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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:28:25 PM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted: No, make it rough sex and then eject. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:28:33 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted: https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/144599/writingnotes-2682195.jpg I don't like it, smell test wise. Interesting that she didn't want to stay out late past 10:00pm, so she goes out to midnight.  Just outside in here, having to message her every 30 minutes, and that's like a rule for you that you follow, but she kinda phases in and out as she pleases Re: these "rules", means only you are living by them, if we're being honest. She's being silly. It's ridiculous. She's 28 not a middle schooler. IMHO don't marry this woman how she is currently. If you get can get this to where you're not tip-toeing around 500 conditions to keep her happy, and she can act like adult, okay. (And that might take 2 years), but this is bad news. People who need 500 things to go right otherwise they're unhappy, are unhappy people. Naturally miserable. She's found ways and tools to create conditions for you, using guilt, that she doesn't really even appreciate at this point. Do you have to dump her now? No, but you would be justified in doing that. INSTEAD, you kinda have to grow her up, and have more freedoms, and she has to learn to trust. Not, guilt-manipulate people into making 100 new rules for people. Because she would do this to your children. She would add rule after rule after rule, like bricks in a wall, forever. Why wouldn't she? The tactic is effective. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Annual party on Saturday (tech company), I told her that I wanted her to go. She said she didn’t want to if it would end late and said she’d go if we left by 10pm the latest. I said that’s unlikely and asked if she would stay out later. She said I should go out, have fun, and in a joking way (I thought) said she’d be angry at me for going out late She had my location and I was texting her every 30min or so. She went out as well until midnight, and stopped texting me for 2 hours. I get back home from hanging out with a bunch of dude coworkers at 330AM, text her goodnight, and now today she won’t talk to me because I was “out so late”and that I disrespected her wishes to an event she didn’t even go to (after I said I wanted her to) Wise old men of GD, what is the answer here? Some additional context, I don’t really go out late very often, and I typically prioritize spending time with her and see her 3-5x a week https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/144599/writingnotes-2682195.jpg I don't like it, smell test wise. Interesting that she didn't want to stay out late past 10:00pm, so she goes out to midnight. Just outside in here, having to message her every 30 minutes, and that's like a rule for you that you follow, but she kinda phases in and out as she pleases Re: these "rules", means only you are living by them, if we're being honest. She's being silly. It's ridiculous. She's 28 not a middle schooler. IMHO don't marry this woman how she is currently. If you get can get this to where you're not tip-toeing around 500 conditions to keep her happy, and she can act like adult, okay. (And that might take 2 years), but this is bad news. People who need 500 things to go right otherwise they're unhappy, are unhappy people. Naturally miserable. She's found ways and tools to create conditions for you, using guilt, that she doesn't really even appreciate at this point. Do you have to dump her now? No, but you would be justified in doing that. INSTEAD, you kinda have to grow her up, and have more freedoms, and she has to learn to trust. Not, guilt-manipulate people into making 100 new rules for people. Because she would do this to your children. She would add rule after rule after rule, like bricks in a wall, forever. Why wouldn't she? The tactic is effective. This is good advice. And I agree. She’d make my children neurotic as she is currently with those rules |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:29:13 PM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I did not consider that actually. That’s not the worst idea I know it may be weird at first but think of the power you would have. Someone gets snippy at Thanksgiving? Stream it to the living room tv. Want to break up a bday party early so you can play some COD with the boy? Threaten to airdrop it to everyone in the house. Girlfriend is “too tired” to have sex? That’s fine, that’s a perfect time to go play by play on the video with her and explain to her why her dad is better than her. All joking aside, whatever you do I hope it works out for you man. There are a ton of good ladies out there, if she ain’t one of them I hope you figure that out soon. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:29:16 PM EDT
[#4]
Dump her today.
