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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:13:42 PM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You see it as a race problem, I see it as a gender problem. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Oh. Okay. I guess THAT makes it perfectly okay to just disappear and leave the kid here. ARFCOM: The black culture is in such a bad situation because black fathers won't stick around and actually take care of their kids. Also ARFCOM: Your wife is a complete bitch after she had your kid? Just take your money and disappear overseas. Fuck her. You see it as a race problem, I see it as a gender problem. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:14:25 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Something ARF is terrible about is overlooking the fact that guys can be fucking shitty people and parents too. We love to say that women are bitches and terrible parents, but I see a lot of really shitty and immature guys out there. An example of that would be a guy that does exactly what is recommended in this thread: disappearing with your money and leaving the country. He has a kid that he is equally responsible for. Nobody ever said life was easy. Having integrity certainly doesn't make it easier sometimes, but he has a responsibility to that child to be a father. You fucking work your dick off to meet that responsibility. No matter how hard it is. No matter how uncomfortable it is for you personally. You certainly don't sneak off and leave the kid while you take your money and set up shop in a foreign country. THAT is a shitty fucking man no matter what the woman does. Agree 100% |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:16:46 PM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Right here is the sad truth I needed to hear. I'm fucked no matter what I do. Yep. Slowly take that cash out and stash it. Same as guns and anything else you want to keep. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:19:17 PM EDT
[#4]
Get her stomach stapled and a boob job. She'll be on drugs and out of your life in no time.
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:20:32 PM EDT
[#5]
I wouldn't agree to anything either in writing, or verbally before talking it over with an attorney. I would take whatever document she offers to my attorney for review. Even though you have something in writing, a court could alway overturn it, or find some reason to modify the agreement to your disadvantage.
If she is willing to change and go to counseling, I would give that a try for the following reasons: 1. It might just work. 2. If you eventually do get a divorce, it will make you look more favorably. 3. Giving her an HONEST chance to change is the right thing to do. I would go to a counselor and be very blunt about what each of you would consider a successful outcome to be. It is possible that you both have dramatically different hopes and expectations, and even if you do work out your differences and she changes, that you still just want different paths in life. I would want a really solid written set of expectations for both of us from the counselor so we know what is expected of wife, husband, AND COUNSELOR. Open ended counseling would not be on the table...I want to know what success looks like, because I already know what failure looks like. I would know within 90 days whether she was really working at the counseling program or whether it is just a stalling tactic. I wouldn't trust any document or promise that the land you buy would be completely yours because a court could throw out the agreement. She already said she doesn't want to live there, so a plan of YOU owning property in the country presupposes you two are apart...hence my suspicion that it would be some kind of a way to determine how much you really have so she can get half of it. 1. Talk with an attorney. 2. Have a counselor write out exactly what your MUTUAL expectations for success would look like. 3. Give wife and yourself a chance to follow the counseling plan. 4. Always have a back up plan to eject in case the wheels fall off #2, and 3 above. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:21:50 PM EDT
[#6]
What was her family life like as a child OP? Tell me about her parents? What was her dating life like?
What was yours like? |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:24:05 PM EDT
[#7]
A consultation with a divorce lawyer is cheap. If you're really just about 'there,' that's what you need before doing anything else.
