You’re teleported back to the year 1000 AD, wherever you want. What do you do? - Page 2

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - You’re teleported back to the year 1000 AD, wherever you want. What do you do? (Page 2 of 5)

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:27:40 PM EDT

[#1]

Go back to a time when even the richest most powerful kings on Earth had filthy fingernails, horrific body odor, encrusted dead skin cells, rotten teeth, bad breath, fleas, oozing sores, crab lice, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital warts so bad they started to spread to the rest of the body and everyone else was progressively worse off?

Really?

Page 2.

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:27:43 PM EDT

[#2]

Paris. Probably become a doctor. Use cowpox to vaccinate against smallpox. Try to grow penicillin. Built a microscope and show them bacteria, then demonstrate the transmission of infectious disease in mice. Help establish basic public sanitation.

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:28:11 PM EDT

[#3]

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Quoted:
If you tell me this is good I will buy it today.

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Quoted:
<a href="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81UYKXzSDoL.jpg">https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81UYKXzSDoL.jpg
</a>

If you tell me this is good I will buy it today.

It's pretty good. The ending is a bit of a letdown (though I understand it's supposed to be a series) but the main part I disliked is the main female character who is the biggest ultra-feminist anti-patriarchy liberal you've ever met. I understand Mike wanted her to be that way for a reason, but she never "sees the light" that she's being a fucking idiot, and the lack of redemption just makes her an intolerable bitch who I don't want to read any more about.

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:28:56 PM EDT

[#4]

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Lead the first, and last crusade and finish what we started. Id use my knowledge to create superior weaponry and tactics since I know theirs, and restore Jerusalem to Christianity and spend the rest of my life keeping it this way, and continuing to push the Saracens until their demise or conversion.

Deus Vult. There wouldn't be need for a second crusade.

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This. I'd help the existing Christians take over the entire world, 1000 years earlier.

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:30:47 PM EDT

[#5]

Quote History

Quoted:

It's pretty good. The ending is a bit of a letdown (though I understand it's supposed to be a series) but the main part I disliked is the main female character who is the biggest ultra-feminist anti-patriarchy liberal you've ever met. I understand Mike wanted her to be that way for a reason, but she never "sees the light" that she's being a fucking idiot, and the lack of redemption just makes her an intolerable bitch who I don't want to read any more about.

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I think she'll come around in the end of the series if he continues it.

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:33:48 PM EDT

[#6]

Buy lottery tickets and get in on bitcoin at the beginning. Bet on lots of sports.

Change the language of the constitution to the effect that that anyone even suggesting legislation that would violate the second amendment be immediately hung from the highest tree available.

Add a constitutional amendment stating that the government must never be operated with a budget deficit nor borrow from any entity.

And buy shares of Apple and Microsoft.

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:34:39 PM EDT

[#7]

Why oh why, would I want to go back that far in time unless I have a death wish?

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:34:54 PM EDT

[#8]

Quote History

Quoted:
Buy lottery tickets and get in on bitcoin at the beginning. Bet on lots of sports.

Change the language of the constitution to the effect that that anyone even suggesting legislation that would violate the second amendment be immediately hung from the highest tree available.

Add a constitutional amendment stating that the government must never be operated with a budget deficit nor borrow from any entity.

And buy shares of Apple and Microsoft.

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Did I miss the part where we become immortal?

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:39:38 PM EDT

[#9]

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Quoted:
Did I miss the part where we become immortal?

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Quoted:

Quoted:
Buy lottery tickets and get in on bitcoin at the beginning. Bet on lots of sports.

Change the language of the constitution to the effect that that anyone even suggesting legislation that would violate the second amendment be immediately hung from the highest tree available.

Add a constitutional amendment stating that the government must never be operated with a budget deficit nor borrow from any entity.

And buy shares of Apple and Microsoft.

Did I miss the part where we become immortal?

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:45:29 PM EDT

[#10]

Build large counterweight trebuchets with black powder filled iron balls.

Siege my enemies castles.

Become God Emperor.

OR

Get sick on my search for black powder ingredients and or get crushed from a trebuchet malfunction.

Make toothpaste and soap before I’d ever touch a woman.

