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Posted: 11/25/2016 6:14:17 AM EDT
[#1]
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Posted: 11/25/2016 6:22:52 AM EDT
[#2]
Sounds like a lesson was learned. Don't go in backyards without permission.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 6:38:48 AM EDT
[#3]
Grandma just mad because grandpa never did the cucumber trick.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 7:42:42 AM EDT
[#4]
Quote HistoryQuoted: GD never fails to deliver. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 7:54:15 AM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
GD never fails to deliver. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:01:52 AM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
If you don't want to see me kneeling between your naked granddaughters spread legs with an ice cube in one hand and a condom covered cucumber in the other STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BACKYARD WHEN NOT INVITED. That right there is sig line material. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:09:38 AM EDT
[#7]
TLdr
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:09:44 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Even after washing they have those gray little dots stuck all over them that you can pry off with your fingertips. I have no idea what the fuck they are, what purpose they serve, or where they disappear to once you pickle them(one of life's great mysteries), but I didn't want to leave any inside. edit: Plus my ass is pretty tender, the condom helps the lube stay slick longer. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
In But why was a condom on the cucumber? Even after washing they have those gray little dots stuck all over them that you can pry off with your fingertips. I have no idea what the fuck they are, what purpose they serve, or where they disappear to once you pickle them(one of life's great mysteries), but I didn't want to leave any inside. edit: Plus my ass is pretty tender, the condom helps the lube stay slick longer. Hope like he'll you,added that last part as a joke |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:18:25 AM EDT
[#9]
You should have eyed her real close and said, "What did we learn?"
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:18:59 AM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Even after washing they have those gray little dots stuck all over them that you can pry off with your fingertips. I have no idea what the fuck they are, what purpose they serve, or where they disappear to once you pickle them(one of life's great mysteries), but I didn't want to leave any inside. edit: Plus my ass is pretty tender, the condom helps the lube stay slick longer. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: In But why was a condom on the cucumber? Even after washing they have those gray little dots stuck all over them that you can pry off with your fingertips. I have no idea what the fuck they are, what purpose they serve, or where they disappear to once you pickle them(one of life's great mysteries), but I didn't want to leave any inside. edit: Plus my ass is pretty tender, the condom helps the lube stay slick longer. GD didn't need to know you stick cucumbers up your ass
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:23:35 AM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You use it on the nipples and clitoris. As well as anywhere else on the body you please. Mixes up the sensations a bit. Sorta like slapping an icy-hot patch on her naughty bits but a bit more intimate. edit: Or pop one in your mouth and give her a frosty. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Wait. Cucumber I understand. What was the ice cube for? You use it on the nipples and clitoris. As well as anywhere else on the body you please. Mixes up the sensations a bit. Sorta like slapping an icy-hot patch on her naughty bits but a bit more intimate. edit: Or pop one in your mouth and give her a frosty. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:28:39 AM EDT
[#12]
Move over fruit plate, Cucumber Salad is taking over!
Funny stuff OP.. thanks for sharing.. I think. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:28:42 AM EDT
[#13]
Edit: deleted comment
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:34:13 AM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
GD didn't need to know you stick cucumbers up your ass
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
In But why was a condom on the cucumber? Even after washing they have those gray little dots stuck all over them that you can pry off with your fingertips. I have no idea what the fuck they are, what purpose they serve, or where they disappear to once you pickle them(one of life's great mysteries), but I didn't want to leave any inside. edit: Plus my ass is pretty tender, the condom helps the lube stay slick longer. GD didn't need to know you stick cucumbers up your ass
Only a couple degrees away from a dick
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Posted: 11/25/2016 8:35:40 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
We are newlyweds. My understanding is it's a bit of a bell curve. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
This story is obviously bullshit. Married people don't fuck. We are newlyweds. My understanding is it's a bit of a bell curve. Your understanding is completely correct. Older married guys need to sub-contract that kind of work or it just doesn't get done. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:05:37 AM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Grandma just mad because grandpa never did the cucumber trick. From the sound of it, Grandma may be mad because Grandpa never LET Grandma DO the cucumber trick. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:17:41 AM EDT
[#17]
Winning! But IBTL, not penthouse forums :(
Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:19:55 AM EDT
[#18]
Ask her if she enjoyed the show, then tell her it's played nightly.
At least that's what I would say. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:20:01 AM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Only a couple degrees away from a dick Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
In But why was a condom on the cucumber? Even after washing they have those gray little dots stuck all over them that you can pry off with your fingertips. I have no idea what the fuck they are, what purpose they serve, or where they disappear to once you pickle them(one of life's great mysteries), but I didn't want to leave any inside. edit: Plus my ass is pretty tender, the condom helps the lube stay slick longer. GD didn't need to know you stick cucumbers up your ass
Only a couple degrees away from a dick Sometimes the prostate is a bad boy and must be punished. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:21:56 AM EDT
[#20]
I hate when I'm balls deep and someone tries to slip into my backyard....
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:23:25 AM EDT
[#21]
Quoted:
Moral of the story? If you don't want to see me kneeling between your naked granddaughters spread legs with an ice cube in one hand and a condom covered cucumber in the other STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BACKYARD WHEN NOT INVITED. Brother - YOU can tell a story. If you have the time and energy after all that wire (and pipe!) laying, you should think about writing stories (comical ones) for a magazine or something. Thanks. Well worth the read. 