Armed with those facts about what you're facing, you can then reflect on everything and start making decisions. If it's over, it's over. Don't let the legal advice scare you into inaction. Just plan your approach properly. Sorry this is happening to you.  |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:25:13 PM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Something ARF is terrible about is overlooking the fact that guys can be fucking shitty people and parents too. We love to say that women are bitches and terrible parents, but I see a lot of really shitty and immature guys out there. An example of that would be a guy that does exactly what is recommended in this thread: disappearing with your money and leaving the country. He has a kid that he is equally responsible for. Nobody ever said life was easy. Having integrity certainly doesn't make it easier sometimes, but he has a responsibility to that child to be a father. You fucking work your dick off to meet that responsibility. No matter how hard it is. No matter how uncomfortable it is for you personally. You certainly don't sneak off and leave the kid while you take your money and set up shop in a foreign country. THAT is a shitty fucking man no matter what the woman does. If anyone is so selfish that they'd seriously consider just up and leaving the country with $100k cash to move overseas and get away from their wife (well, that part makes sense) and kid because they don't like the wife, they should do them a favor and do JUST that. My dad was a selfish motherfucker that couldn't be bothered to move elsewhere and consider his self-wrecking ways alone away from the rest of us, he had to cost the rest of the family our sanity, savings, emotional well-being, and a few times he came close to costing me my freedom... If he wasn't living with my grandpa, I likely wouldn't even talk to him anymore. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:28:55 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted: 5 years married. I did get her to sign a prenup removing all ownership claims to anything gun related both prior and during the marriage, the lawyer I've talked to says it looks like it should hold up. We have similar retirement savings, although I probably have 25% more than her, so I guess I'll eat that shit too.  Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: OP, how long have you been married? Any savings, retirement plan accrual etc is 50/50 for the period of the marriage. You are screwed on the house. But, anything that was yours prior to the marriage is yours. I just went through this last August and quit claim deeded my house in order to keep 100% of my 401 and 457. 5 years married. I did get her to sign a prenup removing all ownership claims to anything gun related both prior and during the marriage, the lawyer I've talked to says it looks like it should hold up. We have similar retirement savings, although I probably have 25% more than her, so I guess I'll eat that shit too. Welll shit that’s all you had to say. Now go invest in a couple class 3 firearms with your savings. A genuine M2 sounds nice, maybe a water cooled Browning? |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:29:03 PM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Something ARF is terrible about is overlooking the fact that guys can be fucking shitty people and parents too. We love to say that women are bitches and terrible parents, but I see a lot of really shitty and immature guys out there. An example of that would be a guy that does exactly what is recommended in this thread: disappearing with your money and leaving the country. He has a kid that he is equally responsible for. Nobody ever said life was easy. Having integrity certainly doesn't make it easier sometimes, but he has a responsibility to that child to be a father. You fucking work your dick off to meet that responsibility. No matter how hard it is. No matter how uncomfortable it is for you personally. You certainly don't sneak off and leave the kid while you take your money and set up shop in a foreign country. THAT is a shitty fucking man no matter what the woman does. For sure. Women have control of the family courts though, as well as most relationships. They could choose to get knocked up by good fathers, but that's not really what they're looking for is it? The only one who actually said that is Fluffy and one or two guys said yeah. Obviously taking your kid and running away to SE Asia is not the best course of action.  OP did say he was forgoing moving out into the country to stay close to his child. Guys are attacking him like he bought his 2 tickets to Asia already... |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:29:49 PM EDT
[#11]
First thing.....Find and read the eBook FIRE YOUR WIFE. IM me if you need a copy.
Then, find the best damn attorney you can afford. Lastly, prepare for the most brutal battle of your life. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:34:20 PM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted: A gender that would sneak off to another country and leave his child without his support? You're right. That level of irresponsibility and lack of integrity transcends race. Here's the sad reality. In most divorce rapes, the woman gets custody and the father hardly ever gets to see his child. But the father has to keep paying for a child that he never sees. So look at this way: If he just leaves, takes the cash and goes overseas, he's just giving her child custody. Its what's going to happen anyway. At least she gets to keep the house. She doesn't deserve the house, but maybe with a little bit of luck there will be a foreclosure. I bet without the OP around to pay the mortgage, she will not be able to keep the house. Anyway, the OP's woes are why men should never get married. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:38:35 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Here's the sad reality. In most divorce rapes, the woman gets custody and the father hardly ever gets to see his child. But the father has to keep paying for a child that he never sees. So look at this way: If he just leaves, takes the cash and goes overseas, he's just giving her child custody. Its what's going to happen anyway. At least she gets to keep the house. She doesn't deserve the house, but maybe with a little bit of luck there will be a foreclosure. I bet without the OP around to pay the mortgage, she will not be able to keep the house. Anyway, the OP's woes are why men should never get married. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: A gender that would sneak off to another country and leave his child without his support? You're right. That level of irresponsibility and lack of integrity transcends race. Here's the sad reality. In most divorce rapes, the woman gets custody and the father hardly ever gets to see his child. But the father has to keep paying for a child that he never sees. So look at this way: If he just leaves, takes the cash and goes overseas, he's just giving her child custody. Its what's going to happen anyway. At least she gets to keep the house. She doesn't deserve the house, but maybe with a little bit of luck there will be a foreclosure. I bet without the OP around to pay the mortgage, she will not be able to keep the house. Anyway, the OP's woes are why men should never get married. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:40:09 PM EDT
[#14]
If you want to move, don't buy her out.
