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Posted: 8/8/2022 7:13:49 AM EST
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted: @StevenH @FluffyTheCat @AA717driver @HappyLife_NoWife @ThrustMyStoma The odds are not ever in your favor Some additional light reading: |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 7:15:05 AM EST
[#2]
Combo of both.
Like I tell my students; Work hard at putting yourself in a position to succeed and take advantage of your chances when they come. in this case this means, pay attention to grooming. Work out and keep yourself in good physical condition. Be as debt free as you can. Keep your living area neat and clean. Don't look at anyone through rose colored glasses. When you do that all the red flags just look like flags. Always look for the clues she's hiding her crazy. Listen to your instincts. If you feel like something's wrong it probably is. Humans didn't survive as a species by ignoring instinct. If a relationship fails, it's ok. Dust off and get back out there and try again. Learn from your mistakes. Whatever you do, don't start a family until you are financially stable. If you start in with a single mom, remember they will always be HER kids and you will always be second to them. Same with horsey types. The horse(s) will always be first. Of course there's always exceptions. There's my .02 |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 7:15:30 AM EST
[#3]
Its amazing how much luck comes your way when you work hard. Whether that be your job, sports, marriage, etc etc
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Posted: 8/8/2022 7:31:00 AM EST
[#4]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Both. I got lucky and found an exceptional woman, but hard work has kept us together. There is no "happily ever after". Marriage takes work, and a lot of give and take from both parties. Some of the wisest words I heard on marriage is that "you can be right, or you can be happy. You can't always be both". |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 7:40:46 AM EST
[#5]
[Verse 1]
Just a small-town girl, livin' in a lonely world She took the midnight train goin' anywhere Just a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit He took the midnight train goin' anywhere [Verse 2] A singer in a smoky room The smell of wine and cheap perfume For a smile, they can share the night It goes on and on and on and on [Pre-Chorus] Strangers waitin' Up and down the boulevard Their shadows searchin' in the night Streetlights, people Livin' just to find emotion Hidin' somewhere in the night [Verse 3] Workin' hard to get my fill Everybody wants a thrill Payin' anything to roll the dice Just one more time [Verse 4] Some will win, some will lose Some are born to sing the blues Oh, the movie never ends It goes on and on and on and on bride sings Don't Stop Believing at her own wedding  The bride sings Don't Stop Believing at her own wedding// Dave Thomas, ASC- All Set Creations |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 7:44:27 AM EST
[#6]
I believe in love at first sight.
When I was 18 I went with a buddy to meet his GF who was living with my future wife's family. As soon as I laid eyes on her (future wife) I was struck with the feeling I had just met my soul mate. The feeling was so strong I was almost brought to tears and I knew with every ounce of my being she was meant for me and I for her. 5 years of dating later and we were married. 26 years of harmonious loving marriage and two amazing sons proved to me there is a soulmate for everyone on this earth. The trick is finding them and when you do you will know instantly and without doubt. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 7:45:21 AM EST
[#7]
Your friends and family would do a better job of finding you a mate than you will on your own. They know you better than you know yourself. They would know other women the same way. They would be able to match you up for a more successful relationship.
We are blind to ourselves and project too much compatibility on to others. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 7:52:36 AM EST
[#8]
It’s mostly work and effort. Sure, there’s an element of luck to it, but mostly it’s effort.
You have to -know what you want (effort) -figure out where to find it (effort) -make yourself the sort of person who attracts what you want (effort) -invest in the person and the relationship (effort) Now, you may do 1-3 and simply never find the right one. It’s possible. But it isn’t probable. Mostly, people fuck up a step or two along the way, then try to blame luck. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 7:56:48 AM EST
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Luck. You can do all the homework in the world and she can still change on you. What happened to me with the first one. It did however get me to the second one who so far is awesome. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 7:57:33 AM EST
[#10]
Luck
Even if you do get lucky, it will still not be a 50/50 endeavor The man will most certainly be giving 75% + to keep it blissful Just the way it is if you want to play the game |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 7:57:35 AM EST
[#11]
Luck/kismet.
I was born in a small town in Nevada. Dad relocated the family to the California Bay Area. Later he got transferred to Sacramento. One Sunday morning at church, Dad recognizes the father of a new family that moved in. Our fathers barely new each other in Nevada. A family of 5, with a gorgeous daughter. It was love at first sight. We've been together of 48 years now. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:00:04 AM EST
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Even if you do get lucky, it will still not be a 50/50 endeavor The man will most certainly be giving 75% + to keep it blissful This is the case if you marry a shitty woman. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:05:54 AM EST
[#13]
God's providence, no other way to explain it.
