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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:03:07 PM EST
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted: ...but the worst thing I ever done: I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life!  I’m straight as an arrow and love Wizard of Oz. Know all the songs too. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:03:46 PM EST
[#2]
Freshman in HS, tennis meet out of town. Farting contest. Shit my pants 10 min before my match. Found a bathroom, cleaned up best I could. Almost forfeited as I was 5 min late. Won the match freeballin’ and sat by myself on the three hour bus ride home.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:03:58 PM EST
[#3]
I peed in a coworker's office plant.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:04:34 PM EST
[#4]
I own several firearms I've never fired.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:05:43 PM EST
[#5]
I put a cowboy hat on my wiener and yell “the sheriffs in charge around these parts” to my girlfriend
Errrrr I mean, I put milk in my bowl before cereal ...
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:06:41 PM EST
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... when my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out! 
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:08:03 PM EST
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
ITT, we learn who's been screwing goats?
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:08:53 PM EST
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I once listened to a Nickelback song start to finish. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:09:10 PM EST
[#9]
I had a roommate in college that likes to eat and drink stuff from the refrigerator that wasn’t his. He drank a lot of orange juice that I peed in.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:10:29 PM EST
[#10]
Hell, I do not know. Many embarrassing things. Ever have "the man" come knock at your door? Neighbor kid gave my address... It was a wtf moment.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:12:13 PM EST
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Last time my wife was out of town I watched Moana on Netflix while a hedgehog slept on my stomach. Damn good movie. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:12:54 PM EST
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Well then quit holding out on us and get to the good confessions. 
No kids and LILO and Stitch is one of my favorite movies of all time.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:13:26 PM EST
[#13]
One time at band camp...............er, nevermind.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:21:16 PM EST
[#14]
I fapped in front of my dawg.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:21:22 PM EST
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I have 2 kids and Moana is a staple in my house that we all enjoy. I will have to admit though, if I have to watch it one more time...I may kill someone. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Last time my wife was out of town I watched Moana on Netflix while a hedgehog slept on my stomach. Damn good movie. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:24:42 PM EST
[#16]
When I was a kid I read a Norse mythology story about how at the end of the world (Ragnarok) the gods will return on a ship made of fingernail and toenail clippings and now every time I trim my nails and don't throw the clippings in the wood stove I worry that I'm going to start the Apocalypse.
No I'm not kidding.... |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:25:00 PM EST
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
To balance things out; I have never seen Frozen. Nor have I heard the song. I haven't consciously avoided it, but I don't have kids so I've never been exposed to it. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Last time my wife was out of town I watched Moana on Netflix while a hedgehog slept on my stomach. Damn good movie.
Did I mention I have 2 kids...with my wife....a WOMEN
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:26:41 PM EST
[#18]
I'm so boring, I don't think I HAVE any embarrassing confessions.
At the tender young age of 53 I'm still far more likely to watch cartoons or CGI animated movies than anything else...except science fiction shows and movies. And I'm picky about those. But I don't even think that's anything to be embarrassed about. Lately I've been catching up Dragonball Super. It's considerably less cringeworthy than some of the previous DBZ shows. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:28:52 PM EST
[#19]
I didn't get a freedom boner when I fired a Ma Deuce for the first time
It was cold. I was dehydrated. I swear! |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:28:56 PM EST
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Well then quit holding out on us and get to the good confessions.
No kids and LILO and Stitch is one of my favorite movies of all time. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:29:30 PM EST
[#21]
This thread has massive potential.
Hats off to the guys and gals sacrificing dignity for catharsis.
Seriously though this is really funny |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:30:16 PM EST
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted: ...but the worst thing I ever done: I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life! 
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:31:21 PM EST
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
This thread has massive potential. Hats off to the guys and gals sacrificing dignity for catharsis.
Seriously though this is really funny |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:34:43 PM EST
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I can't poop with the bathroom door open, even if I'm home alone. 
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:37:18 PM EST
[#25]
I still giggle like a retard at Looney Tunes and old Spongebob episodes.
