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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:29:26 AM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Social Media often causes "problems." This is the reason I avoid it like the plague. Alcohol often causes "problems." I avoid it like a plague. Recreational drugs often cause "problems." I avoid them like a plague. Do you see a pattern developing here? Someone needs to have a talk with this "church leader" and point out to him how his actions "look." If this is an ongoing problem there should be some "stronger" action taken. I think this would go a long way in taking care of the problem. I think I read where the young lady had lost her father. This makes her more vulnerable and perhaps the "church leader" is trying to fill that void. He may not be socially astute enough to realize how creepy he is coming off. Hence my suggestion to let him know he is not the only one aware of the girls situation. If it was an innocent mistake on his part, he can correct it. If he really is a "creeper," I'm sure that will be taken care of quickly with little collateral damage to the girl. I am high school staff and I handle a lot of discipline problems related to "social media." I would also point out that it can also be inappropriate for a teen aged girl to communicate with an adult male(or female for that matter.) depending on the content of that communication. For this reason I do not engage in social media contacts with any of my students, even the ones related to me. I avoid any appearance of impropriety. When I find myself in a room alone with a student, I open the door and prop it open. I care for my students and often comment to them but I choose my words carefully. 
Don't solicit 15 year old girls and you won't have any problems. Don't become a raging alcoholic and you won't have any problems... I have Instagram, I drink alcohol, I don't have these problems.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:29:27 AM EDT
[#2]
Edited based on additional info in the thread. He needs to be lit up hard. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:29:52 AM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Inserts himself into positions of power over kids, making inappropriate comments towards a teenage girl, sending private messages to a teenage girl... Are you going to wait for him to try to have sex with her, or you going to do something now about the creep. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:30:41 AM EDT
[#4]
Creepy and inappropriate for sure.
Worthy of the extreme violence that some on here are calling for: probably not, at least not yet. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:30:43 AM EDT
[#5]
Definitely weird. I'm going to go with completely inappropriate. Dad was fishing.
Edit. If it was my daughter, I would have her respond and set him up. Get a secret meeting set up and let LE take it from there. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:31:46 AM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Most likely not. I would bet they have exchanged numbers. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted: Or the mother could do something logical, like tell her to remove the dude from her contacts list on all social media. That would probably curb about 100% of the comments in a matter of seconds. People love to take something that is maybe an oddity and let it roll into an actual problem, when the solution is often very simple. Don't want a guy contacting you, cut contact. If he persists despite that, start taking actions to curb it. Women should know this stuff, and teach their daughters that it's okay to ghost creepy people. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:32:03 AM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Ha. Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Sounds creepy. You should stop sending her messages  Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:33:27 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
OP I deal with these types of people for a living. 1. Grown men comment on a child's social media is odd. 2. Grown men making comments about a child's appearance on social media is even more abnormal. 3. Privately messaging a child about "seeing more" is a straight shot at asking for pics. This typically leads to talking about relationships, then sex, then asking to see "more." 4. All contact with this man should be severed immediately. 5. This girl isn't the only one he is creeping on. These men typically try to play off their comments and comms as "innocent" and "just being nice." They usually are anything but that. They become more brazen when their BS isn't challenged directly and especially when their target seems to go along with their advances. Get the police involved - let them do some digging on what is likely a legit pedo/creep. This shit exists because people are too chickenshit to address it and stop it. “I don’t want to ruin someone’s reputation.” Blah blah. I wouldn’t want to live with the burden of reading the news years from now when that creeper gets busted... |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:35:21 AM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Sounds creepy. You should stop sending her messages |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:37:37 AM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted: Pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent children. A 15 year old is of childbearing age. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:39:03 AM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted: So get a new number and block his o the new phone. People love to take something that is maybe an oddity and let it roll into an actual problem, when the solution is often very simple. Don't want a guy contacting you, cut contact. If he persists despite that, start taking actions to curb it. Women should know this stuff, and teach their daughters that it's okay to ghost creepy people. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:39:20 AM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Thats way over the line and beyond a misunderstanding. Advise the girls parents to go to tell the church. If for some reason they won't, then you should. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:39:22 AM EDT
[#13]
Yes.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:39:37 AM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted: So get a new number and block his o the new phone. People love to take something that is maybe an oddity and let it roll into an actual problem, when the solution is often very simple. Don't want a guy contacting you, cut contact. If he persists despite that, start taking actions to curb it. Women should know this stuff, and teach their daughters that it's okay to ghost creepy people. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:40:59 AM EDT
[#15]
I have 3 daughters under the age of 18. If they had been sent messages like that I would make it clear to the sender that he is to cease and desist. If he chooses not to then LEO will be called. I would also make it very public about what he sent in order to give a heads up to others.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:41:20 AM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Has a bit of a rep as being a womanizer. But super effective at coming off sincere and spiritual. Take it to the cops as well. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:43:02 AM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yea but just because he isn't contacting you anymore doesn't mean he won't hurt someone else. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted: So get a new number and block his o the new phone. People love to take something that is maybe an oddity and let it roll into an actual problem, when the solution is often very simple. Don't want a guy contacting you, cut contact. If he persists despite that, start taking actions to curb it. Women should know this stuff, and teach their daughters that it's okay to ghost creepy people. I'll keep my house clean, other people need to make sure to do the same. If the threat is removed from my child, my job is likely done, especially when it's only some weird social media comments by an old guy (who may just be socially awkward), not my place to launch a full scale seek and destroy mission. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:45:57 AM EDT
[#18]
Alarms should be going off. He needs to be called out on that, especially given his profession.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:46:16 AM EDT
[#19]
About as creepy as Joe Biden in a room full of Girl Scouts.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:46:41 AM EDT
[#20]
Dad is fishing, and creepy. He shouldn't be following the kid after his personal connection is gone.