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:29:34 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted: shoot her sister and bang her dag. SO she didn't want t stay out passed 10 and then proceeded to go out and stay out till 12....hmmmm... who did she bang? ?? Time to bounce OP. I'd get an STD test too. Red flags everywhere. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:29:52 PM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I’m getting this feeling. She’s been the most caring and loyal (I believe) girlfriend I’ve been with but I’m just seeing a ton of warning flags lately that have me concerned Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Eject I’m getting this feeling. She’s been the most caring and loyal (I believe) girlfriend I’ve been with but I’m just seeing a ton of warning flags lately that have me concerned You can list them if you want me to dissect them  Quoted: I have a social obligation with her, her sister, and her sister’s BF who I’m buddies with tomorrow that I have to attend. We shall see what happens then "He stayed out late!!!!" she says hoping everyone will see how bad/mean/"Wrong" you were. "uh, you knew who I was with, you know where I was, I even reached out every half hour- as I always do. Babe no one does that. No one." Have her lose family court. Quoted: Quoted: You're not a child and don't need a curfew. Tell her to grow up. She was cheated on in the past, boo fucking hoo. She needs therapy not riding your ass over bull shit. I agree with this. I said she’s being too controlling, she said she wasn’t. I said her pushing like that is what makes people cheat because they’re too weak to just break up with her, and that I wouldn’t be a cheater. Obviously that went well So this is the problem when a toxic behavior keeps rolling downhill, it snowballs, and sometimes stupid things get said IMHO people mostly cheat because the people who do, just don't value anyone else like they value themselves, to such a degree that they could blowtorch someone's trust and not give a shit about it. Normal people who have healthy relationships don't do that. It's not like infidelity sneaks up on them and kidnaps them Quoted: Quoted: Wait, you voluntarily let her have your location? She was cheated on in the past so I give her my location when I’m out because I don’t want her to be concerned. Too much I’m sure Here's the thing though. She's now known you 3 years. That's enough time. If she doesn't trust you by now she's got issues. You can be on the more careful side, and be extra forth-coming about some things, that's not crazy. Every 30min when out is fuckin weird. You're doing a lot of work and she's STILL whining. The reality is you need 3x more freedom, at least, and she needs to be a fuckin adult about it, as a starting point. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:30:26 PM EDT
[#7]
Married twenty years, I can tell you this y’all got stuff to work through. That being said I would not now bow down to her on this. If you did nothing wrong, tell her that and be done with it.
If you do not set the tone now, and it stays as it is, you will have misery. I’m not saying be a selfish idiot. Just be direct and honest and do not play into her childish behavior. Be a man she can respect. If you are not married and this continues I implore you not to marry her. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:30:38 PM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I know it may be weird at first but think of the power you would have. Someone gets snippy at Thanksgiving? Stream it to the living room tv. Want to break up a bday party early so you can play some COD with the boy? Threaten to airdrop it to everyone in the house. Girlfriend is “too tired” to have sex? That’s fine, that’s a perfect time to go play by play on the video with her and explain to her why her dad is better than her. Yeah I think I let myself relax too much with her All joking aside, whatever you do I hope it works out for you man. There are a ton of good ladies out there, if she ain’t one of them I hope you figure that out soon. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: I did not consider that actually. That’s not the worst idea I know it may be weird at first but think of the power you would have. Someone gets snippy at Thanksgiving? Stream it to the living room tv. Want to break up a bday party early so you can play some COD with the boy? Threaten to airdrop it to everyone in the house. Girlfriend is “too tired” to have sex? That’s fine, that’s a perfect time to go play by play on the video with her and explain to her why her dad is better than her. Yeah I think I let myself relax too much with her All joking aside, whatever you do I hope it works out for you man. There are a ton of good ladies out there, if she ain’t one of them I hope you figure that out soon. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:32:19 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You can list them if you want me to dissect them "He stayed out late!!!!" she says hoping everyone will see how bad/mean/"Wrong" you were. "uh, you knew who I was with, you know where I was, I even reached out every half hour- as I always do. Babe no one does that. No one." Have her lose family court. So this is the problem when a toxic behavior keeps rolling downhill, it snowballs, and sometimes stupid things get said IMHO people mostly cheat because the people who do, just don't value anyone else like they value themselves, to such a degree that they could blowtorch someone's trust and not give a shit about it. Normal people who have healthy relationships don't do that. It's not like infidelity sneaks up on them and kidnaps them Here's the thing though. She's now known you 3 years. That's enough time. If she doesn't trust you by now she's got issues. You can be on the more careful side, and be extra forth-coming about some things, that's not crazy. Every 30min when out is fuckin weird. You're doing a lot of work and she's STILL whining. The reality is you need 3x more freedom, at least, and she needs to be a fuckin adult about it, as a starting point. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Eject I’m getting this feeling. She’s been the most caring and loyal (I believe) girlfriend I’ve been with but I’m just seeing a ton of warning flags lately that have me concerned You can list them if you want me to dissect them Quoted: I have a social obligation with her, her sister, and her sister’s BF who I’m buddies with tomorrow that I have to attend. We shall see what happens then "He stayed out late!!!!" she says hoping everyone will see how bad/mean/"Wrong" you were. "uh, you knew who I was with, you know where I was, I even reached out every half hour- as I always do. Babe no one does that. No one." Have her lose family court. Quoted: Quoted: You're not a child and don't need a curfew. Tell her to grow up. She was cheated on in the past, boo fucking hoo. She needs therapy not riding your ass over bull shit. I agree with this. I said she’s being too controlling, she said she wasn’t. I said her pushing like that is what makes people cheat because they’re too weak to just break up with her, and that I wouldn’t be a cheater. Obviously that went well So this is the problem when a toxic behavior keeps rolling downhill, it snowballs, and sometimes stupid things get said IMHO people mostly cheat because the people who do, just don't value anyone else like they value themselves, to such a degree that they could blowtorch someone's trust and not give a shit about it. Normal people who have healthy relationships don't do that. It's not like infidelity sneaks up on them and kidnaps them Quoted: Quoted: Wait, you voluntarily let her have your location? She was cheated on in the past so I give her my location when I’m out because I don’t want her to be concerned. Too much I’m sure Here's the thing though. She's now known you 3 years. That's enough time. If she doesn't trust you by now she's got issues. You can be on the more careful side, and be extra forth-coming about some things, that's not crazy. Every 30min when out is fuckin weird. You're doing a lot of work and she's STILL whining. The reality is you need 3x more freedom, at least, and she needs to be a fuckin adult about it, as a starting point. I appreciate your replies here. I know I’m not perfect but I pointed out everything I was doing to make her happy and she was still getting upset about something else - there’s always something and it’s getting exhausting |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:32:29 PM EDT
[#10]
 Henry comes home late | Goodfellas |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:32:44 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Definitely don’t go to this “social function” with her family. Who cares. Tell her you don’t feel well or just tell her the truth. It will be more embarrassing for her to have to explain why you’re not there than anything else. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:32:54 PM EDT
[#12]
Quoted: Annual party on Saturday (tech company), I told her that I wanted her to go. She said she didn’t want to if it would end late and said she’d go if we left by 10pm the latest. I said that’s unlikely and asked if she would stay out later. She said I should go out, have fun, and in a joking way (I thought) said she’d be angry at me for going out late She had my location and I was texting her every 30min or so. She went out as well until midnight, and stopped texting me for 2 hours. I get back home from hanging out with a bunch of dude coworkers at 330AM, text her goodnight, and now today she won’t talk to me because I was “out so late”and that I disrespected her wishes to an event she didn’t even go to (after I said I wanted her to) Wise old men of GD, what is the answer here? Some additional context, I don’t really go out late very often, and I typically prioritize spending time with her and see her 3-5x a week Gf of 3 years and you are not living with each other yet? |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:33:40 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Married twenty years, I can tell you this y’all got stuff to work through. That being said I would not now bow down to her on this. If you did nothing wrong, tell her that and be done with it. If you do not set the tone now, and it stays as it is, you will have misery. I’m not saying be a selfish idiot. Just be direct and honest and do not play into her childish behavior. Be a man she can respect. If you are not married and this continues I implore you not to marry her. Wise words. Thank you |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:33:52 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Im white she's non-Muslim middle-east Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: 33/28 You're value is increasing. Hers is about to hit the wall. She's gotta lock down your commitment soon or find another buyer before her looks fade. Is she Latina? Im white she's non-Muslim middle-east And her family hasn't already fixed her up with someone? At 28? Plus, they were cool with her being with you for 3 years and no ring? Jesus, are you both living together too? EDIT: I guess you're not living with each other. Whatever. You've heard the highlights from us already. This behavior doesn't get better with marriage or age. Evaluate what your future goals are, whether this woman has a place in them, and whether it might be more merciful for you to let this situation not continue. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:36:13 PM EDT
[#15]
I’d move on down the road…….. the drama ain’t worth the squeeze
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:37:51 PM EDT
[#16]
Well, I'm not a fan of "Let's judge an entire relationship based on one incident as told by a single party": but the first thoughts are that after three years she still has some difficulty trusting you. That might be a weak moment while she was stressed or drunk, might be projection, might be a foundation problem instead of just a crack in the drywall. Tough to say.
