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Episode 2 Review:
Click To View Spoiler Meanwhile, back on Reach the Space Glowies are still freaking out about MC's non-NPC like behavior. Nazi Barbie, a/k/a Klaus Schwab with teats, decides this is the perfect opportunity to bring about the Singularity so that humanity can finally eat the bugs and own nothing. Naturally, Not-Avasarala thinks this is a great idea and so they send the other Space Glowies after MC. Somehow, Cortana is going to fix MC so that he will become the perfect bug-eating, pod-living, killing machine. Not-Drummer, just like Real-Drummer, proves that she's the only worthwhile Then it happened. Something so shocking that I spit my Bugburger all over the screen. I had to rewind several times just to make sure it was real. A protagonist made a rational decision in-line with both his character and the established universe. I don't know how this made it past editing, but I strongly suggest that all of Clownywood study this strange accident and see if it can be repeated. MC decides that not only is saving all life in the universe more important than his own life, but also realizes that Not-Grogu doesn't aid this mission in any way and leaves her behind. He leaves her behind despite her saying she didn't want to be left behind, somehow ignoring her emotional plea in favor of a logical assessment of her utility towards the mission. Amazing. Further, he somehow concludes that when fighting a galaxy-spanning galactic empire like the Covenant, he might actually need an army, rather than doing it himself. Fortified by this unlooked-for sound writing and plot construction, MC surrenders himself and the Space McGuffin. MC tells Nazi Barbie that he is the Chosen One because he can wield the HBO somehow sneaks a scene in the end because Covenant Barbie takes off all her clothes, giving us some gratuitous nudity just to show a scar on her shoulder blade. Cue MC talking in the background about how he feels connected to something, and that's why he couldn't kill some random girl (Not-Grogu). That's called foreshadowing. The end. |
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Quoted: Episode 2 Review: Click To View Spoiler Meanwhile, back on Reach the Space Glowies are still freaking out about MC's non-NPC like behavior. Nazi Barbie, a/k/a Klaus Schwab with teats, decides this is the perfect opportunity to bring about the Singularity so that humanity can finally eat the bugs and own nothing. Naturally, Not-Avasarala thinks this is a great idea and so they send the other Space Glowies after MC. Somehow, Cortana is going to fix MC so that he will become the perfect bug-eating, pod-living, killing machine. Not-Drummer, just like Real-Drummer, proves that she's the only worthwhile Then it happened. Something so shocking that I spit my Bugburger all over the screen. I had to rewind several times just to make sure it was real. A protagonist made a rational decision in-line with both his character and the established universe. I don't know how this made it past editing, but I strongly suggest that all of Clownywood study this strange accident and see if it can be repeated. MC decides that not only is saving all life in the universe more important than his own life, but also realizes that Not-Grogu doesn't aid this mission in any way and leaves her behind. He leaves her behind despite her saying she didn't want to be left behind, somehow ignoring her emotional plea in favor of a logical assessment of her utility towards the mission. Amazing. Further, he somehow concludes that when fighting a galaxy-spanning galactic empire like the Covenant, he might actually need an army, rather than doing it himself. Fortified by this unlooked-for sound writing and plot construction, MC surrenders himself and the Space McGuffin. MC tells Nazi Barbie that he is the Chosen One because he can wield the HBO somehow sneaks a scene in the end because Covenant Barbie takes off all her clothes, giving us some gratuitous nudity just to show a scar on her shoulder blade. Cue MC talking in the background about how he feels connected to something, and that's why he couldn't kill some random girl (Not-Grogu). That's called foreshadowing. The end. View Quote |
