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Posted: 6/25/2021 8:57:11 AM EST
The cross-eyed, inbred, dirty motherfucking GM engineer that put the fucking battery behind the POWER passenger seat in a 2016 Acadia. You have to jump the fucking car to change the fucking battery if the seat is all the way back. Then you've got to find a fucking torx bit to open the compartment that the battery is in. Why, you dirty fucking cocksucker? Next, if you have hands bigger than a female four year old, you've got to figure out how to get down into the cave they crammed the battery into and get it out because why would they put a battery in that hole that would have some kind of handle on it? Well, because FUCK YOU I guess. GM engineers fucking hate you for changing a battery. You know, a part they know is going to need to be replaced every few years.

If you are that engineer and you post here, I hope you get a raging case of syphilitic crabs, go blind, and walk into traffic. Fuck you, you filthy fucking pig.

Fuck.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 8:59:52 AM EST
[#1]
10/10
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:01:39 AM EST
[#2]
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:02:28 AM EST
[#3]
Good rant.

This might have helped.

Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:02:28 AM EST
[#4]
10/10

And fuck all the manufactures that think changing spark plugs should take six hours and require you to take half of the car apart.


Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:03:38 AM EST
[#5]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
You're god damn right it would have. But I shouldn't have to have anything like that to CHANGE A FUCKING BATTERY!
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:05:08 AM EST
[#6]
OP is one of my very favorite posters here. Dude never misses a chance to tell the shit like it is.  
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:07:48 AM EST
[#7]
It’s called cost savings. Someone received a bonus for that battery not having a handle on it.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:08:14 AM EST
[#8]
1
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:08:53 AM EST
[#9]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
It's called cost savings. Someone received a bonus for that battery not having a handle on it.
View Quote
I'll cost save that motherfucker. I won't use any lube when I stick this dead battery up his/her ass.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:09:54 AM EST
[#10]
It seems in this modern world, most manufacturers do not want you working on your own vehicle.
You are, instead, intended to call a wrecker and have your dead new sled toted to an APPROVED repair facility, where your wallet will be speedily and efficiently lightened.

Which is why I insist on driving a vehicle from 2003, and am looking for a truck of an even earlier vintage.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:12:11 AM EST
[#11]
To be fair, it's an Acadia, so.....yeah.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:18:12 AM EST
[#12]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
To be fair, it's an Acadia, so.....yeah.
View Quote
Nope. I don't accept that. Fuck that slack jawed commie motherfucker for designing it that way.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:19:56 AM EST
[#13]
Batteries hidden in fenders, under braces, beneath seats, in trunks, etc is nothing new.

Find the marked positive stud under the hood and grounding point to hook your jump box to and quit being a baby.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:24:58 AM EST
[#14]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Batteries hidden in fenders, under braces, beneath seats, in trunks, etc is nothing new.

Find the marked positive stud under the hood and grounding point to hook your jump box to and quit being a baby.
View Quote
Can you read? I did jump the car using the positive stud and grounding point under the hood so I could move the power seat to access the battery. It's a motherfucking crossover SUV. Basically a god damn minivan. I understand sticking batteries in weird places in performance cars, but it's a motherfucking minivan. A common vehicle. Fuck your apathy and fuck that shit eating engineer.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:26:54 AM EST
[#15]
Attachment Attached File


Don't hold back, tell us how you really feel.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:29:00 AM EST
[#16]
That's actually pretty fucking hilarious.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:29:32 AM EST
[#17]
Just by the title, I came to say~

All of Washington DC.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:30:31 AM EST
[#18]
Well it’s GM so…
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:33:32 AM EST
[#19]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
10/10

And fuck all the manufactures that think changing spark plugs should take six hours and require you to take half of the car apart.


View Quote

My Jeep has 16 fucking sparkplugs.

SIXTEEN.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:38:07 AM EST
[#20]
Quality rant, but OP ignores his own tag line.  
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:41:48 AM EST
[#21]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

My Jeep has 16 fucking sparkplugs.