I'd come at it backwards and do your best to ascertain her mental state at the time first and then work towards a more direct conversation on the trust issue, then reassess. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:38:24 PM EDT
[#17]
Common behavior or first time occurrence in three years? There are times when anyone can feel insecure and this may have hit at the right moment. If this continues afterwards I’d 100% say eject as it’s showing a pattern.
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:38:58 PM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I’m getting this feeling. She’s been the most caring and loyal (I believe) girlfriend I’ve been with but I’m just seeing a ton of warning flags lately that have me concerned If you’re concerned about it now, imagine what it will be like later, when you’re married. Especially when you’re not getting laid at home. E-fucking -Ject.. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:39:08 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I appreciate your replies here. I know I’m not perfect but I pointed out everything I was doing to make her happy and she was still getting upset about something else - there’s always something and it’s getting exhausting Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Eject I’m getting this feeling. She’s been the most caring and loyal (I believe) girlfriend I’ve been with but I’m just seeing a ton of warning flags lately that have me concerned You can list them if you want me to dissect them Quoted: I have a social obligation with her, her sister, and her sister’s BF who I’m buddies with tomorrow that I have to attend. We shall see what happens then "He stayed out late!!!!" she says hoping everyone will see how bad/mean/"Wrong" you were. "uh, you knew who I was with, you know where I was, I even reached out every half hour- as I always do. Babe no one does that. No one." Have her lose family court. Quoted: Quoted: You're not a child and don't need a curfew. Tell her to grow up. She was cheated on in the past, boo fucking hoo. She needs therapy not riding your ass over bull shit. I agree with this. I said she’s being too controlling, she said she wasn’t. I said her pushing like that is what makes people cheat because they’re too weak to just break up with her, and that I wouldn’t be a cheater. Obviously that went well So this is the problem when a toxic behavior keeps rolling downhill, it snowballs, and sometimes stupid things get said IMHO people mostly cheat because the people who do, just don't value anyone else like they value themselves, to such a degree that they could blowtorch someone's trust and not give a shit about it. Normal people who have healthy relationships don't do that. It's not like infidelity sneaks up on them and kidnaps them Quoted: Quoted: Wait, you voluntarily let her have your location? She was cheated on in the past so I give her my location when I’m out because I don’t want her to be concerned. Too much I’m sure Here's the thing though. She's now known you 3 years. That's enough time. If she doesn't trust you by now she's got issues. You can be on the more careful side, and be extra forth-coming about some things, that's not crazy. Every 30min when out is fuckin weird. You're doing a lot of work and she's STILL whining. The reality is you need 3x more freedom, at least, and she needs to be a fuckin adult about it, as a starting point. I appreciate your replies here. I know I’m not perfect but I pointed out everything I was doing to make her happy and she was still getting upset about something else - there’s always something and it’s getting exhausting Just some quick questions, a lightning round, you can elaborate if you like. If it's a no, she doesn't do that, then okay: 1) Do you feel like You are living Your life, FOR her? 2) Are boundaries set for you, but she has none? Like when she gets them she just flouts them almost on purpose, but HOLDS you to them? 3) You do a lot of things you don't like, but she basically doesn't do any? 4) People have things they negotiate in relationships - there's a back and forth. Is there "power dynamic" in this relationship? She has it and wields it, on you? Because that's not normal 5) Does she get, not just angry, but sort of a white hot rage? Eyes black, probably standing a foot from you, and just a streaaaaaaaam of insults coming out. Sometimes, something trivial launches her. But once she "has a good enough reason" (and they're often silly, and you put up with a lot), she just tees off? 6) Is she unaccountable completely when she really fucks up? Anything like the above sound familiar? |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:39:46 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ignore her. BEST RESPONSE EVER. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:39:49 PM EDT
[#21]
Have you ejected yet?
