I was backing up in a dump truck, partner said I was clear. The little sports car proved him a liar and a dumbass. I didn't even feel the crunch. When I got back to the shop, my boss yelled 'Hey Koa!" I answer "Yes? He replies, "You're fired"! I said ok...
2 weeks later I was back on the job. Dumbass partner fessed up.

I had a fellow security officer who was generally a good guy, in fact he's one of the guys I'd have liked to have at my back in a dark alley- but he let his mouth run too often.
We worked at the epitome of political correctness: a public college. He was assigned to walk behind some office staff, unlocking classroom doors so they could do some kind of errand (replacing dry erase markers or some such). Both women were fairly cute. He made some wise-assed remark about "Wow! The view from back here is magnificent!" He got written up, 3 days off.
3 months later he's made a sergeant! Go figure.

A new hire was boxing the clown in the bathroom and one of the tow truck drivers walked in on him. He got called in to HR, our HR lady was also his mother. I don’t know what took place, but it had to be terribly awkward…

This pretty much takes the cake.


Close the thread.

Many moons ago in my prison guard days, we came into work for the third shift and found one of the evening shift guys with nothing but his underwear and shoes handcuffed to the front gate. Shift Lt said he had been caught bringing in drugs for sale. After a few hrs he was was taken out to the edge of state property and told to hit the road. Dumbass evidently had a joint in his sock and was puffing away when the county sherriff pulled up behind a strange semi nekkid character walking down an east texas county road at 3am. He sure didnt like state employees after that, and I suspect he wasnt too fond of the Anderson County Sheriffs dept either

My former service manager got fired for sexting the appointment coordinator.  This girl was 18 or 19, mid at BEST and wasn't into it.  She told her BF who contacted our home store.  He got fired from a $150k job, his wife divorced him and his kids thought he was an idiot.  

It cost me a lot of money because it caused our best service advisor to be moved into the manager spot and we never found anybody worth a shit to replace him.

We had a guy that was the purchaser at a firearms manufacturing job. He ordered everything. Raw  AR stock to springs, etc.
He had a friend with a machine shop in a neighboring town. He was putting this guy's bar stock orders on our companies steel orders. His friends shop was paying him cash at 40 or 50% of the cost of the materials.
Apparently he had been doing it for years. Shop manager walked him out. He was a shit bag of the highest order. He would claim some of us were doing all sorts of shit. Boss thought he was the greatest thing every. He found out the deflecting thing is a real thing.

Not a firing but an interesting tale.  Lehigh unversity every year offers a SEM EDS training course that spans a whole week during the summer.  The story goes that a senior VP for IBM and his hot personal assistant showed up sunday night to register for the course and then checked into an offsite hotel.  Neither of them were seen on the campus or in any of the classes.  They finaly showed up Friday at noon to pick up their attendance certificates.

This kid that I worked with, briefly, had a prior job as a rampie for one of the airlines at the big airport in my city. You know, one of those dudes that loaded the luggage in the planes. One day, he was putting the odd-sized luggage in a cart to take to the plane. He tossed a locked gun case into the cart. The case slid over the seat back and became wedged against the accelerator pedal. This resulted in the cart taking off across the active taxiways and runways, followed by the rampie at a full sprint. The got it on the security video. He told me that his boss thought it was hilarious, but was being pressured from higher to let him go. He did ask the kid for permission to use the video in future training sessions.

A janitor on nights got fired for shitting in people’s work boots.

Cousin of mine pulled this stunt. Not his best move ever.  Airport was having some remodeling done and he was working as a flagger ON THE TARMAC.  

That part is important. His job was to hold construction vehicles and workers, contact tower and request clearance to let them cross the runway.  He’s been doing this a while, got a little too comfortable with the process.

Work truck rolls up.  It’s a clear day, he looks in the sky and thinks it’s clear, they won’t take long anyway, and decided to let them pass without contacting tower.