 Dragons is so stupid |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:37:33 PM EST
[#26]
When I was little there was a get together. Punch was pre-poured for all the kids in plastic cups to be served after the show. I snuck out before the show was over and poured half of the punch out of all the cups and poured in a sweet wine I think it was a dessert wine? There were 75 or 100 kids trashed and behaving like animals and parents going batshit over it all.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:39:35 PM EST
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
We know. We've seen your webcam. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I can't poop with the bathroom door open, even if I'm home alone. We've seen your webcam. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:47:10 PM EST
[#28]
Another one, got caught having sex in the walk in fridge at McDonald's, both me and my girlfriend were fired on the spot.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:47:54 PM EST
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Those shows are locked behind the Tier 3 Membership pay-wall. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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I can't poop with the bathroom door open, even if I'm home alone. We've seen your webcam. 
I understood that reference.meme |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:48:03 PM EST
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
You get a ton of ladies. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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I banged 3 sisters last night, and then their mom. Lord, I apologize for that one. 
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:50:11 PM EST
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Last time my wife was out of town I watched Moana on Netflix while a hedgehog slept on my stomach. Damn good movie. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:51:05 PM EST
[#32]
At my first job, 16 years old, someone was caught by security cams having sex in a car in the parking lot. I was confronted by HR, as well as others on my shift (my mom was HR at the time).....
Yup...I told a bold faced lie to HR and got away with it.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:51:38 PM EST
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted: A familisr saying comes to mind....Nut up, or shut up .....do you know how to read?" But shit I've got plenty of embarrassing stuff I've done. For example, the once was I time when I was dating someone I thought was extremely attractive. Someone I was trying to make a good impression on and "make her my gal" if that term still applies. So I took her out. Dinner and a movie, stay classy San Diego. Dinner went well. Italian pasta and a decent merlot (I didn't know shit about wine back then) and an hour later were off to the movies. I cant even remember the movie, maybe Harry potter and the case of the missing plotline, I dunno. So anyway about halfway into what gobbldigoock we're supposed to be watching my stomach starts turning. I try to ignore it but what are you gonna do? Nature is calling! Rather urgently. My girl is resting on my chest so it's kind of overt to say" hey listen hun, I gotta take a shit". So I kind of gentlely move myself away and try to excuse myself in a dignified way. Mother nature is a cruel entity. As I get up, and just as the crescendo of the movie comes to a very silent stop I let out an earth shattering fart. A full on JDAM l. I mean everyone in the theater heard it go off. One full second of silence followed by an entire theater laughing me out the door. Meh, you win some You lose some. I got a second date |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:51:45 PM EST
[#34]
I carry around my Pomeranian and sing him his songs, including “Bitty Dog” to the tune of the theme from SWAT. Every time I say “dog” he gets a little shake to one side or the other.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:51:48 PM EST
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Those shows are locked behind the Tier 3 Membership pay-wall. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I can't poop with the bathroom door open, even if I'm home alone. We've seen your webcam. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:53:59 PM EST
[#36]
Once I drink one, I can't stop.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:57:57 PM EST
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"I read a lot.... .....do you know how to read?" But shit I've got plenty of embarrassing stuff I've done. For example, the once was I time when I was dating someone I thought was extremely attractive. Someone I was trying to make a good impression on and "make her my gal" if that term still applies. So I took her out. Dinner and a movie, stay classy San Diego. Dinner went well. Italian pasta and a decent merlot (I didn't know shit about wine back then) and an hour later were off to the movies. I cant even remember the movie, maybe Harry potter and the case of the missing plotline, I dunno. So anyway about halfway into what gobbldigoock we're supposed to be watching my stomach starts turning. I try to ignore it but what are you gonna do? Nature is calling! Rather urgently. My girl is resting on my chest so it's kind of overt to say" hey listen hun, I gotta take a shit". So I kind of gentlely move myself away and try to excuse myself in a dignified way. Mother nature is a cruel entity. As I get up, and just as the crescendo of the movie comes to a very silent stop I let out an earth shattering fart. A full on JDAM l. I mean everyone in the theater heard it go off. One full second of silence followed by an entire theater laughing me out the door. Meh, you win some You lose some. I got a second date Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted: A familisr saying comes to mind....Nut up, or shut up .....do you know how to read?" But shit I've