She's the kind of girlfriend that WILL stop giving blowjobs if you get married. Choose better, dude. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:40:23 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ignore her. This. You put pussy on a pedestal and that’s a mistake. The only thing to do now is eject or punish her for her bad behavior. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:41:09 PM EDT
[#23]
That was a "shit test" OP and you passed cuz you didn't give in.
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:42:27 PM EDT
[#24]
I went thru a lot of women before I got married
Coincidentally, I didn’t put up with bullshit like OP is getting from his GF. Any crap like that got them dumped, and I moved on without a backward glance. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:42:37 PM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Just some quick questions, a lightning round, you can elaborate if you like. If it's a no, she doesn't do that, then okay: 1) Do you feel like You are living Your life, FOR her? 2) Are boundaries set for you, but she has none? Like when she gets them she just flouts them almost on purpose, but HOLDS you to them? 3) You do a lot of things you don't like, but she basically doesn't do any? 4) People have things they negotiate in relationships - there's a back and forth. Is there "power dynamic" in this relationship? She has it and wields it, on you? Because that's not normal 5) Does she get, not just angry, but sort of a white hot rage? Eyes black, probably standing a foot from you, and just a streaaaaaaaam of insults coming out. Sometimes, something trivial launches her. But once she "has a good enough reason" (and they're often silly, and you put up with a lot), she just tees off? 6) Is she unaccountable completely when she really fucks up? Anything like the above sound familiar? 1) No 2) No 3) Yes, I do those things by myself 4) there’s back and forth 5) no she doesn’t insult me and doesn’t yell 6) she takes cajoling before apologizing but takes accountability for 30-50% of stuff |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:42:40 PM EDT
[#26]
Quoted: Annual party on Saturday (tech company), I told her that I wanted her to go. She said she didn’t want to if it would end late and said she’d go if we left by 10pm the latest. I said that’s unlikely and asked if she would stay out later. She said I should go out, have fun, and in a joking way (I thought) said she’d be angry at me for going out late She had my location and I was texting her every 30min or so. She went out as well until midnight, and stopped texting me for 2 hours. I get back home from hanging out with a bunch of dude coworkers at 330AM, text her goodnight, and now today she won’t talk to me because I was “out so late”and that I disrespected her wishes to an event she didn’t even go to (after I said I wanted her to) Wise old men of GD, what is the answer here? Some additional context, I don’t really go out late very often, and I typically prioritize spending time with her and see her 3-5x a week This is not the first time she has shown possessive, unreasonable and irrational behavior. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:43:14 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I did not consider that actually. That's not the worst idea  |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:43:39 PM EDT
[#28]
Why do all these low post count, freeloader, and usually recently joined accounts, have so much life drama?
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:43:47 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted: That was a "shit test" OP and you passed cuz you didn't give in. He didn't pass shit.... The Shit Test is ongoing...cuz in the OP, he said she is giving him the silent treatment....If he passed, she would have asked if he had a good time last nite and made him a big breakfast. The war is still ongoing and he's failing....cuz, instead of ejecting, he's here asking for "advice" and already planning to go to a family event with her.... |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:44:07 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Actually it sounds like she played you so she’d have an excuse to eject. Sorry.  100% of women I talked to have always have had the breakup the story of because the "guy was an asshole". Doesn't matter what he did |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:44:27 PM EDT
[#31]
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:45:14 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Well, I'm not a fan of "Let's judge an entire relationship based on one incident as told by a single party": but the first thoughts are that after three years she still has some difficulty trusting you. That might be a weak moment while she was stressed or drunk, might be projection, might be a foundation problem instead of just a crack in the drywall. Tough to say. I'd come at it backwards and do your best to ascertain her mental state at the time first and then work towards a more direct conversation on the trust issue, then reassess. I'd say investigation is warranted right? And at minimum, this relationship isn't perfect - none are, but we see some things that need work. Thank God he's early 30s, she's late 20s, they have no kids, aren't married. He COULD eject, and would be justified in doing so. BUT, if he doesn't want to, he could/should start trying to normalize the relationship into a grown up one. She's gotta behave, group up, cut his leash, and act like an adult. Life really is this process of smoothing off rough edges for a lot of people, but that won't happen for her if she can continuously use bad reasons and guilt to get her way even on silly things, or even at big inconvenience to other people. After 3 years, she should trust him, not be LOOKING for reasons to be pissy. She might be able to change, but IMHO she has to for this relationship to get to the next step. If I was OP's buddy? I'd say point the relationship into healthy land. If she can come with, if it takes for like 2 years and doesn't back-slide, okay. If she wants to stay stuck on stupid, 34-35 isn't too old to reboot. But don't marry her how she PRESENTLY with how the relationship is currently constructed |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:45:22 PM EDT
[#33]
Has Arfcom ever been this united on anything, before?