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Quoted: Episode 2 Review: Click To View Spoiler Meanwhile, back on Reach the Space Glowies are still freaking out about MC's non-NPC like behavior. Nazi Barbie, a/k/a Klaus Schwab with teats, decides this is the perfect opportunity to bring about the Singularity so that humanity can finally eat the bugs and own nothing. Naturally, Not-Avasarala thinks this is a great idea and so they send the other Space Glowies after MC. Somehow, Cortana is going to fix MC so that he will become the perfect bug-eating, pod-living, killing machine. Not-Drummer, just like Real-Drummer, proves that she's the only worthwhile Then it happened. Something so shocking that I spit my Bugburger all over the screen. I had to rewind several times just to make sure it was real. A protagonist made a rational decision in-line with both his character and the established universe. I don't know how this made it past editing, but I strongly suggest that all of Clownywood study this strange accident and see if it can be repeated. MC decides that not only is saving all life in the universe more important than his own life, but also realizes that Not-Grogu doesn't aid this mission in any way and leaves her behind. He leaves her behind despite her saying she didn't want to be left behind, somehow ignoring her emotional plea in favor of a logical assessment of her utility towards the mission. Amazing. Further, he somehow concludes that when fighting a galaxy-spanning galactic empire like the Covenant, he might actually need an army, rather than doing it himself. Fortified by this unlooked-for sound writing and plot construction, MC surrenders himself and the Space McGuffin. MC tells Nazi Barbie that he is the Chosen One because he can wield the HBO somehow sneaks a scene in the end because Covenant Barbie takes off all her clothes, giving us some gratuitous nudity just to show a scar on her shoulder blade. Cue MC talking in the background about how he feels connected to something, and that's why he couldn't kill some random girl (Not-Grogu). That's called foreshadowing. The end. View Quote Im gonna keep watching just to come read these reviews. Im pissed they're fucking with the lore. But I'm gonna set aside some of thay anger because A, it's HALO and B, it's currently better than the other Paramount shit |
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Quoted: Episode 2 Review: Click To View Spoiler Meanwhile, back on Reach the Space Glowies are still freaking out about MC's non-NPC like behavior. Nazi Barbie, a/k/a Klaus Schwab with teats, decides this is the perfect opportunity to bring about the Singularity so that humanity can finally eat the bugs and own nothing. Naturally, Not-Avasarala thinks this is a great idea and so they send the other Space Glowies after MC. Somehow, Cortana is going to fix MC so that he will become the perfect bug-eating, pod-living, killing machine. Not-Drummer, just like Real-Drummer, proves that she's the only worthwhile Then it happened. Something so shocking that I spit my Bugburger all over the screen. I had to rewind several times just to make sure it was real. A protagonist made a rational decision in-line with both his character and the established universe. I don't know how this made it past editing, but I strongly suggest that all of Clownywood study this strange accident and see if it can be repeated. MC decides that not only is saving all life in the universe more important than his own life, but also realizes that Not-Grogu doesn't aid this mission in any way and leaves her behind. He leaves her behind despite her saying she didn't want to be left behind, somehow ignoring her emotional plea in favor of a logical assessment of her utility towards the mission. Amazing. Further, he somehow concludes that when fighting a galaxy-spanning galactic empire like the Covenant, he might actually need an army, rather than doing it himself. Fortified by this unlooked-for sound writing and plot construction, MC surrenders himself and the Space McGuffin. MC tells Nazi Barbie that he is the Chosen One because he can wield the HBO somehow sneaks a scene in the end because Covenant Barbie takes off all her clothes, giving us some gratuitous nudity just to show a scar on her shoulder blade. Cue MC talking in the background about how he feels connected to something, and that's why he couldn't kill some random girl (Not-Grogu). That's called foreshadowing. The end. View Quote And how do we not have a "slow clap" emote? |
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half way thru the 2nd episode:
Starship trooper meets video game Mandalorian Half baked dude actually has role got it |
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I'm really getting sick and tired of the "eat the bugs, stab someone in the neck over a sip of water." Shtick in science fiction.
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Regardless of anything else in the episode, I wouldn't mind living on my own asteroid with a loopy space wife.
Quoted: Are Fred, Kelly, and Linda in the show? View Quote You get not-Fred (Vannak), not-Kelly (Riz), and not-Linda (Kai). |
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Wiki says they spent $200 million to make nine episodes and a second season has already been ordered. I've watched the first two eps and I guess $22 mil an episode doesn't go as far as it used to.