ETA, it does help to know quality when you see it. Entangling yourself with a endless string of "good times" isn't going to help with that. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:06:18 AM EST
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This is the case if you marry a shitty woman. Maybe my 75% was a bit exaggerated for most happily married It’ll still be waaay above 50% Women live on emotion. Trying to counteract that by using logic in day to day household decisions puts the man on uneven ground |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:13:19 AM EST
[#15]
I knew what I was looking for. I dated and left many women in search of my wife. It turns out I was right.
If you're looking for an arm charm you're doing it wrong. Find a female that's hard working, positive, intelligent, with a good personality. Looks fade. Personality and work ethic do not. My wife is my best friend. She is loyal to me above anyone else, and I to her. She doesn't have friends. She has me and our kids. I wouldn't change a thing. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:23:31 AM EST
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Maybe my 75% was a bit exaggerated for most happily married It’ll still be waaay above 50% Women live on emotion. Trying to counteract that by using logic in day to day household decisions puts the man on uneven ground Nah. It’s pretty even in my household. I don’t put up with her shit and I’m not afraid to call her on it. She has no problem chewing my ass if I fuck up either. My wife actually said, “Happy wife, happy life must have been invented by a pussy. Please never say that, ever. It makes you sound like a fag.” She’s a red headed reformed horse chick and we’ve been together 24 years. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:25:22 AM EST
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted: No one actually cares about you except possibly your mother and your dog. Agreed....people are so full of shit - so long time ago I adjusted accordingly. Quote from Drake's "God's Plan" - modified for "me": 'He say, "Do you love me?" I tell him, "Only partly I only love my dog and my momma, I'm sorry"'  Drake - GOD'S PLAN (Lyrics) |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:27:47 AM EST
[#18]
I'm sure God smiled on me when I met my future wife. We hit it off instantly and have been married 47 years this past May.
I consider her my best friend, and have never regretted getting married to her. She feels the same way. We have the occasional disagreement, but decided early on to not go to bed angry with each other. I only dated a few women before meeting my wife, wasn't much on playing the field. But I struck gold with her. It does take work to get along all of the time, but it's worth it when you have the right partner. The small things shouldn't take precedence and ruin your lives. We laugh about a conversation we had when we decided to get married. I told her of my interests, and said there will be times when I make a large purchase for my hobbies, and if that bothered her now was the time to say so. She smiled and said that's much better than drinking or gambling, living in taverns. I know men who did both, to extreme, and they have ex-wives to show for it. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:30:54 AM EST
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted: She doesn't have friends. She has me and our kids. I wouldn't change a thing. Uh, ok. I would be prepared for some angst when the kids move out. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:32:23 AM EST
[#20]
It's not a "lottery," but it is a blessing upon you and you should always remember that it is a blessing.
Solid marriages and relationships don't just "happen." They require lots of work, and it's something that you have to work at constantly. Choose wisely, and remember that nothing is guaranteed, so you better find someone who wants to work at a lifelong commitment and you better be ready to work at it as well. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:38:55 AM EST
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This is true!! Luck and more Luck. You can't change anyone so if she doesn't do XYZ now she never will and the more you push it the worse she'll resent you, same goes for a man. Also, people change. What I wanted when I was 20 is different than my 30's and 40's. Now I'd prefer to be left alone with occasional sex. Finally, the most trustworthy person in the world will cheat and/or stab you in the back. It's human just like any other sin, never say never. Most marriages are based on convenience and familiarity mistaken for "love". Being together for 40yrs and resenting the other person's faults ain't love. This ^^ (in bold). |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:41:57 AM EST
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Both. I got lucky and found an exceptional woman, but hard work has kept us together. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:42:25 AM EST
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted: No such thing as luck. People are generally ruled too much by emotion and make stupid decisions. Often, if they were watching a movie or a friend was asking advice that mirrored their situation, they would see the bad and tell them to eject. But they’re emotionally involved and can’t see straight. So my vote is neither. It’s not hard, people make it hard by not using logic. ETA: the number of people calling it luck is (IMO) an example of them abdicating responsibility for their own thought processes and/or lack thereof. It’s not their fault they were stupid…it was just bad luck. You’re fooling yourself and because of that, you’re doomed to continue making bad decisions. You didn’t learn; you made excuses. This^^ (we need a "Like" button) |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:42:42 AM EST
[#24]
Interesting that even the guys who answer "hard work" admit that at least a little bit of luck is involved too.