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:41:41 PM EDT
[#15]
Quoted: The doctor said it was perhaps hormonal, and I did my best to put up with it during pregnancy, breast feeding, and here I am with a 2 year old kid and she's still awful. She just gets fatter and fatter and the more she does the more she hates herself and takes it out on me. I think I'm about done putting up with this. I tried and tried to hold this shitshow together for the sake of my child, but its become more apparent to me that is not a good enough reason to be miserable. I recently learned shes been completely full of shit about all our life goals we planned together (such as our plans to move to an extremely rural location and raise the kid properly). Its pretty clear to me its unlikely she is going to change. Months of marriage counseling accomplished nothing. I still rarely get laid and shes turned into a fucking slob. I'm trying to figure out how to proceed. We have a house that I originally purchased before we were married, but have since refinanced under both our names after marriage. Purchase was 300k, owe only 200k on it now with about a dozen years left to go on a 15 year mortgage. The issue is the house may be worth 400k now, which means I may be stuck buying her out if we divorce if I want to keep it (which would be a sizable chunk of cash). I technically have saved up 100k in pure cash the last few years, so in theory I could buy her out without having to cash out refinance, but it would destroy years of meticulous savings and frugality and I'd lose my safety cushion. I know this is THE forum for this kinda shit, so please enlighten me as to some possible paths forward here. Sell the house and start new? (would hate it, really improved the place since I bought it). Buy her out as is? Cash out refinance to buy her out? I'd almost have to go back up to a 20 or 30 year once I'm the only one paying the mortgage, so its really setting me back decades any way I look at it. Number one priority is being part of my child's life, so my original plans of moving my family to the mountains are shit, since I'll need to stay in the suburbs to keep seeing my child. This is all assuming she won't try and destroy my retirement, I don't think so, but anything is possible. We make the exact same amount of money, so at least alimony is unlikely and it mitigates the child support costs if I can get joint custody. Hopefully. Any advice is appreciated. Most likely half that cash you saved during marriage she's "entitled" to as well as the equity in the house. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:42:29 PM EDT
[#16]
OP here. Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm going to do as I mentioned previous post, get her to see a doctor stat, come up with meaningful end goals here of what success looks like (if its even possible), and see my lawyer about post nuptial protection until this thing either works out or blows up in 2-3 months, and be ready for it to end in 2-3 months so I'm not caught off guard. And I might buy some more guns cuz fuck it why not. Maybe eForm some stamps this weekend.
Mods feel free to stick a fork in her, she's done. Appreciate the help fellas. Its been eye opening. For those that messaged me directly, I appreciated that as well. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:43:20 PM EDT
[#17]
Good luck OP I understand your position. Things are going to really fucking suck for you for a little while. It's unavoidable.
Put a lot of thought into what the best path is before you jump. There may be options you didn't consider. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:47:38 PM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryQuoted: By the time your divorce rape is over, you will be left with nothing. Between the courts and the lawyers, you will be screwed. Effectively your life is over. Done. So take all the cash you can get, put it in an offshore account and leave the country. Go to the Phillipines or some such place. 100 grand in US money will allow you to start a new life And dont every get married again. I'd probably start exploring this possibility |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:49:02 PM EDT
[#19]
She’s suffering from depression.
If this is worth destroying a marriage and a family. That’s on your conscience. No wonder our republic is fucked. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:49:06 PM EDT
[#20]
