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Posted: 12/9/2020 10:53:44 PM EDT
[#1]
So you tipped the $2 minimum?
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Posted: 12/9/2020 10:54:14 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This is one of those tips on how to get laid from a guy who never gets laid, isn't it? Someone looking to get past that second wall 
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Posted: 12/9/2020 10:54:40 PM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted: OP orders chili and sits in his booth, pooting quietly, contemplating his next masturbation session. He smiles. The waitress thought he smiled at her, perhaps needing a refill. She enters his invisible ass air.. vomits. She leaves early and the busboy sneaks her $500 dollar tip into his pocket. Next to his hard on for the man who left the tip. The busboy plans his evening of masturbatory bliss in fantasies containing the customer and his exotic scent. TPNI |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 10:55:35 PM EDT
[#4]
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Posted: 12/9/2020 10:55:36 PM EDT
[#5]
Cocaine always worked in the past..... and hundred dollar bills! Course I blind fold them when we leave the restaurant.... but that’s a given. There are no safe words!!!!
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Posted: 12/9/2020 10:55:47 PM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: This is an awful thread, OP. I disagree. This is hilarious. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 10:55:53 PM EDT
[#7]
:OP tips his Fedora:
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Posted: 12/9/2020 10:56:11 PM EDT
[#8]
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Posted: 12/9/2020 10:56:28 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Cocaine always worked in the past..... and hundred dollar bills! Course I blind fold them when we leave the restaurant.... but that’s a given Waitresses not hedge fund managers.....meth will do just fine 
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Posted: 12/9/2020 10:56:48 PM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuoted: OP orders chili and sits in his booth, pooting quietly, contemplating his next masturbation session. He smiles. The waitress thought he smiled at her, perhaps needing a refill. She enters his invisible ass air.. vomits. She leaves early and the busboy sneaks her $500 dollar tip into his pocket. Next to his hard on for the man who left the tip. The busboy plans his evening of masturbatory bliss in fantasies containing the customer and his exotic scent. Lol |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 10:59:04 PM EDT
[#11]
If you don't finger bang them on the first tip you'll never get your dick wet.
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:00:23 PM EDT
[#12]
How to marry a golddigger in 3 easy steps...
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:00:41 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I don't think my wife would appreciate me doing that. Wouldn't appreciate picking up a waitress or wouldn't appreciate spending $1,500+ to pick up a waitress? |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:01:52 PM EDT
[#14]
Quoted: First you've gotta scope the place out, and get her schedule, and only eat on those days. Dress nicely, don't be a pig. Be sincere and kind to her, don't compliment her on her looks the first day, but tip her a cool $2-500.00. Just be cool. Come back a few days later on her next shift, talk her up, tip at least $2-500.00, again, just be cool. Now on the third day is when you start making progress, call her by her name, ask how her family, and herself is doing, etc, at this point you can start complimenting her a little. Tip YUGE. The next time you see her, ask her if she'd like to have dinner with you. There, now all you miserable, rich ugly, tiny dicked folks can have a wonderful Christmas and maybe get hitched. I just heard the strangest thing! It was as if millions of incels suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I see there are three pages of this thread, have the MGTOW guys crawled out yet? The ones who say they don't need no woman, but just say that not because they don't want one, but because they can't get one and it is easier on the psyche to say that than face reality? Real MGTOW still fuck bitches you fucking amateurs. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:03:15 PM EDT
[#15]
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:03:35 PM EDT
[#16]
OP lacks game.
Ok, if you want to get laid, you need to take shit seriously. I take sex very seriously Propper chronological: -Both fully nude before entering the room -Must be in distraction-free/noiseless room, extremely quiet -Start by standing/kissing/hugging -Allow hormones to flow until "fuzzy" and fully effect male, fully wet female. (10-20 minutes) -Missionary position -Gradual rytheming penetration (a tad deeper each rythem) -Enter uterus (she has to want your there or the wall stays closed) -Release in uterus |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:04:25 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted: .... There are no safe words!!!! The safe word was “flower” ... but she kept saying “flour” Oh well. 
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:07:07 PM EDT
[#18]
OP left out a crucial step.
) Follow her home and check out what she is currently using as a boyfriend, and see if she has any kids. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:08:02 PM EDT
[#19]
If you don't finger bang them on the first tip you'll never get your dick wet.
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:08:03 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryThis post nailed it. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:08:18 PM EDT
[#21]
You ever get about 2 sentences in and you know it's gonna be some stupid ass shit, but you keep reading anyway?
That's this thread. 