Commercial flight on final approach aborted landing and circled around when the pilot saw a truck crossing his runway.  There were several people who found this situation less than amusing.  My cousin was fired about 6 times before he got off premises.

I've never been mad enough at anyone to do that.

A guy was stealing M193 from the ammo factory I work at. This is despite the fact that each employee can comp 400 rounds of ammo every month for free.

He ended up assaulting me and another guy, including hitting the other guy with a mallet, when I told him he was fired and to clean out his locker.

His trial begins next month.

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That was an epic thread!

Pinckneyville PD?

I think you have to be mentally ill to do that, not angry.

A Male Production Supervisor (Married and with children) took a shower in the women's locker room. Married Female employee entered the locker room and found him standing in there. He danced naked for her and allowed her to record it on her cell phone. Her husband brought the video in the next day and he was history. He had almost 20 years with the company.

I forgot all about that thread.

Wasn't he a crazy commie antifa guy, too?

My favorite was from a thread here.

Some guy would hock a loogie every day against the wall in the stairwell.

So it was some nasty big green glob.

Company couldn't figure out who was doing it.  

Set up a camera and bang, got the guy.

He pleaded that he'd clean it up, blah blah blah.

Nope, gone.

Like 100K+ job flushed.

I worked in a factory in college and a guy there on my shift got busted for molesting his nephew. He got out on bail but couldn't be fired because of the union contract.

So they put him on a line run by our shift's union rep who was normally pretty stereotypically lazy. Well, he ran that guy as hard as he could. Hard to file a complaint with the union when your rep is the problem, right? And the entire shift basically wouldn't speak to him

After about two weeks he killed himself after work.

Good.

Forgot this one.

FBI shows up, cuffs and stuffs, fired that day.  Still in jail for kiddie porn.

That was a great thread and example of why you should never hire a leftist, especially giving them access to ammo.

One day while working in the IC a parade of black Suburbans pulled into our parking lot.  We all thought it was a VIP visit.  Nope.  A pussy hungry kid on the 5th floor was leaking intel assessments to his reporter girlfriend.  She then had him start supplying info to another reporter chick.   They hauled him off in cuffs. I hope that pussy was epic.

EDIT:  https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/defense-intelligence-agency-employee-arrested-leaking-classified-information-journalists

Good. No need for the courts on that one.



And also good. Fuck that guy.

I don't normally celebrate anyone's death. That being said, pedophiles aren't people.
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About 15 years ago I worked in a dental lab. They hired a Colombian guy who had a good resume. He seemed nice enough but wild mood swings began showing up. They got more and more aggressive and made me and some others worry about a possible physical altercation.

That’s when I noticed some of my work had been sabotaged after I had turned it in for final QC by the owner. Literally someone had taken some off my finished crowns and ground the margins off. I was the department head but only had a few guys working under me. I had worked with the other guys for a few years and we were a good crew.

That’s when I noticed some of our supplies seemed to be going away at a much faster rate than they should. I knew the Columbian guy had sabotaged my work but couldn’t prove it. I talked to the owner and we were pretty close and would shoot together often. He knew I wouldn’t turn in shoddy work and the missing supplies only further incriminated him, but we couldn’t prove he did it and we were afraid accusing him of it would send him into a violent physical rage.

About that same time I noticed that he was a complete deadbeat in helping clean up the lab up on Fridays before we left with the exception that he was adamant about being the only one bagging the trash and taking it to the dumpster. So I talked to the boss and hatched a plan.

The next day was Thursday, so I had my boss announce near the end of the day that we should go ahead and clean the lab so we could leave early on Friday. Of course the Colombian hops up and goes around the lab collecting all the trash in a big bag and takes it all down to the dumpster. We all pretended to leave but me and the boss circled back and pulled the trash bag out of the dumpster. Of course it had about $500 in various supplies thrown in it.