Quoted: The doctor said it was perhaps hormonal, and I did my best to put up with it during pregnancy, breast feeding, and here I am with a 2 year old kid and she's still awful. She just gets fatter and fatter and the more she does the more she hates herself and takes it out on me. I think I'm about done putting up with this. I tried and tried to hold this shitshow together for the sake of my child, but its become more apparent to me that is not a good enough reason to be miserable. I recently learned shes been completely full of shit about all our life goals we planned together (such as our plans to move to an extremely rural location and raise the kid properly). Its pretty clear to me its unlikely she is going to change. Months of marriage counseling accomplished nothing. I still rarely get laid and shes turned into a fucking slob. I'm trying to figure out how to proceed. We have a house that I originally purchased before we were married, but have since refinanced under both our names after marriage. Purchase was 300k, owe only 200k on it now with about a dozen years left to go on a 15 year mortgage. The issue is the house may be worth 400k now, which means I may be stuck buying her out if we divorce if I want to keep it (which would be a sizable chunk of cash). I technically have saved up 100k in pure cash the last few years, so in theory I could buy her out without having to cash out refinance, but it would destroy years of meticulous savings and frugality and I'd lose my safety cushion. I know this is THE forum for this kinda shit, so please enlighten me as to some possible paths forward here. Sell the house and start new? (would hate it, really improved the place since I bought it). Buy her out as is? Cash out refinance to buy her out? I'd almost have to go back up to a 20 or 30 year once I'm the only one paying the mortgage, so its really setting me back decades any way I look at it. Number one priority is being part of my child's life, so my original plans of moving my family to the mountains are shit, since I'll need to stay in the suburbs to keep seeing my child. This is all assuming she won't try and destroy my retirement, I don't think so, but anything is possible. We make the exact same amount of money, so at least alimony is unlikely and it mitigates the child support costs if I can get joint custody. Hopefully. Any advice is appreciated. I went through something similar. My wife turned absolutely hateful to me. She would come home from work and scream at me telling me I was worthless and that everything I did was wrong. It beat me down to the point where I had no self worth. The night that really sticks in my mind was when I got home from work before her. I was on the third load of laundry, had cleaned the kitchen some, and had supper ready to go on the table when she walked in. I got screamed at for never doing anything and it all being wrong. I had talked to her and told her you don't do that to someone you love, and got the response that "You're the only one I can do it to." We had countless talks but nothing worked. Finally I spent about 2/3 of one night staring down the muzzle of a loaded Glock 29. My conclusion was that I wasn't the type to pull the trigger, but I also had to change things or I was going to become that guy at some point. I had a long talk w/ her (again) and told her specifically what had to change. I got an absolute answer back of "Nothing is going to change." I changed it. I ejected. It made my life a financial hell but I'm still alive and as sane as I've ever been able to claim. There are times when you have to look at self preservation. If the marriage is toxic and you can't fix it, get the hell out of it. It will cost what it costs. Your life and sanity is worth more. Being able to show your kids that people don't live in toxic marriages is worth more. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:51:50 PM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Here's the sad reality. In most divorce rapes, the woman gets custody and the father hardly ever gets to see his child. But the father has to keep paying for a child that he never sees. So look at this way: If he just leaves, takes the cash and goes overseas, he's just giving her child custody. Its what's going to happen anyway. At least she gets to keep the house. She doesn't deserve the house, but maybe with a little bit of luck there will be a foreclosure. I bet without the OP around to pay the mortgage, she will not be able to keep the house. Anyway, the OP's woes are why men should never get married. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: A gender that would sneak off to another country and leave his child without his support? You're right. That level of irresponsibility and lack of integrity transcends race. Here's the sad reality. In most divorce rapes, the woman gets custody and the father hardly ever gets to see his child. But the father has to keep paying for a child that he never sees. So look at this way: If he just leaves, takes the cash and goes overseas, he's just giving her child custody. Its what's going to happen anyway. At least she gets to keep the house. She doesn't deserve the house, but maybe with a little bit of luck there will be a foreclosure. I bet without the OP around to pay the mortgage, she will not be able to keep the house. Anyway, the OP's woes are why men should never get married. If you're going to take the money and run, might as well refi the house to the limits and run up the credit cards on things you can turn to cash! Cash out everything you can.
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:52:58 PM EDT
[#22]
Have her checked for pmdd, my ex developed it after our second child. Terrible thing to go through, but once diagnosed and medicated she is doing much better now. Too little too late. Good luck.
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:53:45 PM EDT
[#23]
Get her pregnant again and see if that fixes it, if not try again.