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:10:21 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryNo, he is right. But I would add: Take a shower once a day, deodorant, shave your face, no neckbeard, have a half smile on your face because you're so above everything it is all funny, flirt with old ladies (they have hot daughters/granddaughters who need a nice boy like you), don't drink until you're drunk, and for God's sake if you chew, stop now. That shit is a more powerful woman repellent than Dungeons and Dragons. Don't just sit sullenly in your chair or table, look around, make eye contact and smile but don't be creepy about it. Grow some fucking confidence. If that hand sanitizer dispenser just blasted you in the nuts with foam and the girls laugh, you laugh too because you're so fucking cool that shit doesn't faze you, and you're man enough to laugh at yourself. Seriously, it is stupid easy to pull women. Is it easier for good looking guys to do it? Sure, but fuck's sakes some of you put pussy so high on a pedestal it might as well be on the moon. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:11:40 PM EDT
[#23]
Quoted: First you've gotta scope the place out, and get her schedule, and only eat on those days. Dress nicely, don't be a pig. Be sincere and kind to her, don't compliment her on her looks the first day, but tip her a cool $2-500.00. Just be cool. Come back a few days later on her next shift, talk her up, tip at least $2-500.00, again, just be cool. Now on the third day is when you start making progress, call her by her name, ask how her family, and herself is doing, etc, at this point you can start complimenting her a little. Tip YUGE. The next time you see her, ask her if she'd like to have dinner with you. There, now all you miserable, rich ugly, tiny dicked folks can have a wonderful Christmas and maybe get hitched. Sounds like prostitution. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:12:34 PM EDT
[#24]
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:12:43 PM EDT
[#25]
ask her if she'd like a Trump button
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:13:26 PM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Bonjour, m’lady. Tips |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:15:35 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I believe they call this stalking, and then you become the creepy diner that always asks for Mary Sue, she only keeps coming because of the tips she needs, but you in reality creep her and her coworkers out. Yep Tip every waitress well, be polite and treat them all nice...become a regular for three or four months...and they will chat you up and wait for you to come in and fight to seat you in their section... Well ok maybe not you...but a regular kind of guy they would. Better to want the one you get rather than to get the one you want. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:16:28 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Chloroform will work, if by “lure” you mean “drag” Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Its carry out only here now. Is there a foolproof way to lure her to my van? Chloroform will work, if by “lure” you mean “drag” “I left another $499 cash on the table. Be sure to pick it up before anyone notices, Flo. By the way, does this rag smell like ether to you?” |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:17:45 PM EDT
[#29]
When I was single in the early 2000s as a newly hired drug rep, I hosted a dine n dash at an Olive Garden in a small hick town in Appalachia and the hot ass blonde waitress that handled about 30 orders I tipped her about $300 and asked her out. She was a good fuck for 6 months
she always brought me seafood portfolio, Tuscan steak and stuffed mushrooms too  |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:18:51 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted: If you don't finger bang them on the first tip you'll never get your dick wet. Buddy of mine was awkward with the female gender. Say stupid shit, do stupid shit. Not a dumb guy but an idiot with a vagina standing near him. Hes half dating this girl and we are at a bar. He has his hand all up in the hot zone. He proceeds to pull it out and stare her in the eye as he sucks off the juice/residue. They weren't dating after that. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:19:36 PM EDT
[#31]
You left out the part about getting there early to see who drops her off for work. LaDerrick and his homies can party good on your tip money and he don't even have to worry about you getting down into the same pussy he gets. Be sure to swap head jobs with her, cuz.
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:20:59 PM EDT
[#32]
How much do you guys tip your parents each year?
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:21:57 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Sounds like prostitution. Prostitutes don't bring a chicken fried steak and a beer. Do they? That sounds fucking great. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:22:09 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted: How much do you guys tip your parents each year? Do what? |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:23:10 PM EDT
[#35]
I think all of you got it all wrong! In this thread, we learn that OP is really a waitress and he's trying to get big tips.
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:24:26 PM EDT
[#36]
Sounds like someone’s old lady got a big tip and someone ain’t happy.
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:26:44 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I disagree. This is hilarious. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: This is an awful thread, OP. I disagree. This is hilarious. OMFG, it delivers, doesn't it??? 
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:28:03 PM EDT
[#38]
18er's amiright...
 
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:29:06 PM EDT
[#39]
OP grabbed his "going out" relax fit dad jeans, tucked in his T-shirt, and put on his BBQ'ing white new balance sneakers, all in preparation to impress no one
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:29:08 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted: The safe word was “flower” ... but she kept saying “flour” Oh well. Please tell me you didn’t think of that on your own. Because that is fantastically devious |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:29:39 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Please tell me you didn’t think of that on your own. Because that is fantastically devious I did not.
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:30:13 PM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Do what? Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: How much do you guys tip your parents each year? Do what? He probably meant professors. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:30:53 PM EDT
[#43]
Kiss my grits.
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:31:12 PM EDT
[#44]
This could be a dark horse candidate for thread of the year.
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:31:24 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ass can be free. If you’re a slick motherfucker she will pay for YOUR dinner and suck your cock in the car. Ask me how I know. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: $2-500.00 I'd be closer to the $2. Ass can be free. If you’re a slick motherfucker she will pay for YOUR dinner and suck your cock in the car. Ask me how I know. You mean your 12 inch cock, sucked in your Lambo, after you gave her a $500 tip and told her about your 850 credit score? Yeah. Got it, Rico. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:32:23 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Hookers are way, way cheaper. And dirty and disease ridden. No thanks. |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:32:46 PM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You ever get about 2 sentences in and you know it's gonna be some stupid ass shit, but you keep reading anyway? That's this thread. That's all of GD, man!
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:33:04 PM EDT
[#48]
OP is not getting a blowjob this Christmas and wants you all to be as miserable as him.
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:33:33 PM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted: And dirty and disease ridden. No thanks. I take it you've never done any waitresses? LOL |
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Posted: 12/9/2020 11:33:40 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted: And dirty and disease ridden. No thanks. Just pay for the really good ones that only a few can afford
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