Posted: 10/10/2024 12:51:12 AM EDT
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I’m trying to get all my ducks in a row to get financing—purchasing my ex-wife’s half of my house and property. A member here is a mortgage guy and he’s helping me, but I’m still unsure if I’ll be successful in getting financing. Panicking and unable to sleep. Have to resolve a bunch of issues and I know I’ve gotta pay some bills or it isn’t going to happen and I’ll lose the house. Been awake all night and I think I’m having a legit anxiety attack. Every cent in my upcoming paychecks is allotted and I still have some debts I gotta satisfy—even if I can somehow find the funds I’m freaking out that I won’t be able to get a loan. |
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How much is on your mortgage? What does it appraise at/what is the value of it? Not the county assessor, but a real comparative market analysis. Tell a realtor you're thinking of selling, tell a bunch, they'll all run "comps" and let you know what the market value is. Say you owe $100k on the mortgage, it's comps for $150k, you should be able to get a second for the difference, rough ballpark, or refinance, but rates are higher than in the last, well, fuck, pretty much EVER.  No offense to the member here helping you, but talk to several local mortgage brokers/realtors, whoever thinks they'll be able to make this happen for you yesterday. Also, is this court ordered property division, or is this being handle between the 2 of you, somewhat amicably? Don't answer those questions here, those are just some you need to know. Good luck. 2 of my brothers went through that. One is so moronic, he did it TWICE! 
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Quoted: I’m trying to get all my ducks in a row to get financing—purchasing my ex-wife’s half of my house and property. A member here is a mortgage guy and he’s helping me, but I’m still unsure if I’ll be successful in getting financing. Panicking and unable to sleep. Have to resolve a bunch of issues and I know I’ve gotta pay some bills or it isn’t going to happen and I’ll lose the house. Been awake all night and I think I’m having a legit anxiety attack. Every cent in my upcoming paychecks is allotted and I still have some debts I gotta satisfy—even if I can somehow find the funds I’m freaking out that I won’t be able to get a loan. PM me your PayPal or Zelle info and I'll buy you dinner. Getting divorced sucks, stressing out about money sucks. Btdt myself, you'll still be alive on the far side no matter how it turns out and have the ability to rebuild yourself. Getting divorced from wife #1 and rebuilding after taking all the debt and 2 car payments took me to a much better place than I'd have been if we'd stayed together. Wasn't pleasant at the time, but my life turned out much better in the end. My ex is basically in the same place but with husband #3 now. |
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Quoted: PM me your PayPal or Zelle info and I'll buy you dinner. Getting divorced sucks, stressing out about money sucks. Btdt myself, you'll still be alive on the far side no matter how it turns out and have the ability to rebuild yourself. Getting divorced from wife #1 and rebuilding after taking all the debt and 2 car payments took me to a much better place than I'd have been if we'd stayed together. Wasn't pleasant at the time, but my life turned out much better in the end. My ex is basically in the same place but with husband #3 now. Good man.  You're right, life will go on, and usually better.
