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Posted: 5/10/2022 9:08:34 PM EDT
[#1]
My brother's daughter was very rebellious at that age. Her bf's would come over with leathers, spiky hair, tats, Orings in their ears... so my brother fought them off by...
befriending them! NOTHING is so un-cool as having your dad being your BF's friend!! She'd drop them like a hot potato. |
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Posted: 5/10/2022 9:16:27 PM EDT
[#2]
I’ve always tried to get to know them. Dating is part of growing up. If you haven’t had a talk about boys with your daughter, then now is the time to have a chat. Be nice until it’s time to not be nice. Besides, if it’s time to SSS, then it helps knowing a bit about your target.
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Posted: 5/10/2022 9:31:34 PM EDT
[#3]
Quoted: My daughter (who is 14) My only child, very smart, good grades yada yada.. Has a boy lurking around it seems. Im not ready for this shit.. And Im not really sure how to address this kid. She has a chorus concert tonight and I have been informed by my ex, that he has requested to attend. Whats the play here fellas? My ex has asked me not to embarrass my child. I would like to keep my child in my good graces lol. Make sure she knows all about the 'birds and the bees'. And i mean ALL. Develop a good repoire with her regarding sex and the ability to talk to you about it. Teach her all about birth control, and offer to provide it whenever she decides she wants it, no questions asked. She's gonna be bumping uglies soon, so you can get ahead of the game, or not. It's up to you. Same as alcohol and drugs. get ahead of it. The fentanyl problem is just gonna get worse, not better. Denial of the issue by parents is a big part of the problem, same as teenage pregnancy. Discuss it openly, cover the potential problems BEFORE she gets exposed to them. She is gonna learn about all this stuff in the next few months or possibly years, do you wanna be the teacher, or just let her learn in the back seat of some guys car.? Yes, it was fun teaching girls about sex in high school, but the ones that knew already were even more fun. And just plain better to hang out with. And their parents, too. My first serious GF was on the pill at 14, I was 16. She had two older, married sisters, with kids, so she knew the deal, and she just decided I was the guy to do the deed. And this was 55 years ago. In a different country. And I'm still amazed at the lack of knowledge, and the conservative, introverted, head-in-the sand attitude of large numbers of parents in this country. IMHO YMMV |
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Posted: 5/10/2022 9:36:22 PM EDT
[#4]
My first girlfriend was 15 at the time, couple of months older than me. I'd be more concerned at 14 and probably draw the line at 13. Then again, I don't have a daughter so for all I know I'd be hissing and spitting at any potential boyfriends until they were a legal adult
 More important than a strict age cutoff, though, is vetting and setting your place in the relationship. Your job isn't to scare everyone away forever, it's to make sure she's safe and taken care of and to eventually step back and be a source of help and advice for them both on the off chance it works out. |
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Posted: 5/10/2022 11:50:57 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted: That shit is so stupid. The whole "I'll be cleaning muh gunz when he comes to date muh daughter" schtick is a lame flex at best. Sharpening an axe or machete is much mo betterer. |
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Posted: 5/10/2022 11:56:45 PM EDT
[#6]
My Daughter could date when she was 16, she had a car and a job.
First few dates were him coming to our house, manual labor on the property and dinner/TV. After I got enough work out of him they could go out on a actual date. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 1:39:19 AM EDT
[#7]
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Posted: 5/11/2022 1:41:01 AM EDT
[#8]
Hey OP…
Just so you know, I have a friend whose daughter was asking/talking to her mom about sex with a boy she liked. She was 13 or 14. It’s a younger conversation these days. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 4:54:47 AM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This is the way Dad. This man obviously knows. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Praise every single kid she ever brings around you.If she thinks you like him, she'll dump him. When someone comes that seems intelligent, kind, and treats her right, act like you hate him. She will keep that one. This is the way Dad. This man obviously knows. I can’t even imagine … |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 5:23:41 AM EDT
[#10]
Chaperone, and be cleaning a few firearms when he arrives. With a few shredded targets in plain view.