Its going to be interesting to see how the streaming service wars pan out. They are throwing money at anything and everything desperately hoping to find something that will keep people around. In the end Disney will own everything anyway but until then it's a good time to be a really shitty writer in Hollywood. No end of opportunities it seems. |
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Haven't watched it and don't care to subscribe to a service to do so, but who would have guessed that it would be average teetering on mediocre when the people making it telling the world that they were proud of never playing the games or taking any of the story from the games and only flipped through a few pages of one of the books to come up with their plot.
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Quoted: Im gonna keep watching just to come read these reviews. Im pissed they're fucking with the lore. But I'm gonna set aside some of thay anger because A, it's HALO and B, it's currently better than the other Paramount shit View Quote I'm not watching, I'll just be reading the cliff notes here. |
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Episode 1 is on YouTube
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I have seen 20 minutes into the future.
And it seems like another science fiction civilization too dumb to actually exist. For one thing, deuterium is not gonna git you hi. Also, WAY too many AK-47s! And other worn out, utterly inneffective weapons. And no I don't just mean the scruffy nerf herders weapons. |
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Episode 1 was ok. Episode 2 was complete filler. That could have been compressed into 15 min, then gone on to do cool stuff. Also, isn’t Cortana a ship’s AI???? |
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Quoted: Episode 1 was ok. Episode 2 was complete filler. That could have been compressed into 15 min, then gone on to do cool stuff. Also, isn’t Cortana a ship’s AI???? View Quote My understanding is that the shipboard AI can at least partially inhabit other things with the right "architecture". That said, wouldn't be surprised if this show goes completely off those rails. |
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Quoted: My understanding is that the shipboard AI can at least partially inhabit other things with the right "architecture". That said, wouldn't be surprised if this show goes completely off those rails. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Episode 1 was ok. Episode 2 was complete filler. That could have been compressed into 15 min, then gone on to do cool stuff. Also, isn’t Cortana a ship’s AI???? My understanding is that the shipboard AI can at least partially inhabit other things with the right "architecture". That said, wouldn't be surprised if this show goes completely off those rails. I thought Cortana was the ship’s AI in Halo 1. |
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Quoted: I thought Cortana was the ship’s AI in Halo 1. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Episode 1 was ok. Episode 2 was complete filler. That could have been compressed into 15 min, then gone on to do cool stuff. Also, isn’t Cortana a ship’s AI???? My understanding is that the shipboard AI can at least partially inhabit other things with the right "architecture". That said, wouldn't be surprised if this show goes completely off those rails. I thought Cortana was the ship’s AI in Halo 1. They’ve changed things so many times it’s difficult to remember. I think she was originally ship AI, but then they changed it to The Pillar of Autumn being a getaway vehicle for her during the destruction of Reach, then the just made her Master Chief’s personal AI. “They let me pick. Did I ever tell you that? Choose which ever Spartan I wanted. You know me. I did my research, watched as you became the soldier we needed you to be. But you had something they didn't, something no one saw but me. Can you guess? Luck.” I don’t know if they think we aren’t paying attention or they just don’t care. |
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Nah Cortana was supposed to be in the latest gen Spartans. I thought that's why they were created.