The next morning my boss asked me to come in early. We decided that my boss would meet the Colombian in the parking lot with his tools and just fire him. I wanted the police to get involved, but the boss just wanted him gone. Fearing a severe physical altercation, my boss hands me his 1911 and said, “Cover me and the people in the lab in case this goes bad.”

It was an odd feeling standing at the doorway with a 1911 watching a guy get fired. The Colombian knew something was up since he had obviously returned to the dumpster that night and his bag wasn’t there. He got in the boss’s face and made a bunch of threats and looked like it was about to get physical and that’s when the boss pointed at me in the doorway with the 1911 down by my side.

Colombian gets real quiet and get back in his car and drives away. We never saw him again.

Did anything happen to the journalists?

Not that I recall.  Just doing their job.  Sorta like Julian Assange, but different for some reason.  

Good. Sick fucker.

Friend worked for Bayer.

Got fired because he had firearms in his vehicle.  Went to a meeting and they demanded his keys (company vehicle) and searched his vehicle.  Found a couple of guns and told him to get lost.  Left him stranded with the shit from his truck (not the guns, they turned them over to the police) a hundred miles from home.

The whole thing was a set up.  Someone wanted him out of the way.  They called in the head of security from DC to perform the search

Got a call from one of my customers to go on eBay and take a look at a unique specific product I sold that was NIB with the label showing the serial number.  

Several hours of backtracking and research confirmed the product was sold to their company and I sent them all supporting documentation.  

The eBay account history showed several transactions of five figure items sold previously with the best offer option totaling mid to high six figures.

From what was relayed to me afterwards, packaging was scrapped with the product inside and then picked up by the trash disposal service pulling it out offsite.  

Lost his job and waste disposal lost their contract.  

At an airline I used to work for, there was a guy who got fired on his first day there, early in his shift.  

He was told to bring a power cart (big diesel generator on wheels) out to a plane that was parked outside the hangar, and plug it in. He did as he was told, then drove off without disconnecting the power cart from the tug. Bent a lot of sheet metal....

What got him fired wasn't that fuckup. It was when the lead mechanic was wondering what was taking him so long, so he went out and found the guy trying to hammer the dents out.

Several years ago a state employee at Alabama DOT got fired for selling expensive equipment (transits, lasers, other surveying stuff) on eBay. Dumbass was posting pictures of the items, with state property tags / labels still on them, S/Ns, etc. very visible. The capture of this guy was somewhat random; someone who was a friend of another state ALDOT employee was surfing eBay for surveying equipment and noticed the items. A quick audit of the local ALDOT tool room revealed multiple missing items.

Also, a HS English teacher my older son had, got arrested during the same school year, for sexual abuse of a minor. This guy was a retired USAF SMSgt, who had been a well-decorated instructor while in the USAF. Police interviewed all of his students, but apparently he was doing his crimes out of town and none of the students were his victims.

Being caught watching porn for the 8th time.

Guess 7 is the limit

Fired: 22 yr old Asian receptionist/admin with a snotty attitude.  She goes to the 2 main bosses and tells them a sob story about needing money for a health emergency. They write her a check for $5k.  She goes and blows the money on purses and stuff.  Then, when the cashed check comes back to the office from the bank, she takes it and tries to cash it again - even though it's been stamped as having been cashed.  Bank called the bosses and said WTF?  They had the cops come and escort her out.

Not fired: Buddy was an institutional equities sales/trader at a regional investment bank.  He gets hired to work at a big NY bank.  3 days into the job he takes a couple of clients to a strip club and charges like $4k on his newly issued company credit card.  Employer freaked out.  He did the Costanza "was that wrong? nobody told me when I got here" routine and it works. They read him the riot act and tell him not to do it again.  In his defense, that kind of stuff is tolerated at a lot of places.  An institutional sales/trader's job is basically to keep 10-15 institutional clients (retirement funds, hedge funds, etc.) happy enough to put you on the top of their call list when they need to do big trades.  That $4k spent at the strip club probably generated an extra $100k of revenue for the bank, but officially they had to tell him it was wrong.