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I know it might suck, but don’t you have a decent chunk of property? Problem being you no longer have the good job and 2 incomes to support it? Realistically, is there any chance of selling off a chunk, and maintaining the portion around the house and as much of the acreage that you typically use? It is a shitty option but probably better than losing the whole thing. You are due for some good luck at some point I would think, you have had enough bad for a lifetime it sounds like…. Also- is this because she needs the money now since her own house burned down? (If I am remembering correctly). Damn. Now her bad luck is screwing you over once again? Ugh. |
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I do t have a mortgage, property is paid for but I have to get a mortgage to buy her out. I have to pay some bills (insurance, taxes, legal fees) before I can get a mortgage. It just seems impossible. Got some unexpected bills etc in the mail and it just threw me into panic mode. Slept about an hour from 10:00 to 11:00pm, woke from a horrible dream and now I’m trying to figure out a way to take care of it and I’m coming up with nothing. |
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Quoted: I do t have a mortgage, property is paid for but I have to get a mortgage to buy her out. I have to pay some bills (insurance, taxes, legal fees) before I can get a mortgage. It just seems impossible. Got some unexpected bills etc in the mail and it just threw me into panic mode. Slept about an hour from 10:00 to 11:00pm, woke from a horrible dream and now I’m trying to figure out a way to take care of it and I’m coming up with nothing. You have to understand you can't fix it "right now", tonight. So, that said, put it aside, and get some sleep. You are not in any condition to be making good decisions on no sleep. I've tried it, and no matter how often I try, it always turns out, "Well, crap. I THOUGH it was a good idea...." Get some rest, deal with it tomorrow. |
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Maybe get a HELOC instead of a mortgage? I don't know if the rates or qualifications are any easier, nor what the limits are nowadays. When I had one 25-ish years ago I just had to prove I could fog a mirror. Then again, that was with Washington Mutual, which went bankrupt because of their easy-credit HELOC terms.
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Quoted: You have to understand you can't fix it "right now", tonight. So, that said, put it aside, and get some sleep. You are not in any condition to be making good decisions on no sleep. I've tried it, and no matter how often I try, it always turns out, "Well, crap. I THOUGH it was a good idea...." Get some rest, deal with it tomorrow. Quoted: Quoted: I do t have a mortgage, property is paid for but I have to get a mortgage to buy her out. I have to pay some bills (insurance, taxes, legal fees) before I can get a mortgage. It just seems impossible. Got some unexpected bills etc in the mail and it just threw me into panic mode. Slept about an hour from 10:00 to 11:00pm, woke from a horrible dream and now I’m trying to figure out a way to take care of it and I’m coming up with nothing. You have to understand you can't fix it "right now", tonight. So, that said, put it aside, and get some sleep. You are not in any condition to be making good decisions on no sleep. I've tried it, and no matter how often I try, it always turns out, "Well, crap. I THOUGH it was a good idea...." Get some rest, deal with it tomorrow. Everything's a little clearer in the light of day. |
| The lender will tell you which bills and debts need to be paid in order to satisfy the underwriter. Depending on when new bills are due and what makes you meet the ratios, will dictate what needs to be paid. Good luck and take some deep breath, talk with your lender and you will get there. |
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fwiw op my mom faced a similar crisis after my dad died during the early obama years when everything crashed she ended up losing most everything while it wasn’t pleasant the months preceding the ultimate outcome were far worse than actually looking back at the loss you will be ok regardless, pride will be bruised but you will continue to move forward we are more than the stuff we own or control |
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Best wishes to the op. I can only say some of the most stressful were when I put myself into a corner and my income at the time was budgeted to the point where loose change from the couch was part of the whole plan. Ex is out , would it be possible to rent a portion of the house to some other guy going through a divorce? Dump your cable tv, find a el chepo cell plan? Look hard at all reoccurring bills that add up in the long run. Consider dumping a good vehicle and drive a junker for a couple of years? Remember not only might you get some cash out of selling a nice vehicle but insurance/taxes on a lesser car will save over the years. |
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Quoted: I’m trying to get all my ducks in a row to get financing—purchasing my ex-wife’s half of my house and property. A member here is a mortgage guy and he’s helping me, but I’m still unsure if I’ll be successful in getting financing. Panicking and unable to sleep. Have to resolve a bunch of issues and I know I’ve gotta pay some bills or it isn’t going to happen and I’ll lose the house. Been awake all night and I think I’m having a legit anxiety attack. Every cent in my upcoming paychecks is allotted and I still have some debts I gotta satisfy—even if I can somehow find the funds I’m freaking out that I won’t be able to get a loan. A house is just a box to keep your shit dry and to sleep in. Do what you can but let it go if you can’t keep it. And get a second job. |
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Quoted: Learn how to wholesale houses. Look up Zach and Rick Ginn on YouTube and get to work. I do it from time to time when I feel like it. I usually make about $20k/sale but have made $60k. Making lots of money is easy, if you have the fortitude to learn. OP posted a thread concerned he can’t get his own property financed… you think he’s in a position to start flipping houses?