 Kharn |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 4:55:15 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted: 5 years married. I did get her to sign a prenup removing all ownership claims to anything gun related both prior and during the marriage, the lawyer I've talked to says it looks like it should hold up. We have similar retirement savings, although I probably have 25% more than her, so I guess I'll eat that shit too. Please don't hang your hat on some pre/postnup. These judges have UNLIMITED discretion and powers. They can toss that agreement out like it was nothing. DO NOT assume anything most certainly take what your attorney tells you with a grain of salt. They're salesman. If you really want to open your eyes, find the documentary DIVORCE CORP. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 5:16:49 PM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted: 5 years married. I did get her to sign a prenup removing all ownership claims to anything gun related both prior and during the marriage, the lawyer I've talked to says it looks like it should hold up. We have similar retirement savings, although I probably have 25% more than her, so I guess I'll eat that shit too. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: OP, how long have you been married? Any savings, retirement plan accrual etc is 50/50 for the period of the marriage. You are screwed on the house. But, anything that was yours prior to the marriage is yours. I just went through this last August and quit claim deeded my house in order to keep 100% of my 401 and 457. 5 years married. I did get her to sign a prenup removing all ownership claims to anything gun related both prior and during the marriage, the lawyer I've talked to says it looks like it should hold up. We have similar retirement savings, although I probably have 25% more than her, so I guess I'll eat that shit too. You may be able to get away with only calculating on what was invested after the marriage, check with a lawyer. Plus getting credit for the house value prior to the refinance, she may only have rights to any increase in value post-marriage. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 5:31:49 PM EDT
[#26]
You have to fuck her in to submission and you have to do it on the regular. Get rough with it and show her who's boss and make her say it back to you |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 5:37:30 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: has she been to a doc to get her hormones checked? Sounds like post-partum depression that is still ongoing. Self-loathing in clinical depression can manifest as rage towards family. ETA: if she had thyroid issues, sounds like she needs to go back and get a lot of tests run. Our personalities are at the mercy of our hormones, to a certain degree. This. I'd do some research and find a doc with a good reputation for dealing with serious hormonal problems. A complete 180 flip on physical and mental health after pregnancy is obviously a symptom. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 5:39:27 PM EDT
[#28]
Pregnancy is a wife changing event.
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Posted: 7/2/2020 5:40:27 PM EDT
[#29]
Your story is credible to me, I was once in a similar situation minus the child. I too let it go on a long time hoping the old girl would return. She never did and by the time I gave up on it I was angry at myself for the time I wasted being bitched at and etc. So eject. Don't fight too hard, get a good lawyer and do the best you can without it eating you up. Your future with your child could depend on how you treat you ex. I mean how you personally treat her personally. The lawyer can be the hard ass. But in personal contact take the berating and only stick up for yourself a little then detach from the convo. You are cultivating easy access to your kid.
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Posted: 7/2/2020 5:44:04 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Thats a rough sentiment I worry what that says about our society. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Lawyer will advise you best. See one. Good luck. Don't be one of these guys who "sticks to his vows" and ends up being worn down to a little nub, a hollow husk of a man, all the while your wife is demonstrating behavior to your child that they will grow up thinking is acceptable. You may have married the wrong woman - obviously - and sorry your kid will get stuck in the middle. You want them to grow up in a household where both people are miserable and dysfunctional. Leave her, fight to retain stability in your life, show your kid that you can come back from a bad situation and find happiness in your life. Thats a rough sentiment I worry what that says about our society. It says that women need to NOT lie about their intentions and expectations before marriage. Many women get married for reasons having nothing to do with love, companionship or mutual fulfillment. They look at a man as raw material for them to shape into the "Perfect Husband" (subject to remodel as their wants change), instead of doing the due diligence to find the pistol that really fits their holster. It takes two to make a good marriage. It only takes one to burn it down, and there is nothing the aggrieved party can do to change that course. Sad, but there it is. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 5:53:13 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Pregnancy is a wife changing event. Doesn't have to be negative changes though. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:03:35 PM EDT
[#32]
So much talk about prenups, savings, firearms, land dreams. So little talk about how to best be Dad. Look at this from that angle to find the way through that you'll be proud of later.