It is for the pickle-slicer.

... and he never got credit for inventing stuffed-crust pizza ....

I think we work at the same place.

First career was spent at an OEM doing every sort of engineering and engineering support work that one can imagine. Became good enough with IT security that I was asked to get out of development and into developing security tools, processes, whatnot.

Apmost everything in the past 10 pages (and more, unique to the company itself) happened at this joint. There are a couple general observations:

A) If you install and configure a SIEM, please use the take to prosecute violations of the organization's AUP, particularly those involving sketchy sites and underage content. Granted, you'd eliminate half the executive staff in one month, but...

B) Any organization which has an ongoing, wholescale deployment of live computer forensics tools (such as Encase) has a culture problem they sorely need to address. From the top down.

New employer has none of that. Night and day difference. And I can do mag dumps out my secondary office window if desired: It's work-from-home and my back stop is roughly 60yds away. I try to refrain from doing so while on calls, though the occasional groundhog or other pest sometimes demands I take the shot when I can. The neighbor farm boys want 'em out of their fields.

Reading the thread about the mechanics joyriding a members car reminded me of the dumbest way I have seen two people get fired.
At a company I used to work for, all the trucks had been recently outfitted with cameras that recorded not only a front view, but a view of the interior. It was not a big secret, they were plain as day right there by the rearview mirror and we were all told of the capabilities of the cameras during a weekly safety meeting. The cameras were always recording video and audio and if the camera registered an "event", be it a crash, big bump in the road or even a hard stop, the camera would save a 30 second clip before and after the event. This recording was automatically uploaded and sent to the Loss Prevention guy as well as the Project Managers and a few of the higher up guys in the company for review at the end of the day.
   Enter two of the other fiber techs. One day on the way back from the field, they decided that it would be a good idea to get high on the way back to the office. For whatever reason, as the driver was hitting the pipe, he had to make a hard stop. Well, the camera did it's thing and sent out the recording to all those concerned. It didn't capture a recording of them actually hitting the pipe because one of them had hung a hat from the mirror to block the view, but it did capture and audio recording of the driver coughing and saying "Next time don't pack the bowl so tight. I can't get a good hit."  The recording was seen by all the supervisors, who were more pissed off than I had ever seen them before. The first thing the next morning, Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber were shown the recording and driven to the clinic for a rapid result piss test. When the results came back hot, they were both fired immediately.

Big law firm in WV?  
because if it isn't, the exact thing happened there.

I read all of that, and don't want to get on your bad side.

4 cops and a kilo of coke in a desk drawer.

Ok, another one from Boeing; the last one, I promise!

This story is from mid July 1980, during my New Employee Orientation class conducted at one of the then 3 story buildings Boeing leased across the street from the Kent Space Center in Kent WA.  The one-day class consisted of each function (Engineering, HR, Security etc.) coming in a talk about what they did.  This story comes from the Security presenter.

Highly reputable engineer comes through the cafeteria every morning and orders 2 eggs, 2 bacon, 2 sausage, 2 hashbrowns, etc. etc.  One day someone comes through the line right behind him, orders the exact same thing.  They get to the checkout, and their bill is twice his.  WTF?  They inform Security and they start following him during the breakfast ordering and paying process.  Yep, consistent stealing breakfast food; he was ordering 2 of everything, but telling the checkout lady he only ordered one of each - a couple bucks each day.  They confront him and fire him.

He lost an ~$85k/year job (in 1980!) over a couple $ each morning.  

Had a guy get caught crapping in the urinal.

I was out sick that day and missed all the excitement.

This dude brought in an empty beer can and put water in it and pretended to drink it in the break room.  Obviously, someone told on him and he got fired.  Even though they came and it he showed and proved it was water they said fuck off anyway.  Kind of bullshit, but what a dumbass to do that in the first place.