Personally I chose not to gamble with my life like that. I think some guys are hardwired that they NEED a wife. I've always been content on my own, why risk it? |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:42:57 AM EST
[#25]
Providence.
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:45:02 AM EST
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Truth. If I had a nickel for each time I've heard about some poor guy whose been married for 20 plus years, only to come home early from work one day to catch his wife getting railed from behind and all of a sudden all those years together meant absolutely nothing to her. It's like she flipped a switch. No emotions, no love, just nothing. Women can be a lot more cruel than men in my opinion. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: No one actually cares about you except possibly your mother and your dog. Truth. If I had a nickel for each time I've heard about some poor guy whose been married for 20 plus years, only to come home early from work one day to catch his wife getting railed from behind and all of a sudden all those years together meant absolutely nothing to her. It's like she flipped a switch. No emotions, no love, just nothing. Women can be a lot more cruel than men in my opinion. The other side of this is the fact being married a long time doesn’t by itself really mean anything. If you’ve been ignoring your wife and putting no effort into the marriage besides bringing home a paycheck for 20 years, you shouldn’t be shocked if the marriage ends. I’ve definitely seen women be cruel, but I’ve also see men be oblivious and take their wives for granted. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:48:50 AM EST
[#27]
Predictably....those in good marriages say "hard work" and the damned say "luck". I say luck
 First wife checked all the boxes and changed completely after 12 years. Told me that she didn't know how to love me.....hard to "hard work" out of that. Current wife is awesome. I stumbled on her, and I'm very happy. YMMV
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:51:18 AM EST
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Uh, ok. I would be prepared for some angst when the kids move out. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: She doesn't have friends. She has me and our kids. I wouldn't change a thing. Uh, ok. I would be prepared for some angst when the kids move out. Not necessarily. I don't really have *friends.* I have acquaintances and people who were friends long ago in another life. I call them my friends, sure, because we have a conversation when we run into each other and I know them better than I know strangers. But my life is my husband and kids. It's us in a tiny bubble. My extended family in a slightly larger bubble. And then, quite literally, everyone else. Our oldest is about to turn 20 and could move out at any moment and our others within the next 5-6 years. I'll be sad when they leave but I'm also going to enjoy just *us* on a day-to-day basis again. When I was young and got asked what I wanted to be when I was older, aside from a very short stint of wanting to be a veterinarian in elementary school and an actress in middle school, my answer was always, "A wife and mother." Once the kids move out I'll still be a wife and I'll always be their mother. So.....no ragerts. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:52:41 AM EST
[#29]
The question that constantly plagues me: where?
Bars, online, nope. I am not interested in crazy lying slags. Church, maybe but I am not religious, trolling churches for a wife seems...dishonest. At work..I'm a farmer. Pin my bank statement to my vest and standing at the street corner like Yul Brynner? |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:54:44 AM EST
[#30]
When married people say "marriage is hard" my wife and I usually just laugh. She's been the easiest thing I've ever done - hey-oh! But seriously, we keep waiting for this 20-year honeymoon phase to end. Maybe once our three kids move out...
Parenting is hard, but marriage is a breeze. I really like my wife. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 8:56:15 AM EST
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Finding the right one is hard. Becoming the right one is harder. 
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Posted: 8/8/2022 9:07:37 AM EST
[#32]
Character and morality are extremely important.
People change, but most people do not change their character or morality. It will be hard work and commitment, that is where most people fuck up, they give up because that is the easy path. Married 38 years ( together for 42 years ) |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 9:15:05 AM EST
[#33]
Deus vult/Inshallah. God wills it.
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Posted: 8/8/2022 9:20:54 AM EST
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted: There aren’t enough good women to go around so you have to be a good man and have a bit of luck. Generally, this. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 9:23:07 AM EST
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: It was either God or luck. I prefer to look at it as God. Almost 33 years. Not perfect. Lots of work. Lots of blessings. Since we're not necessarily going to know God's exact will for our lives, I am comfortable describing good things happening to us as divinely-ordained luck. You could call it "fortune" instead though, I suppose. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 9:23:37 AM EST
[#36]
I made a list of requirements.