SIXTEEN.
View Quote

Ah yes, the classic V-16 Jeep engine.  
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:41:59 AM EST
[#22]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
It would be even better if they made the strap out of metal too. It would make putting in the fresh battery more entertaining when it makes contact with those posts.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:42:45 AM EST
[#23]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History

Okay, I know what I'm getting/making to hang on my shop wall.  
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:43:03 AM EST
[#24]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Well it’s GM so…
View Quote



Ever worked on a Chrysler with the battery behind the front bumper cover?
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:45:17 AM EST
[#25]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
It would be even better if they made the strap out of metal too. It would make putting in the fresh battery more entertaining when it makes contact with those posts.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
It would be even better if they made the strap out of metal too. It would make putting in the fresh battery more entertaining when it makes contact with those posts.
I had to snake a strap under the fucking battery to make some kind of handle to hoist it out. If I could lay eyes on the son of a crack whore that designed this, I'd beat him to within an inch of his worthless life with that strap.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:49:14 AM EST
[#26]
GM's Lamba platform is an abomination of cost cutting engineering. It was a product of near bankrupt old GM. Design for Maintainability was forbidden with that platform. Even basic oil changes are messy and injury-prone. Oil filter is right next to the catalytic converter.

Just see how fun it is to change the front struts.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:49:51 AM EST
[#27]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:



Ever worked on a Chrysler with the battery behind the front bumper cover?
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Well it's GM so



Ever worked on a Chrysler with the battery behind the front bumper cover?
I was too fucking frustrated to even start a rant at the time, but I was spun off into a universe of pissed off not encountered when I had to change the oil pressure sending unit on my 2010 Chevy Silverado.

That made me want to stomp kittens.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:51:13 AM EST
[#28]
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:52:57 AM EST
[#29]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Can you read? I did jump the car using the positive stud and grounding point under the hood so I could move the power seat to access the battery. It's a motherfucking crossover SUV. Basically a god damn minivan. I understand sticking batteries in weird places in performance cars, but it's a motherfucking minivan. A common vehicle. Fuck your apathy and fuck that shit eating engineer.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Batteries hidden in fenders, under braces, beneath seats, in trunks, etc is nothing new.

Find the marked positive stud under the hood and grounding point to hook your jump box to and quit being a baby.
Can you read? I did jump the car using the positive stud and grounding point under the hood so I could move the power seat to access the battery. It's a motherfucking crossover SUV. Basically a god damn minivan. I understand sticking batteries in weird places in performance cars, but it's a motherfucking minivan. A common vehicle. Fuck your apathy and fuck that shit eating engineer.


Meh.

Many things in modern vehicles are an adaptation to comply with government mandated safety and efficiency requirements. The engineers are often just doing the best they can to fit the required systems into what they have to work with to accept and meet that reality. If you want to complain, take it up with the feds at the USDOT and EPA.

Next on the list is "creature comforts." You want powered everything with butt heaters and coolers plus 16 speakers and a fuel delivery system that doesn't need to be adjusted for altitude? Deal with it.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:55:38 AM EST
[#30]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


Meh.

Many things in modern vehicles are an adaptation to comply with government mandated safety and efficiency requirements. The engineers are often just doing the best they can to fit the required systems into what they have to work with to accept and meet that reality. If you want to complain, take it up with the feds at the USDOT and EPA.

Next on the list is "creature comforts." You want powered everything with butt heaters and coolers plus 16 speakers and a fuel delivery system that doesn't need to be adjusted for altitude? Deal with it.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Batteries hidden in fenders, under braces, beneath seats, in trunks, etc is nothing new.

Find the marked positive stud under the hood and grounding point to hook your jump box to and quit being a baby.
Can you read? I did jump the car using the positive stud and grounding point under the hood so I could move the power seat to access the battery. It's a motherfucking crossover SUV. Basically a god damn minivan. I understand sticking batteries in weird places in performance cars, but it's a motherfucking minivan. A common vehicle. Fuck your apathy and fuck that shit eating engineer.


Meh.

Many things in modern vehicles are an adaptation to comply with government mandated safety and efficiency requirements. The engineers are often just doing the best they can to fit the required systems into what they have to work with to accept and meet that reality. If you want to complain, take it up with the feds at the USDOT and EPA.

Next on the list is "creature comforts." You want powered everything with butt heaters and coolers plus 16 speakers and a fuel delivery system that doesn't need to be adjusted for altitude? Deal with it.
Fuck it.

ETA: The new battery has a fucking handle on it. Imagine that
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:56:23 AM EST
[#31]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

Ah yes, the classic V-16 Jeep engine.  
View Quote

Do you even HEMI Bro ?
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 9:59:20 AM EST
[#32]
10/10 Nice rant!
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:00:43 AM EST
[#33]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

Do you even HEMI Bro ?
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:

Ah yes, the classic V-16 Jeep engine.  

Do you even HEMI Bro ?


16 cheap copper plugs that are easy to get to after removing a plastic cover and 8 COP packs . Not the worst thing in the world. Certainly better than having to remove intakes.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:01:55 AM EST
[#34]
Batteries belong under the hood.  Period.