Explain your daughter is precious to you, and must be respected. She needs to be trusted and learn about relationships while still under your roof, or when she goes off to college or moves out, she will either go wild or be taken advantage of. Tell her what boys are like at that age, and how they will say anything to get laid. And teach her about pregnancy and all the various VD's and STD's, so she actually knows the risks involved. Pictures of genital warts and herpes are pretty nasty. Make sure she knows her worth and has high self-esteem and if you raised her right she will be fine. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 5:50:29 AM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted: That shit is so stupid. The whole "I'll be cleaning muh gunz when he comes to date muh daughter" schtick is a lame flex at best. True, but taking them both to the range might not be a terrible idea. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 5:52:42 AM EDT
[#12]
A girl's motivations, desires and core values change dramatically from age 17 to age 20 so having a serious boyfriend before 20 tends to lead to problems in the relationship down the road. That being said I don't have a problem with my daughter starting to learn the some of the important lessons through these types of relationships starting around 14 or so with some pretty significant guidance.
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Posted: 5/11/2022 5:59:43 AM EDT
[#13]
Glad I never had one. Just think about what you though at 14.
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Posted: 5/11/2022 6:06:44 AM EDT
[#14]
My daughter (17) and I have an agreement, She is allowed to start dating the day after I die.
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Posted: 5/11/2022 6:08:59 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted: 14 if church is a part meeting, events, and activities. 16 if delving into relationships with the opposite sex, without a safety net. 14-16 doesn't seem like a long time, but it is a important time to guard a young girl's reputation and allow her to mature. I put my girls in the Martial Arts though middle school and into high school. This !!!! You wouldn’t believe how many folks I heard say “ my 14 year old has a 16 or 17 year old boyfriend. WTF …… |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 6:13:52 AM EDT
[#16]
OP comes across as out of touch and naive. Of course 14 year olds want to date. You were 14 at one time too. How did you not see this coming?
It’s not like you caught them in a hot and heavy make out session (or worse). The boy respectfully asked a girls parents to attend her choir performance. Hardly strikes me as the bad boy knock ‘em up and ditch em type. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 6:16:25 AM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Chaperone, and be cleaning a few firearms when he arrives. With a few shredded targets in plain view. Explain your daughter is precious to you, and must be respected. She needs to be trusted and learn about relationships while still under your roof, or when she goes off to college or moves out, she will either go wild or be taken advantage of. Tell her what boys are like at that age, and how they will say anything to get laid. And teach her about pregnancy and all the various VD's and STD's, so she actually knows the risks involved. Pictures of genital warts and herpes are pretty nasty. Make sure she knows her worth and has high self-esteem and if you raised her right she will be fine. Worse advice in thread. Any implied or direct threats toward the boy make him more mysterious and interesting (why is my dad so afraid of him?) and will only push a girl into his arms. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 6:17:32 AM EDT
[#18]
 Bad Boys II (2003) - Intimidating Reggie Scene (6/10) | Movieclips |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 6:18:48 AM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryMy 12 year old niece has declared she might be bisexual. My sister asked her how do women have sex. She’d said she didn’t know. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 6:20:37 AM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted: My Daughter could date when she was 16, she had a car and a job. First few dates were him coming to our house, manual labor on the property and dinner/TV. After I got enough work out of him they could go out on a actual date. What was the work detail? I don’t know I want my 16 year old daughters romantic interest splitting wood glistening in sweat as he chops wood in the hot sun shirtless. I’d have him knit socks or something effeminate. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 6:27:45 AM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I had my first BF at that age, but we were never unchaperoned. Holding hands and long phone conversations was about the extent of it. If it’s a chaperoned event, no harm, no foul. Your avatar ain’t helping….. lol |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 7:07:58 AM EDT
[#22]
Pretty sure 14 is a Freshman in HS. It was not uncommon for upper classmen boys to have Freshman girlfriends and be practicing the birds and the bees even 30 years ago.