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:45:39 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I’m getting this feeling. She’s been the most caring and loyal (I believe) girlfriend I’ve been with but I’m just seeing a ton of warning flags lately that have me concerned Warning flags = Red flags = BPD Red flags is the most common phrase I see used in conjunction with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’d bet dollars to donuts she hasn’t been cheated on. She was the cheater. That’s a bullshit tactic intended to manipulate. Manipulation is the primary tool of a BPD. The relationship is already dysfunctional. She’s already got you checking in at 30 minute intervals. Nobody does that. That’s not normal. If you don’t get off this train now, it’s going to get a whole lot worse if she does turn out to have a personality disorder and it sounds like it might be a possibility. Listen to these guys. Run. Run and don’t look back. Good luck. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:45:46 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This. My wife goes out of town for a long weekend with her college friends once a year. I immediately plan either a fishing/range/hunting trip depending on season. We definitely do NOT constantly update each other exactly what we're doing. Sorry to say, but if a relationship requires constant mutual surveillance that relationship is doomed.
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:45:49 PM EDT
[#36]
You know it's a hot topic when you start reading and it has 2 pages, then by the time you get to the bottom of page 3, it's up to page 5... LOL
Yeah, girl sounds like she has problems with trust, which might be understandable, and OP has (hopefully voluntarily) got above and beyond what any man should do to keep her trust... but she went childish in spite. I'm not sure what to make of it, but there are some red flags. Her being distanced, now starting to kinda act out about OP's behavior... cheaters usually accuse the ones they're cheating on of the same damn thing. Given OP knows where she was based on her sharing location, it seems to me like, at least the night in question, she probably didn't. OP called it, though. Her behavior is what pushes men to try to find some other wet hole to stick their dicks in. I'd say that this one is at least a "yellow flag on the play". I'm in for updates now. (OP might want to check out "Attached", a book about "attachment styles". Sounds to me like she might be the anxious type, although she could be anxious/avoidant. I know I was a bit on the anxious side, but the current relationship, the current woman is awesome. The previous one, who wasn't on the same page at all kinda resulted in me pulling my head out of my ass. Then I met the current one, and we're on the same page, we want the same things in the same ways and we're both willing to work for it. I'm not anxious at all, I'm very much in the secure attachment category with her.) |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:46:07 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This is not the first time she has shown possessive, unreasonable and irrational behavior. Nope it’s not she has before. At another work event actually. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:46:25 PM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I’m getting this feeling. She’s been the most caring and loyal (I believe) girlfriend I’ve been with but I’m just seeing a ton of warning flags lately that have me concerned ...ya think? Stop wasting time on her, she is a control freak. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:47:08 PM EDT
[#39]
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:48:22 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted: She got laid, you didn't. Now you are in trouble so she has an excuse and doesn't feel guilty. Or maybe she just doesn't like your coworkers, which I could understand. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:49:42 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You know it's a hot topic when you start reading and it has 2 pages, then by the time you get to the bottom of page 3, it's up to page 5... LOL Yeah, girl sounds like she has problems with trust, which might be understandable, and OP has (hopefully voluntarily) got above and beyond what any man should do to keep her trust... but she went childish in spite. I'm not sure what to make of it, but there are some red flags. Her being distanced, now starting to kinda act out about OP's behavior... cheaters usually accuse the ones they're cheating on of the same damn thing. Given OP knows where she was based on her sharing location, it seems to me like, at least the night in question, she probably didn't. OP called it, though. Her behavior is what pushes men to try to find some other wet hole to stick their dicks in. I'd say that this one is at least a "yellow flag on the play". I'm in for updates now. (OP might want to check out "Attached", a book about "attachment styles". Sounds to me like she might be the anxious type, although she could be anxious/avoidant. I know I was a bit on the anxious side, but the current relationship, the current woman is awesome. The previous one, who wasn't on the same page at all kinda resulted in me pulling my head out of my ass. Then I met the current one, and we're on the same page, we want the same things in the same ways and we're both willing to work for it. I'm not anxious at all, I'm very much in the secure attachment category with her.) I’ll give that a look. She’s not a cheater - I wouldn’t date someone I was concerned about that. Her mom is super controlling and guilt trips like crazy and that did a number on her and is something she needs to break out of. The girl at her core is wonderful, caring, and puts effort in. That’s why I haven’t ejected. But she has frequent and random bouts (not tied to a monthly timeline) of insecurity and frustration with me |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:50:09 PM EDT
[#42]
Follow the D.E.N.N.I.S. system.