Block and move on. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:48:00 AM EDT
[#21]
Quote History |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:48:17 AM EDT
[#22]
I'm sure it's been said, but why his church? They can't do anything about it. Try the police department. They can actually look into it.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:50:58 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Completely inappropriate comments that any normal man would never say to a young girl. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Completely inappropriate comments that any normal man would never say to a young girl. Quoted: Inserts himself into positions of power over kids, making inappropriate comments towards a teenage girl, sending private messages to a teenage girl... Are you going to wait for him to try to have sex with her, or you going to do something now about the creep. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:54:33 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Ha. Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Sounds creepy. You should stop sending her messages Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:56:05 AM EDT
[#25]
Quoted:
15 year old boy and girl are dating. Boy breaks up with girl. No big deal. He just isn’t into her that much and she’s a bit insecure and clingy...as 15 year old girls can be. Boy’s dad, 50 years old, has commented on her Instagram posts a couple of times while kids dated and it’s fairly innocuous. A month or two after the break-up, girl posts a picture of herself in a little black dress. Nothing risqué. Kind of a glamour shot type thing. Boy’s dad comments on picture with the heart-eyes emoji and says “very pretty girl”. A week or two later, girl posts a selfie of her in her bathing suit during spring break. Boy’s dad posts the same comment as before except uses “beautiful” instead. A month later, boy’s dad initiates a message saying “hey pretty girl, am I ever going to see you again?” Girl replies “sure”. Boy’s dad replies “how?” Girl replies “me and (son) are still friends. God put us in each other’s lives. I’m sure (son) and I will be hanging out again at some point.” Girl is fairly naive but says she felt a bit creeped out by the messages. But boy’s dad didn’t respond after her reply. Was the dad fishing? Or was it a big ole misunderstanding? |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:57:44 AM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Wrinkle: Girl showed us the Instagram messages and emailed them to my wife. But we’re not sure if she is old enough to consent to us using/distributing the messages to the church or LE. Kentucky is a one party recording state. Local LE officer I spoke to about it (I maintained confidentiality of girl’s ID) said it is probably not enough to prosecute the guy over but they’d definitely go have a talk with him if the girl’s parents will OK it. Girl’s dad passed away a few years ago and single mom is a wreck. The mom has had legal problems of her own and is kinda waffling on whether to come forward or not. I know what this guy is and what he’s capable of. But we might have a mom who might want to put her head in the sand. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:58:47 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I'm sure it's been said, but why his church? They can't do anything about it. Try the police department. They can actually look into it. And if it's cool and innocent like some posters are suggesting, it won't hurt the guy's feelings to have the church know about his actions. Easy peasy. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:58:51 AM EDT
[#28]
Dad is a creeper
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Posted: 10/28/2019 9:59:03 AM EDT
[#29]
I don't know of any grown adult men who should be "friends" on instagram with underage girls unless family or maaaaaybeeee sports related (coach, mentor etc) but that's kind of a stretch.