Shes full of hormones and nature is calling, there is nothing you can do to stop it. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 7:14:07 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted: What was the work detail? I don’t know I want my 16 year old daughters romantic interest splitting wood glistening in sweat as he chops wood in the hot sun shirtless. I’d have him knit socks or something effeminate. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: My Daughter could date when she was 16, she had a car and a job. First few dates were him coming to our house, manual labor on the property and dinner/TV. After I got enough work out of him they could go out on a actual date. What was the work detail? I don’t know I want my 16 year old daughters romantic interest splitting wood glistening in sweat as he chops wood in the hot sun shirtless. I’d have him knit socks or something effeminate. Have him muck the barn? Kharn |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 7:20:05 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted: 14 if church is a part meeting, events, and activities. 16 if delving into relationships with the opposite sex, without a safety net. 14-16 doesn't seem like a long time, but it is a important time to guard a young girl's reputation and allow her to mature. I put my girls in the Martial Arts though middle school and into high school. Lol! Ok grandpa, let's get you back to bed. "Guard her reputation"? What is this, this fucking 19th century? |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 7:37:52 AM EDT
[#25]
I would say 15. I was 13 when I lost my virginity with my girlfriend of the same age. It was awesome then but for my own daughter I wouldn't want to run the risk of pregnancy or the emotional baggage women get at that age. Boys are a different story, it was awesome for me. My teenage years were fun.
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Posted: 5/11/2022 7:45:47 AM EDT
[#26]
Some good advice so far. My 16 soon to be 17 year old Daughter has done some dating the past year, but nothing serious to my knowledge. My 14 year old Daughter is a very very good soccer player (starting forward on her high school team as a freshman and plays club soccer) and a very serious student. She has point blank told her Mother and I that she "does not have time for boys" or dating as she is busy with soccer, school, exercising and friends.
Apparently she has had boys demonstrate interest in her, but she has no time for that at the present. Lol Parents have little control of their children once they get to be teens. As suggested, be available, talk to your Daughter, listen and be supportive. You are likely to have the greatest influence with her doing this. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 8:48:19 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Some good advice so far. My 16 soon to be 17 year old Daughter has done some dating the past year, but nothing serious to my knowledge. My 14 year old Daughter is a very very good soccer player (starting forward on her high school team as a freshman and plays club soccer) and a very serious student. She has point blank told her Mother and I that she "does not have time for boys" or dating as she is busy with soccer, school, exercising and friends. Apparently she has had boys demonstrate interest in her, but she has no time for that at the present. Lol Parents have little control of their children once they get to be teens. As suggested, be available, talk to your Daughter, listen and be supportive. You are likely to have the greatest influence with her doing this. The bolded would concern me if I were a parent. Girls like this tend to turn out to be Olympic athletes, or the village bicycle or spinster cat ranchers or a combination of all three. Continuation of the species is the most fundamental of all biological urges. There is a big difference between controlling an urge and repressing it. Happiness and wellbeing depend - in large part - on being able to distinguish between the two, and act accordingly. TL;DR: moderation in all things. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 8:58:46 AM EDT
[#28]
Mine had one at 3, but I'm not sure he knew it.
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:05:57 AM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted: The bolded would concern me if I were a parent. Girls like this tend to turn out to be Olympic athletes, or the village bicycle or spinster cat ranchers or a combination of all three. Continuation of the species is the most fundamental of all biological urges. There is a big difference between controlling an urge and repressing it. Happiness and wellbeing depend - in large part - on being able to distinguish between the two, and act accordingly. TL;DR: moderation in all things. She is driven and wants to accomplish what she wants the most. She is a lot like me in that way. I have no concerns about her. She will be interested in relationships when she wants to be interested. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:14:37 AM EDT
[#30]
I was driving to my GFs house on my motorcycle when I was 14. Now that I have a 13 year old I suddenly feel pretty bad for her dad.