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:10:47 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted: It says that women need to NOT lie about their intentions and expectations before marriage. Many women get married for reasons having nothing to do with love, companionship or mutual fulfillment. They look at a man as raw material for them to shape into the "Perfect Husband" (subject to remodel as their wants change), instead of doing the due diligence to find the pistol that really fits their holster. It takes two to make a good marriage. It only takes one to burn it down, and there is nothing the aggrieved party can do to change that course. Sad, but there it is. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Lawyer will advise you best. See one. Good luck. Don't be one of these guys who "sticks to his vows" and ends up being worn down to a little nub, a hollow husk of a man, all the while your wife is demonstrating behavior to your child that they will grow up thinking is acceptable. You may have married the wrong woman - obviously - and sorry your kid will get stuck in the middle. You want them to grow up in a household where both people are miserable and dysfunctional. Leave her, fight to retain stability in your life, show your kid that you can come back from a bad situation and find happiness in your life. Thats a rough sentiment I worry what that says about our society. It says that women need to NOT lie about their intentions and expectations before marriage. Many women get married for reasons having nothing to do with love, companionship or mutual fulfillment. They look at a man as raw material for them to shape into the "Perfect Husband" (subject to remodel as their wants change), instead of doing the due diligence to find the pistol that really fits their holster. It takes two to make a good marriage. It only takes one to burn it down, and there is nothing the aggrieved party can do to change that course. Sad, but there it is. If a woman wants to log on and ask our opinions about marriage, divorce and making a vow; I'd have that conversation...but I won't hold my breath waiting for her. Kinda a male heavy place here. I am not going to pretend that marriage is a one way street and the husband should shut up and take it, a wife should carry her weight too and if she's screwing up, she should fix it. In OPs case, I think she has work to do, and I think OP should do everything in his power to help her. "Sickness and in health" and I suspect OPs wife is sick. This sounds like depression, not "sneak attack gold digging bitch." I suspect because of the recent birth of his child, what could have been addressed early was allowed to fester because of other stress, and now a mole hill has turn into a mountain. I think we're WAY too quick as a society to give up instead of fight and we all want to be "happy" instead of being fulfilled. For example- I'd choose to be a good father and not "happy" for the rest of my life FAR before I'd decide to be "happy" and a lesser father. No second thought, sucks but life is hard with hard choices sometimes. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:17:46 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted: A gender that would sneak off to another country and leave his child without his support? You're right. That level of irresponsibility and lack of integrity transcends race. Lol. Nice deflection. But, the real issue at heart is our society's glorification of the single mother and complete screwing over of the father when it comes to divorce. This culture started primarily in the African-American community and took hold with the rest of our society. It would be rather cowardly to leave your child at home, especially with a screwed up single mother. Personally, if I were in OP's shoes, I'd take my son with me along with all the assets. Parental kidnapping laws aren't recognized in the Philippines.  |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:18:47 PM EDT
[#35]
eject, she's not going to get better. Do all you can to stay in the kids life and spend as much time as you can with them making happy memories because she's going to demonize you to the kid.
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:20:29 PM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Here's the sad reality. In most divorce rapes, the woman gets custody and the father hardly ever gets to see his child. But the father has to keep paying for a child that he never sees. So look at this way: If he just leaves, takes the cash and goes overseas, he's just giving her child custody. Its what's going to happen anyway. At least she gets to keep the house. She doesn't deserve the house, but maybe with a little bit of luck there will be a foreclosure. I bet without the OP around to pay the mortgage, she will not be able to keep the house. Anyway, the OP's woes are why men should never get married. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: A gender that would sneak off to another country and leave his child without his support? You're right. That level of irresponsibility and lack of integrity transcends race. Here's the sad reality. In most divorce rapes, the woman gets custody and the father hardly ever gets to see his child. But the father has to keep paying for a child that he never sees. So look at this way: If he just leaves, takes the cash and goes overseas, he's just giving her child custody. Its what's going to happen anyway. At least she gets to keep the house. She doesn't deserve the house, but maybe with a little bit of luck there will be a foreclosure. I bet without the OP around to pay the mortgage, she will not be able to keep the house. Anyway, the OP's woes are why men should never get married. Best advice a lawyer could ever give. And it's free... 
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:20:30 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted: If a woman wants to log on and ask our opinions about marriage, divorce and making a vow; I'd have that conversation...but I won't hold my breath waiting for her. Kinda a male heavy place here. I am not going to pretend that marriage is a one way street and the husband should shut up and take it, a wife should carry her weight too and if she's screwing up, she should fix it. In OPs case, I think she has work to do, and I think OP should do everything in his power to help her. "Sickness and in health" and I suspect OPs wife is sick. This sounds like depression, not "sneak attack gold digging bitch." I think we're WAY too quick as a society to give up instead of fight and we all want to be "happy" instead of being fulfilled. For example- I'd choose to be a good father and not "happy" for the rest of my life FAR before I'd decide to be "happy" and a lesser father. No second thought, sucks but life is hard with hard choices sometimes. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Lawyer will advise you best. See one. Good luck. Don't be one of these guys who "sticks to his vows" and ends up being worn down to a little nub, a hollow husk of a man, all the while your wife is demonstrating behavior to your child that they will grow up thinking is acceptable. You may have married the wrong woman - obviously - and sorry your kid will get stuck in the middle. You want them to grow up in a household where both people are miserable and dysfunctional. Leave her, fight to retain stability in your life, show your kid that you can come back from a bad situation and find happiness in your life. Thats a rough sentiment I worry what that says about our society. It says that women need to NOT lie about their intentions and expectations before marriage. Many women get married for reasons having nothing to do with love, companionship or mutual fulfillment. They look at a man as raw material for them to shape into the "Perfect Husband" (subject to remodel as their wants change), instead of doing the due diligence to find the pistol that really fits their holster. It takes two to make a good marriage. It only takes one to burn it down, and there is nothing the aggrieved party can do to change that course. Sad, but there it is. If a woman wants to log on and ask our opinions about marriage, divorce and making a vow; I'd have that conversation...but I won't hold my breath waiting for her. Kinda a male heavy place here. I am not going to pretend that marriage is a one way street and the husband should shut up and take it, a wife should carry her weight too and if she's screwing up, she should fix it. In OPs case, I think she has work to do, and I think OP should do everything in his power to help her. "Sickness and in health" and I suspect OPs wife is sick. This sounds like depression, not "sneak attack gold digging bitch." I think we're WAY too quick as a society to give up instead of fight and we all want to be "happy" instead of being fulfilled. For example- I'd choose to be a good father and not "happy" for the rest of my life FAR before I'd decide to be "happy" and a lesser father. No second thought, sucks but life is hard with hard choices sometimes. God bless you sir. I hope you retain that optimism until you pass from this world. I read something one time, "Women are ruthless in their need." I have found this to be true. The trick is finding a woman whose "need" fits your bill. It's hard to do if she doesn't understand her "need" or is dishonest. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:22:21 PM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This. Time to look in the mirror. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: You said a lot about her. What do you have to say about yourself? This. Time to look in the mirror. Why? 
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:22:37 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Bullshit Were all looking into a crystal ball about what OPs future holds. -Do you know what's higher than first marriage divorce rates? Second marriage divorce rates. -The stats about kids from broken homes are clear and consistent. -SOME men get a divorce and end up happier. Were all making guesses based on some dude we know, what happened in our divorces, or what our parents did. Bottom line- Guessing What we probably know- OP took a vow in front of God, his family, and his priest. That shouldn't be taken lightly. OP is a grown ass man and chose to have a kid, his perceived "happiness" is less important than his child's wellbeing. The Cats right. A divorce can RUIN you financially for years (good luck). A divorce will impact the kids life (good luck). The Dad will be around less and a Step-Dad your Ex chooses will probably be a major part of raising them (good luck). Just saying "eject" because you'll be "happy" is empty bullshit, and we don't know. What it says about me- I take my word VERY seriously and I think the family and a present father is important to a functional society. 1. WGAS what it says about society? OPs marriage is his and not society's. 2. The stats for subsequent divorce rates are skewed because some people are serial divorcers. Stop looking into a crystal ball and predicting he will fail. 3. Good marriages provide better homes to raise children for sure, but you cannot tell me that unhappy, dysfunctional marriages are always preferable to divorce for children. 4. "SOME men get a divorce and end up happier." So, based on that, your sage advice would be to stay unhappy because if you make a change you might still be unhappy? 5. Yeah, you're right, assuming a church wedding, he took a vow in front of God, his family, and a priest. Is God or the priest in charge of the divorce or will God or the priest make his wife do right? @BigMat |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:28:30 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Pregnancy is a wife changing event. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:35:08 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: 1. WGAS what it says about society? OPs marriage is his and not society's. 2. The stats for subsequent divorce rates are skewed because some people are serial divorcers. Stop looking into a crystal ball and predicting he will fail. 3. Good marriages provide better homes to raise children for sure, but you cannot tell me that unhappy, dysfunctional marriages are always preferable to divorce for children. 4. "SOME men get a divorce and end up happier." So, based on that, your sage advice would be to stay unhappy because if you make a change you might still be unhappy? 5. Yeah, you're right, assuming a church wedding, he took a vow in front of God, his family, and a priest. Is God or the priest in charge of the divorce or will God or the priest make his wife do right? @BigMat Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Bullshit Were all looking into a crystal ball about what OPs future holds. -Do you know what's higher than first marriage divorce rates? Second marriage divorce rates. -The stats about kids from broken homes are clear and consistent. -SOME men get a divorce and end up happier. Were all making guesses based on some dude we know, what happened in our divorces, or what our parents did. Bottom line- Guessing What we probably know- OP took a vow in front of God, his family, and his priest. That shouldn't be taken lightly. OP is a grown ass man and chose to have a kid, his perceived "happiness" is less important than his child's wellbeing. The Cats right. A divorce can RUIN you financially for years (good luck). A divorce will impact the kids life (good luck). The Dad will be around less and a Step-Dad your Ex chooses will probably be a major part of raising them (good luck). Just saying "eject" because you'll be "happy" is empty bullshit, and we don't know. What it says about me- I take my word VERY seriously and I think the family and a present father is important to a functional society. 