ETA And I shouldn't have to remove the intake manifold to get to the rear spark plugs on a fucking SUV.  Pull your head out of your ass.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:02:36 AM EST
[#35]
We have a 2017 Buick Enclave, same battery location

I'm going to let the dealer do that job

Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:03:26 AM EST
[#36]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
10/10

And fuck all the manufactures that think changing spark plugs should take six hours and require you to take half of the car apart.


View Quote
They need plugs every 100k or so? And most 1st owners aren't even keeping a new one past half that so it's a non issue. Let the second or third hand owner worry about it.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:05:01 AM EST
[#37]
I miss my '69 Ford pickup.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:07:42 AM EST
[#38]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

Do you even HEMI Bro ?
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:

Ah yes, the classic V-16 Jeep engine.  

Do you even HEMI Bro ?

Actually I do have a truck with a hemi, but I just bought it a few months ago, so I haven't done any maintenance on it yet.  
It's my first hemi.  I didn't know they had multiple plugs per cylinder.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:08:09 AM EST
[#39]
You bought an Acadia?

Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:08:27 AM EST
[#40]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I miss my '69 Ford pickup.
View Quote

Do you set the points with a matchbook?  
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:08:59 AM EST
[#41]
Cars/trucks are not designed with repairs in mind they are designed for the production line. So what if you have to remove the transmission to change a battery? Or spark plug replacement is an engine out job? We saved 20mins on the production line per unit AND lightened it by 7-8oz at least. The EPA will give us an award!!!
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:09:02 AM EST
[#42]
I'm convinced GM engineers hate GM vehicle owners.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:12:07 AM EST
[#43]
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:13:26 AM EST
[#44]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
GM's Lamba platform is an abomination of cost cutting engineering. It was a product of near bankrupt old GM. Design for Maintainability was forbidden with that platform. Even basic oil changes are messy and injury-prone. Oil filter is right next to the catalytic converter.

Just see how fun it is to change the front struts.
View Quote


Price a set of Magnaride struts and then wait 6 months to fill the backorder. I've driven Chevy since I was 14. Fuck GM.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:13:31 AM EST
[#45]
Quoted:
The cross-eyed, inbred, dirty motherfucking GM engineer that put the fucking battery behind the POWER passenger seat in a 2016 Acadia. You have to jump the fucking car to change the fucking battery if the seat is all the way back. Then you've got to find a fucking torx bit to open the compartment that the battery is in. Why, you dirty fucking cocksucker? Next, if you have hands bigger than a female four year old, you've got to figure out how to get down into the cave they crammed the battery into and get it out because why would they put a battery in that hole that would have some kind of handle on it? Well, because FUCK YOU I guess. GM engineers fucking hate you for changing a battery. You know, a part they know is going to need to be replaced every few years.

If you are that engineer and you post here, I hope you get a raging case of syphilitic crabs, go blind, and walk into traffic. Fuck you, you filthy fucking pig.

Fuck.
View Quote


Just copying BMW
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:14:28 AM EST
[#46]
I wonder if it was the same person that did this late in their career that also designed the '79 V8 Chevy Monza and it's plug change fun (and plugs didn't last 100k mile back then)?
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:14:38 AM EST
[#47]
Get ready OP as this is going to become more and more of a norm with many manufactures and I would not doubt if the Feds eventually mandate the batteries get stowed.  
Some advantages to moving the battery rearward and lower in the car exist as transferring some weight to the rear of the car, less susceptible to car accident damage with its own host of issues, lower in the car means lower center of gravity so better feel with cornering(very minor but every pound you shift does the better and better it begins to feel, and safety because everyone I know always connects both clamps to the battery instead of finding a proper ground on the frame.
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:14:40 AM EST
[#48]
Is crabs more embarrassing than AIDS?
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:14:43 AM EST
[#49]
OP nailed it, had to help my Dad change out the one in Mom's Acadia, I think we each taught the other a few new words
Link Posted: 6/25/2021 10:19:08 AM EST
[#50]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:



idk... my BMW battery is in the trunk. purportedly for safety in crashes.
can get a jump, if neeeded from the front OR back.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Batteries belong under the hood.  Period.

ETA And I shouldn't have to remove the intake manifold to get to the rear spark plugs on a fucking SUV.  Pull your head out of your ass.



idk... my BMW battery is in the trunk. purportedly for safety in crashes.
can get a jump, if neeeded from the front OR back.

Trunk is odd, but I'd call it acceptable.  Under a damn power seat in the passenger compartment floor is a "what in tardation" move.  You'd have to put it inside the fuel tank to get much dumber.
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