She keeps assuming I am going to kill any boy that comes around, but I've consistently told her that all I ask of her is that she bring any boy around that she's dating so I can get to know him. I genuinely just want to get to know him. Mostly to gauge what kind of boy he is but I can't think of anything scarier than my girlfriend's dad wanting to get to know me when I was 13. It also seems to scare her more than me wanting to kill him, but I come out looking like the good guy because I just want to get to know him. A boy asked her out a couple weeks ago. A couple days later we go to his band concert so she can watch him. I don't know if he saw us or what happened, but he broke up with her the next morning and she won't talk to us about it. So at least I don't have to worry about that one. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:21:08 AM EDT
[#31]
Well.. I met the kid last night. I was already in the parking lot when my ex and daughter pulled up. The boy was with them. He got out of the car and shook my hand, seemed very respectful (which in todays world is not a given) seems like a decent kid, parents died in a car wreck, lives with his grandparents, plays football. Under a different set of circumstances I wouldnt hate the boy.
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:22:30 AM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted: She is driven and wants to accomplish what she wants the most. She is a lot like me in that way. I have no concerns about her. She will be interested in relationships when she wants to be interested. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: The bolded would concern me if I were a parent. Girls like this tend to turn out to be Olympic athletes, or the village bicycle or spinster cat ranchers or a combination of all three. Continuation of the species is the most fundamental of all biological urges. There is a big difference between controlling an urge and repressing it. Happiness and wellbeing depend - in large part - on being able to distinguish between the two, and act accordingly. TL;DR: moderation in all things. She is driven and wants to accomplish what she wants the most. She is a lot like me in that way. I have no concerns about her. She will be interested in relationships when she wants to be interested.  |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:23:07 AM EDT
[#33]
Quoted: My daughter (who is 14) My only child, very smart, good grades yada yada.. Has a boy lurking around it seems. Im not ready for this shit.. And Im not really sure how to address this kid. She has a chorus concert tonight and I have been informed by my ex, that he has requested to attend. Whats the play here fellas? My ex has asked me not to embarrass my child. I would like to keep my child in my good graces lol. For playing "kissy face", about twelve is where it may start. 13-14 is pretty normal. My girlfriend (now age 52), tossed aside her virginity with her boyfriend when she was a couple months past her 14th birthday. She decided it was going to happen and offered it to him. He didn't need to do any persuading. Keep her in your sights. 
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:25:27 AM EDT
[#34]
Quoted: My daughter (who is 14) My only child, very smart, good grades yada yada.. Has a boy lurking around it seems. Im not ready for this shit.. And Im not really sure how to address this kid. She has a chorus concert tonight and I have been informed by my ex, that he has requested to attend. Whats the play here fellas? My ex has asked me not to embarrass my child. I would like to keep my child in my good graces lol. lol Be polite to the kid but don’t go out of your way to interact. Don’t play hardass and don’t try to be buddies. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:34:28 AM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I don't see any issue with 14. As long as the relationship is 14 year old appropriate. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:37:39 AM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted: 16. My wife says show him your gun Do you honestly think that will work? If the boy is anything like I was, you would get laughed at or asked to hold the gun...then it would have been my life mission to be very friendly with the daughter. Don't do this man it is the one of the dumbest ideas a parent can have. Hopefully you raised your daughter to not like boys like me but even then that was no guarantee. Good luck. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:39:36 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted: When I was 14, a 14 year old girl from down the street snuck me out of my house at 2am and took me back to her room where I had sex for the 1st time. This was in 1986. Two weeks later she did it again, but had a friend with her. My dad caught me on that one before we got to her house   |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:41:59 AM EDT
[#38]
They start wanting relationships when they start going through puberty. You can have this at 12 and you can have this at 14. I agree that it should be "age-appropriate," which is hard to define but I think you know it when you see it.
