Home gym.  Then tell her you want to start working out together.  best money I've ever spent.

Go have a conversation. If she gets upset, and offended....that's on her. I am sure you do not want to hurt her feelings but, are you actually doing her good by not telling her?

You can't apply logic or rational arguments in this situation.  This subject is dealing with women, and specifically telling them they aren't perfect.

She's in way better shape than I am.  I don't say anything for fear that she will tell me to get my ass on the rower.  

Just tell her honestly, then lead by example and workout with her and watch the diet. Hold her accountable.

Is gas lighting the proper term? Dropping hints or small mentions of her problems till she fixes it?

Getting fit as a goal by itself can be tough.  Dangling a carrot can help.  Some goal like "I've always wanted to do x with you.  Let's work on doing it."

The together part is important.  So much better than, "You fat fuck, go unfuck yourself."  (Not saying that's what you did, but some people on this forum ...)

But you also said she doesn't want to go out on walks.  That's a tough one, because there's a really low bar to walking.  Is there some other activity she might enjoy?  How about dancing, taking a class together?  Riding bikes around the neighborhood?  Anything to jump-start a more active life for her.

My wife doesn't do anything like that at all.  If I want to hike, or go for an ATV ride or whatever, I do it alone.

Count yourself lucky she is willing to do anything.

Shut 'er down.

I would start talking more picture of her and you,and subtly start having her look at them more frequently.

And photoshop them to add a few lb here and there.  Toss in a second (or 3rd) chin.

Not "gas-lighting". Might be something more like "subliminal suggestion". But it they're in "cow mode", even a cattle prod would only get their attention for a short time.

I think you take a soft approach here OP. Talk to her about the hikes you want to go on with her. Then talk about how you're going to start preparing and ask her if she wants to start preparing with her. Step the prep down to her level and do it together. Include her; don't shame her.

If she's resistant or embarrassed, try a personal trainer for her.

If you can, take over the cooking and work on the diet. You lose ounces in the gym and pounds in the kitchen.

Just have the awkward convo about your future plans for hiking.   See how she responds.

You can game the advertisers.  They try to map your interests to show you relevant ads.  One of the factors they use is your home's IP address.  It leads to me seeing ads for things that my wife has searched for, like women's exercise clothes.

OP can pop open a new web browser, or use a profile separate from the one he uses.  Search for topics related to women getting into shape and exercise equipment.  Then the advertisers will start dropping hints onto her phone and computer for you.  They wont tell her she's a fat fuck.  They will suggest she buys some workout clothes, which will get her thinking about working out.

I’m fortunate my wife is very tall and naturally thin, her two sisters same, but has always been into working out.  I happily pay that gym membership.  

It’s a slippery slope and I honestly don’t know what I’d do but my wife is very weight conscious and doesn’t have much patience, write or wrong, for,those who don’t make an effort.  I don’t expect her to look like she did when she was 23 but she believes she look the best she can for 48.  

Maybe just say that you’ve noticed her stamina has gone down and you want to be able to carry on doing these active things into retirement ad specifically with her.  Subtle hint.




Who would’ve predicted that?

My wife is real into Yoga.  Then she regularly incorporates calisthenics and simple weight training.  She says the Yoga and and calisthenics keep her flexible and the weights keep her toned (she doesn't want to be a body builder).  I can't complain at all about how she looks (early 40's)

Hopefully she takes your concerns to heart if you approach her like that. YMMV.

When she asks you “does this dress make me look fat?” Reply with, “no, but your gut does.”

Be sure to record it and post it here for us.

Right now she probably has a few different things going on.

She probably has a poor diet, lots of processed food and carbohydrates.  You're going to want to fix that first before worrying about exercise.  You can't out-exercise a bad diet.

One of them might be menopause.

Yep

My wife was going through that and had a class reunion.

She didn't want to show up fat so she did the master cleanse diet for 90 days. It's a almost starvation diet, with supplements etc.

She would make us diner and go walking while we ate. She was 42yrs old and the last year she ever got fat.

OP some more advice find out what your wife's idea of the fairy tale ever after looks like.

If you can make that happen it has an effect. A genuine happy woman will be inclined to do better, eat better and care about what she looks like.

And it isn't something that can be forced. She has to do it out of genuine love of not only you but herself.

We just spent 24hrs in a flight terminal, plane home had Mech problems after we hit the coast and had to turn around. I was so pissed yet she was still motivated and looking at the positives of everything.

Me I was pissed as fuck, but so happy she could handle such an event.

She probably doesn't like hiking.

I cannot believe some of the answers in this thread.

It's like you guys have a.) never convinced anyone of anything before and b.) never even seen a woman before, much less spoken to one.

Persuading people to do something is a art form.

There are two basic rules:

1. Frame the topic in terms of self interest.  

2. NEVER make it into a battle of egos.

When they try to sell home gym equipment to you, do they say, "BUY A SUPER-CYCLE AND GET FIT, YOU LAZY FAT PATHETIC FUCK. I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW BAD YOU LET YOURSELF GO, YOU MAKE EVERYONE SICK. WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE TO MAKE THIS COMMERCIAL, YOU SHOULD ALREADY OWN ONE, LARDASS."

