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Posted: 3/25/2022 10:58:21 PM EDT
So since I'm not a bloody poor (full gas tank baby), I have lots of streaming crap, including Paramount+. Anyways, they have a new sci-fi show based on Halo. It's a mixed bag, kinda what you'd expect when they turn a vidya game into a show. But it has good gun/spaceship pr0n. And they have good trigger discipline, so worth a watch.
Here's my completely serious and much less funny than the Critical Drinker review. Click To View Spoiler Show opens with Short Round 2.0 (androgenous Asian teen girl), who does drugs with the other kids on Space Mad Max world, where they mine space oil for Earth. They also hate the Space Feds because they are white supremacists and unvaxxinated (probably). Anyways, the Space Nazis (Covenant) show up and start killing pretty much everyone. Do we really need gratuitous shots of dismembered children? And how is this TV 14? Standard everyone dies battle until Space Glowies (Spartans) show up, kill the Space Nazis, and then find the cave where they were doing Space Nazi things like trying to find the Space Ark of the Covenant. Other Space Glowies leave in Space Nazi ship, and Master Chief Glowie and Short Round 2.0 leave in Glowie ship with Space Ark. Back on Earth, Space Feds are busy doing random Fed stuff, led by Not-Avasarala, who is totally different enough from The Expanse character that there is clearly no copyright infringement of any kind. Fight me. Not-Avasarala is pissed that the Space Glowies didn't save the white supremacists. Only Space Glowies are allowed to kill white supremacists, it is known. Anyways, then because reasons Not-Avasarala decides that Short Round 2.0 has to die. IDK why, maybe she refused Space Biden or something? Meanwhile, Master Chief Glowie starts having flashbacks of his childhood after touching Space Ark, suggesting that Glowies may actually be people (lies). Space Feds freak out at this decidedly non-NPC like behavior and scramble the entire base. Also, they pull a Space Elon and take control of Master Chief Glowie's ship and suck out all the air. Master Chief Glowie get the air fixed, and tries to take manual control from Space Elon's autopilot. Short Round 2.0 finds his gun and is pissed because apparently her mom was killed at Space Waco by Space Glowies. Oh my God, the drama? Will they be able to overcome their differences and team up? Obviously yes. Anyways, they fail and crash at base. Tense standoff ensues. Then MC Glowie touches Space Ark again, unlocking it's McGuffin powers, launching their ship back into space. Oh, and there's a white shitlord in charge of the Space Nazis. The End. Overall, about what you'd expect from Clowny Wood these days. It looks good, cast is diverse (except for Abos. Where the fuck is my Abo representation Paramount? Bigots), plot and dialogue are unoriginal and bland, and totally not a sophomoric rip-off of The Expanse. Fight me. The biggest question I have is this. Who played fucking Halo and said "You know what this needs? Short Round. Master Chief needs to team up with Short Round from Indian Jones." But since this is the current year, Short Round 2.0 is an androgenous female. She does have trigger discipline though, so it's not all bad. Anyways, I have really low standards when it comes to sci fi. We're talking "last call in a karaoke bar" type low standards, so I'll keep watching. |
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I wonder if Not-FredJohnson is going to have a change of heart and help
Now I want a mash-up with Master Chief, Amos, and Jayne Cob working together. |
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Quoted: I wonder if Not-FredJohnson is going to have a change of heart and help Now I want a mash-up with Master Chief, Amos, and Jayne Cob working together. View Quote |
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First thing I thought was they filmed in Mongolia, and brought in cheap Irish actors.
I wish they would have done a season drop so I could binge watch. Also, should never let Master Chief take his helmet off. |
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I was ehhh....but I liked when I saw Pablo Schreiber was under the helmet. Liked him in 13 hours. I heard a critic who saw ep 2 say that it goes down hill from here. Would not shock me at all because.....paramount.
Not sure where unisex child fits into halo but maybe they can make it not suck even though it sounds like it will. Effects were definitely not up to par with disney but I doubt they have much of a budget since Kurtz man has been destroying star trek for years now. |
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Looks like they gave Commander Keyes and his daughter the Netflix adaptation treatment.
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Quoted: I wish they would have done a season drop so I could binge watch. Also, should never let Master Chief take his helmet off. View Quote As a die hard Halo fan I already know I'll be disappointed in it but I'll watch it when the season's finished. I'm salty that there's not an event in Halo: Infinite for releasing the show. |
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I heard it sucks. The creators seemed to think it was a bragging point that they didn't play the games lol.
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Huge fan of the games and working through the novels now. I thought it was okay, but for some reason the effects reminded me of early power rangers
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I was entertained, will keep watching for now.
< played 1 & 2 nonstop through high school, 3 and 4 only once, nothing after, but still hit the anniversary editions every few years dont know what kind of halo fan that makes me |
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The movie they did a few yrs ago was crap. I didn't expect this one to be any better.
Does Cortana take it off? |
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It was okay. They need to use filters, so that it doesn’t look like it was filmed in somebody’s backyard with an iPhone.