Lock that down asap. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:00:29 AM EDT
[#30]
insert your foot in his ass then go jogging for about 5 miles
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:07:13 AM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I don't know of any grown adult men who should be "friends" on instagram with underage girls unless family or maaaaaybeeee sports related (coach, mentor etc) but that's kind of a stretch. Lock that down asap. I'm twice their age, we have no business seeing what the other one is up to on social media. Children should be taught not to accept requests from strangers or people that are much older than them that aren't family, and adults should know better than to follow anyone underage on any social media platforms. I never even got into local social media (forums are different as they have anonymity) until my late 20's, and I use FB for following the marketplace, my business page, and following the local sports teams records primarily. Kids should be kept away from it until they are adults with all their neurons firing in the correct order. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:10:11 AM EDT
[#32]
My daughters aren't at the age where they want social media but it's probably coming soon. I probably won't allow it. I'm not on social media unless you count this place and youtube. Long story short if a 50 year old man or any grown man made those types of comments to my daughters there would be problems. He 100% was looking for a different response, phishing or whatever you wanna call it and to think anything otherwise is insane.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:10:31 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Girl’s dad passed away a few years ago and single mom is a wreck. The mom has had legal problems of her own and is kinda waffling on whether to come forward or not. I know what this guy is and what he’s capable of. But we might have a mom who might want to put her head in the sand. The home situation screams vulnerability and grooming. It’s like a chocolate chip cookie recipe for a predator in a position of power. How you and other men rally around her in this situation will probably define her relationships for the rest of her life. Fight the good fight for her because she’s not able and her mom might not be up for it either. Do nothing and watch her life collapse in coming years. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:12:44 AM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
My daughters aren't at the age where they want social media but it's probably coming soon. I probably won't allow it. I'm not on social media unless you count this place and youtube. Long story short if a 50 year old man or any grown man made those types of comments to my daughters there would be problems. He 100% was looking for a different response, phishing or whatever you wanna call it and to think anything otherwise is insane. I'm not going to be a militant "no phones" guy, since that is unreasonable, but they will have an expectation that phones stay by the front door when at home, and any social media can be monitored by me at any time, so they better not do anything stupid. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:17:14 AM EDT
[#35]
I guess an uncomfortable situation like this will determine whether the church is worth staying with or not.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:21:07 AM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Please do. That's completely inappropriate and honestly if he's in church leadership I think that's also a problem with this kind of behavior. That said to answer your question technically no it is not pedo grooming because at 15 she is developed and pedophilia has specific definitions Still creepy and inapproriate. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:31:10 AM EDT
[#37]
She should quit posting pics of herself on social media. Instagram needs to die a horrible death along with facebook.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:32:03 AM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Please do. That's completely inappropriate and honestly if he's in church leadership I think that's also a problem with this kind of behavior. That said to answer your question technically no it is not pedo grooming because at 15 she is developed and pedophilia has specific definitions Still creepy and inapproriate. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:34:46 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote History |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:37:54 AM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Creepy and inappropriate for sure. Worthy of the extreme violence that some on here are calling for: probably not, at least not yet. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:39:11 AM EDT
[#41]
Thats over the line. Someone needs to have words with creepy dude.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:39:30 AM EDT
[#42]
I'd say it all sounded pretty innocent up until the "how?" question. To me, that implies he knows they won't see each other in normal settings, so he'd like to plan something outside of that.
If he's in church leadership, the parents need to confront him and the church. Probably both at the same time. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:41:18 AM EDT
[#43]
Definitely sketchy as fuck. This is just another reason why a young person should not be on social media.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:41:46 AM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ha. Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:43:27 AM EDT
[#45]
Practical steps:
1. Delete all social media of girl 2. Smash her phone 3. Inform her of dangers of grown men communicating with her in that very creepy way 4. Take man's phone, smash it 5. Temporarily remove man from leadership in church 6. Seek mental help for man if he admits to any "emotions or feelings" 7. If man refuses counseling or help, or continues pedophile actions, smash man. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:44:01 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Inappropriate yes. Pedo no. She's 15. 
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:45:49 AM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ha. Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. ETA: where is the other dad on this? A simple post on his daughters account that said something like "This is X's Dad, stop posting creepy stuff on my daughter's account" would permanantly bring all of this to a close. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:47:42 AM EDT
[#48]
Wtf is "pedo grooming"??
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:49:16 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Based on your last sentence, I would think your input into this thread should be valued. Without divulging too much, persec and all, can you provide us something about your creds. Do not compromise your ID in any way. Is the OP’s a common MO for the perpetrators as we suspect and how common are these cases? Past 3+ years working exclusively with convicted online sex offenders. Im only of only 3 nationwide with such a narrow specialty in my agency. I dont know everything, but patterns like described in the OP are all too familiar. I also never called the man a pedophile as thats a rather specific diagnosis. His behavior is abnormal. He is follow a pattern Ive seen hundreds of times. Maybe is he is naive. Maybe he is acting in a very purposeful manner. Either way, both approaches are dangerous. A naive man who seems lonely will keep pushing as he emotionally becomes more involved with a vulnerable child. A man acting in a purposeful way keeps pushing as he is working towards getting something he wants. Regardless, his conduct needs addressed and his interaction with minors watched closely. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 10:50:13 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted: That was my first thought. And the majority of people I’ve asked about it, too. But we have someone in this thread and an elder from my church (different churches) who have said “not so fast, could be a misunderstanding”. Guy is unmarried. No girls in his family that age. Has a bit of a rep as being a womanizer. But super effective at coming off sincere and spiritual. I’m so pissed about it I can’t sleep and I’m in here posting at 4am. That is if this even happened. There’s some strange mofo’s that have posted here over the years that just make up stories and bait people into long drawn out threads to discuss their own creepy fetishes, the guy that baited everyone to discuss spanking kids comes to mind. Someone looked at his posting history and literally every thread he posted was about spanking kids. 
Not saying this is you OP but I’m ALWAYS skeptical about these kinds of threads. |
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