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Quoted: Nah Cortana was supposed to be in the latest gen Spartans. I thought that's why they were created. View Quote I think people take it as a retcon since she was aboard the PoA at the start of Halo:CE. That scene does establish though that the ship made a semi-random jump from Reach. Halo Reach elaborates on this with the scenes at Sword Base and the conclusion. Show looks trash and not just due to the Silver TL stuff they’re pulling. Honestly, watching this only encourages them to create more derivative mockery’s of established universes. The canon for Halo up through the end of the Covenant War was great world building. This show will not match it. |
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Quoted: My understanding is that the shipboard AI can at least partially inhabit other things with the right "architecture". That said, wouldn't be surprised if this show goes completely off those rails. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Episode 1 was ok. Episode 2 was complete filler. That could have been compressed into 15 min, then gone on to do cool stuff. Also, isn’t Cortana a ship’s AI???? My understanding is that the shipboard AI can at least partially inhabit other things with the right "architecture". That said, wouldn't be surprised if this show goes completely off those rails. My understanding, being a halo fanboy.... Halo 1 occurs after the series. During the first episode of the series the Covenant is a legend among most people and not a real threat. At that time the Spartans are a new weapon used to quell uprisings and pirates on outer colonies/planets. During the Halo 1 video game, Master Chief is the last spartan left.... and the UNSC is in all out war with the Covenant. So the first Halo video game occurs many years after where the Halo series starts. The Halo book series starts before the game and TV series. I read the first series of 4 Halo books... I might have to find them and reread them. |
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Quoted: Ok...I don't understand how the colonist opened up on the aliens with mini guns, and they had zero effect. Then the Spartans open up on the aliens with their seemingly normal rifles and handguns, and for some reason it fucks them up. I mean the mini gun killed the aliens only when used by Master chief...but in the hands of the colonists it did nothing. Lame. View Quote Because it's a euphemism for the colonists not being qualified or trained and therefore incapable of gun, just like we hear all the time when it comes to civilians owning guns Not cop? Not soldier? Gun no worky |
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Quoted: I lost interest when the writers said they didn't play the games and the shows aren't canon. This franchise is too rich in lore and backstory to waste time with high budget fan fiction. Something like the original human/Forerunner conflict would be amazing. View Quote Yep Halo has a very rich extended universe of lore and stories, much written by Bungie themselves. But let's ignore it. Sort of like how the Star Wars extended universe is expansive and diverse in plot but when it comes time to make a movie, rehash the same shit over and over again |
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They screwed the pooch IMO.
Definitely not cannon. They had an incredibly strong black character and decided instead to make it some revisionist write-off by combining both into Keyes along with his crotch fruit mixed daughter to play the woke card. Both Jacob and Miranda already had a strong relationship bond with Avery Johnson, this crap is a slap in the face and proof that 343 really did everything in their power to help make the franchise suck. Infinite had soooo much potential and look where it's at now, almost dead. |
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Screenwriting hacks thinking they know better than the author of the original material.
The halo video game commercials are much better than the tv show so far. |
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Quoted: Screenwriting hacks thinking they know better than the author of the original material. The halo video game commercials are much better than the tv show so far. View Quote The best thing anyone could do that wants to see this type of behavior end is watch the first and maybe the second episode, then avoid the rest. The track that type of telemetry. Even better if you activated membership, watched one, then cancelled and left a detailed message on why. |
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Quoted: They screwed the pooch IMO. Definitely not cannon. They had an incredibly strong black character and decided instead to make it some revisionist write-off by combining both into Keyes along with his crotch fruit mixed daughter to play the woke card. Both Jacob and Miranda already had a strong relationship bond with Avery Johnson, this crap is a slap in the face and proof that 343 really did everything in their power to help make the franchise suck. Infinite had soooo much potential and look where it's at now, almost dead. View Quote Guessing that Lt Johnson isn't PC enough for the show writers. Strong man not good like stronk wymyn. |
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It's The Mandalorian with Halo Skins and a made up plot line. It should have been closer to Warhammer with Halo Skins and a plot line in the Halo Universe. Brutal, massive alien armies, and space battles.
The only positive is that Paramount isn't as shy of blood as Disney. |
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Quoted: Now I want a mash-up with Master Chief, Amos, and Jayne Cob working together. View Quote Cease your clamoring and receive my ducats... :-) Maybe we can get YoSafBridge as a guest villainess? Pretty please!!! |
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Quoted: Guessing that Lt Johnson isn't PC enough for the show writers. Strong man not good like stronk wymyn. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: They screwed the pooch IMO. Definitely not cannon. They had an incredibly strong black character and decided instead to make it some revisionist write-off by combining both into Keyes along with his crotch fruit mixed daughter to play the woke card. Both Jacob and Miranda already had a strong relationship bond with Avery Johnson, this crap is a slap in the face and proof that 343 really did everything in their power to help make the franchise suck. Infinite had soooo much potential and look where it's at now, almost dead. Guessing that Lt Johnson isn't PC enough for the show writers. Strong man not good like stronk wymyn. Halo 2 Anniversary Sergeant Johnson "Oh I know What the Ladies Like" Cinematic Cutscene |
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I just don’t get it.