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There’s a member here who’s a mortgage broker who’s helping me. But I’m talking literally money to pay taxes and insurance just to get the loan. I’m talking money to pay for repairs just to get approval for insurance. Looking at not being able to pay for electric and furnace fuel for the winter. |
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Sounds like a tough spot. Situations differ widely so specific advice is filled with pitfalls. All I have is my hope that you successfully navigate these waters. Saying you need a hand is a good place to start. I notice you mention "bills" and "debt." I will offer you a broad thematic take on my own experience, taught to me by parents who married and started a family at the height of the Great Depression. 1. Pay yourself first (save/invest something with every paycheck). 2. Live below your means (it's none of your business what other people flaunt). 3. Never carry debt except for mortgage and transportation (pay all balances off monthly -- see #2). Debt is an important tool. In the wrong hands it is like playing with financial fire. Ed: forgot to mention that if you haven't done so, you might want to contact creditors, utilities, etc. and explain that you want to pay in full but are in a temporary financial challenge. See if they can grant you some breathing room. May not be fruitful, but it is far less preferable to ghost them until they turn you over to collections. |
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Quoted: There's a member here who's a mortgage broker who's helping me. But I'm talking literally money to pay taxes and insurance just to get the loan. I'm talking money to pay for repairs just to get approval for insurance. Looking at not being able to pay for electric and furnace fuel for the winter. |
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It’s a tough spot to be, but have you considered just letting the house go? If you’re having trouble staying on top of bills now, what’s the plan if you add a mortgage on top of it all. I know you’ve said it’s your family house and your kids like having that to go to, but is it worth ruining your life and health with stress and worry to keep it? My parents got divorced when I was a kid, and mom ended up selling the house after a few years. She liked the house, us kids liked it, but I moved on and forgot about it. |
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Quoted: It’s a tough spot to be, but have you considered just letting the house go? If you’re having trouble staying on top of bills now, what’s the plan if you add a mortgage on top of it all. I know you’ve said it’s your family house and your kids like having that to go to, but is it worth ruining your life and health with stress and worry to keep it? My parents got divorced when I was a kid, and mom ended up selling the house after a few years. She liked the house, us kids liked it, but I moved on and forgot about it. +1 Let the Ex buy you out of the house and walk away, or sell it and split whatever proceeds may be left. Find a cheap apartment and rent until you get things settled down a bit. |
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Quoted: There's a member here who's a mortgage broker who's helping me. But I'm talking literally money to pay taxes and insurance just to get the loan. I'm talking money to pay for repairs just to get approval for insurance. Looking at not being able to pay for electric and furnace fuel for the winter. Sounds like you're looking for a cash-out to buy out ex-wife. The house is free and clear. So, you need a 50% loan-to-value mortgage to cover ex. Taxes and insurance can be added in and paid through loan when it closes. Total LTV between 50% and 55%? 50% and 60%? That's a pretty low bar to get over for underwriting. You still need to meet debt-to-income ratio and minimum credit but the LTV is not much of a hurdle. The issue would seem to be "money to pay for repairs." What kind of repairs? Repairs that need to be completed to "get approval for insurance" sound like major repairs. Also, you don't have insurance now? Ask your mortgage guy about a cash-out, home improvement program. |
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Quoted: There’s a member here who’s a mortgage broker who’s helping me. But I’m talking literally money to pay taxes and insurance just to get the loan. I’m talking money to pay for repairs just to get approval for insurance. Looking at not being able to pay for electric and furnace fuel for the winter. You can't afford the place. I feel for you, but the sooner you accept it the better off you will be. |
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Quoted: Panicking and unable to sleep. Have to resolve a bunch of issues and I know I’ve gotta pay some bills or it isn’t going to happen and I’ll lose the house. Been awake all night and I think I’m having a legit anxiety attack. Panic attacks suck but acknowledging it's a panic attack can help. Try to develop a plan and start working toward it. Progress is a great way to relieve anxiety. |
