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Posted: 6/25/2021 6:21:35 PM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted: No. There's no room for side posts in the tiny little hole they crammed that fucker in. There's also no room for your hands to get the god-forsaken thing out of there. You know what there's room for? A motherfucking handle on top of the battery to get the fucking thing out. The new battery I just put in came with fancy fold down handles which made it much easier. Of course, it cost me 170 fucking dollars. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: The cross-eyed, inbred, dirty motherfucking GM engineer that put the fucking battery behind the POWER passenger seat in a 2016 Acadia. You have to jump the fucking car to change the fucking battery if the seat is all the way back. Then you've got to find a fucking torx bit to open the compartment that the battery is in. Why, you dirty fucking cocksucker? Next, if you have hands bigger than a female four year old, you've got to figure out how to get down into the cave they crammed the battery into and get it out because why would they put a battery in that hole that would have some kind of handle on it? Well, because FUCK YOU I guess. GM engineers fucking hate you for changing a battery. You know, a part they know is going to need to be replaced every few years. If you are that engineer and you post here, I hope you get a raging case of syphilitic crabs, go blind, and walk into traffic. Fuck you, you filthy fucking pig. Fuck. 10/10 Let me guess, they still use those stupid fucking side post batteries ...right? Well, fuck. Fuck the fucking fuckers. |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 6:32:06 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Well, fuck. Fuck the fucking fuckers. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: The cross-eyed, inbred, dirty motherfucking GM engineer that put the fucking battery behind the POWER passenger seat in a 2016 Acadia. You have to jump the fucking car to change the fucking battery if the seat is all the way back. Then you've got to find a fucking torx bit to open the compartment that the battery is in. Why, you dirty fucking cocksucker? Next, if you have hands bigger than a female four year old, you've got to figure out how to get down into the cave they crammed the battery into and get it out because why would they put a battery in that hole that would have some kind of handle on it? Well, because FUCK YOU I guess. GM engineers fucking hate you for changing a battery. You know, a part they know is going to need to be replaced every few years. If you are that engineer and you post here, I hope you get a raging case of syphilitic crabs, go blind, and walk into traffic. Fuck you, you filthy fucking pig. Fuck. 10/10 Let me guess, they still use those stupid fucking side post batteries ...right? Well, fuck. Fuck the fucking fuckers.  |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 7:04:32 PM EDT
[#3]
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Posted: 6/25/2021 7:10:50 PM EDT
[#4]
The Ford truck that they remove the cab to work on the engine is another winner.
I used to hate the #8 spark plug on a Trans Am with A/C |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 7:18:44 PM EDT
[#5]
Usually, by the time the battery gives out in a GM, the rest of the car is too.
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Posted: 6/25/2021 7:19:32 PM EDT
[#6]
It's an Acadia. GM doesn't expect women to change their own battery.
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Posted: 6/25/2021 7:28:44 PM EDT
[#7]
I changed the battery in my wife's Jeep Grand Cherokee a couple of weeks ago.
It's under the passenger seat. I jumped the car, used the power seat to move the seat as far front and as high as possible. I drove her car to the auto parts store and purchased the battery. I switched the car off and changed it out in the parking lot so I could leave the old battery for the core charge. Nothing to it. Then again, I'm not a little whiny bitch either. |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 7:30:52 PM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Get ready OP as this is going to become more and more of a norm with many manufactures and I would not doubt if the Feds eventually mandate the batteries get stowed. Some advantages to moving the battery rearward and lower in the car exist as transferring some weight to the rear of the car, less susceptible to car accident damage with its own host of issues, lower in the car means lower center of gravity so better feel with cornering(very minor but every pound you shift does the better and better it begins to feel, and safety because everyone I know always connects both clamps to the battery instead of finding a proper ground on the frame. My mom's '81 Audi 5000T had the battery under the back seat, my '14 Grand Cherokee has the battery under the front passenger seat. No big deal. |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 7:36:41 PM EDT
[#9]
Quoted: The cross-eyed, inbred, dirty motherfucking GM engineer that put the fucking battery behind the POWER passenger seat in a 2016 Acadia. You have to jump the fucking car to change the fucking battery if the seat is all the way back. Then you've got to find a fucking torx bit to open the compartment that the battery is in. Why, you dirty fucking cocksucker? Next, if you have hands bigger than a female four year old, you've got to figure out how to get down into the cave they crammed the battery into and get it out because why would they put a battery in that hole that would have some kind of handle on it? Well, because FUCK YOU I guess. GM engineers fucking hate you for changing a battery. You know, a part they know is going to need to be replaced every few years. If you are that engineer and you post here, I hope you get a raging case of syphilitic crabs, go blind, and walk into traffic. Fuck you, you filthy fucking pig. Fuck. You should try working on 2001 Dodge Intrepid. Damn Germans. It was the biggest reason why I wouldn't buy another American car again. |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 7:42:14 PM EDT
[#10]
When you get ready to step up to the big leagues, change the battery on an F-4D. Aircraft and vehicle engineers can all rot in hell.