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:46:07 PM EDT

[#11]

I would hide myself in the hills of Montana during the summer and SoCal in the winter.

steer clear of other humans, except for the occasional brothel

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:46:53 PM EDT

[#12]

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I would hide myself in the hills of Montana during the summer and SoCal in the winter.

steer clear of other humans, except for the occasional brothel

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Native Americans had brothels?

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:48:45 PM EDT

[#13]

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Rape, pillage, and rape.

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Womenz have no razors then...

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:50:01 PM EDT

[#14]

Buy a cart and start a small business catering to the needs of the community

Posted: 1/5/2018 12:54:50 PM EDT

[#15]

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I doubt there was much demand for ~~C programmers~~ insurance salesmen back then, so I wouldn't do well.

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Posted: 1/5/2018 1:00:08 PM EDT

[#16]

Show em how an ar15 works

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:04:20 PM EDT

[#17]

Two chicks at the same time, man.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:06:58 PM EDT

[#18]

starting with those conditions, you're very unlikely to do anything. i'd just retire to Tahiti

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:07:19 PM EDT

[#19]

Probably accidentally cough on someone and have all of my future diseases that I have immunity to inadvertently create global plague.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:09:17 PM EDT

[#20]

there was no steel good enough to make a woman's razor.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:09:35 PM EDT

[#21]

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Native Americans had brothels?

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Quoted:

Quoted:
I would hide myself in the hills of Montana during the summer and SoCal in the winter.

steer clear of other humans, except for the occasional brothel

Native Americans had brothels?

They would once I got there.....

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:14:28 PM EDT

[#22]

The language barrier would prevent accomplishment of anything noteworthy. Would be easier and safer to log cabin it in North America and introduce the natives to iron.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:20:52 PM EDT

[#23]

Die lonely and afraid, since there is no language I could understand or speak anywhere in the world at that point.

On the other hand, if you let me go learn Icelandic first, before I go, I'll head for Scandinavia. Icelandic is so close to some forms of Old Norse that they can still read the old sagas. Basically a few alternate spellings and such. A lot like you being able to read documents from the US in the 1700's, where the grammar/spelling is a bit different and things like capital "S" sort of look like a giant "F." I'd also like to get vaccinated for EVERYTHING.

Start a smithy with the $50k. Become wealthy selling superior weaponry to the Norsemen who are going a-vikingr. Bang Scandinavian women who, unlike their European counterparts, bathe at least once a week (as opposed to once a year if you are lucky) and own things like scissors, ear spoons, and the like specifically for grooming. I'll fit right in. I'm half Norse anyway, 6' tall, with a nice red beard and ponytail.

But, with the starting conditions in the OP, I don't really feel like I have the ability to change the world. I think you'd simply be lucky to survive.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:23:16 PM EDT

[#24]

Jerusalem
Al Aqsa Mosque
Go to the honey combs/stables below.
Find what the Templar Knights did in 1109 before them, blackmail the Pope...

Profit.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:23:23 PM EDT

[#25]

Flick my bic

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:30:58 PM EDT

[#26]

Fuck chicks...a lot. 1000, AD. I'd be all up in that cro-magnon pussy.

I assume I'm transported back with what I have on...chick magnet. Boom. I bet 1000, AD dudes don't even lick buttholes.

Like most of the earth would be my descendents going forward because of all the chicks I got with.

$50,000...easy. Start a gambling center, let's call it Wall Street. My descendents will never work again.

Edited ~ medicmandan

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:33:15 PM EDT

[#27]

Considering you probably won't be able to talk to anybody wherever you go, your knowledge won't be worth much. Even at that, very few people would have knowledge that didn't exist in 1,000 A.D. that could be turned into something valuable in 1,000 A.D. Mostly, people would probably just think you were a crackpot.

If I had magical language powers, I would go to China or Iran because they were probably the most advanced places in the world in 1,000 A.D. I would probably be a specialist in curing infections.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:40:46 PM EDT

[#28]

Learn all i can about how to make things. Make clothing out of reference book pages. Take $50k in salt and head to where Salt was king.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:43:35 PM EDT

[#29]

I'd find a big ass rock in the woods somewhere and carve "BUY APPLE, AMAZON, AND GOOGLE STOCK" and promptly die from some random disease.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:45:30 PM EDT

[#30]

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i would probably be a slave, fuck that

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I’d buy you and give you a decent straw bed .