Some were optional, some were not. My wife met the list with the exception of 2 optional requirements, she wore glasses, and did not speak a second language. I met with her parents after speaking to her but before we started courting to be sure her parents approved of me. She insisted on this, and I would not have considered her if she did not. We are married 23 years, have 9 children, are in love and staying that way. It takes work and sacrifice on both parties parts. But we both understood and desired the traditional rolls each of us was to play in the marriage. She is a homemaker, raising the children & keeping the house. She helps at the family business, but her primary role is homemaker. I work off the farm to support the family and do what I can on the farm to help. The children have been raised to help as needed. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 9:25:22 AM EST
[#37]
In my case, prayer, hard work, and a good faith effort by both parties to make it work.
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Posted: 8/8/2022 9:56:48 AM EST
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Both. I got lucky and found an exceptional woman, but hard work has kept us together. i never understand this. Why it should be "hard work" to stay together. A good relationship doesnt need hard work. A mediocre or poor one sure does though. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 9:57:52 AM EST
[#39]
Quoted: After reading all the GD relationship stories here, I'm convinced it's a lottery based purely on luck. Some get really lucky and find a great wife. Others have to wait years with several kids until they realize they just lost big time. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 10:00:26 AM EST
[#40]
Got tired of looking so I just married my best friend at 55. She and I do very well together.
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Posted: 8/8/2022 10:06:08 AM EST
[#41]
Dont let the little head choose for you and avoid alcohol when choosing
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Posted: 8/8/2022 10:07:25 AM EST
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Your friends and family would do a better job of finding you a mate than you will on your own. They know you better than you know yourself. They would know other women the same way. They would be able to match you up for a more successful relationship. We are blind to ourselves and project too much compatibility on to others. We don’t have arranged marriages here Tonto.
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Posted: 8/8/2022 10:10:07 AM EST
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This^^ (we need a "Like" button) Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: No such thing as luck. People are generally ruled too much by emotion and make stupid decisions. Often, if they were watching a movie or a friend was asking advice that mirrored their situation, they would see the bad and tell them to eject. But they’re emotionally involved and can’t see straight. So my vote is neither. It’s not hard, people make it hard by not using logic. ETA: the number of people calling it luck is (IMO) an example of them abdicating responsibility for their own thought processes and/or lack thereof. It’s not their fault they were stupid…it was just bad luck. You’re fooling yourself and because of that, you’re doomed to continue making bad decisions. You didn’t learn; you made excuses. This^^ (we need a "Like" button) Ehhh, it’s a mix. Yes I put myself in a position to get a good wife. But no, it took good fortune to be in a place and time for both of us to have met. Call it luck, God or kismet. There’s a random factor in some relationships and to deny it is folly. TL;DR: Love defies logic.
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Posted: 8/8/2022 10:12:05 AM EST
[#44]
Stop meeting women on Tinder and at bars.
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Posted: 8/8/2022 10:12:58 AM EST
[#45]
I lucked out and found a great wife.
it took come convincing, and she still doesn't like me. but it's working for us for the last 16 years. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 10:15:08 AM EST
[#46]
Kismet
Keeping your senses open at the right time. Our lizard overlords didn’t want to make it too hard/easy. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 10:16:26 AM EST
[#47]
Luck lots of it.
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Posted: 8/8/2022 10:50:32 AM EST
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted: i never understand this. Why it should be "hard work" to stay together. A good relationship doesnt need hard work. A mediocre or poor one sure does though. Would you be willing to give a little information, like are you married, how many years, how many times for us to consider if your opinion is valid in comparison to those who say marriage is hard work and have 20 or 30 years experience with their first partner? |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 3:12:38 PM EST
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted: i never understand this. Why it should be "hard work" to stay together. A good relationship doesnt need hard work. A mediocre or poor one sure does though. Because it's super easy to be selfish, much harder to be selfless. |
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Posted: 8/8/2022 3:24:28 PM EST
[#50]
Its a little of both. Being at the right place at the right time AND being open to the idea that this COULD BE who you spend the rest of your life with is a hard thing.
I was 26 when I met my wife to be. Was just out of the academy and was dating a LOT of girls (ie, getting lots of action) when my mom introduced me to the daughter of a friend of hers. It blossomed from there. Now here we are, 19 years together, two daughters and life keeps chugging along despite the hiccups. Important thing, when looking for a mate, dont be so enamored with looks, but have personalities that pair well together and morals that line up |
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