Studios and writers have wells of drama/lore to draw from and they screw it up. At least respect the source material. -Peter Jackson and writers/producers understood this with LotR and look how celebrated that is. -Dave Filoni understood Star Wars, Mandalorian does well. -Henry Cavil tries his damndest to keep the spice alive in The Witcher. All they had to do was get some writers or people from Bungie to consult to adapt appropriately for TV and capture the essence. But there are too many writer/producers trying to make a name/money for themselves and the hubris thinking they can out do the story, not realizing the story is what resonates and made it successful in the first place. Not hard. Paramount will fail in 5 years, probably get bought by Disney. They ruined Star Trek and now Halo. |
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Quoted: I just don’t get it. Studios and writers have wells of drama/lord to draw from and they screw it up. At least respect the source material. -Peter Jackson and writers/producers understood this with LotR and look how celebrated that is. -Dave Filoni understood Star Wars, Mandalorian does well. -Henry Cavil tries his damndest to keep the spice alive in The Witcher. All they had to do was get some writers or people from Bungie to consult to adapt appropriately for TV and capture the essence. But there are too many writer/producers trying to make a name/money for themselves and the hubris thinking they can out do the story, not realizing the story is what resonates and made it successful in the first place. Not hard. Paramount will fail in 5 years, probably get bought by Disney. They ruined Star Trek and now Halo. View Quote Henry read the books and played the games, and it shows. Also, he's a nerd and has gone 110% in those roles. I think an Avery Johnson backstory would have been considerably better than this. I don't think a separatist/UNSC/Covenant prequel HAD to be bad, but they've gone about it entirely wrong. No one gives a fuck about Indian fleet lady vs Halsey or any of that shit. Think the producers of LOTR or even Harry Potter movies read the books? You bet your ass. And the reason the Mandalorian has been successful is definitely because it builds off of the world building that's been in process for 40+ years, instead of ignoring it entirely. The meme value of Mando beefing with Jawas is hilarious too. Halo is over 2 decades old. People aren't going to receive it well when you fuck with it. Especially if it's boring. |
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Well, it's certainly not all bad.
Halo Skippin' It Halo: But I Actually Hate Paramount Globalists It has brought about the return of the semicolonizer. |
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FUcken whiny ass stupid fucken critics.
I love it.... 2004 to 2006 was HALO times for me...I used to do local LAN Halo parties using .mil computers on base in Iraq. We competed against some other NATO people that came to Mosul.....beat their candy asses in team match setups. |
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Quoted: FUcken whiny ass stupid fucken critics. I love it.... 2004 to 2006 was HALO times for me...I used to do local LAN Halo parties using .mil computers on base in Iraq. We competed against some other NATO people that came to Mosul.....beat their candy asses in team match setups. View Quote What about this show reminds you of OG Halo, aside from the name? |
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Quoted: Henry read the books and played the games, and it shows. Also, he's a nerd and has gone 110% in those roles. I think an Avery Johnson backstory would have been considerably better than this. I don't think a separatist/UNSC/Covenant prequel HAD to be bad, but they've gone about it entirely wrong. No one gives a fuck about Indian fleet lady vs Halsey or any of that shit. Think the producers of LOTR or even Harry Potter movies read the books? You bet your ass. And the reason the Mandalorian has been successful is definitely because it builds off of the world building that's been in process for 40+ years, instead of ignoring it entirely. The meme value of Mando beefing with Jawas is hilarious too. Halo is over 2 decades old. People aren't going to receive it well when you fuck with it. Especially if it's boring. View Quote Johnson already has a backstory. Contact: Harvest book. They should have made the show about the early days of the war focused around Johnson. That should have been woke enough. |
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Knowing very little about HALO books, games, etc., ep1 was OK as stand-alone sci-fi. Definitely noticed the few token white characters in the show.