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Quoted: Huge fan of the games and working through the novels now. I thought it was okay, but for some reason the effects reminded me of early power rangers View Quote Lol. I watched it last night. Wife sat down and watched a few minutes with me. Said the same thing you did. “This show reminds me of power rangers” |
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Seems like Master Chief, the fake blond scientist, and her assistant are the only 3 white actors? Maybe I missed some 4th string walk-on extra in the background though.
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I enjoyed it and will give ep2 a look. I never played the game (last console I had was a Sega Genesis) but I have read all the books. I thought the CG was decent and it didn't seem overly woke.
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I watched until the Heroes got to the cave. Then I turned it off because it was just too retarted. How come the Heroes bullets worked against the bad aliens, but the miners bullets didn't? How many Marines are going to go to the writers office and beat them to death for saying Marines are pussies, but these spartans are bad mofos?
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Quoted: There was that one Irish guy who died in the opening battle View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Seems like Master Chief, the fake blond scientist, and her assistant are the only 3 white actors? Maybe I missed some 4th string walk-on extra in the background though. And Justin Bieber on the covenant base. |
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Quoted: I watched until the Heroes got to the cave. Then I turned it off because it was just too retarted. How come the Heroes bullets worked against the bad aliens, but the miners bullets didn't? How many Marines are going to go to the writers office and beat them to death for saying Marines are pussies, but these spartans are bad mofos? View Quote They did work if they could use enough to drop their shields. Master chief used the rebels chain gun against them, but Spartans could put on sustained fire to the elites that the rebels couldn’t because the rebels were blown to bits by covenant fire. |
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Is the ad free paramount+ package displayed in 4K? Because the cheap plan certainly isn't.
And since when is Halsey the mother of Miranda Keyes? |
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I really liked it.
Planning on watching it a second time this evening. My disappointment was the lack of the halo song. |
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First review I checked told me everything I needed to know.
The writers didn’t so much as glance at the source material, never played the games, never read the books. So fuck ‘em. |
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I think ultimately it's just going to keep declining. They've fucked with the basic elements of the universe/characters enough that it will eventually spiral too far from what I loved about the HALO-verse. I'll give it to episode 3, just in case they don't fuck it up completely.
A minor nit-pick; why are costume-designers completely unable to design a sci-fi dress uniform? They somehow manage to make something look simultaneously too fancy, and like sacked-ass. Are there no tailors in the future? |
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Ok...I don't understand how the colonist opened up on the aliens with mini guns, and they had zero effect.
Then the Spartans open up on the aliens with their seemingly normal rifles and handguns, and for some reason it fucks them up. I mean the mini gun killed the aliens only when used by Master chief...but in the hands of the colonists it did nothing. Lame. |
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I never played the game or read the books but I've seen a couple videos and my kid played the game some so I don't notice the racially acceptable story changes. I thought it was ok as a show, things blowing up and lots of guns. The covenant monsters were cgi'd pretty well. BUT, why, why are the rebels in the 26th century still shooting ak's and mini guns? What, the ak's were just so good they just kept using them for like, 4 more centuries? Where's the cool future outdated commie guns. It's good to see that Chevy is still in business though?
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When I used to play, the marines never lived long either, so I wasn't surprised to see only Spartans able to get kills
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Quoted: Is the ad free paramount+ package displayed in 4K? Because the cheap plan certainly isn't. And since when is Halsey the mother of Miranda Keyes? View Quote Since they decided they should throw out 20 years of source material and write their own Halo story in an alternate universe.... I'm almost as let down by this as I was by the Without Remorse movie... almost. It's "Halo" in that you'll recognize the characters, equipment, and some settings. That's about it. Story is all new. |
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I lost interest when the writers said they didn't play the games and the shows aren't canon. This franchise is too rich in lore and backstory to waste time with high budget fan fiction. Something like the original human/Forerunner conflict would be amazing.
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Quoted: I wonder if Not-FredJohnson is going to have a change of heart and help Now I want a mash-up with Master Chief, Amos, and Jayne Cob working together. View Quote Well, the cast of Firefly provided voice work for the characters in Halo: ODST, so it could happen... |
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I’m waiting for the whole season to finish so I can binge it if it’s any good. Hopefully it’s not ruined by political correctness.
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I figured out the kid. They're doing Wolf and Cub, just like the Mandalorian.
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Halo died after Bungie and Marty ODonnell. Its woke and retarded now. 4 ruined the entire idea of the SPARTANs and lore they made for Halo Wars 2 that got used for 5 and 6 also made the Covenant appear retarded.
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Now he dumps his armor....
Obviously shows the writer never played the game, and don't GAF about legacy... |
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Quoted: I lost interest when the writers said they didn't play the games and the shows aren't canon. This franchise is too rich in lore and backstory to waste time with high budget fan fiction. Something like the original human/Forerunner conflict would be amazing. View Quote Hollywood is woke and gay, and so is M$. A decent show can't happen. |
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