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:46:28 PM EDT

[#31]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/11th_century

Well, I speak 20th Century English. No one would be able to understand me. I would have problems understanding 11th Century English. I am Asian but don't speak any Asian language. Communication would be a big problem anywhere I go.

I would pick a place that is not too hot and not too cold. Hawai'i would be optimal. I don't want to wear an animal skin coat, pelt or leather. It would just stink.

What would I do? Just live my days out with the locals. Be a luau chef. Hopefully, they don't throw me in a volcano.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:50:00 PM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:
Considering you probably won't be able to talk to anybody wherever you go, your knowledge won't be worth much. Even at that, very few people would have knowledge that didn't exist in 1,000 A.D. that could be turned into something valuable in 1,000 A.D. Mostly, people would probably just think you were a crackpot.

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I'm rusty on my Greek and Latin, but with a few months of study I'd be able to talk to the educated.

Northern coast of Belgium. Some Duchy.

I convince the Duke that my printing press will make him a lot of money.

I make the press and begin printing science and engineering books that blow away anyone who is someone.

When I am famous, rich, and powerful, I pay ten men to secretly set up presses all over Europe and print Bibles in the language of the inhabitants. When 10k Bibles are stockpiled, they are distributed.

In ten years, I have taken down the Catholic Church.

The Church of Skillshot ushers in a new era of wealth and prosperity.

With our new gunpowder weapons, we take over the Holy Roman Empire.

Constantinople kneels before me.

I am crowned Emperor and Supreme Leader of the Flock, Skillshot the Only.

A fleet is built, a steam powered fleet. The Mediterranean becomes ours.

With a righteous horde we land all along the cost of the Levant from massive ships, liberating all the lands the Muslims have taken.

Mecca and Medina are razed and salted.

I rest from my labors and sit at court in Rome, writing and educating for the rest of my days.

Or something like that.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:54:56 PM EDT

[#33]

Quote History

Quoted:
I'm rusty on my Greek and Latin, but with a few months of study I'd be able to talk to the educated.

Northern coast of Belgium. Some Duchy.

I convince the Duke that my printing press will make him a lot of money.

I make the press and begin printing science and engineering books that blow away anyone who is someone.

When I am famous, rich, and powerful, I pay ten men to secretly set up presses all over Europe and print Bibles in the language of the inhabitants. When 10k Bibles are stockpiled, they are distributed.

In ten years, I have taken down the Catholic Church.

The Church of Skillshot ushers in a new era of wealth and prosperity.

With our new gunpowder weapons, we take over the Holy Roman Empire.

Constantinople kneels before me.

I am crowned Emperor and Supreme Leader of the Flock, Skillshot the Only.

A fleet is built, a steam powered fleet. The Mediterranean becomes ours.

With a righteous horde we land all along the cost of the Levant from massive ships, liberating all the lands the Muslims have taken.

Mecca and Medina are razed and salted.

I rest from my labors and sit at court in Rome, writing and educating for the rest of my days.

Or something like that.

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I changed my mind.

I'm with this guy. I'm still crushing pussy, it's going to be rapey and pillagy kind.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:58:06 PM EDT

[#34]

Your best bet would be to introduce sanitation as early as possible, and teach about germ theory.

Penicillin isn't simply a mold, it's a particular strain of mold. And I believe the most effective form of it was actually found in the USA. Don't quote me on it. Some molds have antibacterial properties, but you'd have a lot of guessing to do, unless you can identify molds without a microscope.

But introducing natives to shit here, drink over there would be good, and a step up even from modern India. Teach them to boil water to sterilize it for drinking and to sterilize medical instruments and bandages. Use honey to prevent infections.

I think that that if you can invent the jib (sail) early enough, you can ensure wherever you go, you can rule the seas. Basically, make a navy as powerful as Britain's in the 1600s in 1000.

You might be able to improve upon basic weapon construction or design, but unless you know metallurgy to develop cannon or arquebuses, not much will make a difference.

I think I'd try to head to the Vatican, convince the Pope of the existence of North America, and head there early. Use the riches of the new world to fund a complete Crusade to secure the Middle East. Use natural oil distillation methods, and you might be able to get oil-fueled steam devices in your lifetime there.