No, they show videos of handsome, fit men who are talking to a couple of beautiful women.  Then your brain says, "I'll get fit and be handsome and score some hot girls."

They tap into your natural desire to look good and score some hoo hoo.

If I was in the OP's shoes, I would say to his wife, "One of the things I always liked best about you is your devotion to fitness.  Most people by the time they're 65 are a wreck, they can barely walk out to the mailbox.  But you and me are going to have a great retirement, being active and exploring and having fun.  Physical fitness is the fountain of youth."

Say stuff like that and encourage her.  

If she says that she's getting fat, just say, "Well, you're busy and stressed out with working and everything, let's both keep eating healthy and it will work itself out."

Women are sensitive, they don't respond to negativity.   She knows that she's fat and letting herself go.  It's not like some mystery to her and she needs you on her ass telling her she's fat.  

If she's already looking at her fat in the mirror and doubtlessly feeling distress, she doesn't need you being negative about it.

I'm not playing the expert.  This is common sense.  

This is why it's so amazing that Disney keep making woake dogshit movies and then cursing the audience for being phobic or bigoted.  They are creating an ego battle where BUYING A TICKET TO THEIR MOVIES IS NOW LIKE ADMITING THAT THEY WERE RIGHT AND YOU WERE WRONG.

That is absolutely insane.   It shows that even the marketing people at Disney are incompetent DEI hires.  

HERE YOU GUYS ARE TELLING THE OP THAT NOT ONLY DOES HIS WIFE HAVE TO START DIETING, SHE HAS TO GROVEL DOWN AND LET HERSELF BE TOLD WHAT TO DO BY HIM.

If he goes Gunny Hartman on her, if she starts dieting and working out, it's like she admitting that he was right and she was wrong.  BAD idea!

The doctor would have to tell her:  "exercise or die".
She talks a good game, but never follows through on anything.

If you are near a parkrun location you can start with that every Saturday morning. Walking/hiking is fine.

http://www.parkrun.us/events/#geo=4.4/27.95/-95.53

When this happened to my wife, I'd tell her we were going out for a nice lunch date.
Instead I would drive 5 miles out of town and kick her out of the car.

I dunno tell her the women at the gym won't stop flirting with you.

I suggest talking to her about it honestly.

BUT!
I tried that...and not being nice about it.

In the end, it's up to her.

I tried everything.
My wife just...gave up...and it killed her.

Tell her that, maybe?

Have your divorce lawyer on speed dial

6 to 7 hours of hiking isn't everyone's definition of fun. Perhaps your wife is one of those people.

You don't, just like you can't make an addict stop using drugs you can't get an unhealthy person to be healthy.

The best you can do is be an example of good health.  

It wouldn't be a bad idea though to bring up medical health as a topic of conversation. A woman her age might be having issues with her hormone levels, and hormon therapy could help her.  Another small thing you could do is to make sure that your bed and pillows are top notch to help her get the best rest that she can at night.  

Other than that, you just keep inviting her out when you go to do things. "Hey, I'm going to go to the gym, do you want to come?"  "Hey, I'm going for a walk around the park, do you want to come?"   When she goes with you try and make it an enjoyable experience for her, don't try to get her to complete the Bataan Death March.  Buy her a fitness device that will track her steps, buy a treadmill or other cardio device she can use at home while watching television or something. Make things available to her.  

However, as the old saying goes you can take a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

hormorne replacement therapy

Honestly, I'd probably tell her what you just told us.

Some random thoughts.  Walking is good exercise, but apparently she doesn't like walking for walking's sake (hiking).

My wife and I attend a big music festival and log probably 6-10 miles of walking each day.  But a lot of it is invisible; we're "doing" something else.  (Plus there's the dancing.)

She may have no interest in walking around in the woods, but how about (dunno your area) checking out a state park?  Visiting a big outlet mall or flea market?  Check out some interesting areas of a city or town?  Baby steps.  But do it together, and that's a win in itself.

Start treating her like shit. She will loose all kinds of weight. Start dressing nice and putting on makeup.

Hell, She'll prolly even get herself a boob job.

You fail to mention that she'll do all of those things AFTER she leaves you or in preparation FOR leaving you.

You either got drive to be better or you don't.  I have it easy with a sugar momma wife who just so happens to have just got done deadlifting and squatting in our home gym, she deads and squats 2x, she works out 4x a week. At 46 she looks better than most mid 20 year olds. 5'4 120 pounds

My wife and I are both in our very late 50's and signed up for group weight training and fitness classes about a year ago.  After a year of getting up at 4:30 and working out before work I am in the best shape I have been in the past 10 years.  It is easy easier to get up at 4:30 am when you do it together.

She is is better shape now too.  She isn't a wimp, uses proper form when lifting and works hard instead of cutting corners.  For some reason a few of the people in the class seem to just go through the motions and don't put any effort into working out.  It really aggravates her when people do that.

Just for the record I hate wind sprints more now than I did when I was young, but I'm still faster than most of the class.

No way man, I didn't get her fit walking 5 miles a day for the next guy.

Bodies by Jason.