could use some advice here. I'd bet her depression is caused by the affair. She's feeling guilty for cheating on her husband, and possibly for giving birth to the minister's child. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:41:35 AM EDT
[#40]
No update from OP. This thread is bullshit.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:43:07 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Your buddy definitely has a right now know. How you tell him is up to you. The longer you wait the more pissed he'll be at you. Yup. I'd want to know for damn sure and so would my friends. Without question I'd let him know. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:43:24 AM EDT
[#42]
Address everyone in the middle of church service with evidence.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:44:33 AM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I would want to know. I would also want to know before you took it to the church leadership. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Your buddy definitely has a right now know. How you tell him is up to you. The longer you wait the more pissed he'll be at you. I would want to know. I would also want to know before you took it to the church leadership. This too. Friend gets the info first and he has the vote as to how it gets handled from there. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:45:00 AM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted: No update from OP. This thread is bullshit. To be fair, I think OP is on the west coast and is probably going to church today. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:54:36 AM EDT
[#45]
I haven't read past page 3 but thanks to those who have offered great advice.
Ok, here's the update: My friend and his wife had separated a few weeks ago because her erratic behavior was affecting the children. He also has sort of given up on his marriage but is hoping his wife will finally agree to get mental health care for the post-partum thing from appropriate doctors. He told me he's mentally ready to move on in his life without the wife. He was aware that "bible boy" was going to counsel his wife. He saw that as a step in the right direction for her. I showed him the photos and he was shocked to see that they were meeting at a remote location... in the guys van... alone. But he took it very well. He went on to say that when he met with this very same guy last week, he demanded that they meet at the church and their conversation would be recorded for legal reasons and "safety against impropriety". We both came to the conclusion that "Mr. Holy Hypocrite" is likely "grooming" his poor wife for his own deviant purposes. He agreed that I should keep my meeting with church elders. He also asked that I not share what I saw with anyone else (so there won't be photos guys). As for me, I haven't even mentioned this to my wife. I only asked one trusted church elder for a meeting with at least two church leaders. So... I hope to remain anonymous on this site so please don't ARock me. Anyway, for those of you who think the details of impropriety are important; I don't think "Van Man" convinced the woman to "do the sex" in the van but there was certainly kissing and petting going on. I fully expect the creepy church guy to lie about what was going on yesterday. I have photos to support the fact that they were together.... I do not have clear photos of them making out in the car. I have mixed feelings about doing more updates here. But I've read some really great advice on this thread and think others might benefit from that advice as I have. I think it is important for people to know that predators like this find their way into our churches, schools, inner circle of friends, etc. so they can prey on people when they are vulnerable. Someone has to shine the light on them. This time it's my turn. I just want to do it the right way. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:56:16 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Explain this "chance of fucking around"? When I'm at the store? Softball practice? The park? Church? When does this apply? Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: If you are willing to fuck over your best friend then you cannot be trusted with anything. Let me repeat that. If you are willing to fuck over your best friend then you cannot be trusted with anything. I don't put myself into situations where there is a chance of fucking around because I love my wife and getting some 'strange' isn't worth throwing away a 20 year marriage. When I'm at the store? Softball practice? The park? Church? When does this apply? I'm disabled and usually stay home unless we go somewhere together. I don't put myself into a position to cheat |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:57:18 AM EDT
[#47]
I'm in for this shit show, but I would definitely tell the buddy ASAP. As someone who runs with a crowd of "alternative lifestyle" people, the buddy may know and condone it. No sense in fucking up 3 lives if it is consensual. Chances are slim, I get it, but a possibility.
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:57:25 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Tell your buddy. He needs time to process and decide how he wants to proceed counseling or a divorce. He needs time to prepare with a lawyer and finances for all eventualities, and all of that. He needs to be calm and not be pushed to act rashly by telling the church. There's kids involved, and his future. This could go sideways through over exposure. The time for public shaming of the church fucker must come so that your church community is protected, but it can wait a little bit for the most injuries parties to get on a good trajectory. THIS guy is wise. Heed his advise. |
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Posted: 10/31/2021 10:59:47 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted: MYOB as it's a lose-lose. You won't have your friend any longer because since you snitched you will only remind him of the infidelity when he sees you. You will also be known as a snitch for the rest of your life and no body will confide in or trust you when you are found out and you will be. Nobody likes a snitch and it follows you around too. No shits given about some church, find another with more reputable people running it. Holy shit. 
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Posted: 10/31/2021 11:00:20 AM EDT
[#50]
My advice would be to delete those pics and stay out of it. The more you stir in shit , the worse you smell.
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