got plenty of embarrassing stuff I've done. For example, the once was I time when I was dating someone I thought was extremely attractive. Someone I was trying to make a good impression on and "make her my gal" if that term still applies. So I took her out. Dinner and a movie, stay classy San Diego. Dinner went well. Italian pasta and a decent merlot (I didn't know shit about wine back then) and an hour later were off to the movies. I cant even remember the movie, maybe Harry potter and the case of the missing plotline, I dunno. So anyway about halfway into what gobbldigoock we're supposed to be watching my stomach starts turning. I try to ignore it but what are you gonna do? Nature is calling! Rather urgently. My girl is resting on my chest so it's kind of overt to say" hey listen hun, I gotta take a shit". So I kind of gentlely move myself away and try to excuse myself in a dignified way. Mother nature is a cruel entity. As I get up, and just as the crescendo of the movie comes to a very silent stop I let out an earth shattering fart. A full on JDAM l. I mean everyone in the theater heard it go off. One full second of silence followed by an entire theater laughing me out the door. Meh, you win some You lose some. I got a second date
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:01:24 PM EST
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I sadly voted for John McCain and Mitt Romney |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:01:24 PM EST
[#39]
My most embarrassing moment at a doctor's thread has over 10000 up votes on Quoria.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:02:12 PM EST
[#40]
Nailing my HS girlfriend in The front seat of her '93 Jetta. We were at the soccer complex which is on the outskirts of town in Northern MI. Middle of the school day, we were playing hookie. Popo rolls up onto us mid-stride, gets out, walks over to the window and taps. We are startled, and panic trying to find our clothes.
After what seemed like a few minutes, he says "No worries Bulump, carry on" I was WTF!?! As he is walking away, I recognize him. He was my neighbor a few doors down.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:03:00 PM EST
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Worth every penny, too. Quote HistoryQuoted:
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I can't poop with the bathroom door open, even if I'm home alone. We've seen your webcam. 
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:05:28 PM EST
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I let my wife fuck my ass with her dildo but only once. No I did not like it. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:06:18 PM EST
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I’m single begmcause my dick is so big I might hurt someone. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:06:22 PM EST
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
My most embarrassing moment at a doctor's thread has over 10000 up votes on Quoria. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:07:58 PM EST
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
My most embarrassing moment at a doctor's thread has over 10000 up votes on Quoria. 
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:07:58 PM EST
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I still giggle like a retard at Looney Tunes and old Spongebob episodes.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yobj1Zv91KA |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:08:24 PM EST
[#47]
I lost my virginity at 10 to a throw pillow. My life has been chaos ever since. Low grades, substance abuse, and a general aimlessness have plagued me for the last 30 years. I’ve gradually withdrawn and isolated myself from society to the point where I can hardly talk to people especially women. I do enjoy spending time in the bedding section in department stores, though.
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:13:00 PM EST
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
link? Quote HistoryQuoted:
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My most embarrassing moment at a doctor's thread has over 10000 up votes on Quoria. I was getting a breast exam and the doctor had me stand while she was examining my breast. Her office was on the top floor but I could easily see activity on the street below. I am tall and towered over the curtains. I asked the doctor if there was privacy glass on the windows and she said she didn't know. I was her first patient that was taller than the curtains. Right then two street workers stopped and looked up at us and pointed and laughed. Another embarrassing moment was when I was having a pelvic exam and the doctor said everything looked wonderful. Not really knowing how to respond I gave him the thumbs up sign and he then told me I had a very pretty uterus. I started laughing because I thought he said something that rhymes but not the same. The next embarrassing moment was I was at a chiropractor's Office receiving physical therapy (ultrasound) on my neck. I had to wear a gown. The doctor was very professional when he stepped out I tossed off the gown to change when a man with one arm came in and stared at me. I looked at him for a full second or two and said I'm still changing in here (not sure what the mix-up was) he smiled and told me I had very pretty breasts. I felt like Rachel on Friendsit's okay, I've got nice boobs. 1.1m Views |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:13:06 PM EST
[#49]
Some of you fuckers need Jesus.
I the Honorable and Right Reverend JD by the powers vested in me by the ULC and my state for accepting that bullshit, absolve you all of your sins. Well, almost all. I can't absolve the dildo in the butt guy. I think you might be fucked. |
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:15:18 PM EST
[#50]
I once considered supporting an American League team.
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