D emonstrate value E ngage physically N urture dependence N eglect emotionally <-- you are here I nspire hope S eparate entirely Been there done that. When the trust is gone, the relationship is done. I refuse to share my location with my wife and discourage any kind of reciprocal phone snooping, because it's not necessary and shows a lack of trust. That being said, our phones are always laying around free if someone got a wild hair and wanted to. We both use each other's phone for shit and have nothing to hide. I have pissed off my then fiancee or gf by going on the lam for hours, mainly bc she was worried about me. She got over it. If she's requiring you to text her every five mins or share location constantly, she either (a) doesn't trust you, (b) is controlling and crazy, or (c) has no friends and hobbies other than you and is an emotional dependopotamus. Or any combo of the three. Tell her to chill the fuck out. Give a reasonable but limited apology for blowing the time hack you gave her and then tell her to get over it or not, her choice. React to her response appropriately. If she wants to stay mad ditch her. I try not to give out placating time hacks to my wife anymore so I don't get nagged at when I miss them. She just knows I'll be home when I arrive home. I do try to be considerate and let her know I'm not dead occasionally. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:50:15 PM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted: She was cheated on in the past so I give her my location when I’m out because I don’t want her to be concerned. Too much I’m sure Fuck all that. You’re acting like a bitch. If she’s being that way she’s probably projecting her own shit on you. E-Fkin-ject. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:50:29 PM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Warning flags = Red flags = BPD Red flags is the most common phrase I see used in conjunction with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’d bet dollars to donuts she hasn’t been cheated on. She was the cheater. That’s a bullshit tactic intended to manipulate. Manipulation is the primary tool of a BPD. The relationship is already dysfunctional. She’s already got you checking in at 30 minute intervals. Nobody does that. That’s not normal. If you don’t get off this train now, it’s going to get a whole lot worse if she does turn out to have a personality disorder and it sounds like it might be a possibility. Listen to these guys. Run. Run and don’t look back. Good luck. Exactly what I was thinking. |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:50:55 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I appreciate your replies here. I know I'm not perfect but I pointed out everything I was doing to make her happy and she was still getting upset about something else - there's always something and it's getting exhausting |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:51:10 PM EDT
[#46]
If you don't eject you're going to hear about this every year for the next 25 years.
Ask how I know.
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:51:28 PM EDT
[#47]
How old are each of you? This sounds like some immature shit. I’m guessing she is 23 or under.
Eject. Did you feel obligated to text her every 30 minutes? |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:53:06 PM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted: She was cheated on in the past so I give her my location when I’m out because I don’t want her to be concerned. Too much I’m sure Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Wait, you voluntarily let her have your location? She was cheated on in the past so I give her my location when I’m out because I don’t want her to be concerned. Too much I’m sure I get that you want to put her mind at ease. Did it occur to you she is using a past, possibly exaggerated/made up situation to manipulate you? |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:53:12 PM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted: How old are each of you? This sounds like some immature shit. I’m guessing she is 23 or under. Eject. Did you feel obligated to text her every 30 minutes? I don’t feel obligated but I like talking with her, so it doesn’t feel like a chore. It’s just a quick check in |
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Posted: 1/22/2023 10:53:44 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Why do all these low post count, freeloader, and usually recently joined accounts, have so much life drama? Yup |
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