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Realistically, how much money would it take to get things straightened out? You’ve been around here for a long time and a lot of folks here are familiar with all the shit you’ve been through. If you started a givesendgo and got approval to post it here I bet we could help you get things situated. |
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Quoted: Are you serious? A go fund me for someone that owns their home already. That is ridiculous and a sign of the time we live now. Quoted: Quoted: Set up a Go Fund Me. I bet you could get a ton of small donations to improve your situation. Are you serious? A go fund me for someone that owns their home already. That is ridiculous and a sign of the time we live now. It’s not at all ridiculous. Friends, family, and neighbors help each other. It would be sad for the op to lose his house when folks could pitch in and help him out. I’ve helped a good number of people over the years and I’ve had some help on occasion. |
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Quoted: I do t have a mortgage, property is paid for but I have to get a mortgage to buy her out. I have to pay some bills (insurance, taxes, legal fees) before I can get a mortgage. It just seems impossible. Got some unexpected bills etc in the mail and it just threw me into panic mode. Slept about an hour from 10:00 to 11:00pm, woke from a horrible dream and now I'm trying to figure out a way to take care of it and I'm coming up with nothing. Unexpected bills are a symptom. |
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Quoted: Are you serious? A go fund me for someone that owns their home already. That is ridiculous and a sign of the time we live now. The answer you are looking for is, "Yes, I am serious". I guarantee there are a lot of men that have been in the same boat and would kick a few bucks his way so he could keep the property. This also would make it easy for family and friends to give him some help. |
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Quoted: Are you serious? A go fund me for someone that owns their home already. That is ridiculous and a sign of the time we live now. Quoted: Quoted: Set up a Go Fund Me. I bet you could get a ton of small donations to improve your situation. Are you serious? A go fund me for someone that owns their home already. That is ridiculous and a sign of the time we live now. Is it any different than a church taking up an offering from the congregation for a needy family? |
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Quoted: Sounds like you can't afford it. Why not sell the house, split the proceeds and buy something you can afford? This is probably true, based on the info provided. If you can't afford/get approved to mortgage half of a house that is already paid for, you probably can't afford it. Sell it, take your half and downsize. |
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Quoted: This is probably true, based on the info provided. If you can't afford/get approved to mortgage half of a house that is already paid for, you probably can't afford it. Sell it, take your half and downsize. Yep. OP, life sucks at times but you have to downsize to your new level and live within your means. Sell the house, split the cash and get on with living. It's just a house, and evidently its a house with sentimental value to you that you can no longer afford. Sink that in and your path will get much clearer and more productive. |
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How far are you from having enough to keep it all together? I realize a gofundme would have to be approved, etc, etc but I can say that I'd be willing to pitch in and help. Thousands of people on this site have followed your story, OP, and might be willing to pitch in. |
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Quoted: You can't afford the place. I feel for you, but the sooner you accept it the better off you will be. Quoted: Quoted: There’s a member here who’s a mortgage broker who’s helping me. But I’m talking literally money to pay taxes and insurance just to get the loan. I’m talking money to pay for repairs just to get approval for insurance. Looking at not being able to pay for electric and furnace fuel for the winter. You can't afford the place. I feel for you, but the sooner you accept it the better off you will be. Not the advice the OP wants, but the advice he needs. OP, this property is the source of almost all of your problems. If you sell it you can buy a decent place somewhere with an actual job market and it will solve a lot of your problems. |
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Quoted: Are you serious? A go fund me for someone that owns their home already. That is ridiculous and a sign of the time we live now. He doesn't own it. He owns half of it, basically, and in doing so he's tied to one of the most evil women we've ever read about. |
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