"Hard agnostic" here. Raised Catholic. Catholic schools from 4th grade to high school graduation.

(Cue various Protestants declaring: "Whelp there's your problem!" small-town mechanic style... )

I do agree that the OP's argument there can't be a God because "awful thing XYZ happened" is simplistic. Without free will to do right or wrong such an existence is meaningless. Although as an adult, I don't think there has to be a higher power, whether it interferes or not, to have standards for right and wrong either, or that you can't have a basis for that morality.

Starting out, as a little kid, I remember feeling anxious that it seemed impossible to police all my thoughts and actions adequately to avoid eventual judgment and damnation.

I don't really blame the Catholic church for that. They certainly weren't heavy on the fire-and-brimstone, or touched on it a lot at all really. And salvation/forgiveness was taught often enough, but it didn't resonate with me for whatever reason.

I don't know exactly where it came from but it felt like the standards I couldn't possibly meet were everywhere and strongly implied.

And I also never felt any connection, presence, or feeling that I could point to as divine.

The sacrement of confession was a big for me. Making up sins that were "bad enough" to utter them aloud to the priest, but not 'too bad", just seemed like a waste of time. And I suspected a lot of other kids did the same thing. I understand that I could have been honest with confession, and seen where it led, but at the same time, I feel my reaction to it was normal enough.

So i simultaneously felt judged and destined to fail, and on the other hand, the whole religious experience seemed empty, and more like cultural rituals and traditions than anything spiritual or religious.

As I got older, the guilt and anxiety faded, and the idea of God demanding a certain specific path or religious practice, and that you'd better guess right, and be lucky enough to be born in a country or culture where that religion was actually an option, seemed illogical.

And still not feeling any divine presence, however small. Trying on any other faith didn't seem appealing.

I had no evidence for God existing that reached or inspired me. And at the same time I think it's presumptuous to declare there is no God either.

And trying to fake it, to satisfy my family, or for religious or spiritual reasons for my own good, in some sort of attempt at Pascal's Wager, seemed disingenuous and hollow.