1. WGAS what it says about society? OPs marriage is his and not society's. 2. The stats for subsequent divorce rates are skewed because some people are serial divorcers. Stop looking into a crystal ball and predicting he will fail. 3. Good marriages provide better homes to raise children for sure, but you cannot tell me that unhappy, dysfunctional marriages are always preferable to divorce for children. 4. "SOME men get a divorce and end up happier." So, based on that, your sage advice would be to stay unhappy because if you make a change you might still be unhappy? 5. Yeah, you're right, assuming a church wedding, he took a vow in front of God, his family, and a priest. Is God or the priest in charge of the divorce or will God or the priest make his wife do right? @BigMat I get the impression these are rhetorical questions? |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:37:29 PM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted: So much talk about prenups, savings, firearms, land dreams. So little talk about how to best be Dad. Look at this from that angle to find the way through that you'll be proud of later. Quote HistoryQuoted: So much talk about prenups, savings, firearms, land dreams. So little talk about how to best be Dad. Look at this from that angle to find the way through that you'll be proud of later. As I said in the OP, and many times since then: Number one priority is being part of my child's life I'm just trying to navigate things in such a way that if I can't save the marriage, I can still be part of my childs life, and not be bankrupt at 40 years old after a lifetime of preparing for the future. It wouldn't hurt to get laid again either.  Thanks for all the advice folks, and I appreciate those who reached out directly. I'm going to check out now and go light some fireworks with my kid. It is Independence Day Weekend, afterall.
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:37:49 PM EDT
[#43]
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:42:29 PM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I get the impression these are rhetorical questions? You won't change my mind, but if you feel the need to correct the thinking of the unwashed or show additional ignorance, then please proceed. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:45:17 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted: As I said in the OP, and many times since then: I'm just trying to navigate things in such a way that if I can't save the marriage, I can still be part of my childs life, and not be bankrupt at 40 years old after a lifetime of preparing for the future. It wouldn't hurt to get laid again either. Thanks for all the advice folks, and I appreciate those who reached out directly. I'm going to check out now and go light some fireworks with my kid. It is Independence Day Weekend, afterall. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 6:50:58 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Lol. Nice deflection. But, the real issue at heart is our society's glorification of the single mother and complete screwing over of the father when it comes to divorce. This culture started primarily in the African-American community and took hold with the rest of our society. It would be rather cowardly to leave your child at home, especially with a screwed up single mother. Personally, if I were in OP's shoes, I'd take my son with me along with all the assets. Parental kidnapping laws aren't recognized in the Philippines. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: A gender that would sneak off to another country and leave his child without his support? You're right. That level of irresponsibility and lack of integrity transcends race. Lol. Nice deflection. But, the real issue at heart is our society's glorification of the single mother and complete screwing over of the father when it comes to divorce. This culture started primarily in the African-American community and took hold with the rest of our society. It would be rather cowardly to leave your child at home, especially with a screwed up single mother. Personally, if I were in OP's shoes, I'd take my son with me along with all the assets. Parental kidnapping laws aren't recognized in the Philippines. It sickens me that so many advocate for sneaking off because the system is stacked against you. That's fucking cowardly. |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 7:01:17 PM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Lawyer will advise you best. See one. Good luck. Don't be one of these guys who "sticks to his vows" and ends up being worn down to a little nub, a hollow husk of a man, all the while your wife is demonstrating behavior to your child that they will grow up thinking is acceptable. You may have married the wrong woman - obviously - and sorry your kid will get stuck in the middle. You don't want them to grow up in a household where both people are miserable and dysfunctional. Leave her, fight to retain stability in your life, show your kid that you can come back from a bad situation and find happiness in your life. +1 All this ^^^ |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 7:01:18 PM EDT
[#48]
if I understand your prenup right, seems to me you need to buy $100,000 or more worth of guns ASAP. Maybe also take out some HELOC $ to get more
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Posted: 7/2/2020 7:04:01 PM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted: You won't change my mind, but if you feel the need to correct the thinking of the unwashed or show additional ignorance, then please proceed. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: I get the impression these are rhetorical questions? You won't change my mind, but if you feel the need to correct the thinking of the unwashed or show additional ignorance, then please proceed. The defense rests |
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Posted: 7/2/2020 7:32:45 PM EDT
[#50]
Some women are just lazy...
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