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Posted: 6/25/2021 7:47:28 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I changed the battery in my wife's Jeep Grand Cherokee a couple of weeks ago. It's under the passenger seat. I jumped the car, used the power seat to move the seat as far front and as high as possible. I drove her car to the auto parts store and purchased the battery. I switched the car off and changed it out in the parking lot so I could leave the old battery for the core charge. Nothing to it. Then again, I'm not a little whiny bitch either. The point here is that putting the fucking battery under a power seat is fucking retarded. Using torx fasteners to hold the compartment closed was retarded. Not putting a fucking handle on the battery when you stuck it down in a hole it barely fits in was fucking retarded. I changed it. It didn't take long. It was frustrating going through all the extra steps because of their fucked up design. But maybe next time you can save me, big strong man. |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 7:53:56 PM EDT
[#12]
The R/V platform vehicles(Acadia,traverse,enclave,outlook) are giant steaming piles of shit that are constantly breaking and are incredibly hard to work on.
I try not to complain too much about them because I have made a pile of money working on those engineering masterpieces and would like to continue to do so. |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 8:00:36 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted: But they are one of the big 3; see also -serpentine belts around engine mounts -one-eyed day time running light relay failure -intake plenum failure coolant to oil mix Oh yes, all of that plus DexCool. |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 8:20:05 PM EDT
[#14]
1984 Toyota Van, battery in floor behind driver's seat. Hope you remembered to put the lifting strap on when you replaces it. VW Vanagons, batteries under sliding front seats, not a bad location except making the seats slide fwd takes a gorilla. Ford Transit Connect, battery is 3/4 under the front windshield cowl overhang. Factory listed replacement time is SIX HOURS. Any GM, of it isn't under, behind or blocked they tell the engineers to redesign it.
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Posted: 6/25/2021 9:06:51 PM EDT
[#15]
I might just keep my 2009 Toyota Tacoma forever, just because the battery is easy to change, the 4 spark plugs are easy to access, the serpentine belt is easy to change, and the oil filter is relatively easy to replace. I refuse to buy something that punishes me for needing to service it.
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Posted: 6/25/2021 9:24:12 PM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Fuck it. ETA: The new battery has a fucking handle on it. Imagine that Most batteries have the loops for the handle. I have taken the handle off of many new batteries to pull the old one out of a tight spot. Then take it back off and reinstall it on the fresh battery. Just another tool for your box. |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 9:30:46 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You'd have to put it inside the fuel tank to get much dumber. Hush. Someone might hear you and think it's a good idea.  |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 9:36:46 PM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryQuoted: That's actually pretty fucking hilarious.  The punchline is that there is a GM Special Tool #1D 10T that removes the battery in 6 minutes, the downside is that it costs $450. If you could actually buy one. |
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Posted: 6/25/2021 10:03:23 PM EDT
[#19]
Quoted: Do you set the points with a matchbook?  Attached FileI still have my dwell meter and induction timing light from when I did shade tree tune ups.  Real fun was doing dual point distributors(like my Mopar Hi Po 1970 340) |
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Posted: 6/28/2021 1:28:46 AM EDT
[#20]
On my Porsche Cayenne, the battery is also under the seat. How they solved the problem is put two terminals in the engine bay. Attack your cables and charge it up a bit and then start your vehicle. GM probably found they could save 10 cents per car by not doing that.
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Posted: 6/28/2021 1:44:23 AM EDT
[#21]
So basically what OP is saying is that GM sucks and we all wish for simpler vehicles of the late ‘90’s to mid/late 2000’s. Where we can still work on them as we choose without the connectivity and extra bullshit we see in today’s cars/trucks/vehicles. Sound about right OP?
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