Win in once or twice against the Mongols, using steam powered artillery and steel weapons, make them your mercenaries and then take over China and Japan.

Congrats. World domination.

Posted: 1/5/2018 1:59:41 PM EDT

[#35]

Find a secluded tropical beach and fish..

So I would be a fisherman....hunter....

Posted: 1/5/2018 2:03:43 PM EDT

[#36]

Reinvent Concrete

The art of making concrete was lost after the fall of Rome.

It wasn't rediscovered for another 800 or more years after the fall of Rome.

Convince world leaders of another land across the great ocean.

Posted: 1/5/2018 2:13:13 PM EDT

[#37]

You know all that copper and iron in the UP of Michigan?

You need to talk to me if you want some.

Coal and oil reserves?

I can get that too.

Steam ships to transport it down the great Lakes and Mississippi River.

Posted: 1/5/2018 2:15:30 PM EDT

[#38]

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Quoted:
If you tell me this is good I will buy it today.

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Quoted:

Quoted:
<a href="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81UYKXzSDoL.jpg">https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81UYKXzSDoL.jpg
</a>

If you tell me this is good I will buy it today.

I am reading it right now, about halfway through.

It's good. A few of the characters need strangling, but they all have skills.

Get it, you won't be disappointed.

Posted: 1/5/2018 2:16:57 PM EDT

[#39]

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Quoted:
It's pretty good. The ending is a bit of a letdown (though I understand it's supposed to be a series) but the main part I disliked is the main female character who is the biggest ultra-feminist anti-patriarchy liberal you've ever met. I understand Mike wanted her to be that way for a reason, but she never "sees the light" that she's being a fucking idiot, and the lack of redemption just makes her an intolerable bitch who I don't want to read any more about.

View Quote View All Quotes

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Quoted:

Quoted:
<a href="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81UYKXzSDoL.jpg">https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81UYKXzSDoL.jpg
</a>

If you tell me this is good I will buy it today.

It's pretty good. The ending is a bit of a letdown (though I understand it's supposed to be a series) but the main part I disliked is the main female character who is the biggest ultra-feminist anti-patriarchy liberal you've ever met. I understand Mike wanted her to be that way for a reason, but she never "sees the light" that she's being a fucking idiot, and the lack of redemption just makes her an intolerable bitch who I don't want to read any more about.

That is pretty much where I am with her.

Posted: 1/5/2018 2:18:58 PM EDT

[#40]

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Quoted:
there was no steel good enough to make a woman's razor.

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Asian cultures plucked each hair, one by one.

Posted: 1/5/2018 2:23:44 PM EDT

[#41]

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I would try to impregnate as many women as possible after explaining to them where I come from and how impregnating them will change the future.

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Pubic lice,rotten snatch,and fat bitches await

Posted: 1/5/2018 2:28:51 PM EDT

[#42]

Buy Yahoo stock.

Posted: 1/5/2018 2:32:32 PM EDT

[#43]

Invent the toothbrush

Posted: 1/5/2018 2:35:43 PM EDT

[#44]

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Find the lineage of Mohammad and...

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You're about 350 years too late.

Posted: 1/5/2018 2:47:28 PM EDT

[#45]

Constantinople - richest/most advanced city in the world, least likely place to get burned as a witch (they had Greek fire and grenades and fulcrum pivot trebuchets so black powder wouldn't be a horror), no serious invasions during a lifetime. I'd make soap and black powder and tan leather... and get ridiculously rich. I could always claim to be a petty German prince who's people got wiped out by the Goths or Vandals, and I know enough loan words in other languages that I could get by until I learned more. The other thing I would suggest that could make someone ridiculous rich is if they knew maritime engineering... if you could pull off a fast enough ship design with local materials - you'd get very rich very quick. If nothing else there were pirates to raid who had no real offensive weapons at this point.

Posted: 1/5/2018 3:20:38 PM EDT

[#46]

I would seek out the court of Olof Skötkonung and offer him my knowledge of gunpowder, sanitation, metallurgy, as well as the locations of natural resources that were unknown at the time. The Swedish Empire would get a head start and conquer those filthy Danes.

The language barrier wouldn't be too great either.