I like sci-fi, even if it's not tier 1. There is a chance I'll subscribe for a free trial or one month sub once the series is done and binge it. I definitely see where HALO fans would think the show was a steaming pile of shit though... |
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Episode 3: Clownworld Strikes Back
Click To View Spoiler Episode three opens with Covenant Barbie. But this time she has her clothes on, which is a good thing since it's a flashback scene and she's a loli. The scene shows her in some kind post-apocalyptic nightmare dystopia, complete with cops dressed in leftover Judge Dredd uniforms. At first, I was horrified that this could be humanity's' future. Then I realized they were just in Baltimore. Anyways, she's having an awkward first kiss with a boy while reading that comic book they've been not so subtly foreshadowing for the past two episodes. This, of course, is a heinous crime. The most important rule in the future - and I can't stress this enough - is that only Space Joe Biden gets to touch the loli. Not-Dredd sees said infraction, informs them that he is the law, and the chase is on. They kill the boyfriend because, you know, he's a kid, and are about to kill her when the Covenant conveniently show up because the plot needs them to. You see they have a McGuffin which leads them to Covenant Barbie, because the McGuffin knows that she will be able to touch the other McGuffin that they haven't found yet, but will in the future, and the first McGuffin was able to communicate this across interstellar distances. Don't both thinking about this too much. It's clear the writers didn't. To be fair, however, we do now have an explanation for Covenant Barbie's motives. I mean, if I lived in Baltimore I'd probably want to join an alien species bent on the genocide of mankind as well. So I can't fault her for that one. Back in the main timeline, Covenant Barbie decides to ambush a UNSC warship to gain some intelligence. Now, as a high-level officer in a galactic empire with superior technology and virtually unlimited resources, you might think that they could just, you know, ambush one. You would be wrong. Instead, she hatches a superior plan where she pretends to be a human prisoner on a disabled Covenant warship. You see she knows, or at least the writers know, that rather than sending over an assault team to secure this massive treasure trove of intelligence which could turn the tide of the war and save humanity, they'll just send an unmanned pod over. "Hey, just get in the pod kid, and whatever you do, don't bring a tentacle rape monster back with you." Joke's on them. She brings back the tentacle rape monster. This shows the superiority of her plan. You see, my plan involved strategy and tactics in-line with the established universe. Boooooring. Covenant Barbie's plan allows for a dramatic slow-walk badass scene while the tentacle rape monster hentai's the entire crew. Perfection. It even grabs the captain, whom Covenant Barbie tries to interrogate. She threatens him with tentacle rape, but he's like "I've been in the navy for thirty years, we call that Thursday." So she hentai's him too and decides to search the computer instead. Back on Reach, the writers really, really want you to know that Dr. Nazi Barbie is a Nazi. So she does some Dr. Mengele stuff, combined with flawless Underpants Gnome logic, and is finally able to bring about the Singularity. Specifically the process works like this: 1. Create clone of yourself 2. Do Dr. Mengele stuff on clone 3. ??? 4. Cortana Nazi Barbie then tricks MC into being enslaved by the Singularity by telling him it's just his 87th COVID booster shot. In a twist that's totally different from the IRL booster shots, it was just a ploy for total control and dominion of humanity. You see, this Cortana can override and control MC whenever she wants, like he's some kind of puppet. Dr. Fauci would never do that IRL. Seriously. STOP LAUGHING! Anyways, they play with the McGuffin some more. MC finally realizes what has been done to him, and faces the greatest horror any soldier could ever face. He can never do a combat jack again without someone watching. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! But like a good soldier, he tries anyways, fucks it up, and ends up removing his emotion inhibitor chip by accident. Then he does what any good soldier would do if they got their emotions back, Oh yeah, Short Round 2.0 is back. How, you might ask. Don't worry. The writers have a great explanation. SR is all like "I want to go back to my home world and fight the Space-ATF with my prepubescent fighting skills." And Soren was all like "Did you even watch the last episode? You know why that's a dumb idea and I'd never agree to it." Then SR was like "but the plot wants me there," and of course Soren was like "Oh, well that's different." So off they go. Not-Drummer, Not-Avasarala, and Not-Fred Johnson also make appearances, but just enough to satisfy their contracts. Seriously you can just ignore their scenes and go get a Coke or something. |
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