... (pics or it didn't happen) 
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:24:47 AM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I didnt read your post, but this seems like good advice Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
If you don't want to see me kneeling between your naked granddaughters spread legs with an ice cube in one hand and a condom covered cucumber in the other STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BACKYARD WHEN NOT INVITED. I didnt read your post, but this seems like good advice To long for sigline material, try again at Christmas OP? |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:25:18 AM EDT
[#23]
Lmfao. Thanks for the laugh.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:32:32 AM EDT
[#24]
This thread brings back several memories from many years gone by...
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Posted: 11/25/2016 9:33:07 AM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Lmfao. Thanks for the laugh. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 11:02:19 AM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I think I'm going to really drive the message home about private property etiquette and serve cucumber salad at our next family gathering. Holy fuck I can't believe it took me over 24 hours to think up that one. I'm tempted to go wake the wife up and run the idea by her. edit: Although to be honest I do not think it was during that particular portion of the show that they arrived during. Then again there is no telling if that car door we heard was them or if they came at a different time and we did not hear it. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 11:08:29 AM EDT
[#27]
I approve of this message.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 11:17:25 AM EDT
[#28]
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Posted: 11/25/2016 11:19:51 AM EDT
[#29]
So... we talking about some little salad sized cucumber or a 20" zuccinni that is thicker thn your forearm?
It's gonna make a difference. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 11:23:57 AM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Even after washing they have those gray little dots stuck all over them that you can pry off with your fingertips. I have no idea what the fuck they are, what purpose they serve, or where they disappear to once you pickle them(one of life's great mysteries), but I didn't want to leave any inside. edit: Plus my ass is pretty tender, the condom helps the lube stay slick longer. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
In But why was a condom on the cucumber? Even after washing they have those gray little dots stuck all over them that you can pry off with your fingertips. I have no idea what the fuck they are, what purpose they serve, or where they disappear to once you pickle them(one of life's great mysteries), but I didn't want to leave any inside. edit: Plus my ass is pretty tender, the condom helps the lube stay slick longer. Oh shit! That just happened Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 11:25:49 AM EDT
[#31]
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Posted: 11/25/2016 11:48:34 AM EDT
[#32]
El oh el
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Posted: 11/25/2016 12:30:49 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
So... we talking about some little salad sized cucumber or a 20" zuccinni that is thicker thn your forearm? It's gonna make a difference. I'm not sure where exactly this fits in between the two of those. 
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Posted: 11/25/2016 12:32:01 PM EDT
[#34]
You know you're going to have to serve cucumber every time she visits from now on.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 12:36:39 PM EDT
[#35]
Well done
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Posted: 11/25/2016 12:58:25 PM EDT
[#36]
pics of grandma not loading.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:11:46 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
pics of grandma not loading. You are a sick man. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:15:15 PM EDT
[#38]
Ha....nice
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:20:03 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Tldr. Hope granny is ok. Granny will be fine. She's just mad it made her panties moist. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:28:50 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
You are a sick man. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
pics of grandma not loading. You are a sick man. Im 68, I like wrinkled and saggy. :) |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:39:05 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Hold your breath while you wait, it makes them load faster. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Pics not loading.... Hold your breath while you wait, it makes them load faster. |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:43:39 PM EDT
[#42]
OP, how are you going to feel next time you head over to Grandma-in-law's house, and she has a fridge full of cucumbers?
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:46:48 PM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
In But why was a condom on the cucumber? Pics of cucumber? |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:47:48 PM EDT
[#44]
I'm surprised this lasted this long.
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:47:51 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Pics of cucumber? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
In But why was a condom on the cucumber? Pics of cucumber? scroll up |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:48:04 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I didnt read your post, but this seems like good advice Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: If you don't want to see me kneeling between your naked granddaughters spread legs with an ice cube in one hand and a condom covered cucumber in the other STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BACKYARD WHEN NOT INVITED. I didnt read your post, but this seems like good advice .   |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:48:50 PM EDT
[#47]
F5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:51:01 PM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
scroll up Quote HistoryQuoted:
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In But why was a condom on the cucumber? Pics of cucumber? scroll up Thanks, I was a little premature on my desire to see the cucumber which was once up your ass... 
Sounds like good family fun though. Hugs for the wife... |
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:52:56 PM EDT
[#49]
Thanks OP...made my day!
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Posted: 11/25/2016 1:54:44 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Thanks, I was a little premature on my desire to see the cucumber which was once up your ass...
Sounds like good family fun though. Hugs for the wife... Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
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In But why was a condom on the cucumber? Pics of cucumber? scroll up Thanks, I was a little premature on my desire to see the cucumber which was once up your ass...
Sounds like good family fun though. Hugs for the wife... The ass part was a joke. There's no way I could take that. Hell I had a girl try and stick her finger up there once and I instantly broke into a very hot, uncomfortable sweat with an overall feeling of impending doom, like a massive heart attack just over the horizon, taking over my entire existence. I have no clue how my wife takes it up the dumper but she's made of stronger stuff than I. |
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