Be involved, though. I lost my virginity at 14 because my parents were too busy hating each other and my girlfriend's mother (her dad died the previous year) was more interested in being her friend. Parenting might have prevented what I now realize was horrifyingly immature. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:42:59 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: She is driven and wants to accomplish what she wants the most. She is a lot like me in that way. I have no concerns about her. She will be interested in relationships when she wants to be interested. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: The bolded would concern me if I were a parent. Girls like this tend to turn out to be Olympic athletes, or the village bicycle or spinster cat ranchers or a combination of all three. Continuation of the species is the most fundamental of all biological urges. There is a big difference between controlling an urge and repressing it. Happiness and wellbeing depend - in large part - on being able to distinguish between the two, and act accordingly. TL;DR: moderation in all things. She is driven and wants to accomplish what she wants the most. She is a lot like me in that way. I have no concerns about her. She will be interested in relationships when she wants to be interested. My oldest is the same. Highly driven scholastically and athletically. No real time for boys but they were always interested in her. As soon as she graduated college she had a boyfriend. It was pretty funny. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:44:42 AM EDT
[#40]
SOOO glad I don't have daughters. Y'all have some crazy patience.
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:45:29 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryI do, girls be nasty yo. My dad caught me sneaking back into the house and beat me, then got more pissed because I couldn't get the smile off of my face, beat me some more. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:47:26 AM EDT
[#42]
I started dating my wife when i was 14 and she was 15. We dated for 7 years and have been married for 12 years. Maybe the kid is your future son-in-law
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:50:08 AM EDT
[#43]
I'll just say, I'm glad I don't have a daughter......That said, around 12 seems to be the norm for friends daughters I'm aware of. 14 "is time" I'd say so you need to learn to deal with it. Assuming you and your wife had talked about dating, sex and healthy relationship and stuff you've done all you can. You need to be neutral with the boy as to not drive a wedge between you and your daughter so forget this intimidation and fear BS. Be firm, set realistic curfews and boundaries.
I'd sit down with the wife, if your daughter is not currently on birth control I'd stronger consider it. I know that'll rile up the bible thumpers here and while abstinence is a great goal it's not very realistic. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:52:13 AM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I started dating my wife when i was 14 and she was 15. We dated for 7 years and have been married for 12 years. Maybe the kid is your future son-in-law My best friend in life did like this. Him and his wife was boyfriend/girlfriend from 6th grade all through high school got married in 12th grade. They have been married like 34yrs now. |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:59:22 AM EDT
[#45]
I would ask you kids school board they are experts on this kind of stuff. They can also help you understand about all her LGBTQP options.
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Posted: 5/11/2022 9:59:46 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted: My best friend in life did like this. Him and his wife was boyfriend/girlfriend from 6th grade all through high school got married in 12th grade. They have been married like 34yrs now. Hell yeah that’s awesome |
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Posted: 5/11/2022 10:03:19 AM EDT
[#47]
My 20 yo had her first BF at 18. Knocked it out of the park at first bat. Hoping he becomes my son in law. My 21 yo has never had a boyfriend. Both pretty girls that are extroverts so just them focusing on school and not hookups. The 20 yo is graduating from college and real estate school this month, and is completely financially self sufficient, the older on graduates on time in Spring, expected to pursue PhD. Homeschooled until middle school and only stipulations we put on dating was if they moved in with SO before graduating from college then mom and dad stopped paying their liability car insurance and cell. They already pay their own comprehensive insurance. I think my older one is a little over the top bubbly and is intimidating to guys IMHO. My son is 17 and has had the same GF since he was 15. None before that.
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Posted: 5/11/2022 10:07:23 AM EDT
[#48]
I grew up on base and had a dad do the gun thing. I didn't know I was supposed to be scared. Instead, we became friendly talking about guns and hunting, and then his daughter dumped me.
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Posted: 5/11/2022 10:10:54 AM EDT
[#49]
The tough talk makes me laugh. I remember when I dated in high school. If girls want to play they will find a way to play. Just because they aren't on a date doesn't mean it's not play time. The memories bring a smile to my face. Middle of the day back of the blazer in the park. Middle of the day at a friends house. Middle of the day at her house parents at work. It doesn't always matter how they were raised. Girls don't just become crazy over night. It starts early and progressively becomes worse.
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Posted: 5/11/2022 10:14:35 AM EDT
[#50]
My oldest is 17 and has had a boyfriend for about a year now. She didn’t rush and it evolved out of a friends who like each other thing that lasted a few weeks first. He is a good kid from a good family and treats her well. I am tolerating the situation as well as can be expected and I’m grateful she chose carefully.
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